Using wrong pronouns

[bojangles]

So, just out of curiosity, how would y'all interpret it if someone you thought was a friend was pissed off at you and made a point to start off a text to you by putting your "girl name" in caps and in quotes, even though you've been going by your "boy name" with him for nearly a year?

I would likely interpret that as goodbye.

Not cool and possibly dangerous if he were to do crap like that in front of the wrong people.

[Gilmorton]

I've never had a medical professional address me by the wrong gender, and if I did then I would firmly but politely correct them. If they continued to do it I would say "I have already corrected you once, so I can only assume you are going out of your way to offend me and I will be speaking to your immediate superior." That is because medical professionals should know better.

A junior of mine accidentally slipped up today and referred to me as "she". When I corrected him he said "Oh sh**! I'm sorry." I told him "It's fine, you get one free pass and then next time I string you up by your thumbs over a pit of live scorpions." Which made him laugh. So I don't think he'll forget again.

Friends...if one of mine went out of their way to be nasty enough to very deliberately refer to me as "she" or by a female name, I would say "OK. That's you and me done. Bye bye." And that really would be it.

[tvc15]

Dominick, I know it's daunting to correct someone, especially if you don't feel very authoritative or confident in yourself just yet. But when you get it out of the way, you'll feel so much better, not just at that moment, but from then on when you don't have to hear the wrong pronouns anymore. Just try to repeat that to yourself next time you're in that situation. I know when I stood up for myself it made me shaky, but I didn't back down and later on that case of nerves turned into a huge rush after I realized, "Hey, I can really do this, I can really ask people to respect me instead of just hope they'll one day 'get it' or change their minds." That's what any human deserves after all. And you're the only person who can make that aspect of your life better, so jump right in.

[Dominick_81]

Sorry again for interrupting,

A couple of things, correct medical people, straight away, not after but during. If you are having T injection and the nurse refers to you in any feminine way. STATE, it is sir (whatever you wish to be referred as). Medical people will always refer to people with the track of least resistance. They are also generally gender neutral. This is going to sound rude forgive me, it is not meant in an insulting way. If you look 'feminine' they will call you by female pronouns, if you look masculine they will call you by male pronouns. Unless they know you. I'm often referred to with male pronouns when I go to my medics, no matter how I'm dressed; how any nurse could say Hi sir that is a really cute skirt I do not know, they only do it once  . Most of the medics who deal with me now call me Cindy. Which is fine. I have no problems sitting in the waiting area and the receptionist whatever calls out, Cindy you are on room 5.

I suspect and apologise again, because of FtM upbringing you may have a non-aggressive relationship to people. None aggressive males tend to be walked over, it is the nature of masculinity. So you have to break that learned instinct and be more aggressive in social circumstances.  YOU tell them straight away. YOU have to break the mould. YOU stand up for yourself. When on T it should get easier as you will become more aggressive, but you need to practice it, sensibly. It's often told to the girls at Susie's to watch how other woman their age act and relate. It is very important that you guys do as well. Young guys have a social structure that you want to fit in to. But be careful, there is aggression and violence, and most GG guys will have massively higher upper body strength until you can work out etc. So proving yourself through violence will be counter productive.

I now feel like your Grandma

Sorry, I wasn't trying to preach, but I love my boys

Cindy

Cindy

That is so true, if you look female they will refer to you as female. But I don't think I look that female. I think borderline in passing and my voice is dropping and not so female now.

I'm often referred to with male pronouns when I go to my medics, no matter how I'm dressed; how any nurse could say Hi sir that is a really cute skirt I do not know, they only do it once 

Really? That sucks. I'm sorry. I can't believe someone would use male pronouns when your presenting female. That's weird someone would do that, I'm sorry.

Yes this is true, I'm not an aggressive person. I'm the type where people can walk all over me. I have to learn to be more aggressive. When I go in for my next shot (if other people aren't around) I'm gunna ask them to change my name in the computer... if they can.

Thanks Cindy.

Dominick, I know it's daunting to correct someone, especially if you don't feel very authoritative or confident in yourself just yet. But when you get it out of the way, you'll feel so much better, not just at that moment, but from then on when you don't have to hear the wrong pronouns anymore. Just try to repeat that to yourself next time you're in that situation. I know when I stood up for myself it made me shaky, but I didn't back down and later on that case of nerves turned into a huge rush after I realized, "Hey, I can really do this, I can really ask people to respect me instead of just hope they'll one day 'get it' or change their minds." That's what any human deserves after all. And you're the only person who can make that aspect of your life better, so jump right in.

Thanks. I will try to start correcting people b/c it really sucks when they use the wrong pronouns.

[Espenoah]

Dominick, I used to be like you in middle school about everything. I wouldn't stand up for myself no matter what. But one day I just got tired of the bullsh** and said my opinions no matter what. Not in a snobby way or anything, just to stand my ground.

Know what I found? People don't actually care if you stand up to them. If anything they thought I was a better, stronger person for standing up for myself, one that deserved respect. And from then on, I indeed was respected, people even describe me as OVER opinionated sometimes. And I learn after you stand up the first time, it gets easier to do it from then on. Sometimes I still lay low, but nothing like I used to.

I rambled, I know...Moral of the story is that people respect you for being confident, so go tell that nurse with a clear voice, "I'm a guy, please refer to me as one."

[Dominick_81]

Espenoah,
           I'll try. My mom always tells me to stick up for myself or people will walk all over you. I'm just not an aggressive person and I'm very shy when it comes to speaking up for myself. But I will try next time. Can they change your name in the computer if you haven't legally changed it?

[Espenoah]

They can't on legal documents, but chances are if you have a preferred name they could note it in the computer. It wouldn't hurt to ask.

Good luck.

[MaxAloysius]

I don't know how it is there, but I do know that the computer filing system the GP's office I go to has a specific box for 'prefered name' that they usually just automatically fill in with your first name. I'd assume that having that box there is standard protocol, and most filing systems of that type would have it.

[Dominick_81]

Thanks Espenoah and MaxAloysius.