freezing embryos

[ftmcal]

I don't know if there's already a thread on this subject but I had an appointment today with a fertility doctor today to discuss my options and I was hoping to get some feedback because there are so many thoughts in my head that I'm having trouble maintaining perspective.  Basically, my doctor told me that if I wanted to, I can go on fertility drugs and have my eggs "extracted" and put together with sperm from a sperm donor of my choice and then freeze the embryos.  I have to be honest, there's a part of me that really wants to be a father, just not right now.  This process costs about $8,000 and will take about three months to complete.  Which means, my surgery gets pushed back too (I'm going to go to McLean and he said he could get me in at the end of May).  I even have the prescription for T, I've had it since March 4.  I guess my dilemma is this:  do I push back surgery and T for 3 or 4 months, go into debt, and freeze the embryos or just forget the whole idea, continue with my transition immediately, and just adopt down the road.  Obviously, due to my impatience, I really want to go with the second option.  I guess I just don't know if I would regret not having the option to have children that are biologically mine down the road.  I'm sorry for this long post but if anyone is/has considered this option, I'm curious about your opinions or what you ended up doing.  Obviously, in the end, the decision has to be my own, but I could use a little perspective and I figure you guys can understand where I'm coming from.  Thanks a lot guys 

[~RoadToTrista~]

You may regret not doing it, I would suggest waiting if you think this is important to you. Don't let your impatience be a factor in your decision.

[LorenAndrew]

I have the thought about being a father sometimes too.  I know that I can't carry a child.. just because I couldn't do it (personally).

It's tough.  What is scary is you are having this thought now and you don't want to regret it two years from now because you were really excited about hormones.  Hormones and surgery can always wait, but you can't ever get eggs back once that time has passed.

Starting hormones and transitioning is exciting.  This is my second time.. and sometimes I think back to stopping and I wish I hadn't because I would be so much further now if I hadn't.  However, I wouldn't be so sure of myself now had I not given myself the time to make the decision when it was right for me.

You are right that this is your decision.  Either way, I am sure it will be the right one and I hope that you can know that regardless whatever you decide it was the right decision for you at this time.  Sorry.. I just rambled.  Starting hormones doesn't mean that you lose the opportunity to stop later and freeze your eggs, right? 

[PandaValentine]

Have you thought of possibly postponing going on T, getting the surgery and waiting until you have the money again to do the freezing embryo process? I mean if T is something you can postpone do it, but you may not get the chance to be 'fertile' again after being on it. I don't know if I can have kids anymore, but I'm fine with adopting or letting a future partner have a surrogate. Though I do love the idea of watching something made of my own genetics grow.

I'm a very impatient person as well so I know what you mean. Anyways good luck on making a decision.

[Aussie Jay]

In the end as I think everyone agrees - it's your choice! Now for my two cents..

I'm not sure if you are interested in males or females but either way have you considered a surrogate, egg or sperm donor with a partner down the track when you are both ready to start a family? I know any child that arrives wont be genetically linked to you but you would still be the father. You don't have to be biologically related to be a father - there are heaps of guys out there who are unable to have children.

You would still be able to participate as the most important part of being a father in the child's life - raising it! Teaching it to catch, throw, ride a bike, right from wrong and instilling your morals in the new life - that is the most amazing part of being a parent, and watching the child grow into their own person. Who really cares how it gets here so long as it's here!!

I like kids but at this point in time I don't know if I want them - that may change should I meet the right person, it may not. If the case arose would I love to have a child that was actually mine - of course I would! But this is not the card I was dealt. I don't produce sperm and I am straight - so the most appropriate option in my opinion is for me is to find donor sperm with blue eyes, blonde hair and an IQ just over average!

You never know too your eggs may still be viable later on - look at that bloke Thomas who was actually pregnant and carried the child! He had obviouslyy been on T long enough to grow a pretty substantial beard at the time he was preggers! But its a tough decision mate. And correct me if I am wrong but don't you have to take female hormones to produce an excess production and release of eggs prior to extraction? You going to be ok with that part too?

But you have to answer this question mate - take all the facts, listen to your heart and make your decision.

Good luck - j.

[sascraps]

I can see why people want their genetics and lineage to carry on, but I'm a fan of adoption. So many unwanted & neglected kids out there that need love and stability.

[Kohitsu]

It's your own decision, but I'll put my own two cents in. I prefer the idea of adoption to be honest. So many people are procreating in this world, and there are so many homeless children, why make more children when there are so many needy ones in the world? Yes yes, it's exciting to have something made from your own DNA, but that just seems kind of selfish to want to create more children when the world really doesn't need anymore people, IMO. Big fan of adoption here. Although my children are my dogs, I'm not a huge fan of human children anyways, lol.

[ftmcal]

Thank you so much for your replies.  It helps to read them and I'm starting to feel a lot calmer    You guys are helping me to see that there are indeed more than just one or two options.

@JayValentine:  That had been my original plan but my doctor told me that he's not sure what the effects of fertility drugs will be on my chest after top surgery because there will still be some breast tissue left. 

@Aussie Jay:  It's funny, when I was reading your reply, it made me think of all the things my dad and I did together growing up (playing catch, planting flowers, listening to him belt out Elvis, attempting math homework lol).  Those are the things I remember most and a large part of why I loved him so much.  You're right, it's not all about biology, it's about loving your child unconditionally.  Thanks so much for the words of wisdom! 

@sascraps and Kohdy:  That's exactly what my mom suggested, which surprised me, because for the longest time she kept saying that she really wanted me to have my own kids.  And you're right, there are definitely a lot of children that could really use a parent that loves them.  I definitely appreciate your two cents 

[malinkibear]

Having eggs removed is an uncomfortable and long process. I did some research into a while ago, when I was considering egg donation (well, I'm not going to use them!) and you're given a lot of hormones to produce even more eggs, which get to the point where you feel bloated and heavy carrying around packed ovaries all day. Then it's an uncomfortable proceedure or two to remove them.
People can overestimate the importance of blood in family relationships. When my aunt and uncle adopted two boys three years ago, they instantly became family - no funny 'eh, I guess you can tell they're different' or feeling like something was off compared to my other cousins and family. If you've a big enough heart, it won't matter if your kids are adopted or not - you'll love your children, no matter where they came from.
It's really something you need to take a long time considering. Personally, I advise you to save the money and time, and begin the next steps of transitioning. You may be desperate to know the feeling of holding your baby in your arms, of comparing their appearance to your grandfather's. But adoption works for many, many people, and you only gain the knowledge that you're giving a child the love and attention it desperately needs. You don't lose anything.

[JohnR]

What are the rules about embryo hosting where you live?

Also, what is the unused embryo destruction policy?