Socializing: a thread for transwomen

[Amykins]

As I have looked around on the web just wanting to find other post-op women I have that in common with for social reasons I have been disappointed to find nothing but dating sites for the most part, advertising "hot transsexuals and she-males".

The focus in almost completely on dating and sex, as though we were a commodity to be marketed and nothing more. This site is just about the one place I've been able to find on the web were I can share things with other transwomen that I have no one else to talk to about.

I think it would be really great if there was a group of girls in my area that got together once a month for a dinner or outing. We used to do that back in San Francisco all the time, but since I left there I've not had that to look forward to, and all I can find online is sites that try to make money pimping us, and sites on which our efforts to socialize with each other are crashed by horny CIS men looking for sex.

Hey, we are people, not cuts of meat!

[Karynm8621]

I guess that depends on where you are etc..

I'm in the north east.

[Amykins]

I'm in southern Florida. I'm told there are others like me here, but I have no idea how to find them, and it might well be they don't want to be found. Nothing I can do about that I guess, and I understand why they might not want to socialize as transwomen or with others on that basis.

I just wish it were otherwise. I'm told there's a support group a couple hours away from here, and that's the closest thing there is. Bummer....

[Karynm8621]

It's kind of weird here because there are several transwomen here. I really don't socialize with them other than one who is a close friend. She is my friend because we have a lot in common in general, not because we are trans. If that makes sense. I have another one who is trying hard to be my friend but we have zero in common so I don't have the desire to be friends that hangout. I try to support her when she needs the support though

I guess that's kind of the bottom line. It's mostly about being compatible with your friends and if they turn out to be trans then it's a bonus, but I refuse to befriend someone who is trans just for that reason. I don't want my life to revolve around being trans, I just want to be now ...

[Amykins]

It's kind of weird here because there are several transwomen here. I really don't socialize with them other than one who is a close friend. She is my friend because we have a lot in common in general, not because we are trans. If that makes sense.

Well yes that does make sense Karyn, because just being TS is not enough to sustain a relationship. I'd like to meet others interested in volcanoes and sailing also, but again, that's not enough to sustain a friendship unless both people are basically compatible.

I guess I just wish there was a support group I could attend where there were enough others that I had a chance of making a friend among them. I've been here in Florida for 7 months now and it's really tough to get a social life going, and now this local woman has clocked me and is outing me around here, costing me the friends I did have, so it seems like maybe I just need to stick with my own kind, but I can't find any.

[juliemac]

I guess that's kind of the bottom line. It's mostly about being compatible with your friends and if they turn out to be trans then it's a bonus, but I refuse to befriend someone who is trans just for that reason. I don't want my life to revolve around being trans, I just want to be now ...

I agree. My BFF is a GG, she doesnt treat me any different. None of the people I know do. This web site happens to have some of the sanest, more stable TG people I've met so far.

Hanging with others may be safe, but really boring.
"What did you do last night deary?"
"Dialated...."
"And what did you do this morning?"
"Dialated again..."

Just roll your eyes and make a stand. People will like you for who you are, not what you are!

[Karynm8621]

Hanging with others may be safe, but really boring.
"What did you do last night deary?"
"Dialated...."
"And what did you do this morning?"
"Dialated again..."

Lol I just finished ....

[Amykins]

So I guess I just keep being alone. I'm not sure I can do that. Thanks anyway...

[juliemac]

And I am off to do my "wifely" duties soon 
TS, Post-Op, trans woman are all labels. Me? I'm just a person.
A bit weird at times, work 2 jobs and drive my car (as my daughter says) like a teenager 
(I know for a fact, that the Little old Lady from Passadena was a wimp)

I talk to the people at Walmart, good god, any one. Ok, so I am weird that way too 

That wasnt me 18 years ago. I was shy and unsure of myself. I found that if I was more outward going, stepping up and shaking a hand, I could control the situation. That the people I talked to could see me not as a label, but as a person. No need to isolate myself

Just wish I had learned that 30 years ago 
Its hard to do at the start, but it does get easier.

[Karynm8621]

So I guess I just keep being alone. I'm not sure I can do that. Thanks anyway...

Wasn't trying to discourage you Amy. It was more or less just be who you are and find caring friends who are accepting. I've not lost any friends through my transition and I hung with pretty hardcore types. There are people out there who simply don't care, they just want you to be happy.

The only other way is to find a support group but as you stated there are none close to you.

Hope you find what you're looking for

[justmeinoz]

Seeing as you are a sailor, maybe just join a yacht club and socialise with yachties instead. 

If they are anything like motorcyclists or any other special interest group,  they will be more interested in your boat than your own hull!   I gather that people are always looking for crew if you don't have a craft of your own, so you would be welcome I would think.

[Amykins]

Seeing as you are a sailor, maybe just join a yacht club and socialise with yachties instead. 

If they are anything like motorcyclists or any other special interest group,  they will be more interested in your boat than your own hull!   I gather that people are always looking for crew if you don't have a craft of your own, so you would be welcome I would think.

Well I don't have a boat, and I'm so poor I doubt I ever will. Ya know, I just wanted to talk about finding friends, possibly friends I have something in common with, because I'm horribly LONELY okay, and the thread gets turned into an issue about labels.

I guess we absolutely have to politicize ANYTHING we possibly can.

I give up.

[Karynm8621]

Well it wasn't intended to go in that direction, I apologize for posting

[Melody Maia]

The best place to look for these sorts of gatherings tend to be your community GLBT center. I did a quick google search and found this one in Southern Florida:

http://www.glccsf.org/

I would call them and see if there are any social/support groups for trans people that meet at the center. Besides that, I would be happy to get together with you if you ever come up to the central Florida region.

[Melody Maia]

Ah right, post-ops. Those are a rare species indeed. I know of a few here that do pop-in to the support groups meetings, but they are not regular attendees. Shame really, but I understand why that would happen.

[Karynm8621]

Ah right, post-ops. Those are a rare species indeed. I know of a few here that do pop-in to the support groups meetings, but they are not regular attendees. Shame really, but I understand why that would happen.

I never attended as prep other than once or twice and stopped. It did me more harm than good because there was a lot of negativity involved and it was depressing me. I'll help people one on one but I'll never do group for that one reason.

Most preops just want to be done and live because transition takes such a heavy toll 

[Melody Maia]

I've seen that negativity in the group I attended in Houston. However, the group here in Orlando has been a revelation. I think this is because there are so many young people involved who got a grip on their issues before wives, families, jobs and children were involved. They are simply going to school and living their lives. Refreshing really.

Even as an early pre-op though I can hear the siren call of a life as simply another woman, but for the moment, I do enjoy helping others in the hope that my experiences can help.

[Amazon D]

I am sorry you are being outed. That sucks. When i was dressing femme I use to travel all over florida and i had many post op friends there. I know one woman who is a DEA agent in Miami and lives south of Miami. She fishes in the everglades a lot. her name is Trish. She is out and proud. You might try contacting her. I knew a few more near tampa but they don't work for the university there anymore. Geez i would try going to some of the clubs (LGBT) where they have drag shows and i am sure you will bump into a few every so often. If your on AOl there is a chat room for Trans MTF and you can meet many there. ( aol://1722:ChatRoomListings )  then go to gay and lesbian in the list and then go to transgender MTF and if you see DIANE4PA  she is older and a safe sister and is from south florida. ( aol://2719:101-2-Transgender%20M2F ) put that in aol keyword

oh this is the old 7.0 aol not the newer 9.5 aol  so you have to have this room saved to find it or have the older version of AOL to get there. Or have someone like me give it to you. 

I heard that people on AIM can access AOL chat rooms but i am not sure how they do it.

the chat room does have lots of men who come in but most ignorant ones can be blocked easy with a button.. its an ok chat room

i hope this helps..

TRISH IS LOCATED UNDER THE SUCCESSFUL TS WEB SITE LYNN CONWAYS SITE
http://ai.eecs.umich.edu/people/conway/TSsuccesses/TSsuccesses.html

[Amazon D]

M2MtF2FtM, Your post above includes a persons fullname, location and job description. It makes me feel very uncomfortable seeing that there... Can you please remove it.

Oops  I stand corrected. I'm just not used to seeing fullnames here. I didnt know she was a public personality. I apologize

-Val

Actually your probably right. I shouldn't have included her town where she lives and directed people to the successfulTS web site ... I was trying to help amy reach someone local though. I do not know any in naples area though.

[justmeinoz]

Sorry, I should have realised that sailing could be a rich person's sport where you are.
I live in the country and the local yacht clubs that sail on reservoirs are pretty much all working class or farmers. They sail off-the-beach  dinghies and cats,or trailer yachts.