Girls.. I am feeling so happy this last month.
The changes of HRT are overwhelming me in a nice wave of happiness. I was feeling like such utter and total crap, literally like I wans't a human being.
Now I have hope. I see a light at the end. I have the feeling I will achieve happiness.
Allow me to share two paragraphsof my personal diary to better explain things. I wrote this when dysphoria was hitting me like a train.
"It hurts. I cried so much, I cry so much. Truth be told, the tears are a means to relief, of cleansing my soul with blood. I never knew crying could hurt so much. I feel teared apart, that I can die at any moment. Better saying, I feel I am already dead. Living death in life ins't easy.
I will live! I will be reborn! I will be born! I am going to find strength in this deep abyss, for it is exactly in them where the most enigmatic and beautiful things are found. I know I am a woman and none will take this away from me. Shedding tears of blood maybe, but I cry to free the girl that is trapped in a tomb of steel
I cry because I love me and want to save me"
This wa the begining of feburary. Granted sometimes I still cry, but today I looked at the mirror and saw my breasts budding, and for the first time I cried because I was happy.
And for the first time in YEARS I have been feeling consistently happy.
And for the first time in years I have said good morning to someone, while truly meaning it.
I am feeling like I am a human being.
