The guy I once was wasn't so bad either, again just very unhappy. I can look at pictures of him, but sometimes it feels like it was somebody else to me, someone that I once knew, that I was either friends to or just aquainted to, not someone that I once was. Sometimes when I look back even further, baby pictures, oh my gosh, he's absolutely adorable! But that's you you dingbat. Very strange feelings. Then reality checks in, and I get a tad depressed looking at old pics of me, because I had to be born that way and not as a girl, and it upsets me to feel that way about myself, even if that's not who I am, I still had to, and continue to have to live in turmoil because I was born wrong. I feel like a woman now, maybe not 100%, but I can't ever see myself as a man because I never was, its not being delusional, its just the reality of who I am inside. There was a time, this when I finally had the courage to be me, when I said to hell with what anybody else thinks, I going to live my life as me, and I have ever since, and am going to continue to, because while I may not be wholey what I should be, I'm happy with how I turned out as a person. Maybe it was a good thing with me being transsexual, maybe if I had felt like a normal guy, maybe I would've turned out to be an ->-bleeped-<- or something, much like my father and brother, or if I were born a girl, I could've turned out like my sister, and I probably wouldn't have been so open minded about those that are transgender. I've pondered this quite a bit at times, and sometimes it makes me feel better about my predicament, that I actually did turn out right afterall, if I turned out this way, then I must've been meant to be as I am, if there's a god, then there has to be some good reason for it, if not, then its merely a genetic mistake, but oh well, I go with it anyway.
