Ok...This is a bit of a tough issue to describe...I have a decent grip on what's going on, but I don't know how to describe it exactly, and I don't know the exact actual thing that it's failing on. My mind has these weird issues, where, I think what happens is it seems to try to tap into a thought pattern that is simply incomplete: It gets the idea of what it wants to do and faults in the process of actually trying to carry out the mental action...I really am not sure why it does that, and I don't know exactly what way I'm trying to think in. Maybe I was born with a mental defect. It's embarrassing, but maybe...
...maybe...I'm just literally retarded in a subtle way.
I think this problem has manifested with counting (in groups or across a row, I seem to lose track unnaturally easily. I frequently have to recount in a cluster, or else I feel very unsure of if I counted right) and keeping up in a conversation. it's like an intuition that I have an idea that this seems to be the source. I also feel like I can multitask much better than I am apparently capable of, and I wonder if it's because of this too.
This seems to be the big issue my mind has, and worries me some, but I really feel like I can't expect anyone to be able to help me.
So...Uhmm...I'll move onto something else that I'm also worried about.
This seems to be a smaller part of the general issue, but I have a kind of issue...which, as kitty summarized for me (Thanks again ^^) is "getting details lost in big pictures". I think that's slightly off, but maybe she has it most accurately.
I can see pretty well. There's no issue by any means wherein I literally can't see things. My eyes capture a good amount of detail IMO. ---But that's not where the problem is. My mind blurs the details in, in some way. It seems like it happens from me trying to pay attention to details relative to a group: When I mow the lawn, I simply CANNOT see where the grass has been cut and where the grass hasn't. This has gotten my family upset at me all the time, where they insisted that I was just rushing back to my games, but I might as well be blind. :\ Earlier today, I was trying to pick out a movie to watch in a few rows of DVDs, and to my surprise, I ended up having what felt like the same kind of issue. Even though the DVD cases were drastically different between eachother in design, I ended up having trouble reading the names on the spines because it felt like the adjacent cases were interfering with my ability to read the titles. The lighting was a little dim, (The lighting was from outside and it was starting to get late) but it was still at a point where it was plainly bright enough that I had no trouble with literally seeing the details of the cases whatsoever.
I feel sure that this problem is somehow involved with games, too. When I play games, for some reason, visuals can camouflage with eachother casually. I notice this when playing shooters and when trying to spot things in video games that should be apparent, and this seems to happen much more frequently on smaller screens. I don't know what exactly is the trigger for this, because I play RTSs and absolutely never experience it, as well as just any kind of puzzle game or fighting games.
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I really just...wonder if anyone knows about these kinds of problems, and if maybe anything they've done solved it. I'm really interested on if transitioning is related to it (that maybe a transgendered brain screws with your ability to think properly prior to transition), because I'm thinking, just maybe, that when you have a brain to one gender, your mind ends up taking a thought pattern native to instincts specific for the gender. While that means nothing to a cis, I think it's pretty clear what that means for a transgender person.
So if anyone can specifically confirm if it is/isn't related, I'd like to know that too. XD