Will I ever figure it out?

[Jude]

Hey everyone, I was just wondering how long it took you all to figure out and be comfortable with your gender identity.
I'm 18 and ever since i was a little kid to about 15 years old, I identified 100% as male (I was born female). I even came out to my mom as trans but she sorta didn't get it and said "I don't see you as male or female so it doesn't matter"........ very helpful. Ever since the age of 16 I've been an out and proud lesbian and am very comfortable with that. I also started to dress much more femininely around that age. But every once in a while I'll have a dream in which I am male, most recently last night, and it makes me EXTREMELY dysphoric. After I have these dreams I wish nothing more than to be born male and for a while it's all I can think about but the feeling is eventually supressed or forgotten.. until the next dream.
I don't know what to think! I've never been more confused. I'd appreciate any insight to the matter. How did you all know for sure you were trans?

[Barbara]

I tried to "figure this all out" by myself when i was young,never sought counseling,or even told another person.Well the state court system "decided" for me that i needed counseling for alcohol abuse.That was when i finally let it out.But that seems to be the hard road,you don't have to go down.If i could go back in time, i know i would have tried to "live" more and not have taken everything so serious.I would have tried not to be so hard on myself.Your youthful years will not last forever.You can use them to have fun and enjoy being alive.When you are older you can look back at good memories,the fun you have had with the people around you.

[kim_k]

I'm almost 22 years old and it took me until I was 19, almost 20, to realize that I was trans and that I had to do something about it to have a happy life. I stumbled upon a podcast called Trans-Ponder a long time ago and I have to say that it really gives a voice to transgender life and its issues and I consider it recommended listening for all LGBT people. When I heard stories and interviews about and with transpeople and their concerns, it resonated very strongly and I would probably still be confused and questioning my gender and sexuality if it weren't for that.

I might not have always had the label "transgender" to describe myself: a lot of us haven't. But I was a little boy who preferred dolls and makeup over cars and sports. "Sissy" was a label I had, along with others that aren't too polite. In the end, though, I closed my eyes and pictured my ideal self: the version of me that's (naturally) a bit more clever, a few pounds lighter, and less messed up in general. I asked if this ideal image of a picture-perfect me was a man or a woman.

She was a woman, naturally. And this is when I realized for sure I was trans.

[Ashleyjadeism]

It took me from age 13 to 16, a few months after that and two trips to rehab to figure it all out... I finally just had to accept it... It isnt going away so i may as well accept it.

Hope you figure it all out for yourself

[Mariposa]

I believe you will know the moment you feel that you simply can't go on living the way you are right now. For me, all I could think about was how life would be if I were a girl. And that was when I knew that I needed to change or be miserable for the rest of my life.

[Amy1177]

I figured out that I was transgendered and accepted it a few years ago now.  But for as long as I can remember I have always been interested in being a girl.  Actually the first distinct thoughts that I remember I must have been in 2nd or 3rd grade (84-85) and this movie Night of the Comet had come out.  Basically everyone but a very small number of people survive.  The main characters were two sisters and the first place they went was the mall.  I remember thinking how awesome it would be if there was no one else around and I could dress like that.  I don't remember ever considering it before that and it was many years before i thought of it again.

A post office box, mail order catalog, and a credit card eventually became good friends of mine.  (Father was not the nicest guy growing up so it would have been really bad for him to find anything out of the ordinary.  Not physical but crazy mental.)  Until a few years ago I never considered that I was transgendered only that i was a crossdresser.  But that did not solve anything and for the longest time I had sexual problems finishing and always thought it was extreme insecurity and I was really afraid of being a crappy lover as I had heard so many horror stories about guys not bringing the girl to a finish.

Eventually as my wife and I were dating I decided that I was comfortable enough with her and that she was open minded enough to tell her that I liked to dress up.  She was more than cool with that and we have enjoyed dressing up privately since.  This also now started to hlep my finishing problems but still had problems from time to time.

Because of a lot of other really negative stuff going on in our lives I started looking for more in depth personal truths.  In my personal searching I observed that everywhere in nature is male and female.  Right down to the simplest organisms.  Humans I have noticed in particular that men in general tend to be more analytical thinking and intellectual while in general women are more emotional.  I personally believe that we each have an eternal spirit and that we go on to the Other Side where there is nothing but perfect happiness and love.  But as is here we are each masculine and feminine spirits.  The masculine principle of God is the pure all knowing pure intellect and the feminine principle is the pure emotional.  We can learn all about life on the Other Side but we have to come here to experience it.  Some of us want to perfect our souls faster and come into life with some exceptional challenges to overcome and experience.  Those of us who are transgendered are masculine or feminine souls in a body of the opposite sex.  We are here to learn tolerance of the people around us who don't like us because they don't understand us.  We are also here at a time when scientists and doctors are learning at rapid clips how to help us so we are here for them to learn from.  We are also the pioneers in a tough time paving the way for the next generation of transgendered souls to have an easier time of it.  God doesn't hate us because They created us and knew we would experience this for Them.

And always remember not to make things to hard for yourselves because no matter what nothing lasts forever.  If you get ridiculed or someone makes a stupid comment it is over as soon as you walk away.  If you are uncomforable with your body remember it will be over once you take all of the steps of transition and if you can't transition for whatever reason when we return to the Other Side it will be over and you can say "Wow that was an intense experiece."


This is the summary of the path I have taken thus far and how I have come to terms with how I feel about myself.

[jessevmp]

and hears the bad knews the older you get the more frequent the disphoric events and the more severe they become.
jessie

[Northern Jane]

Hey everyone, I was just wondering how long it took you all to figure out and be comfortable with your gender identity...... How did you all know for sure you were trans?

I always identified as a girl, right from the beginning, and it wasn't until about age 8 that I realized I had a problem and started making a fuss about it. With puberty, that "fuss" became an all out war! I first heard the term transsexual when I was 14 and I knew that's what I was. It was the 1960s though and not many people knew anything about it so it continued to be a battle - me saying I was a girl or needed to be a girl and so many people saying I was nuts LOL! It wasn't until SRS and transition at age 24 that I really came to KNOW that I had been right all along. My new life fit like a comfy old slipper and was just totally natural. THAT is when I truly became comfortable with it all and understood that I had always been a girl, despite the medical complications.

[PheonixUK]

  ???I knew I was different from the age of 7 I always played with trains dreamed of being a famous cricketer and climbed trees, I hated the pretty dresses my mother put on me I kept saying why do you put dresses on me I'm the same as him.. Pointing at my cousin who was then 12 " no said mother your a girl. I remember screaming no I'm not.. I grew older determined not to wear dresses I remember getting a spanking when I cut my hair ( I had hair past my shoulders I hated it) I just knew the body I had wasent like my cousins and it should have been. It was the 1950,s then they had not heart of gender issues or transgender I was taken to more doctors to " try and straighten me out so I just kept quiet for years I married had a daughter but being with a man felt odd.. I should be with a woman I kept thinking.. The marriage was an abusive one I got divorced brought my daughter I finally saw someone about gender reassignment when she was 13 I discribed my who history yes the phych agreed I was male in a female body they did health checks but!!.. It was found that due to health issues I cannot have surgery and although I naturally have high male hormones they cannot give me more treatment due to health issues so I'm stuck with a body that is foriegn to me. I'm going to see someone soon and who knows maybe this time I maybe able finally to have the male body I should have had sorry this is a long post