Seriously Considering It

[Maddi]

I'll try to make a long story short, but as some of here know, that never happens lol, but I'll try.

My Ex wife and I are in the middle of a divorce. Every thing was.....fine(?)...as in I wasn't being bitter for her cheating, stealing most of the savings, and kicking me our, I just kinda went with it and she was too. Then all of a sudden, with no cause, she puts out on her Facebook that she is glad she isn't sharing her clothes with a man anymore and alot of people had commented on it. Clearly she told a ->-bleeped-<- ton of people that either I was A) TG (which is correct) B) Gay or C) a "cross dressing freak". Now, I had only opened up to 2 real life friends and they were cool, but it was unspoken. MY ex wife found out by snooping though my phone.

Now, with this event happening, I am almost wanting to just bust out to everyone and say, "Hey, guess what....I am transgendered and was supposed to be a female. Now lets grab lunch." That way she can't force me out any more than she has....because when this happened, I had no clue as to how to respond to it. What is keeping me from doing this is the following:
1: I live in the middle of Oklahoma, land of the George Bush loving rednecks who don't need a reason to harrass or assault any GLBT person. 2: Flat out, my Dad would kill me. No jokes, no sorry attempt at humor or exaggeration. Same thing is I dated/married outside of my race. 3. I would most likely lose both of my jobs where one is in a shop working on railroad equipment and the other a tattoo/body piercing shop. 4: And finally, Judges here have already broke the law regarding my custody over my daughter because I am a male, much less if the fact I was TG was brought out in court.

I have told one other friend who is every active in the states LGBT stuff and she gave words of encouragement, but like I am sure most of you will say it is a deeply personal thing on coming out. I guess, it would be nice to have someone I could talk girl stuff with and drop the partially fake mask I use to hide it. I know I'll never transistion, but as long as I don't go near mirrors it will work pretty good and make that pain in my stomach go away.

Not sure what I am expecting to come of this, maybe I will be surprised, but I had to throw it out there. Maybe try to come out in steps? Like I said, it's a long post. lol

[marte]

Hi
You're in a delicate position. Coming out in steps is a good idea, at least just telling the people you trust the most. But have you considered talking to a gender therapist, or even a regular psychologist?
It's dificult living as the gender you don't identify as, and not having freedom to express yourself as female it can be real hard to keep it all bottled up inside.
Best of luck to you

[Interconnected]

Sounds like a tough situation, but if I was in your shoes, I think I'd:

1.  Put all of the gender stuff on the back-burner until step # 4
2.  Work as hard as you can for as long as it takes to accumulate a solid cushion of cash that will let you....
3.  Move FAR away from the redneck area in which you currently live, to a city that is more accepting of trans-people.  Minneapolis?  San Francisco?  Denver?  Chicago?  And get the f-k away from your father.  If he is truly that awful a person, cut ties with him completely.  And if possible, cut ties with everyone else who doesn't accept you.  Life is short!
4.  Once you're in your new, non-redneck city, bust your ass to find new work.  Maybe find two jobs.  Work hard, save money, and then go from there.  At that point you should be in a much better position to start becoming the real "you."

The only real difficulty I see with the above is the fact that you have a daughter.  That said, though, if you stay where you are you'll be losing your daughter anyway (from what you've written), and probably your sanity as well given the circumstances you've described. 

[justmeinoz]

Inter has done a pretty good summation of the options.
I'd also make sure I left on Sunday after Church.
After loading all my possessions in the car , and getting up in the middle of the congregation and giving everyone who has been part of the debacle a right serve.
And walk out with a "May God have mercy on your souls," before driving out of their lives forever.

[Maddi]

I didn't see these responses till just now.

Good news, I have come out to two new people and both think its great."Megan" told me to not be ashamed and nothing would change. Me and her dated in high-school and she still likes me. Never seen it coming though. Lol. We even was intimate after i told her (unexpectedly) so maybe when our personal drama dies down we can move forward and date. That would be awesome having a partner who is that cool with it.

The other is a lesbian friend who is totally unattracted to men but said she liked me but never knew why. lol. Now she does. She also said I can be one of the girls.

My dad isn't a bad person, he is a stand up honest man who would do anything.g for us. he was just brought up in different times. heck he went to the same high-school I did the first year segregation was removed from our city. I can understand him having a hard time fighting everything he grew up thinking from how society was back then. in a way we all have that problem. Heck I was almost racist until.I made my first good non white friend that totally changed my views. I hope one day he can do the same.