My life in polar opposites...

[Terra]

Well, A few more therapy sessions under my belt, and i'm not sure what i'm doing anymore.

Well, let me rephrase that, I know I'm doing the right thing, but I can't DO anything. For those of you who don't know, i'm currently serving my country, which means I can't be to public about who I am. It also restricts what I can do, I'm juggaling things as it is to just see a therapist.

But my biggest beef is that I can't dress, practice, or really do anything to prepare myself for transition. It is making me feel like i'm closed in and can't get out.

I of course talked to my therapist and he suggests that antideppresents might be a good thing and to talk to the military shrink about them, carefully.

So now i'm battling deppresion once again, I really have no friends right now, they are all on the comfort. I can't get out much due to my hectic schedule, and really all I seem to do is eat, sleep, work, and videogames. Not healthy.

I don't know, if I get this discouraged this easily, will I ever make it to the end? Gah, what a morbid thought. But the one bright side is i've decided for my own sanity to take some of the transition money i've been saving and go buy a guitar. I always feel happy whan I play, and maybe I can get good enough to earn some extra change by playing on a street corner or in the metro.

I just gotta get out of this funk, anyone have some suggestions?

[stephanie_craxford]

Hey there Luana,

I was in the same predicament as you find yourself now.  While I was serving I too was so restricted in what I could do and it really got me down.  For myself I dressed in private, at night when I was sure that I wouldn't be disturbed, and I wore ladies nighties to bed at night.  I was fortunate that my wife supported me in this so there was no upheaval at home.  When not on duty I often wore female underwear.

It was tough, but I found other distractions that made life easier until such time as I would be free to be me (retired from the forces, and yes it did seem a long way off).  I took up canoeing and that led to kayaking, and that led to photography.  I was a bit of a loner too, I had few friends, and no male ones so these activities fit in just right, I could do them alone, and they kept me busy.

For me it was a long haul, but I got through it.  How long of a military career are you planning.  When you've worked that out then you will be able to make some concrete plans for your future, and that in itself can be a happy and positive distraction.  My career lasted 30 years, so I had lots of time to plan.  But my circumstances were a little different.  For you, you could look at making a career move that will put you in a better position to do something about your issues.  This is a huge decision to have to make so you must be absolutely sure before acting this way, as it could be disastrous if you make a mistake.

Being discouraged is normal, and there are going to be other discouraging instances well, just don't dwell on the negative, and work on the positive.  Words are cheap I know but it's going to be up to you to battle out of your depression, look for other distractions beside video games    There's lots out there, and there's Susan's 

Take care, and don't be a stranger,

Steph