'Ello everyone!

[nico_nico]

Aye there, I suppose I'll introduce myself with the name nico-nico [japanese for 'smile'] and consider myself a noobie pre-trans FtM.

I recently came out to my mother about my decision and so far it's been hell. She's simply not taking my decision seriously and constantly questions if I understand the 'gravity' of it all - saying how drastic of a change it is for such a minor problem. She believes that I am going through a tom boy phase since she too was a tom boy in her childhood. Other than my mother, my friends have accepted me rather quickly and are constantly giving me support.

I currently am seeing a therapist who deals with the issue of being transgender and she believes me when I say that I wish to become a boy physically to match the mental perception of myself.

Right now I'm just doing research on how to 'pass' sufficiently in public for the future since I can't do anything about my appearance right now. I'm forced to dress as a girl and am unable to cut my hair except for fringes. I can't even wear binders or baggy shirts. I'm also looking for information on T, surgeries, and pretty much anything that can help me later on once I get into college.

I pretty much found out about this site due to my constant internet perusing and so far I'm really excited to meet everyone here.

[Starshadow]

Hi, nico-nico, I'm Starshadow (real name, changed it a couple decades ago) and I'm new too, not trans, but very supportive.

Being a mom and grandmom I would completely support any of my kids or grands who might make such a decision or come to it,
rather. But your mom, like many another, is seeing you as 'her baby girl,' is my guess and while I'm sure her love is unconditional,
in the main, it's got to be hard to wrap her mind around understanding.

I hope she comes around. It's got to be very tough on you. I remember all the problems I had with just coming out as lesbian to my mother, and when I changed my name. Eventually, she accepted it. *sigh* and she has been gone now for over fifteen years. So
I was glad for that.

I hope you find all the support you need. And I wish you well in your journey.

[nico_nico]

Thank you very much and a warm welcome to you seeing that you're new as well. And Starshadow, that's a brilliant name.

I suppose from looking at the 'baby girl' perspective I can understand her actions a bit more. Though I still find it difficult since we're on the different 'times' of awareness. I've been feeling like this since childhood but was to afraid to tell her and was still trying to figure it out myself and since I just recently told her I feel as if everything is just going to pick up where I left off. I guess I'm just too impatient, hah.

[Starshadow]

I sure hope she comes around. Hugs and love to both of you that it be so.

Parents often see their children through a filter of what they want to see. Sad but true. Many parents come around. I have a feeling your mom will eventually--though I've seen kids pushed away by their parents for just being gay or lesbian. But usually that happens right
away when the kid comes out, in my experience. When my kids were in school, they hung out with a lot of the GLBT kids and my place was pretty open to them--some of them had become homeless because their families threw them away. I can't imagine doing that to a kid.

And yeah, every trans person I've ever known has said they knew they were different as kids, just like all the rest of the GLB community as kids. *MY* kids turned out straight. But not narrow! Heh.

This looks like a supportive place. I'm sure there are others with similar issues of family. Meanwhile, nice to meet you, too!

[Tesseract Allen]

Welcome to the forums! Have fun!

[Janet_Girl]

Hi nico_nico,

Welcome to our little family. Over 6400 strong. That would be one heck of a family reunion.

Feel free to post your successes/failures, Hopes/dreams.  Ask questions and seek answers. Give and receive advice.

But remember we are family here, your family now. And it is always nice to have another brother.

And be sure to check out these links ( MUST READS )

• Site Terms of Service and rules to live by
  
• Standard Terms and Definitions
  
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• Photo, avatars, and signature images policy
  

Hugs and Love,
Janet 

[Devlyn]

Hi Nico_Nico, welcome to Susans! You came to the right place, we're all about support! Hugs, Tracey

[annette]

Hi Nico-Nico

Very welcome to the forum.
Your mother will change one day, when you keep persisting she will see it's not a phase but you're unhappy with your gender.
Till that day you have to stand for what you are, don't give up.
In the mean time you've got friends here, you can vent your troubles and rantings.
Sometimes it's a relieve when there is somebody who will listenh to you, well, we're here.
Have a good time here.

hugs
Annette

[nico_nico]

Thank you so much for your welcome and support. Recently - after this past therapy session - mum seems to show a bit more support for me yet still apprehensive about the whole thing. I guess time will defiantly tell.

[travsmom]

Hi nico_nico, very nice to meet you. please call me dee, but i am trav's mom. trav is my 18 yo son, who first came out to me as gay about 3 years ago. that was hard for me to accept, but not unexpected, as i guess i had always known, and feared, that he was gay. ha ha, as i look back at pictures, i can now laugh and say, and who would have guessed! ha! but, just within the last two months, trav has come out to me as transgender male to female.  so, now i have something else, even harder, to accept! but, accept i will because i love my son, soon to be daughter. and your mother, i believe, will accept your decision as well. 
  i think i might be able to help you understand her position, though, and perhaps that will help the two of you to talk about it in a better light.  since you're here, and since I'm here, this is my take:  she HOPES you are mistaken, because she doesn't want you to suffer.  she knows the hardships that will come with this, and she can't protect you from the world.  THAT is her biggest problem with you being trans.
   i suggest you direct HER to this site as well.  perhaps, she, as I, can understand you better by reading and learning, educating and informing herself. that's why i'm here.  most of all, for both your sakes, talk to your mom. tell her how you FEEL, how  you have FELT for a long time, and lead her here. and, if you can, try to understand her just as you ask her to understand you.  it's a process. it takes time. hope this helps.
  good luck and peace and happiness be with you and follow you and your mother through the journey,
dee

[nico_nico]

I can't thank you enough for your input, Dee. I've been working on telling her how I felt and past events that led up to my decision and why I was so 'late' in telling her and with the help of a 3rd person in the discussion [my therapist] she seems to be a bit more responsive. I just feel bad that I might be forcing it down her throat as of late. Such as when she brings it up in casual talk I kind of want to avoid it because I might disappoint her. I'm just not sure when I should discuss this outside of the sessions.
This also seems to bring issues with me trying to educate her on the entire 'trans' topic. I've sent her a couple of sites and videos explaining the emotional and physical sense of 'disconnection' but she refused to even look at them. And again I don't want to keep showing her things because I feel too pushy with it all. I feel like I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place in some instances.

[travsmom]

well, for what it's worth, I think you should "push" it toward her, but as the old saying goes, "you can force a horse to water, but you can't make him drink."  i do believe she will come around in time and will welcome the information. it may be too much for her right now. as you said earlier, the 3rd party therapist was a big help, so that may be the best route for the two of you at this stage in the game, but with time, I hope, and truly believe, she will come around.  who knows, she may even become an advocate for lgbt like i did! i would have NEVER thought it!
  so glad to have met you and looking forward to getting to know you and perhaps hear from your mom too~!
dee

[travsmom]

oh, and nico_nico, on those times when she brings it up in casual talk, you really need not worry if you'll disappoint her. this might be the perfect opportunity to really delve into how you feel. perhaps this is when is most receptive? only you know your mother well enough to know, but it sounds like that might be her trying to open up a dialect and understand.  but, again, if it's more comfortable in a 3rd party setting, it might be best to leave it there for now.
  good luck, hon.

[nico_nico]

Thanks again. I'm now looking forward to our next session and see what that holds. In the meantime I'll try to share more information with her and attempt to even introduce this site to her. Again thank you for your support. [you'll find that I say 'thank you' quite a bit, too formal for my own good haha]