Those REVEALING V/S those NOT REVEALING

[annette]

You can reveal for example with relationships.
Nobody want to start a relationship with a lie, but how far will you go? friends, co-workers anybody else?

There is always a chance for disclosure.
People you meet, who are knowing you before transition, it happends to me while I was working in a hospital in another city.
This person was moved to that city and was  dying to tell everybody who wants to hear what was going on. so, disclosured.

I don't want to advertize with it, I just want to have a life and beside the one who is getting intimate with me, it's nobodies business.
But in real life things always went different than you want it.
The opinion about T's thanks to shows like Jerry Springer for example is not so very good, so most of us keep their mouth about it.
But, it looks that we do have such a secret that we are like serial killers or something, while we did nothing wrong.

There isn't something right about that, we are no criminals, and we don't have to be ashamed for being T.

hugs
Annette

[xAndrewx]

For now being as I'm in a job and have friends that already know I can't be entirely stealth. My next job and any new friends once I'm passing constantly have no need to know. I plan to be entirely stealth with the exception of my partner, my doctor, and close friends that I choose to tell. Nothing against those who choose to tell, it's just not what I want

[Gabby]

The point you are missing is that as soon as you publicly identify as transsexual (even if you are post-op) the general public no longer sees you as "just a woman" and your point is therefore considered biased.

I transitioned in 1974 and in the first year or two I was outed a couple of times. People who had known me as a woman were astounded and found it (my medical history) hard to believe - they really understood the idea of always being a girl but in a different body.

I believe a whole lot of damage was done by the media - parading "men in dresses", acting like men and demanding to be treated as women. But that opens another nastier debate ...

Well what I see here is a different world view, one I have some understanding of as 1974 was the year I was born, but times have changed.  No I wont go out as I presently am overmuscled, non-lasered, pre-hrt etc.  But really the world should be tolerate of people who are NOT "men in dresses" but CANNOT "conform to a stereotype of womanhood".  Heck there's every type of woman out there already and well blow me down that includes women who have masculine features.  You've confused all masculine featured women with men in dresses who act like men but demand to be trated like women, the two are NOT the same.

[FairyGirl]

Well what I see here is a different world view, one I have some understanding of as 1974 was the year I was born, but times have changed.  No I wont go out as I presently am overmuscled, non-lasered, pre-hrt etc.  But really the world should be tolerate of people who are NOT "men in dresses" but CANNOT "conform to a stereotype of womanhood".  Heck there's every type of woman out there already and well blow me down that includes women who have masculine features.  You've confused all masculine featured women with men in dresses who act like men but demand to be trated like women, the two are NOT the same.

This is why she said it was a nasty debate, because many who do not fit this so-called stereotype of womanhood are nonetheless sensitive about it; the misunderstandings multiply and soon abound.  I saw nowhere in Jane's statements where she said all masculine featured women were really men in dresses who act like men, and there didn't appear to me to be any confusion as to who is to blame for it.  You must admit those people exist, paraded by the media like a circus sideshow precisely for the shock value it produces.  I agree it is a perception problem, as the general public does not draw those fine distinctions- to many of the unenlightened, as soon as you say "transsexual" these are the first images that come to mind for them no matter how feminine one might be, which makes it all the more an uphill battle for anyone who doesn't conform to that stereotype of womanhood, transsexual or not.

"Should be" tolerant and "are" comprise not only two different worldviews but two very different realities, unfortunately.  Our indignation should be directed towards those who generate and exploit those false stereotypes in the first place, not towards the ones who point them out.

[ToriJo]

The one good thing I have learned from it is to be careful who I disclose to, be mindful in who I date. Recognize that my own need for acceptance caused me to say yes to date people not right for me, a mistake I repeated over and over. Knowing this about myself now, I can work on breaking that pattern by being more aware of that persons needs and ability to accept my past. To not force the issue, just because of my need.

I'd agree with this - I think a decent guy (or gal) won't have a problem with it.  I can't imagine dating someone who hated people who had a past in common with me, and, thus, forcing me to hide my past.  Of course dating decent people is a lot harder in practice--I get that.  And there's a difference between finding good people and telling them all your secrets - you don't have to do both.

As a cis-male, I am very glad my wife told me her history (before we even started going out, but when she felt things might be serious and progressing that direction).

When she told me, I could see how scared she was that I would reject her, or that I would somehow see her as someone other than who she was.  I can't even begin to imagine what that's like - which is why I won't pretend to give advice beyond stating my own experience as an outsider.  I can't imagine the risk that it involved.  But I can understand that it was immense, and the act of telling me showed that she was willing to risk a lot to build a real relationship with me - even the relationship itself.  It showed a real love, one that I can return by showing her that my heart knows the truth and authenticity of her heart.

That said, she didn't need to tell me.  And I'm sad that people are in this position where society basically gives no good choices to people.  The act of trust and the risk she took has had a lot of impact in my heart.  But her history itself doesn't change our relationship - I would love her every bit as much if she was identified by others as a woman her whole life.  But I am very honored by her trust in me, and the risk she took for our relationship to be as full and complete as possible.  She's an amazing person!