What do you do when your friends are possibly very transphobic?

[Ribbons]

One of my friends noted that he's "a bit" homophobic. And by "a bit", I mean he'd disown his sister if she was lesbian and he'd beat up a friend if he learned they were gay.. He also refers to gays as the alternate word for cigarettes, and says gay people scare him..

But basically everyone, if not everyone, at my school shares this opinion. My other classmates often say homophobic things, and my teacher too. It's an extremely small school, around 30 students and like 3 teachers, so I know for sure everyone shares this opinion besides me. It's a conservative Christian school where the principal shares these beliefs, so I can't report them or anything.

Homophobia and transphobia go hand-in-hand most of the time. Plus, I think they are transphobic. People don't really talk about transgender issues much, so it's hard to tell.

I know one of my friends said she called a gay man a "he-she" once, when they briefly talked about Adam from Degrassi they disagreed on him (but referred to him as male the one time they referred to him by a pronoun), and they seem very negative against gender variance.

I already have.. Oh, several dozen issues with my "friends". They're only my friends because I'm stuck in this school for now, and they won't leave me alone. The school is very "family" like, so they won't let a kid be a loner.       

[~RoadToTrista~]

If he's willing to disown a sister whose gay then imagine how he'll react when he finds out his friend is trans. I'd just, idk if your school is like that then you should either stay in the closet till graduation or switch to a public school. As for your friend you don't need him if he can't accept you, careful with him.

[Sharky]

I went to a similar school. I think you should keep quite and just stick it out.

[spacial]

To be frank, this sort of behaviour is generally based upon precieved social requirement rather than  reason.

A comparison with those types who will claim they love America and it's the best country in the world when they've never actually been outside the US, often even the state.

Many people, I've found, say negative things about homosexuality. But when you talk to them you quickly discover, what they are really attacking is any possibility that other might see them as , (realise they are), gay.

I went to an all boys boarding school. The negativity toward homosexuality was very noticable. One of the worst insults you could give to someone was calling them queer.

I confess, I made little attempt to hide what I am, mainly because I was so effiminate, there seemed little point. But there was a necessity, within that sort of environment to prevent the liklihood of sexual expression. For the same reason that sexual express between family members, or those within a military platoon.

The effect however was the same.

[rejennyrated]

It's like a game of chicken.

Young children (and by young children I mean anyone under the age of about 21 God that makes me sound old!  ) say all sorts of stupid things which are completely impractical in the real world, and only exist in their own naive imagination of what the adult world will be like.

Sometime between 16 and 21 the penny starts to drop amongst the more intelligent of them that this fairy dairy fantasy childhood world of black and white, where all gays are evil and everyone they know is normal is an illusion. It then becomes a wait to see who will be the first to break ranks and admit that they are "different."

By the time that they are into their mid twenties only the most determinedly stupid or bigoted will be clinging doggedly to their childhood innocence.

Sadly it seems that you are caught in that in between period where you have basically two choices - either be the courageous first one to "come out" or wait in the hope that someone else will do so.

One thing you should realise though is that, with the benefit of hindsight I can tell you that those who are the most violent in their protestations and threats are most often those who are desperately hiding a big secret of their own.  It's the logic that says the best form of defense is attack. When I think back to the vocal queer bashers of my childhood many them later came out as gay themselves.

[Oinoss]

(rant) Most Christian schools (and even some public schools) are taught/commonly accepted that gay people are blights. They spread the rumor that they preform oral/anal sex whenever they aren't in public and generalize gays as fruity, blonde, slick haired, short shorts/tight t-shirt wearing sex maniacs. The school probably has a very bias Father (?) or teachers in a closed-community. In my school it isn't so bad, theres even a gay/straight allaince group. Although theres ghe sterotypical "Popular kids" who think gay is incredibly disgusting and funny, but think all Lesbians are hot. They should have some sort of mandatory bisexual orientation on the facts about the transgendered/crossdressers/homosexuals/androgynous groups and the lies/truths people say when confronted with questions of the sort (rant/)

-Brianna

[Cindy]

 

Hi people nothing heavy handed here, I removed two posts about age.  This might sound counter constructive but we do not want under 18's publishing their age. I have no idea what age Ribbons is but she is at school so I would prefer that her age is left off the thread.

There are strange people out there.

Thanks

Cindy

[Sad Girl]

These bigots should be cursed to death and burn in hell. They can't stop and think how to accept people like us, so should we with them. I don't have time to think and accept them neither.

[tekla]

What do you do when your friends are possibly very transphobic?

1.  First off, given what you said, you don't need the word 'possibly' in there.  They are.
2.  Kick 'em to the curb.
3.  Spend some time in serrious thought as to how you screwed up in picking such 'friends.'
4.  Go out with that information, and make new and better friends.

they won't leave me alone. The school is very "family" like, so they won't let a kid be a loner.     

Classic trait of a cult.  Every time you hear people use the word 'family' for anything that isn't based on who gave birth to who, think Charles Manson and the Family.

These bigots should be cursed to death and burn in hell.

Congratulations!  You're just like them.

[Ribbons]

I can't get rid of them. They won't let me stop being their friend as long as I'm at that school. I didn't pick them either, they came to me. They're the complete opposite of what I want in a friend. 

(rant) Most Christian schools (and even some public schools) are taught/commonly accepted that gay people are blights.
-Brianna

I've heard the opposite. Catholic schools tend to be pretty open-minded, many don't even care if you're not Catholic or even a theist.. But I go to a Baptist school, so woe is me.  My teacher outright banned me from reading books on other religions in school.

[Juliet]

To be honest, it sounds like they just don't know any better. (in addition to regular exaggerations- i mean saying you'll disown your sister is way different than doing it)
I bet they haven't had much experience with homosexual or trans people, and were taught (whether intentionally or by overhearing when growing up) to dislike them.  They will continue to dislike them until they meet and experience enough likeable homosexual and trans people to prove their theory wrong. 

[Ribbons]

Some of them have gay cousins. During pray time they told our teacher to pray for them, because their family member is gay and they want them to change..

[annette]

And....did they change by praying?
Off course not.

I hope you can change....to another more open minded school.
Transphobic friends are no friends of me and I think neither of you but you're stucked with them now.
So, I honestly don't know what's the best for you when you stay there, if you come out the prayings will have you as a target, if you keep quite you don't have a very pleasant schooltime.

I should move to another school.

hugs
Annette

[Ribbons]

I'm trying to get my grandma to send me to another school, but she wants me to stay here. I hate the school though.

I don't plan on coming out until I move out, so no problem with that. I'm not a dater either..

[Marvel]

Dont lose hope, people only fear what they do not understand.

A lot of homophobic people will say nasty thing about gays, but if they had a family member or a friend who is, they will see the case as "different" to the norm. Sometimes they just dont know any better, when they love somebody who is LGBT, it can change their perception, if not they convince themselves that their loved one is not like other Lgbters. Its a biased view but it works for them, as a way to balance out their acceptance to the loved one, and reaffirm their beliefs that homosexuality/transexuality is wrong.