Potential Good news or potential bad news?

[Sabriel Facrin]

I was talking with a friend on the phone about my decision, and this is probably telling about just how early I am into this process...but she brought up something that really disorients me.  She said her body ended up having a degree of masculine development and some disharmony about her gender because she had really low estrogen levels.  She brought this up because I haven't had my blood tests yet ( D: ) so, I have no idea if it's not just me having high estrogen or low testrone levels in an otherwise cisgender mind and body.

This...I really don't know what to think about it.  I probably shouldn't read too far ahead, and I have a good feeling that sooner or later someone's going to bring it up in this thread that I shouldn't, but I end up doing that kind of thing anyway, and I'd rather have an idea of what direction I should be thinking when it stays in my mind. ^^; That and reading further than I was supposed to is the only reason that I figured out some things, like just how much my local supporters are essentially stabbing me in the back with bad directions.

I mean...if it's true...
On one hand, I guess I can act obeyingly, fix the hormone disbalance, and jump into cisgender society with more transgender respectful knowledge than a lot of cissys, but then my life for all these years would be a lie about living a life of a lie.  At the same time, if I guess I might be able to validly persue my transgender despite not being genuine and satisfy the core of my personality, but I would be ruining the male life I was supposed to have all along.
I just...don't know what to think about this news...I don't even understand if it's good news or bad news...

[regan]

Why not explore it?  Either it is the cause of your issues or it isn't.  Regardless of which path you choose to follow, at least then you don't run the risk of wondering if it was or not.

[Farm Boy]

This is something I can relate to, although from the opposite side.  I have had bloodwork done that shows a "hormonal imbalance" or "too much testosterone."  My mother suggested that this may be the cause of my my transgender feelings and may therefore be "cured" by giving me estrogen.  My doctor has also been after me about taking (estrogen based) birth control pills to "fix" my hormones.  The problem is that I tried taking birth control pills before, and they made me feel... wrong.  When my chest started growing bigger I was truly horrified, and I stopped taking it immediately.  It was clear that this was not the right path for me.

This is not to say that it couldn't be different for somebody else, just that I would be careful of trusting the "your hormones need to be fixed!" line over what your feelings are telling you.  If this is something you're interested in exploring, I say go for it!  Just remember that hormonal imbalances can be present in trans and cis folks, and that the presence or lack of one doesn't determine which one you are.  If it turns out that your hormones are abnormal and correcting them makes you feel better, that's Ok!  If they're abnormal and "correcting" them makes you feel worse, that's Ok too.  At least then you'll know that it wasn't right for you.  Just listen to yourself and explore!

[AmySmiles]

It may or may not pan out that way for you.  Just because your friend was able to fix her issues that way doesn't necessarily mean you can.  You may even feel more dysphoric as a result.  However, if you're worried you might as well give it a try for a while.

In my case, I was put on a testosterone gel by my doctor at one point and it became abundantly clear almost immediately that it was not for me.  Within a week I was feeling much greater distress than I already had been before.  The thought of my body changing to be more masculine was so terrifying that I stopped taking the gel before 2 weeks was over.  My mom (who I lived with at the time) was giving me grief for not taking it so I started pumping it down the sink rather than putting it on my body.

[Sabriel Facrin]

Farm:
Funny...you say that last sentence, Farm Boy...That's exactly the kind of thought that became a situation throughout today. XD After I posted this thread, my inner self has started to stir negatively against this kind of news.  She pushed on me that I would feel very miserable to accept my male body, and that I need to see my decision through... (That I wished to transition) Maybe I'm lucky enough to see what I want without the trial... :S It's just that I don't have any way of measuring if it's a hormone imbalance talking.  Maybe I should listen to your ultimate message, about listening to my feelings. ^^

Amy:
I'm freaking out about the idea of masculinity settling in further in kind of a natural equivalent way, really... o.o;

Regan:
Exploring it sounds good on the surface, but, the more my mind digs into the issue...the more it scares me, and the more it unsettles me...I think my inner self is feeling a fear of abandonment, or even an inner death...

(General):
Sorry about the impulsive posting ^^; I think I found my answer, but I"m thankful for the input.  Even if it's a smart idea, I feel the conclusion that I just simply have too many feelings against hormonal correction, even if they are 'fake' feelings from a hormonal imbalance.  I'm leaving this topic open for anyone who wants to chip in any further words, though.

[pebbles]

Wheather you have a history of hormone imbalances or not any one of us can tell you, that your still you regardless of how much T or E your stuffed with. Taking T won't make you more Manly than taking E will make you more womanly (Except in appearance)

Before I was taking HRT it was like
Me|---------------|My Body

Now with the correct Hormones in my body and brain it's like
Me|----|My Body

When this is the case increasing my male hormone levels to twice what they were before starting HRT would do what?
Me|--------------------------------|My Body

[James-Alen]

Great analogy, Pebbles!

[Sabriel Facrin]

Unless if someone has immediate access to meeting me AND to blood test equipment, I'm not going to worry too much about the idea of if it's true. XD What's on my mind with this topic's the hypothetical 'if it's true'.  I understand I'd still be me, and I'm not talking about being manly/womanly, I'm talking about the idea that I'm not mentally a woman and instead just disoriented to 'being' a woman mentally by a hormone imbalance.
But...thinking of it the way you did the bars of distance does kind of make a clear thought. XD But it does make me think of this in another way...
Considering how the masculine notions I get are painful as is, then wouldn't a flood of them through my mind just make things simply much worse? >.< Eek.  I feel really cemented in my choice now...