I Love You Just the Way You Were

[Julie Marie]

I Love You Just the Way You Were

By Martha Beck
O, The Oprah Magazine
From the May 2005 issue of O, The Oprah Magazine

You've lost weight. Or you're marrying the man of your dreams. Or you're studying Chinese and planning a trip to Beijing. Why is everybody in your life acting so weird? Martha Beck tells how to deal with the people who just can't let go of the old you.

Imagine this: You're putting together a nifty jigsaw puzzle—say, your favorite Elvis montage painting on black velvet—when one of the pieces suddenly morphs into an entirely different shape. Aside from the unnerving quantum-mechanical implications of this event, you've got a problem—the surrounding pieces no longer fit. You could try to alter those pieces (a troubling prospect, since it will require distorting all the ones around them) or give up on the puzzle entirely—unless, of course, you could get the little sucker to resume its former shape and size.

[Nemo]

Wow, this is excellent - thanks for this! *bookmarks*

[kate durcal]

I believe it works to our benefit to do some damage control. In my case -and true that it may not work for others- I have actively engage in minimizing the ripples by socializing with as many of those affected. Interesting, I found that all they needed was some reassurance that the attention/love/friendship is still there and that nothing has change

Kate D

[Julie Marie]

Wow, this is excellent - thanks for this! *bookmarks*

Oprah loved it too.  Beck has a wonderful way of conveying the idea that change is okay and nothing to fear or be distraught about.