Coming out to grandparents? :/

[Vince1995]

I have came out to my mother and my brother in January of this year, and am dealing with them coming to terms with me being their son and brother. I really want to come out to my grandparents, but I don't know how. My grandmother is very religious, and I'm not sure what she will do. Her son was gay, and she was sort of fine with that, but I don't know how she will take me being Transgender. She loves me and all, but I don't want to lose her as a grandparent. My grandfather has been diagnosed with prostate cancer, and is in his 70s, but I don't think he would mind me being Transgender, I am not sure though. He is not like my grandmother at all, and almost divorced her once for being overly religious, til their son passed away. (They already had lost a son before him).

I really do not know what to do. How could I possibly come out to them? Help. :/

[Ratchet]

I don't know how much it will help but I grew up very very close to my grandmother. She practically raised me. My family has never been one to be overly religious, so I'm not sure how to handle that sort of situation, but a part of my family is rather religious. But if they were accepting, for the most part, of their son being gay, then I can believe they're pretty open minded individuals that will not understand, so it will take time to explain and deal with, but they seem to me to be open enough to at least try to understand you rather then dismiss you.

I came out to my grandmother in a letter. I am a horrible speaker, I get nervous and start stuttering. I knew that I could never get the words out vocally. So I wrote a letter to her, and gave it to her, in tears at the time, telling her it was really important and would explain a lot of things, including my suicidal history in which she was the first take notice due to the same signs of previous suicidal family members. She didn't understand. But she knew I meant the words, she knew I needed help. And since she's done everything she's can to help me, including helping me tell others in my family. All of which are surprisingly accepting, even the religious ones.

[Vince1995]

:/ That helped a bit. I hope I can tell her soon, I am getting tired of waiting, and getting annoyed with talking to her as a girl. I am also afraid that if I don't tell her now, she will question me when she comes to visit from NM, because I have a shaved head, and dress in guy's clothes. I will consider writing her a letter as you did. Man, this is tough...

[Ratchet]

I agree, Vince. My grandmother was actually the most difficult person to come out to. She was the one person in my life I would never want to view me different or judge me for this. It was the hardest moment of my life, to stand in front of her, shaking and holding out a scribbled on letter written to her. I didn't watch her read it, so I can't imagine her face. I don't want to.

It took her a long time to get the pronoun right. And she even said, "I love you, I always will. But give me some time, because you've always been my granddaughter. My only little granddaughter. I knew something was wrong, but... it's hard. But I'll try my best." And she does. Try not to worry so much.

Best advice for me was, to just take a deep breath. And let go. Don't think about it, just do it. People can surprise you.

[tvc15]

I have a religious family too, and I was somewhat worried about their reactions, but none of them ever gave me crap. I was at a family reunion a few weeks ago and it was the first time I was presenting as male around them, and it was just a normal day. I guess I'm really lucky. My grandparents in particular are really supportive. My grandma jumped immediately onboard with the new name and pronouns and everything and I didn't even have to explain it to her. Now she always tells me about the trans documentaries she sees on TV and stuff. She's cool.

[Vince1995]

I wonder if my grandmother would care, I hope she won't. :/ Iunno. Its stressful. I don't wanna be disowned or anything.

[Heath]

Oyy! Coming out is never an easy feeling beforehand. At the very least there is a fear of rejection (no matter how minor the perceived rejection may be). I don't really know how my grandfather felt about my transition considering my mom was the one who outed me to him and apparently he had a great guffaw of laughter over my chosen name. I told my uncle a few months ago over Facebook (RIP Dave) and he expressed nothing but pride and happiness for me that I'm more comfortable with myself now.

Each family member you tell might have a slightly different reaction, so it's difficult to know how to approach it - a method that works with one person might not work for another. Try not to come out during an argument...although I came out to my overly religious mother 7 years ago during an argument and today she is one of the fiercest allies I have. So you really never know.

[Vince1995]

Thanks for the tips, guys. I am still contemplating on doing a letter, and am thinking that might be the best bet, than waiting for her to get down here, and answering a whole slew of questions.

LOL Heath, guffaw made me giggle.

Who should I come out to first? My grandma, my grandpa, or ask that they read it together? Do I wait for their response, or what? Do I have my mother call them afterward? K gonna stop with the million and one questions. xD

[JohnAlex]

Well when I came out to my aunt and uncle, I emailed them.  Actually i just emailed my uncle (because I knew he would be more accepting), and I knew that he would pass the email onto my aunt.

[xAndrewx]

Just keep in mind that while a letter can be a good idea sometimes talking might be better. I debated long and hard when it came to my grandparents on my dads side. My grandma 'found God' (I say it this way because she constantly talks not of the religious stuff but of how much and often she donates and how little everyone else does) a few years ago but has never been an accepting person. I have a gay uncle and she always used to speak of him in disgust, she's racist, and when she saw a gay pride parade on TV while at a hotel with me one year she was rooting for the preachers who were speaking hate she said stuff like "you tell them" and stuff.

When I came out to her she took it decently but had it not been over the phone and was in a letter I feel like she would not have asked the questions she needed to because she wouldn't have wanted to call me. Now she's "accepting" but the other day (I've been out to her for a while now) she called me she and called me (legal name)-Drew. My grandfather who I thought would be most accepting refuses to really talk to me much, calls me female as often as possible, and asks me if I'm sick everytime we talk because he refuses to listen to the fact that testosterone is lowering my voice.

I hope it goes well for you man however you do it. Best of luck