should i tell her i like her?

[ftmcal]

Ok so I'm back again with another dilemma 
So there's this girl that I work with, we've worked together for the past year and a half a couple shifts a week.  I realized several months ago that I was starting to like her.  It's like the more I learn about her and the more I see of her personality, the more attracted to her I am.  This results, of course, in me being a total tool around her lol
Anyways, in two days I go for surgery and then I'll be back at work in a few weeks.  I've been mulling over whether I should just tell her how I feel and at least find out for sure if she's interested or not.  I told her friend a couple months ago (I was drunk, oops) and she said that she would probably not be interested because the guys she's dated are always tall and European plus I'm not a biological guy (her words), so I'm definitely not her typical type on all three counts.  But sometimes I feel like I get a vibe from her but I don't know if it's just wishful thinking or if she's just a really nice person.  It's driving me crazy not knowing if I have a shot with her or not but the last thing I want is to make working with her awkward or uncomfortable. 
Thoughts anyone? Anything would be helpful at this point 

[Padma]

It's driving me crazy not knowing if I have a shot with her or not...

Either you can stand not knowing or you can't - if the latter, tell her how you feel and see what happens. But it sounds uncomfortable already, if it's already affecting your behaviour around her. And if she's not interested back, that doesn't have to make it awkward, she may just be flattered and then you can move on and become friends, who knows.

[Da Monkey]

Hmmm, this is always a tough situation to be in.

It sounds similar to when I first met my girlfriend. It was frustrating because she always drooled over the tall, lean, dark haired guys and I was a pre-t, pre-op, big chested "man-woman" at work.  I hinted to her friend about liking her but her friend told me that she liked other guys and probably wouldn't be interested. But I ended up telling her when we were drinking together.

It took her a while to get used to the idea and she even went off and dated some other guy we worked with but then she broke it off and asked me finally to go with her. It made me really jealous and angry of course but she explained to me that she was too afraid to like me and was freaked out by the idea at first.

She got used to the idea very quickly and never did anything after that to make me feel like she thought I was less of a man.

So I wouldn't try to rule yourself out based on what her friend thinks. If she's known you for some time now then she too could be liking you more from getting to know you. Plus you have the advantage of having surgery (top surgery I am guessing?) And I am guessing you are also on T? I know that doesn't make you more of a man but it helps others see what you see right.

Maybe try casually asking to hang out with her and see how that goes.

[Gabby]

I know about feeling like a fool and getting tongue tied, that's because we stress ourselves out.

If she wants you, we know when someone wants us, a look they give is a certain revelation, but close intimacy and no barriers ...equality and shared experience, not holding back, playing a game of Gatekeeper who is in charge, anything like that friednship, relationship not worth my time.

If you haven't recieved signals about whether she likes you then simply chill, ask her advice on any relationship problems you're having with anyone, she can be your confidant , but also have fun, talk about other people you like the look of, ask her who she likes the look of.

Be her friend that's the most important thing of all

[tekla]

One.  Sure, you can't win if you don't play.

Two.  Dude, if your dad or buds have not told you this yet, in reference to: this girl that I work with.

The one place in my house that's off limits to most sexual activity is my kitchen table, really.  I eat there.  So the most basic way to say it is: you don't ->-bleeped-<- where you eat.  Or in more polite society: you don't fish off the company pier.  Doing people you work with never ends well anymore.  And the person most likely to lose is the person that makes the first advance.

[Alex37]

Two.  Dude, if your dad or buds have not told you this yet, in reference to: this girl that I work with.

The one place in my house that's off limits to most sexual activity is my kitchen table, really.  I eat there.  So the most basic way to say it is: you don't ->-bleeped-<- where you eat.  Or in more polite society: you don't fish off the company pier.  Doing people you work with never ends well anymore.  And the person most likely to lose is the person that makes the first advance.

Dating coworkers with often ends in disaster.  I've seen it happen many times, and I've made work really awkward for myself as well.  But, if you really like her so much that you're willing to risk it backfiring, go for it and good luck! 

[Da Monkey]

Yeah I guess I am just biased. I've dated a couple of girls I've worked with and it didn't get awkward or horrible after.

[Padma]

For the record, I wasn't necessarily suggesting you act on being attracted, just that you communicate about it - that can defuse the situation.

[Cindy]

I totally agree with Tekla, In 30 plus years of work I have seen or had to deal with the problems of the 'office romance'. I don't in fact recall one that has worked. And I don't recall one that failed and both people remained in the company.

Cindy

[ftmcal]

Thank you for all your replies.  I was having a frustrated moment and it was nice to be able to express it to others who get it.  I'm still not sure what I'm going to do, but I'm thankful for the different perspectives