Androgyne?

[Hayden]

First off, I'm completely new to this site, so I wanna say hello to everyone - hello!   

I am incredibly confused about my gender-identity (well, obviously, if I wasn't I probably wouldn't be here), and I have, if not a question, then just my whole situation that I would like opinions on. Allright, here we go...

I'm a born female, and I am still young. I look very feminine in terms of body and face, but I don't feel completely feminine on the inside, and I have no desire to be a girl! However, I have absolute no desire to be a dude either, nor do I feel completely masculine on the inside. For example, I look girly, but my mannerisms, my language and my approach to things are neither feminine or masculine. It's like I'm floating between the masculine and feminine gender norms most of the time.

I don't feel restricted by society norms about what men and women can and cannot do, and how they should behave respectively - I do as I please!

As I said, most of the time I balance between masculine and feminine, but sometimes, one of the sides take over, and I will act extremely boyish or extremely girly. However, this only last for a short period of time, typically not more than a week, and then I just automatically slide back into my 'gender-neutral mode'. I've noticed that when I'm either masculine or feminine in behaviour, I always feel like there's something 'missing' inside, if that makes any sense, I actually feel slightly shallow, and I'm not truly happy. However, when I'm 'balancing' again, I'm still hella confused, but also very happy.

Normally, I wear women's clothes, but I'm also feeling a strong pull towards the men's department. I like to look groomed, with neat eyebrows, a little makeup, and clean hair, but I avoid pastels and most bright colours like the plague, since I don't feel comfortable in them. I usually stick with dressing in beige, black, white and blue, and maybe green or red.

I feel like my mind is a little yin and yan-ish. I have both a masculine and a feminine side, but if one of them doesn't exist, or if one of them is too prominent, there's just chaos in mah mind

I've started thinking that I might simply just be an androgyne, taking my feelings and thoughts into consideration, but I would really like to hear others' opinions on the matter, and whether you feel the same way?
I would also like to note that I'm not in any way ashamed of how I feel or who I am, and I never will be. I'm just curious and very, very confused.

Peace and Love
Hayden

[cynthialee]

You sound alot like my spouse. Who happenes to be a transitioning androgyn born into a female body.

Being an androgyn is a posibility. It isn't exactly an easy life though.
People prefer to see a solidly male or female person. They do not like when it is dificult for them to gender you or if they decide that you have too many of the wrong gender markers. Not that I am trying to scare you off. Far from it. Just be aware that being visably androgyn is not a cake walk.

There is an androgyn section of the forums. I highly recomend that you do some reading.

Welcome to Susans.

[Sevan]

Hi Hayden
I'd be that transitioning androgyn my spouse Cynthia mentioned. Being a teen comes with it's own exploration, challenges and confusion...then you add in gender and oh boy! No harm in exloring.
I do believe that everyone is a yin-yang, male/female...weither they see it in themselves or not. After all...we were made of one woman and one man...eh?
Welcome to Susan's! Get comfy, ask questions and read

[ativan]

Welcome to the Forest. Explore the topics, there is value in most, some more than others, each with it's own 'flavor'.
For a lot of people, this Androgyne thing doesn't exist. This is a place that non-binary is more than just a concept, here is a place to learn and to also voice an opinion. I think you will find that it's a pretty laid back accepting kind of place, with it's own kind of outlook on life.
I can't stress enough about reading through some of the older topics, there is information to be gleamed from them all. It's been said before, and I'll repeat it again, 'be careful not to become what you read'. Find yourself here, the individual that you are.
Ativan

[soulfairer]

Do not feel ashamed. I, as a boy, ordered my first corselet & pantyhose. But at the same time, I don't feel exactly the need to crossdress all time. I just want to be able to blend both genders, still don't know how... Trying

I also feel "something's missing" sometimes. Don't speak nasty words, but also like man's suits. However, I almost always wear jeans & t-shirts, some of them "gender-neutral". But my face always reveals what I am... (may that change? heh)

Welcome to the forest!

[Jaimey]

Welcome!  You certainly sound like you'll fit in well in the unicorn forest! 

[Pica Pica]

I always feel like there's something 'missing' inside, if that makes any sense, I actually feel slightly shallow, and I'm not truly happy

I felt like that a long time, took a lot of thinking and reading to get me in a position where I could just do and be. After all that thinking and such I know feel like a solid person and I am in the privileged position of feeling happy when something good happens and unhappy when something bad happens.

[Eva Marie]

Welcome to the forest - you'll fit in just fine

Cynthialee - i like the new avatar pic.

[Kinkly]

Welcome Hayden, there was a lot I could   relate to in your intro  from there sounds of things your at there right  place

[Laurry]

Welcome Hayden,

From your introduction, it sounds like a little information is needed as you begin to explore your gender identity and make decisions on how you want to the world to perceive you.

As I said, most of the time I balance between masculine and feminine, but sometimes, one of the sides take over, and I will act extremely boyish or extremely girly. However, this only last for a short period of time, typically not more than a week, and then I just automatically slide back into my 'gender-neutral mode'. I've noticed that when I'm either masculine or feminine in behaviour, I always feel like there's something 'missing' inside, if that makes any sense, I actually feel slightly shallow, and I'm not truly happy. However, when I'm 'balancing' again, I'm still hella confused, but also very happy.

Gender is not an either/or kind of thing.  One's gender identity (how they think of themselves) is not something that can be measured, assigned, dictated or even chosen.  It simply is what it is.  For some, their gender may never be questioned...they know without a doubt that they are a boy or a girl...even if their body doesn't match their gender.  For others, neither boy nor girl is correct.  For some, it is a blend of the two (sometimes in a "fluid" or changing state), and for some it is both (bi-gendered) where both male and female exist separately within the same person.  Others don't relate to anything male or female and consider themselves without gender, and there are still others where none of these are correct.

There is only one person who can say what your gender (if any) is.  That person is you.

In my own case, it was a matter of trying on the various options and rejecting the ones that didn't fit.  I'm not a guy...I'm not  a girl...I must be something in between.  From there, one can explore to great depths, or simply say the old Popeye line..."I yam what I yam" and go from there.

As far as the times you feel "out of balance"...this is only a bad thing if you think it is.  Personally, I like being fluid at times, but that's just me...your mileage may vary.

I feel like my mind is a little yin and yan-ish. I have both a masculine and a feminine side, but if one of them doesn't exist, or if one of them is too prominent, there's just chaos in mah mind

When I first identified as androgyne, I used to wear a necklace that was a pink and blue yin and yang symbol.  Partly male/partly female.  If you look around, you may still see that symbol used at times.  At one point, it was the semi-official androgyne sign here at Susan's.

I don't feel restricted by society norms about what men and women can and cannot do, and how they should behave respectively - I do as I please!
...
I would also like to note that I'm not in any way ashamed of how I feel or who I am, and I never will be. I'm just curious and very, very confused.

Keep this attitude and nothing will stop you.  You rock!

......Laurry

[Hayden]

First, I wanna thank everyone for such a heartwarming welcome - you've made me feel really at home here! You sure know how to make a 'newbie' feel welcome! 

And thank you for all the great replies so far. Even though I'm confused, I'm a little more at peace than I was when I first stumbled upon this page, mostly because I've been reading through a lot of the very relevant topics on this site. 'Cause hey, it's not like I'm in a hurry - I've got my whole life to figure out every little nook and corner of myself, and I'll find out sooner or later  I can't wait to become a ingrown part of the community on this wonderful page