Were you married before transition?

[Colleen Ireland]

Married almost 32 years, 3 kids (19, 24, 27).  Only marriage for both of us (we were also each others' only serious relationship).  We married when I was 23, she was 25.  I was aware of my condition then, she was not.  She found out in year 2 of our marriage when I attempted suicide, but since I didn't want to lose her, I agreed to bury it, and was mostly successful for a long time (raising 3 kids is really distracting).  Raising those kids was an experience I would not have missed willingly, so there have been trade-offs.

[Amy1177]

I am married almost 5 years now and we have been together for 8 years.  She knew I liked to dress up at that time but neither of us knew at the time it was more than just a desire to dress.  I am not transitioning yet but will definately do so in the future.  We have 2 children 10 & 4.  Transitioning is not conducive for them in our current environment and would cause a tremendous amount of external stress and angst they just don't need and would not be fair to them.  Hopefully in a few years when we move to more pleasant surroundings.  My wife is almost as excited about the transition as I am.

[JenniL]

I was married for 7 years. First time she found out was about 4 years in and pretty much gave an ultimatum either stop or leave. So I stopped. Later on I went back to try to start transitioning and pretty much ended after that with a divorce. It ended  nasty but later on we became friends. She has a better understanding of me now and is more supportive than before but it wouldn't have worked out marriage wise in the long run.

Jennifer

[Ms.Behavin]

I was married, Though really that was my moms fault as shes the one that brought out an engagement ring.  I had no idea, I mean I had never dated prior to the blind date.  If it was not for my mom I would never have been married.  I was divorced years before I finally came out.  My ex hated me long before I came out, never sure why that was.

Beni

[JessicaH]

I'm 37 and have been Married for 11 years, together for 17 years. Two kids age 6 and 14months. I have been on HRT five months. She doesn't like that I need to transition but understands and has seen me suffer with the GID since we have been together. She is going to try and stay with me through transition but says that she isn't sure if she can still be with me as a woman. I guess that is about as fair of a deal a you can really expect to get with this whole thing. Other than that we have an excellent relationship.

You are both really great people and I am proud to call you both FRIENDS. I know few couples that love and cherish each other like you so I sincrely hope you can find ways to give each other what you need to keep the relationship alive and healthy. It's hard when your victorys are felt as her losses which makes it hard for her to be excited about your advances.

Just keep loving and respecting each other and live for today since we don't know what tomorrow brings.  After all, amor vincit omnia!

[JessicaH]

I have been married for 19 years and my wife does not know yet but I plan on telling her everything in the next 30-45 days. I am seeing a therapist and have been on HRT for almost 5 months. It breaks my heart because she knows SOMETHING is up and she told a friend of ours that she believes there is another woman (well, kinda right about that, I guess).

I feel it is very unfair to her and that it exposes a major charachter flaw on my part in that I am a spineless wimp that is avoiding confrontation and tough choices. It is ultimately wrong that I started HRT without telling her first but part of my reasoning (justification?) is that I needed to explore this to make sure that it was GID without a doubt and after seeing a therapist many times and being on HRT and no libido, I am completely sure of my path now. I just have to break that news to the woman I have been married to for 19 years who has a far different vision of her/our futures than what I see. It sucks knowing you are going to decimate someone's idyllic vison of the future...

[Karynm8621]

Met my wife at 17, had a baby girl at 19, we married at 24, started transition at about 40, SRS a month ago.  We are still together and have been married 20 years. We have two granddaughters. She keeps telling me that you just cant help who you fell in love with ..

[Ann Onymous]

never married, steps taken leading to transition at the age of 18 back in the days where the shrinks in the gender mills believed everyone would want to project the breeder mentality.  I'll never forget the first one who was known in the Houston area who told me I just needed to get laid and that the gender issues would go away.  Never went back to that quack again.

I did enter into a long-term lesbian relationship prior to surgery but I had already fully transitioned by then. 

[Kay]

I met my wife at 22.  We were married when I was 26.  She went absolutely crazy shortly thereafter, and it was a rough 7 years taking care of her until she drained me dry and left.  No kids thankfully (even though I would love to have children, it just wasn't a healthy place for little ones). 
Not worth it.  Never doing it again.

[Anatta]

Kia Ora,
I was married 15 years, have four children, divorced 2000, [amicable divorce], we equally share the unconditional love of all our children...

Metta Zenda      

[Randi]

Still Married (21 years) with a son 17 years of age. I don't know with any certainty that we will stay together-it could go either way at this point but I don't worry about it. More than likely this will happen after our son is settled in college and away from home. But then again she might surprise me. She has adjusted some for me already so we will see how things go.

Randi

[Tamaki]

We've been married for 19 years. When we met she told me that if I wanted kids to find someone else. I told her that I crossdressed, at the time I didn't realized how much more to it there was. We've always been very honest with each other and as soon I understood that I was trans I told her. We don't want to be with anyone else and I hope we will make it through transition together.

[BunnyBee]

I was never really attracted to girls, but I didn't like boys back in those days either.  I did like hanging out with girls, so I never turned down any of them that wanted to go out with me.  This led to some confusing situations, one of which was one of my bigger mistakes: agreeing to marry one of them.

Luckily we didn't have kids; like Zoe said, sex is pretty much required for that.  I was utterly disgusted by sex and you wouldn't believe the mental gymnastics it required for me.  Women just.. women are awesome, but I'm just not attracted to them in that way, I'm sorry.  When my wife left, she told me that two straight women don't really belong together.  That was hard to argue with.  It was difficult losing my best friend though.  That sure feels like an understatement...

Being married did help me realize that being a man in this world was utterly impossible/ridiculous for me.

Once I dropped the nonsense, somehow I began realizing boys were pretty cute.  This was while I was still married, long before HRT, but hormones accelerated the process of discovery on that front 1000x lol.