When did you know?

[Kelly J. P.]

I first knew when I was seven. My story is in my introduction, but specifically...

Before seven I never really thought about it. I just was. I was given Hot Wheels to play with, and I played with them (though all I remember is that the cars talked to each other, and went to the mall and things). I sat down to pee, so that was also a fairly neutral thing... and as a child I was just thoughtful, pleasant, and carefree. But in honesty I don't remember a lot of my childhood... I only have one memory for age three, and nothing before then.

Honestly, I don't remember where the "knowing" came from. My memory of what happened seems so abrupt - like I suddenly, one day, just knew. It's possible I have forgotten the moment I really found out, because the memory seems like I was reasserting something I had known already... but who can say, I suppose.

After seven, though, it started to develop. I didn't view it seriously at first -just serious enough to be afraid to tell my mom about it - but once I reached the age of twelve, everything was in full swing. I was researching and reading and being on forums and assimilating every ounce of information I could get on transitioning. I remember I started at Andrea James' site 

Post then, I've been a changing thing. Now that I'm on hormones, my self is being shaped, and coming together, and while I'm not terribly thrilled with my physical appearance, I can be happy and proud of the person I have become.

[JulyaOrina]

I knew there was someting wrong when I first started realizing there was a difference between boys and girls, around three or four.  I would cry myself to sleep for not having girl parts.  Enjoy tea and playing, "girl games" (as by brother called them) at our neighbors house,   I wanted to have babies, and everything associated with that; I felt cheated.  I have been dressing since I was about that same age.  When I was 16/17, I rationalized to myself that I was a lesbian trapped in a man's body, and it wasn't so bad not needing to buy a strapon...  But, I felt the need to be right with myself at 29.  So I guess to summerize, I knew when I was little, but it took me 25 years to acknowledge it to myself.

[Lady_J]

My earliest memory of openly questioning my gender was at the age of 5 when I asked my mother, ''Mama, I'll be a lady when I grow up, right?''  I can still remember her giving me an emphatic ''No'' along with a stern warning never to mention that again.  I can only assume that as a child I'd been thinking about it for some time because I never remember considering myself male.  I did keep quiet until the age of 16 when I told her that I was going to undergo sexual reassignment someday.  Her response then was to wonder aloud as to what she'd done wrong to make me this way.  Though it was always obvious I wasn't a normal ''guy'' my family collectively stuck their heads in the sand.  So I knew that they'd never accept me as a woman.  They've all passed now and I find myself being 53 years old and on the journey of becoming my true self.  It's scary, soothing, exciting and fulfilling all in one.       

[Michael Joseph]

earliest memory for me was age three when my mom and grandparents tried putting me in a dress. i was freaking out, threw a tantrum on the ground crying didnt understand why they would do that to me. i still remember that clearly. then when i first went to kindergarten, i made all boy friends, and thought i was one of them. i did learn at that time that they had a penis and i didnt, but to my knowledge i was still a boy even though i wanted one. i had a reocccuring dream starting around age 6 that i had a penis and i would be in the bathroom using a urinal. i would always be so happy after that dream. at age nine i still had the hope that i would maybe wake up as a boy and i would pray about it that i would wake up with male parts. by 14/15 i gave up on thinking the fact that i could never be seen as the man i really am and tried to fit in as a girl for a little while. that didnt last long and finally i discovered that being transgender is a real thing and that my brain just didnt match my body and i could fix it. here i am today.