Sigh, my parents...

[becca1]

So, I'm 25, and unfortunatly at this moment in time have to live with my parents. I am not out to my parents, as far as I haven't said the words "I am transgender" to them. However, for those you who have seen my picture in the "Do I Pass" thread, and according to nearly everyone I ask, I pretty much pass all the time.

So, due to finding this out, it's very hard for me to not want to appear as Becca, and, well, I do. And I'm bloody happy about that.
My parents see me every day, with a face full of makeup, my lovely haircut and colour, not to mention I haven't owned any boys clothes in a long while now.

Any erm... "normal" parents, I believe anyway, would be interested to find out what's going on with their child. Mine do not seem to even be slightly curious, and because of this I had a rather crappy time tonight.

I'm a helpful child, I care for my parents, and as I do once every few weeks I took my mother shopping as I had some stuff to get too. Shopping itself wasn't too bad at all, infact I kind of enjoyed quite easily passing, and having people walk past me, glance at me momentarily and then carry on to get their soup or whatever.
Until, that is we attempt to check out. Mother puts her shopping through first, and I help her pack, and then I do mine. During me talking to the lady serving us, my mother kept (in my opinion, anyway) overly using "he" to descibe me. The poor lady looked rather confused as she handed me my lip gloss.

This isn't the first time this has happened, where one of my parents has outed me. And I have gone from thinking my parents must hate me, to thinking perhaps my mum really has no idea what she's doing, to wondering if they even care, back to wondering if I'm really upsetting them.

I know the best option is to be honest with them, and just talk to them, or give them a letter to read, but I think what upsets me more than anything else is they must see their child is changing in front of them and whatever their reasoning, do nothing when they could easily come to ask me.

All this makes me want to officially change my name and start living full time (as I am full time already, just have the wrong name), without bothering to tell them, and when letters come through the door addressed to Rebecca, I'll just say "yeah, that's me". I feel that may cause more harm than good, though.

I think this has turned into a rant more than anything else, but yeah, I think I just needed to get this off my chest.

[Janet_Girl]

Sounds like you just need to inform them of how things are now.  They have seen you as you.  And you and Mom have went shopping.

Time to educate them as to the new and improved you.

[Julie1957]

"Any erm... "normal" parents, I believe anyway, would be interested to find out what's going on with their child. Mine do not seem to even be slightly curious"

I suspect your parents already know - they just don't want to believe it.  They don't want to hear the words  "I am transgender" because that would make it real.  I think that fact that they accept you (going out shopping with you, etc.) is a good sign.

[Becka]

My take and impression from what you have told us is that they accept you for you; that they want you to be happy and trust in you enough to let you make the changes you have taken.  It sounds like you have a good relationship with them and that they have not expressed outward overt curiosity is perhaps due to that trust. 

You can bet that they do talk about it between themselves however and are just waiting for you yourself to bring the subject up with them, letting you do it in your own time and own way without forcing the issue. 

Even though you are presenting fully femme they are still using the masculine pronouns and such because you have not said to them that "the rules", as it were, have changed. 

just another angle for thought.

[becca1]

Janet: My parents have never taken education well.

Julie: Oh, they know, deep down, wanting to admit it or not, they know. This is just what I perceive from their reactions. But, you're right there have been a fair few good signs, so I'm optimistic.

Becka (great name, by the way!): What you have said seems to pretty much hit the nail on the head, except for that part about me having a good relationship with my parents. They aren't ones to want to talk, about anything.
I'm pretty sure they are just waiting for me to come to them, and be honest in my own time, I'm just not sure how to approach it. It's not like I don't know it's up to me to bring it up, I just really needed a rant last night.

[Becka]

it's just an outsiders perspective.  Good relationships aren't always about talking though.  From the little you said, it appears you and they are comfortable together, you do things together, etc.   That is where I made that comment

Ranting and venting is good sometimes. 

Having the talk with my mom (my dad passed on 10 years ago) was really one of the hardest things I ever did, and it turned out in my case that all the worry and fear were baseless.  Even though I wasn't presenting she still had a suspicion or two about it, and she's been comfortable and supporting from day one.  So, I wish you luck and happiness and courage. 

Oh, and thanks.  Many years ago my mom, just in the normal course of conversation,  told me and my sis what we would have been named had we been born the opposite sex.  I would have been Becky.  I never forgot that and embraced it as my own always.  So, yeah, I like your name too. 

[Princess Rachel]

my parents are slowly getting used to having a daughter after being out to them for 18 months and nearly a year of me living full time (the first year of the rest of my life) not that I'm the easiest person in the world to get along with as I can be very brutal about cutting people out of my life (hell hath no fury I guess) if people won't accept me for who I am after asking them nicely then to hell with them I won't spend my life trying to please them, I've wasted 36 years of my life doing that, the rest of my years are for me and those who want to be a part of my life as much as they want want me to be a part of their life.

[becca1]

Thank you for all your helpful words of encouragement.

I applied for my Deed Poll this morning to officially become Rebecca, and I think now is about the time to come out to mum and dad.

I'm so scared.