Hi to all. It has taken a bit of courage to even start this post. I have been watching the boards for a little while now and it taken me quite a bit of courage to come up to you and speak. First let me tell you a little bit about myself. I am a 27 year old male. I currently live in Lakeland, FL, but lived in Virginia Beach, VA nearly my entire life, except for about a year in Japan teaching English. I speak a little Japanese from my time abroad, and like to think of myself as open minded to many cultures and beliefs. Now a little bit of why I am here, over the last few weeks I have felt anxiety and depression. To be honest I'm not really sure what I am. Maybe you guys can help me out. I think most of it started when I was in middle school, there was an absolute knock out girl in my class, and I I had always wondered what it would be like to not only be her, but to be female. It followed up with dreams, but then mostly fell off I guess as puberty hit w/ a surge of testosterone. Even during this time thought I think a little bit of it was always there in the back of my mind, suppressed, maybe for the fear of rejection. For example I would always feel envy when I went clothes shopping and seeing the huge variety available for women, and only the corner in the back for men. I mean who said men could only wear certain clothes, this cultural stereotype always annoyed me, this rigid system on what it was to be a male and how to dress. I am honestly not sure what has triggered this pent up feeling to come out recently, it could be now that I live outside of my parent's home I had to stop really trying to be the person they wanted me to be, which feels a bit liberating (except when they come to visit). Things just don't feel right as they are now, emotionally and physically. I really can't stop thinking about how my life would have been different or how life could be if I was a girl. But then at the same time logic kicks in, just the hostility of the world towards transgendered people and I wonder if I could really survive in either role. I guess I'm on a journey of discovery. Am I a true transgendered individual or am I something else entirely? I honestly don't know where I belong.
