Androgyne or Crossdresser? Or both. I'm a little confused...

[Silas]

Hello, Susansians! XD I am just a bit confuddled about myself owo;
I know identities are "To each their own", but help seems to be ever-welcome in some cases.

I'm a bit confused as to whether I'm an androgynous individual or a crossdresser person. Or some form of both. That could be likely.

I'm a pre-T FTM guy, and I'm 15. o.o I feel like if gender were a 1-10 scale, with 1 being female and 10 being male, I'd be somewhere around the 7.3-8.8 range... or not. I don't really know. All I know is I identify as male, although I have stopped worrying so much about passing as such. I get upset when people think I'm female, and I don't like wearing clothes from anywhere but the men's section. But I'm pleased when people know I'm a guy, or simply can't tell. I may prefer the latter. I'll eventually tell them I'm a guy, but that confused state is hilarious to me, and I love it. I have no idea why, it just makes me giddy.

I did love wearing dresses as a kid up to a point -- nowadays, if I try it, I experience a rather fetishistic reaction from skirts ("have fun explaining that to grandma when she insists you wear a skirt and go to church with her!"), and a disgusted/extremely amused reaction from tight-fitting "LOOK! DENTS/CURVES AND NASTY BOOBAGE!" shirts. (I should invest in a kilt.  )

I can't really think of myself as female without gagging. I feel like I'm both male, and that I'm somewhere in the middle, just leaning to male. But I like that middle ground. I feel, oftentimes, I would be very pleased to've been born with some form of intersexualism -- one reason I like being FTM is because HRT can get an ftm person's genitals to be somewhat ambiguous stage in regards to sex (I don't mean to offend, that's just my personal thoughts). I do fear, though, that if I ever told a gender therapist that I sort of wish I could have been born an intersexed, androgynous-male individual, I'd be turned down for HRT. o_o;


Hm, that was stupidly long. Emphasis on "stupid", as I probably come off as such.
Anyone able to help a tad?

[LordKAT]

ye, please increase your font size to match everyone else's. It is difficult to read.

You are not alone in your feelings of being in the middle but leaning one way or the other. You can be both or either I guess. I don't get it personally but there seem to be many who do.

[Silas]

Sorry about that. ^^; Force of habit, I reckon, haa.

I don't think I considered both, which may or may not be somewhat ironic. ha.