Let Him Go

[Ashley_C]

Most of us have created a strong male front for most of our lives.

How hard was it to drop the facade? Was it harder than actually coming out?

I just feel that when I let my real self finally out of her cell it's going to take such getting used to that it's going to feel fake for me for a little while.

Anyone else have that feeling?

[Cindy]

Hi Rach_A

I found it incredibly easy. After a life of trying to be male, even though I came out to M&D when I was 13, I tried all sorts to pretend to be male. Name the risk, sport I did it. name the clothing, I did it, Name the brutality, I did it.

Finally I accepted the whole thing and started to act as me in my public life, changes came, a softer image, an interest in the female side of life, a lack of interest in the male side. Accepting me and my interests. And no I'm not girly girly, I'm a normal woman who cannot breed. But who enjoys her femininity.

Really as soon as I started this I became a lot more associated with the other woman at work, and in society, and less associated the the males. I go to a shop, hotel, wherever and I'm invariably having a chat with the female staff, and they usually instigate it. The guys ignore me.

Since I am out in my local community, which is large and busy, people recognise me, I have had no problems in dropping the mask. Yes it does take getting use to but I think the trick is to enjoy and accept being you. To reiterate, where I am it has been easy, the hard part was taking the first step, the second was easier, and now I get greeted at shops by Hi Cindy, I've got new stock in come and check it out. Yes I'm a sucker for it and they know.

Hugs, be brave and do it.

Cindy

[Sabriel Facrin]

You can kill him off, you can let him go, so on, but you're still going to find that you grab at his back and shove him in front of everyone.  Coming out means learning something you entirely skipped over learning as a kid---Your actual interacting with the world.  It's a big learning experience, but you should be able to learn it.
Good luck ^^

[FairyGirl]

I think it's very important to know yourself and that you have never deceived yourself by the false front you presented to others.  In that case it becomes a matter of remembering who you really are, and at all times.  Then it's not so hard to drop the pretense, because you understand that isn't you in the first place.

Just be yourself; be who YOU are.  If you know you are a woman inside, then when set free that woman will emerge naturally, just as Cindy has illustrated.  It's all about dropping the lie and embracing your own true nature, whatever that is.  You're not exchanging one false face for another, but simply learning to be yourself and letting your own inner light shine.

[LadyTeresa]

My male persona died a quick and painless death.

Teresa

[JungianZoe]

It wasn't really hard to drop the facade, merely because my facade was pretty weak all my life.  I gave up the pretense of playing sports and forcing myself to like traditionally masculine things at 15.  For the 18 years between then and when I came out, I pretty much just lived my very feminine self, but in boy clothes and with a boy haircut (though it caused me no small amount of distress because my body still wasn't right).  It's probably why all four of my girlfriends and my ex-wife accused me on more than one occasion of being gay: all of the outward evidence pointed away from the straight male that only my words insisted I was.

As far as transition goes, all I've really done is taken everything I did before--my voice, my mannerisms, my gestures, my walk--and began doing them without any measure of self-consciousness or doubt.  I also incorporated into my repertoire things I've wanted to do for years but were considered "too female" even for my already feminine nature.  Basically, I just became myself magnified.

[Joelene9]

  I rarely shown the macho side, if I did, I got into trouble.  My 'weaker' male persona is being incorporated into my tomboy image, allowing some more of the feminine traits to show. 
  Joelene

[VeronikaFTH]

Most of us have created a strong male front for most of our lives.

How hard was it to drop the facade? Was it harder than actually coming out?

I just feel that when I let my real self finally out of her cell it's going to take such getting used to that it's going to feel fake for me for a little while.

Anyone else have that feeling?

My male persona fell apart like the house of cards it was. Most of it went completely away quickly, but there was a habit or two that lingered for a while before dissipating.

I didn't feel fake when I first started transition... it was more like I was afraid that others were going to think I was being fake. I know I'm not being fake... I'm just being myself.

One thing I made it a point to do was to relax, and do what I felt was natural and right for me, and not try to fit into some kind of stereotype. Everything I do and feel is genuine and not forced. I don't do things simply because I think it would be the "feminine" thing to do or not. I spent years doing that posing as a guy, doing things simply because it would be the "guy" thing to do. It's dishonest to myself and I don't want to fall into that mental trap again.

[Ashley_C]

It's all about dropping the lie and embracing your own true nature, whatever that is.  You're not exchanging one false face for another, but simply learning to be yourself and letting your own inner light shine.

I guess I should use my words better. I didn't really mean that by allowing the inner female side out it was going to be another lie.

I just meant would it feel like a lie at first as you allow your real self out?

I was actually talking about this with my therapist tonight.

[Janet_Girl]

My old male facade was just that a facade.  But many of the things he learned actually is useful to a girl.  When I changed my name that facade was totally shattered.  It does get real easy once you have made the decision to be yourself.

[AbraCadabra]

Hi Rach,
initially the way you describe it is not so off the mark. YOU may be fine but seeing reflection on others that only knew your guy-facade, it's one huge change (for them). In fact they have to transition with you, or simply leave you. Some, quite some, can not come along with you. You'd have to forgive them and try to move on. Not easy but unavoidable it is.
The one thing that will get VERY and most seriously confusing (not only for them) if you are in and out between old boy-guise cover-up and female self.
I could never do it. In fact had to try for identification purposes and it completely freaked me out. If being CD it may just be what gives you kicks. I have that notion. Some may handle it, and do, but that's one big call in my view. Maybe later when well over 1 year through RLE and femme side is very stable and established it be different? Like dressing up real butch and be fine? Maybe. But initially when I had to do it caused me a LOT of pain.
Take care hon,
Axelle

[rejennyrated]

I honesty didn't see any difference beyond the physical bits so I find this dilemma intriguing. Admittedly my childhood was different from most of you, in that I was always allowed and encouraged to be myself, however unconventional, which probably accounts for this.

As one of my oldest friends once said, when you changed you remained exactly the same person, you just suddenly looked a lot happier and prettier.

[Medusa]

I am typical Cancer I'm very emotional but when someone hurt me I show just carapace
I was very sensitive kid but as I was derided for it I developed a shield from ignorance and cynicism, so I present myself as cold and strong (and most people doesn't see trough this shield) but I crying inside most time
I'm little scared what will happen when I begin with HRT and put off this shield

[Cindy]

I am typical Cancer I'm very emotional but when someone hurt me I show just carapace
I was very sensitive kid but as I was derided for it I developed a shield from ignorance and cynicism, so I present myself as cold and strong (and most people doesn't see trough this shield) but I crying inside most time
I'm little scared what will happen when I begin with HRT and put off this shield

You will blossom. Each day will be new dawn. Yes there will be problems, but being out in the sunlight will liberate you.

Cindy

[Emmy]

Isn't really hard since I've hated acting like a male more than anything. I usually slip up. I never really grew close to any male side. But I've went by a female for a long while too. so that might make it easier.