Have you been or are you a member of a local off line trans-support group?

[Anatta]

Kia Ora,

  It would seem trans-support groups can either be a blessing or a burden..
Some people get a lot out of belonging to one, and continue to attend meetings long after they have transitioned, whilst others[like myself, use them purely as a source of info gathering] but there are also some who  think they are a waste of time...

I attended a group when I was looking for some info on how to go about my gender affirming process, however after I got the info I needed[after attending a few meetings], I found it was easier to continue the process on my own, 'no peer pressure'...Back then I didn't have access to online info...

I guess if I had the net back then [1997/8] I most probably wouldn't have made contact with any 'in the flesh' group...

Did you have any access to trans-support groups when you were transitioning on or off line? Or are you still a member of a local off line one?

Sadly a lot of bitching and back stabbing does tend to go on in some groups...

Metta Zenda

[Lee]

I've been in a transmen's group for a few months now, and it's been really nice.  We're all fairly laid back, and there doesn't seem to be any peer pressure or bitchyness.  We have guys in all stages of transition (and a few with varying gender identifications) and are all around the same age range (mid 20's-30's, and thinking about it I may actually be the youngest).  As you pointed out, with the internet it's more of a social thing than being necessary for information.  As I'm not out as trans, it's nice knowing that there's a group of people who recognize me as a guy and treat me as such.  Also, as I don't really know other trans people outside the internet, it's nice to see people face to face and basically see life go on after transition.  It really helps ease my fears about the whole process. 

[Anatta]

Kia Ora Lee,

They can definately be of great benefit, especially if the group is well organised and gel together...

However you may find after you have fully transitioned you don't really feel the need to continue contact with the group...

If it hadn't been for a cis-gender friend asking me if I would have a talk with a friend of a friend of hers who was going through an 'identity crises' similar to what I had been through, I would not have had any contact with the local trans-groups...Up until then I was quite happily blending into society and doing my own thing...

A part from the odd Human Rights meetings which relates to the "Transgender Enquiry" which was held back in 2007/8, I rarely have any interaction with other trans-people except in this and another online forum...

Metta Zenda  

[Megan Joanne]

I went to one once, my therapist asked me to. I asked my mom to come along for support, plus she was my ride anyway, how else was I going to get there. Anyway my mom got a lot of attention, several there were asking her to talk with their parents because they either didn't know or didn't accept them as they were, it was awkward for her since even she was rather new to the whole thing and even still at the time had much to accept about me, but she did okay, at least she didn't have any problems with communication. I felt out of place and nervous, but then that's always been the case for me, I don't do well in large groups, still have some difficulties with this. After the initial meeting everyone was going to go out to a local restaurant and hang out (they already had a big spot reserved for them), my mom and I left, I told her this just wasn't for me. I just didn't do groups, especially ones that stand out, and most did there, most did not pass well (I felt like crap thinking like that, still do a little bit, thinking, you ignorant dumb ass, you probably could've made some real good friends there), and to me at the time it felt like a potentially dangerous situation, certainly didn't want some crazy ignorant nut against transgenders following me home, didn't want to be a possible victim of a hate crime. I had just gotten started on my journey, certainly didn't want to risk it coming to an end so soon, I wanted to and needed to play it safe, that's how I always did everything in my life, not just for this one scenario. I never went back, nor to any other transgender support group, didn't feel I needed it anyway, even if I could get over the shyness, and paranoia. Also, in my delusions, I refused to think of myself as transgendered, I was passing well as a woman, and refused to see myself as anything other than that, it worked for me, but also it left me feeling very much alone being as I had no contact with anyone else like myself. And actually me coming here to this site, big, actually huge step for me, my first contact with any other TG's since that one time meeting long ago, even in not in person, its a step, I'm talking, socializing to an extent, talking about stuff that I never felt I need to talk about, but probably did need to.

[rejennyrated]

No.

While I wouldn't go so far as to say they were a waste of time they are certainly not for the likes of me. For a start I was an ultra young transitioner (aged 5) and so I pretty well grew up and went to school as an "almost" girl despite my chromosomes.

For a second thing I'm not generally much of a joiner of clubs. I find the internal bickering and politicking makes me want to smash peoples heads into pulp for being so blasted childish and petty and wasting everyone's time.

Finally and most importantly I may be female and happy to be so, but the last thing I want to do is sit about with a bunch of boring uber feminine women (assuming MtF) talking about deportment flower arranging, sewing, makeup, shoes clothes and all things feminine. I did all that and got it out of my system when I genuinely was a schoolgirl. These days I would far rather join a car maintenance group, a rock climbing club, a skydiving club, or a skaters club and do something physical, dirty and FUN! (preferably with loads of men too! much more fun )

I'm sure they are a great help for some people but you'd honestly have to shoot me first.

Edit - though if there was an FtM group who wanted to do the rock climbing and car maintenance - who would take me on as an honorary consultant member - I guess I might consider that. At least I would have some fun there...

[Sarah B]

Absolutely Not and I guess I never will.  The closet I have ever come to using support groups was when I wrote away to a specific club asking for information and I did receive an answer, staying at a support group for a couple of nights when I arrived in the city I was going to spend the next fifteen years of my life and finally visiting a particular night club for gay and transgender people.  As for the night club, I never was comfortable going to clubs per se and by that stage when I went to this particular club I was working full time and I felt I did not need this venue to socialise, because even at this stage I just wanted to blend in to society with out anybody treating me any differently from any other female.

I was too busy living life, shopping, cooking, cleaning, crocheting appointments and going out and socialising with my circle of friends.  I just learned makeup as I went along especially as I had to do it every day for work.  I applied my makeup for a natural look and a little bit more when I went out at night.  So basically from the very start of my change, I had basically passed needing the support that most other girls needed and one final thing that made me avoid the community was I wanted my life to be private and the less I associated with the community the less chance I was going to be 'outed'

I did not want my life being turned upside down as a result.  I had already heard of these situations and of course being nearly involved in one myself.  So basically from the start I knew where my path in these matters would lie, avoid the community like the plague. I know it sounds harsh, but I do not apologise for my actions.  As a result my life has been one of harmony and peace and yes I have had my ups and downs.

As mentioned before, I came to Susan's so that others can read some of my stories and know that my life is just one amongst many others, that may help them in some way.

Warmest regards
Sarah B

[Anatta]

Kia Ora ,

I fully understand where some members are coming from, but for some trans-people, a support group or interacting with their local trans-community off line,  is the only time when they feel safe and can relax-let their hair down so to speak.. Sadly not all trans-people are fortunate enough to be accepted into society as their affirmed gender...

In a support group environment, bottled up years of frustrated femininity can finally explode outwards...resulting in the over the top mannerisms, that at times are displayed by some trans-people when interacting with others ...Understandably at times like this, this kind of behaviour can make some feel uncomfortable when in their presence ...

We might all suffer or have suffered from the same 'congenital condition' but how one  copes would depends upon the individual and their personal circumstances...

I just hope all 'newly hatched' trans people will eventually  find the true peace and happiness which comes from being comfortable in ones own skin ...And if a support group environment is the only place where one can achieve this, by finally being allowed to come out of their shell/closet, so be it... Enjoy ...

Metta Zenda  

[Muffins]

I did for awhile but it was like 95% crossdresser based so after awhile I lost interest, plus it was the kind that charged money to be a part of but I got a lot of good info about doctors etc and how to get started on the road of transition from those that had already started so that was helpful. Plus they had a library of books that I took full advantage of.. some great classics in there! xP
I live in a small city so online help for that was not an option.

[Nemo]

Yep, still do - there's only one that I can even go to as an FTM, and it only comes to Leeds now and then - the other two are for trans-youth and MTFs Still, they're a lovely group of guys, I've made some new friends since going there, and I get an excuse to go up to Sheffield in the process They hold some helpful workshops too; they've invited docs from the gender clinic to talk to us, Dr Curtis gave us a talk on testosterone treatments, there's been binding/packing/etc workshops. It's all been really useful

[Constance]

I regularly attend the TransParents group at the SF LGBT Center. It's a group for parents who are trans and the partners of trans-parents.

I had attended a group closer to home, in Redwood City. But the timing of their meetings isn't always convenient for me.

I've enjoyed those meetings. I get info, share experiences, and just have a good time.

[JungianZoe]

I went to a local group for the first time about a month ago, and while I really liked the people there, the conversation was a bit too much for me to handle.  About 15 minutes of the two hours were actually devoted to trans stuff, 45 minutes discussing a personal issue one participant was experiencing (not trans-related), and the final hour talking about interests.  Only problem was that the interests of the other group members wound up being things I always viewed as traditionally male, and I kind of felt like I was in male space, a place I've been uncomfortable my entire life.  As a kid, the aura of male space usually meant I had unconsciously wandered into the hornets' nest and I was about to get the crap beaten out of me by a gang of thugs.  I didn't even feel comfortable saying anything because I had nothing to say about fights (never fought anyone in my life), or explosives, or any of that stuff.  I felt like I was in exactly the type of environment I've avoided at all costs.

That doesn't mean I won't give it another chance, because I know I will (thinking about doing it tomorrow night, actually).  I can only hope I don't wind up getting all depressed and silent again like I did last time, because I couldn't handle that right now.

[Lee]

I forgot to add in that before I went to this group I had attended one other ftm-specific meeting through another group, and it was not what I was looking for.  It was more of a social group, and nothing trans related came up for the whole two hours.  Aside from it being interesting to meet the guys, I felt like it was a waste of time.  Are there more than one group in your area?  If so you could try a few and see if one feels better to you.

[Nathan.]

I've wanted to go to one for a long time but I've always been too scared as i'm really shy but I think next month after my top surgery i'll make myself go. I don't know any trans* people outside of the internet and i'd like to go somewhere were I can feel a little less weird.

[Mika]

I'm a member of a trans support group at my university (OU). It's pretty cool, but it intimidates me. I bet I could get a lot more out of it if I didn't get so anxious. Even though its meant for people of all gender identites/expressions, every single member but one is ftm. I came into the group as questioning/transmasculine/confused because I have a vested interest in delaying labels until I figure some things out (one of the reasons I'm in the group in the first place), and it feels like I'm not taken seriously by the other members. Oh well. It's really cool that the group is available, though, and I appreciate it. It is pretty cool to meet other guys,and I've gotten a lot out of listening. Talking, not so much.

[niciwer]

I've given it serious consideration, but never gone.  I'm not sure what I'd get out of it, and (especially since I'm so early in my transition) I think it would be really awkward, but I haven't ruled it out, either.

[mechakitty]

I've been going to one ever since I started my transition this year, and it's been fantastic.

Unfortunately, attendance has been incredibly sparse as of late, and with the major LGBT organization for the county going bankrupt, without a decent online presence to advertise the group, we've had somewhere between two and five people show up to most meetings in the past month and a half, which is kind of depressing. I wish I lived in an area with a more sizable support group.

[LordKAT]

Nope, closest one is 110 mils away.

[Julie Marie]

Support groups are part of the transition. They are just a stop along they way.  Eventually you move on.  That's why it's called transition.

[regan]

I went to one meeting during my first transition attempt, and true to what I've seen of most groups it was overwhelmingly crossdressers and full of their wishes and dreams.  I felt off put by the whole experience and being the youngest person in attendance, by far, I actually felt like they were alternately looking down on me and dripping with jealousy.  Not that I'm egotistical, or as young as I used to be now, but every time I think about reaching out to another group that's what I come back to - me and a room full of crossdressers.

Others have said it, the meeting queens don't pass well and I feel hugely uncomfortable in that sort of enviroment.  Maybe its just the internalized homophobia, but I really don't want to put myself through that.

[AbraCadabra]

No, because in whole province there aren't any left. The last one (Budding Roses) folded some time ago in Jhb.

The local Pta "OUT" group is now all about youth AIDS support and some L not even G.

At times it seems I'm the only trans-woman in province.

Axelle