Returning to the lion's den

[Tamaki]

I just received a phone call I have been dreading from my former employer. They wanted to know if I would be interested in a job. Good news since I need the money and jobs are in short supply so of course I said yes. My anxiety level has gone through the roof and I'm scared to death. For those of you who haven't guessed I've been in construction for a while and it hasn't been a very tolerant or understanding place. I've watched how people have behaved and heard the things they said around trans people, none of them nice. Even just appearing different or the slightest bit effeminate is met with jokes and ridicule even threats. The only reason there hasn't been violence is that they're afraid of losing their jobs. None of them have seen me since I started hormones and since that time I've shaved my arms, grown my hair out and pierced me ears. Friends have even commented that I look more feminine. Now it looks like I'll be returning to this wonderful workplace and I have no idea how to respond to questions about my appearance. I've never figured out how to act like a man and usually use anger, sarcasm and joking around as a way to keep people at a distance. Somehow I don't think that will be helpful now. On top of all this with the hormones if it gets too stressful I'll probably just breakdown and cry which would be a bad thing. It may not be the worst thing I have to face but I scares the to death and I don't need to be anymore depressed than I all ready am.

[mehby]

I know this sounds hard but have you tried not being manly or aggressive? i cant guarantee it'll help at all but it might surprise you. Just be yourself and if they can't accept that well tough...

Also congratulations on the job offer

[Tamaki]

I don't come off as the angry aggressive person that I sound like, I'm usually the calm level headed one and I don't know if any of these guys would call me manly. I just have a really hard time communicating my experience.

These are the kind of guys that I have feared my whole life. They know I'm different they just can't figure out how. It's really what they'd do if they knew the truth that scares me. Despite being 6' and 240 pounds, at heart I'm quite feminine and when I relax other people see it as being really effeminate. I feel like a teenage girl in a locker room full of football players. I worry about these guys making my job hell or meeting up with me after work and beating the crap out of me or worse.

[Olivia-Anne]

I can totally relate to your situation. When I was working in construction I had long hair and pierced ears and I shaved my arms and my legs etc... how I handled it was simple for me. I just did my job, didn't joke around with or associate really with anyone at work. I just put my earphones in, put on my long sleve shirt put in "manish" piercings put on my hardhat and did a good job. You would be surprised how little people notice that doesn't affect them directly. Although I have to say I wasn't then and still unfortunitially am not on hrt. Keep your chin up sweetie I'm sure you'll be fine!

<3 Teagan

[Tamaki]

Thanks for the encouragement.

There's one thing I left out, I'm a not worker I'm more, let's say, middle management. I have to deal face to face with every subcontractor on site plus my own workers. Plus, I just found out that the reason I'm getting this job it is that the company is moving people around and there will be hard feelings about me taking over the position.

[Amy1177]

hey Hannah,

have you considered confronting them in a way they would understand.  The first time one of them says something disrespectful, politely walk up to them, knee them hard and squarely in the nuts, and problem over.  I doubt there would be any problems or charges pressed because then they would have to admit what happened.  Win - Win for everyone.  No one says anything stupid to you anymore and everyone else learned a valuable lesson from your demonstration.

[Jennie]

I know how you feel, I have to deal with a lot of different people face to face, I am also  there boss so they don't say much infront of me and I have not heard anything that is being said, well atleast up to the point where I fired this one guy for saying the wrong thing to me
I often wonder what he is doing now
All my workers and the people I deal with know I am fair and firm and I have never had a problem, I have had some questions but that is normal.
What worked for me is that I tried to anticipate any questions or reactions and have logical replies to them, if something came up I was not prepared for and I could not improvide I would say i'll find out and get back to you on that or something like that.
Good luck on the job and aloha from Hawaii.

Jennie

[Ann Onymous]

Given the reference to middle-management, I might point you to the story of Kathryn McGuire (who unfortunately passed away earlier this year).  Very public individual when she was in Houston to include regular appearances on society pages in the newspaper (back when those were widely distributed and before the days of the interwebz) after having come out.

During the 80's and when I first met the other half, Charles had owned a construction company that was being investigated for some cintractual irregularities and one of the things that came out in the investigation was the fact that Charles had been involved in cross dressing.  Rather than be intimidated, Charles came out as transsexual and fulfilled company duties as Kathryn, eventually having surgery.  It had been nearly 20 years since we last saw each other when I got the news that she passed away.

Some references may exist to Charles Kathryn McGuire.  I forget what her middle name was after she changed her name...but in any event, if she could survive in the industry, you can as well.

[spacial]

I've worked in building for a number of years.

The biggest problem I've found is that, while some might be really tolerant, there will always be some who are not. There are generally a lot of trades onsite. Some for only short periods. They have little to lose by expressing biggotry.

In construction, you have one major defense. One priority that over reaches all oters. One point of reference upon which everyone has to agree.

Safety.

In practice that usually means that, those who stick out too much, get shown the door. They are a hazard.

To survive in building, you need to be part of a crew, one of the guys. That equally applies to those who are obviously female as well.

[Just Shelly]

I'm sorry to hear about the anxioty your having.

I too am all to familiar with this, I work in the trades I primarily work by myself but I deal with vendors and other associates time to time, and then there are the clients UGH.

I already get plenty of strange looks, and I'm not out yet.

I don't know what I am going to do myself, I can't just show up as Shelly one day.

I wish I could give you some advice, the only help (if that) is, I am in the same place you are!

I wish you well. Shelly

[Tamaki]

Thank you everyone for your help. I didn't really expect much when I posted this but needed to express my fears about what I'm getting into. I am so happy that in everyone's reply there is something I can take away that will help me. I now have a way to approach this.  Thank you so much.

@Shelly - I know of two transwomen that told their vendors, clients, etc. that they will be dealing with their female self from now on. Some people didn't want to deal with them but they found that the female clients were much more comfortable with them then with male contractors. They are both successful and I know you can do it too.

[Just Shelly]

Thank you everyone for your help. I didn't really expect much when I posted this but needed to express my fears about what I'm getting into. I am so happy that in everyone's reply there is something I can take away that will help me. I now have a way to approach this.  Thank you so much.

@Shelly - I know of two transwomen that told their vendors, clients, etc. that they will be dealing with their female self from now on. Some people didn't want to deal with them but they found that the female clients were much more comfortable with them then with male contractors. They are both successful and I know you can do it too.

You are so nice!

You post looking for help/advice and you end up giving me support.

Thank You!

Like I said earlier I wish I could do the same, I just don't know what I will do myself. I have noticed with my changes already, that woman seem to be more accepting.

The other problem I have is I don't enjoy what I do, this is due to mostly physical but also mentally I'm just not exited about my work like I used to be. This is why I have returned to going back to school.

Thank You
Shelly

[Tamaki]

I understand about losing interest in the work. Since I've been on hormones I don't like the heavy physical work as much. I going to keep looking for a way to switch careers.

Congrats on going back to school, that's awesome!

[Randi]

Be sure to keep a hammer and a knife handy-maybe even a pair of side cutters or channel locks to threaten offenders with dental surgery.

Randi