Coming out to "old" email friends...

[AbraCadabra]

Hi...,
once you get the ball rolling it gets tricky to control it I just found out. The opposite of going stealth for sure, and not exactly an emotionally save place to find yourself in.
Yet, how unfair or unkind it seems to forgo former acquaintances one had shared so MANY things with!?
I only was involved with and AUDIO blog, a sort of minimalist boys-toys creative outlet at the time. Poor, poor Axelle.
During early transition I couldn't and wouldn't face it. Lost interest in the toys part and just too uncertain how to continue conversations.
You get picked-up one time, folks saying: "What happened to so-and-so, sounds all of the sudden so different?!"
Now some of you, only best guess, are better at that and cover tracks well. In my case it be just moving from one set of (un-knowing) lies to the next set I now be VERY well aware of.
Makes me feel like puking, really, stomach heaves, so can't do it.

Well, so decided to go with the way I feel. Just say hello again and pretty much be myself but not more specific then to mention name as above. Birth name is male version there of (yes, boring but still like my name, um)
Now feedback starts and in no time (don't say guys not intuitive) start guessing about sex-change. Ouch!
Did not confirm (really my own thing, no) and just have a bit of fun and banter but zilch about usual boys-toys stuff. Just too boring but like watching boys building sand-castles. LOL. Just nice to see what they up to. Ever done that?
Offshoot is, one very much closer person (male of course) is, as turns out, secure none-macho man and wants to know more. But in caring nice way. Right.
Again how to deal with it with out running away, being untrue, and not pee-off the nice man.
In short it is walking one thin line, and so far it worked. How long? Time will tell.
Alternative? Go stealth, deep stealth, lock out the world and then what?!
Find new "friends"? Don't kid yourself not so many of those about. And some "good friends" just vanish during transition. Not their cup of tea any more, who can blame them.

Rightoh, just felt like sharing today's rollercoaster. Surly nothing new for lots of you.
Thank you for listening (well, reading :-)
Have a great day what's left,
Axelle

[Ann Onymous]

Again how to deal with it with out running away, being untrue, and not pee-off the nice man.
In short it is walking one thin line, and so far it worked. How long? Time will tell.
Alternative? Go stealth, deep stealth, lock out the world and then what?!
Find new "friends"? Don't kid yourself not so many of those about. And some "good friends" just vanish during transition. Not their cup of tea any more, who can blame them.

I disagree with there not being other friends to be found.  And being stealth'y does not interfere with forming new friendships. 

I guess I wasn't worried about so-called friends who disappeared during my transition all those years ago...I was always moving around and deliberately took steps NOT to forge strong bonds with many people.  And graduating early from high school had pretty much eliminated the need to keep up with those who I generally couldn't stand all those years ago.  I was in a decent-sized class comprised of a lot of people I went to school with from elementary school on forward...but of those, there is precisely ONE who I have remotely maintained contact with (she later came out as lesbian, which we decided explains a lot about why we seemed to be kindred spirits back then).  There were a few I connected with at a 20th reunion, but we grew distant almost as quickly...but I doubt it was because of my background.  Rather we were not close back then and there is no reason to presume we would be close in the current era. 

I have no idea how current friends or co-workers would take the news if I were to announce a particular component of my background to them...they just all know me as a middle-aged lesbian who chooses not to discuss personal life in the office setting.  Or in the case of non-work friends, they just know ME.  Just as there are parts of their social history I am not aware of, there are parts of mine that they don't know. 

Being stealth does NOT require locking out the world.  Neither does having close friends mean that one must disclose every intimate detail of one's life...