Hello friends,
I've never really come up with a femme name for myself, although I once had a D&D character named Carinne. I'm a 35 year old male-born person who has been opening up to the very real possibility that I have always been transgender... that I have always felt like a girl. I have read about people who are in therapy for like 3 months and then they get their golden Wonka ticket for HRT: I've been in therapy for years, first dealing with depression and general dysfunction for like a year. Then, I finally admitted to both my wife and my therapist that I always thought I was a girl, or should have been. Now it has been over a year and a half of therapy dealing with letting myself be who I want to be. Had I listened to my heart earlier, I would already be well on my way through transition, but as it is I have backed off, become timid and uncertain, fearful.
Anyhoo, I totally think I know what steps I need and want to take, like HRT. With every year it feels like I'm missing an all-important window. Interestingly, I've never thought to myself that I should take testosterone to regain some kind of masculine vigor. Rather, my intuition has always told me that I have an allergic reaction to testosterone-related activities. And when my therapist asked me if I had ever thought about hormones, naturally I was quick to respond. But-- and here's the rub-- I haven't been able to get it out of my head since then. It almost felt as though she was suggesting it because she felt we could do little more under our current circumstances.
Anyway, thanks for the support, for the community and connection.
Sincerely
Carinne
