new girl!

[Melissa-kitty]

I'm sure glad you all are on here! Feels pretty lonely being me sometimes! A life's worth of hiding is hard to overcome, but now that I've decided to address my identity, I'm happier than I ever have been in my life! I have my first appointment tomorrow at a gender dysphoria clinic and I'm so excited!
I really do appreciate your thoughts, experiences, and opinions on all the topics.
I'm also a psychiatrist, and wanting to be more involved with care of those like us. It isn't so easy being transgendered.  Will see what happens.
Hugs!
Scared too. Probably like many of you, my life has been a series of feints and deceit designed to pass as a guy, when I have always known that I'm not. Now trying to reverse field and do the same as a girl has me very scared. Life is certainly weird, and when exactly does it get easier? LOL, don't answer that! I'm not sure I have it in me to do this, but life as it is now seems rather hopeless, too. Thanks for listening.

[tinkerbell]

Hello Melissa and welcome to Susan's!

Thank you for your introduction.  Please take a second to get familiar with al the forums of the site, review the site rules, and explore the wiki, chat, and reference library as well.  We look forward to your future posts and participation.  Enjoy your stay!

tinkerbell

[Steph]

Hello Melissa, welcome to Susan's.  It sure does get lonely out there doesn't it.  I think that it's safe to say that many of us have found ourselves in that position, it's not fun.  You will find Susan's to be a friendly and supportive site with members from all over the world, we are truly international.  A psychiatrist huh, what's your specialty?  and why would you think that we need "care".

Anyway, welcome to Susan's and I'm sure that we'll chat later.

Steph

[Melissa-kitty]

Hey, Steph! I'm a general hospital psychiatrist, so I do a bit of everything. Needing care.. the rate of attempted and completed suicide is very high, the incidence of violent crimes and murders is very high against us. Mostly, I meant that often it helps to have someone you are working with on emotional problems who really understands.

[TheBattler]

Hi Melissa,

Wellcome here to Susans.

Yes it does get loney and this is a great place to come to get suppport. A psychiatrist hey, I am about to be sent to one  so I hope he is nice. I will just rate it as another experience.

Alice

[Melissa-kitty]

I hope he's nice, too. Most really are, and have big soft spots in their hearts. Some get overworked and overwhelmed, like all of us. I wish you good luck with him. Don't be too scared, we really aren't that scary in person.. who knows? Maybe he's in transition! Maybe he's me!

[Suzy]

Greetings, Melissa!

It's great to have you on Susan's.  I look forward to seeing posts from your point of view.  And you are quite right, this can be a lonely life.  So great to have you hook up!

Kristi

[Owen]

Hello Melissa welcome to Susans. Looking forward to your posts. Yes it can be a lonely life indeed. Your not alone here.....

Linda Ann

Love being female

[Jillieann Rose]

Hi Melissa,
I so glad to meet you.
You will experience a plethora of emotions on this journey.
And yes it is both exciting, scare and at time very lonely.
Welcome to Susan's and allot of new friends.

Jillieann

[Melissa-kitty]

Plethora of emotion, LOL! I already know what you mean! I go from sheer delight that "she's coming out" to complete naked fear, within a short time. The thing is, it's not really fun and games for me. it is coming, it's here, and I don't feel like I can stop it. The changes in me are growing, but they don't feel like changes at all, like what I knew all along. Not sure if this makes sense to you all here. As Dorothy Parker said, "what fresh hell is this?".

[togetherwecan]

Hi and welcome to Susan's. I too am new here and I am an SO of a Tgirl. I am totally in love with her. Fell in love before I knew. Going thru my own transition of sorts, but it is going well.
I hope you have a good support system around you and someone by your side that will listen, giggle and let you be you.
Good luck and if you ever want to know what the other halves are thinking/feeling, lemme know.

[Melissa-kitty]

Thanks, TWC! My SO is a very sweet, classy lady. Somewhat of a genderblur.. that makes us interesting, at least!
Just back from my first clinic eval session today. I was impressed. And I'm not that easily impressed! The man knows his stuff, asked a lot, which I was ready for, having gone over all that ground so much in my own mind. Getting some psych testing before our next session, to go over stuff, and form a plan. I like it. and him. Like his approach, thoroughness. I feel calmer. Will see how things go. I feel quite driven in this, and it goes back my whole life, but still see how hard and long the road will be, and it does give me pause. How badly do I need to do this? Sure, I've been miserable being a man my whole life, but I have few illusions how it is to be a middle aged woman, either.
Hugs!
Melissa

[Melissa]

Welcome Melissa.  Great choice of name.
I understand what you mean by hating living as a man your whole life.  It's not been a fun experience at all.  Transition doesn't have to be all that scary.  It's kind of like a ride and sometimes it seems to go really slow and sometimes it seems to go insanely fast.  Anyway, take a look around and I hope to hear more from you.

Melissa

[Melissa-kitty]

Strange stuff happening, but doesn't really feel anything but normal and familiar. I know that doesn't make sense! but it's true. I can see every male attitude and mannerism, see how I came to put it on, why I did so, how my life has changed so much from what I am truly. Maybe they will drop off of me like ripe fruit, maybe not. I don't know yet. But I see them for what they are, unnecessary now. They helped me survive once, and may still have some uses. But they aren't me.

[Kelly-47]

I think it's all part of adapting to the role we are supposed to play based upon what we have between our legs. It's really amazing the quality and extent of the facade we are able to construct.

[gennee]

Hi Melissa and welcome. This is a great site toask whatever questions you may have. I'm so pleased that you have decided to be yourself.

Gennee

[Melissa-kitty]

Reading, thinking, observing myself and others.. powerful growth. What won't work for me: bargaining, rationalizing, moralizing, compartmentalizing, treating it as if "IT" is a disease. I've done all those, over and over,  and they only lead to suffering. "IT" is me. I am who I am, how I am. I am much more accepting of myself, and others, tho' it isn't a straight-line path. Leading to many questions on the whole issue of identity, masculinity-femininity, personality, and culture. Big stuff. I have no idea how things will go, how life will end up, but it's bound to be an adventure. My, I have work to do!
BTW, I am very grateful for this site and the support you all give!

[Jillieann Rose]

Hi Melissa,
It sounds like you are heading in the right direction. Way to go girl.
Your words

What won't work for me: bargaining, rationalizing, moralizing, compartmentalizing, treating it as if "IT" is a disease. I've done all those, over and over,  and they only lead to suffering. "IT" is me. I am who I am, how I am.

I was taught that part of me was the enemy and that I need to treating it as the enemy and destroy it. I tried and but what happened is that I just fought with myself. It was awful, both parts of me tried to destroy the other. I finally figured out that I need to not only make peace and accept that part of me, but that I had to welcome it and embrace it. Now for the first time in my life I feel like one person.
Melissa I do hope you can come to this point in your life too.
Do be proud of who you are let it show through what ever skin you are wearing.
Hugs,

Jillieann