Question about parents?

[Declan]

So, I sort of came out to my mom back in October, but she mainly focused on the me liking girls part of it, and not really the part where I said that I don't feel female. I never really brought it up again and until lately she hadn't either, but she found my binder in the dryer the other day and now she keeps saying things like "You're not a boy, you're a girl who likes girls", "Just because you like girls doesn't mean you have to be a boy." "Do you see Ellen Degeneres taking hormones?" and things like that. But last night, we were talking about something and she hugged me, and she felt that I had my binder on and she said "Take that silly thing off and stop hiding your self!" So then we started talking about things, and she said she's going to set me up with a therapist to talk about things, (So I should be excited about that right? Gender therapy?! ) but I'm still not sure how she feels about it. She said something like "Please don't be a boy." and then later on she said "If you are transgender, I'll support you no matter what." So I'm a bit confused. She's been crying pretty much nonstop since then, and I feel horrible. Did anyone else have parents who reacted this way? and did they eventually become okay with it? Does anyone have any mom stories to make me feel like a not so horrible kid? Thanks

[Robert Scott]

She's a parent who loves their child...it's all brand new to it...she is saying she is your parent and will always love you ... that she is going to work through it

[~RoadToTrista~]

Ugh, I wish my mom was like that. Mines's a selfish and stubborn bitch who constantly shouts "You're not my kid!" whenever I don't agree with her, I'm not even out yet. My grandma was apparently worse, she almost disowned my mom after she got pregnant, she would have if my mom didn't leave that man.

She sounds like she'll get around to it, but understand what she's going through. Don't feel horrible about this, it's you who has to live the life, live it how you want to.

[xAndrewx]

Rob is right. My mom wasn't entirely accepting at first either but she was in time. I have a friend named Declan who's story fits with yours. If you live in or near Orlando PM me and I can recommend a good therapist. Either way good luck man

[JohnAlex]

Sounds like your mom might need to be educated some more about trans issues.  I wonder if there's any way you could get her to read some thing, or go with you to some trans support groups.  Anything to educate her and help her understand that this is okay.

I recently came out to my aunt (who I live with).  and she is trying ot be accepting.  but she is really afraid that I'll get beat up or killed for being trans.   Plus, she still asks me to go to "all-girls" things, so sometimes I wonder how just how educated she is is on trans issues.

[SnailPace]

It sounds like she might have done some research and came across the word "transgender". 

I know it's hard right now, but she seems like the type that will come around.

[JohnAlex]

I think most all adults have heard of the word "transgender."

[~RoadToTrista~]

"->-bleeped-<-" you mean.

[Mika]

I'm not out to my mom directly. But she used to police my gender when I lived at home, and wouldn't let me out of the house if I looked "too much like a lesbian." But since then she's made progress, and actually bought be men's clothes this Christmas 

So, while this is a minor story, as she only knows about me liking girls and my "cross" dressing, it is something positive, especially considering how religious she is.

I would recommend explaining transgender issues; the distinction between sex, gender and orientation; and how this relates to you and your own identity and feelings, in edition to suggesting outside resources. Maybe even pose the problems of gender essentialism and how it restricts large portions of society, how these prejudices oppress you personally, and how people can be mindful and accepting. I think it's usually a good idea to emphasize how these things relate to you, not only the issues at large.

[JohnAlex]

"->-bleeped-<-" you mean.

Really?  I think I knew what a transgender was before I knew what a ->-bleeped-<- was.   maybe I'm an exception.

[SnailPace]

Recently my local news (Vancouver, BC, a liberal city) did a daily segment on trans* issues for a week.  One of the days a reporter went around and asked people on the street what they thought "transgender" meant.  The majority of the people said "I don't know" and only one person they asked was confident in their correct answer.  The cis majority is actually quite ignorant on trans* issues still.

And I say that comment because his mom went from "You don't see Ellen Degeneres  on hormones!" to "Please don't be a boy, but if you're transgender I'll accept you".  It sounds like she had a mini breakthrough somewhere in there.  Still far off for sure, but it's progress.

[rexyrex]

i haven't exactly told my mum yet, i know i have been a tomboy since i was little and having boy hair cuts im sure she knows about it but doesn't want to know at the same time. so she confuses me too

[Declan]

Thanks guys
She's a pretty open minded person, so I have a feeling that she'll be okay with everything. She's looking into therapists for me sometime this week, so I'm pretty excited about that!

[tekla]

The cis majority is actually quite ignorant on trans* issues still.

Of course, if they had asked 50 of us they would be likely to get 40 different definitions, which would not help much.