Separate Resources for an SO?

[CFPrice]

I have recently started dating a guy who has never been with a guy or trans person before, and so far he's been great. He's really putting in effort and supporting me and embracing a whole new phase of his life I don't think he ever expected. I want to know what I can do for him, to help him understand and support him -- to show that I understand what he's doing isn't easy, and he might need help. I know there's an SO page here, but I like my privacy, and I'm not sure he's necessarily an online type. I have attended the local gender group and I believe they are SOFFA-friendly, I figured I'd ask them if it would be okay for him to attend meetings (group's safety, privacy, and comfort come first) and he's already said he would love to go.

What sorts of things do you guys do for an SO? What about for SOs who are going through transition with you? Any places I could point him/things I could do that have helped your SOs?

[Arch]

I told my then-partner about the SO possibilities here, but I think we both felt uncomfortable with that. He found a site of his own but found it pretty depressing--mostly women with MTF partners, and a lot of drama and anger. My ex felt out of place there, but I guess it did him a little good. I think it was run by Helen Boyd. You might google her. He read one of her books, too, which I had bought for him--She's Not the Man I Married.

I tried to get him to go to the monthly SO meetings here in town. I guess there aren't many cities that have them. Anyway, he didn't go to any of those, either. If you have such a group in your area, give it a shot. If there isn't such a group, you might still meet SOs who can offer their experiences.

Are there any particular challenges that your partner faces (that you know of), or is it all just general understanding-what-it's-like-for-us stuff?

[CFPrice]

So far there aren't any challenges per se, I just know that I'm not always the best at conveying how I feel and with things like this, sometimes it's good to be around others who feel/have felt the same way. Pretty much just general understanding right now. I will definitely look that person up, I think I've bookmarked that book somewhere before.

[Arch]

Don't know how much Boyd will help. The book is somewhat cerebral, almost theoretical. And the partner is MTF. So you might try other books.

Some people swear by the book True Selves, by Mildred Brown and Chloe Ann Rounsley. I don't like it much myself, but a lot of people have given copies to their loved ones, and it apparently helps. I prefer Transition and Beyond, by therapist Reid Vanderburgh, who is trans himself. I guess this book was mainly aimed at therapists, but it's worth finding in the library.

There's really no substitute for in-person support groups, at least if you can find a good one and talk to folks about their experiences.