Girl problems over heeere. Trans worries largely went out the window early on and were quickly supplanted by the unforeseen concerns and issues with being a woman. I really didn't understand men and women before but I certainly do now... I deal with a lot of sexism and misogyny. I deal with guys thinking they know more than me, being talked over, being automatically assumed to be a sex-object and thus have to prove myself and 'surprise' men when I actually know things... Or frustrate them when I know 'too much'. Feminism has become a big thing with me. And having lived with my ex-boyfriend most of last year, gone on dates, and talked with a lot of guys in general, I can safely say that the majority of guys out there suck in one way or another. I mean, they just do. This may be misandrist, but I think it's being a realist. Testosterone just turns them into sex-crazed pigs, and male culture reinforces this as well as misogynistic attitudes. I could really rant about this ad nauseam. However, on the flip-side, I understand many guys have good traits too. Guys struggle with gender issues and roles too. I sometimes have to remind myself that guys have other emotions than being horny, and have other wants and needs that aren't sexual. And guys can be very interesting because they're so different from women. So even though I often say I'm going to become a lesbian I SWEAR,... I still find myself attracted to men, and sometimes hating myself for it.
And I'm currently dating another guy... He's pretty awesome. Makes me feel all squiggly. But I'm
cautiously optimistic. I need to figure out what his motives are. It seems he wants more than just sex, even though he gets very sexual in conversation sometimes (and I'm guilty of encouraging it at times..) he does talk about other things and taking me out places that don't involve sex. Even volunteered to meet my parents some time and cook for them! But the way guys behave, the way they talk about sex all the time... it really makes me forget they have other needs and wants sometimes. Makes me wonder why they would want an actual relationship instead of just sex.
As for women, things can be confusing. I am still attracted to women, so it's nice in a way I can check 'em out without feeling too creepy, but then flirting is a minefield. Other times there's a compulsion to compliment clothes or shoes or hair, etc. Both getting and giving these compliments. Then sometimes there's actual flirting. It's very weird, very confusing. Especially because, in general, women are nicer to me. And I do get the random conversations thing, in the bathroom or wherever. And other women are more prone to telling me their life story when we're in line ordering coffee, lol. But there are times women can be very cold. I think this stems from jealousy. So it's a bit odd dealing with that... However, it is very nice having female friends and family that I can talk to about girl issues like all this, boy problems, feminist topics, and PMS.
It's all quite different though but I've adapted pretty well.
But one thing that is hard to adapt to...
guy friends. I feel like this is a much more difficult thing to have now, and weird because I used to have quite a few. As it is, most of my friends are attracted to me, regardless of gender. And I'm flirty, so that doesn't help. And with meeting new guys, I feel like it's automatic sexual-tension. I know if a guy talks to me, he's probably thinking about screwing me, and that's a bit awkward. And though a lot of guys love that I have geeky interests, it's mostly a nice bonus to their sexual interest... So it's hard to really be taken seriously, or have a conversation about mutual interests that is devoid of sexual innuendo or something.. Plus, I'm no longer oblivious to a lot of this stuff, so just knowing all this in the back of my mind makes it difficult to even try to establish friendship. Usually, if I try to be friends with a guy, it's because I've put them in the friend-zone, and that's just always hanging over our heads... :/
Anyway, yeah... lots of unexpected issues with adopting the female gender roles, and being perceived as female now. There are times it's quite stressful, and hard to get used to. Even though I thought I was barely passing as a guy, I realize now that there was a lot of male privilege I took for granted.
