my unaccepting mom

[lost904]

thanks to Andy i have my first real binder which i LOVE, im wearing it now and the effect is incredable. i feel like pinnochio "im a Real boy!".lol
anyways i called my mom to share my happiness and she gave me a spew about how god would judge me and that i was being influenced by others. she thinks that im going through a really scary homo phase and that after being called gay so much in school i Am gay. (im not gay im Bi) i wanted to hit her or something, anything or atleast curse her out, but i just cried silently on the other end of the phone.i couldnt believe what i was hearing.she says she accepts me but she wont even talk about my binder. my family has basically lied to me. i hate my mom sometimes. she says she cant afford to have an opinion, its all up to god.....my dad is awesome though. he actually bought me my first Maxim! atleast i have him....atleast for now....
does anyone else feel like this?im sorry i post so much, i really honestly have no one to talk to....
love,
Alex

[Ann Onymous]

Not F2M, but I do have a mom...and yes, even after more than 25 or so years of this stuff being on the table, we occasionally have some issues where we don't see eye to eye...

I don't recall backgrounds of various peeps around here, but sadly it seems like the ones who have family willing to play the religious card tend to be the last to see those members of the family finally come around.  I often wonder if it has to do with the way some major religions practically brainwash (for lack of a better term) their flocks into submission... 

Sometimes you just have to leave those people be...they will either come around or they won't.  There isn't much you can do to force the issues.  There is no question that it is a tough deal to get through...but you cannot let family members (or anyone else) steal your elation at being able to move forward with what you feel to be a critical step in life. 

[JungianZoe]

she says she cant afford to have an opinion, its all up to god.....

I don't recall backgrounds of various peeps around here, but sadly it seems like the ones who have family willing to play the religious card tend to be the last to see those members of the family finally come around...

Sometimes you just have to leave those people be...they will either come around or they won't.  There isn't much you can do to force the issues.

There's great truth in what Ann said, given Alex's quote.  I often believe that the difference between those who cling to religion and those who don't is personal experience of the numinous, and that's not something that can be forced.

The numinous is the great cosmic undefinable, the experience of which also can not be defined, for if it could be defined, it would lose its numinous quality.  Simply put, the numinous experience is touching the divine, however the divine appears to you.  William James called it the mystical experience, its primary quality being that we emerge from it forever changed.  Those who never have their own personal numinous experience often substitute it with strict adherence to religious dogma.  Religions themselves are based off the numinous experiences of a few, who then bring their messages to the masses who can't (or won't) open themselves up to such an experience.  Lacking the strength that such a personal experience provides, these masses cling more tightly to the message as a substitute.  I disagree with a great deal of Freud (especially his interpretation of religion) but I believe he was right that one function of religion is to serve as a security blanket against uncertainty.

This is NOT saying that everyone who follows religion lacks personal contact with the divine, but those who do have that experience don't cling tightly to religious dogma in the way that people lacking a personal experience do.  And these people may never be swayed from a dogmatic interpretation of life until they have such an experience.

Anyway, not meaning to offend or go off topic...   All I can urge is that you be patient with your mom and hope for the best, as hard as it might be.  Could you possibly consult your dad on the matter since it sounds like he's open?  Catch him now while he's in this mood, and maybe he can be your ally in bringing your mom around.

And congrats on your binder!

[lost904]

lol. i actually called my grandma for support and she was incredable.shes very progressive,so is my dad. that must be where he got it from. your right about the sports bra thing only its better. its just...omg its so great. i can only imagine how great it'll be to have top surgury in the future. bras never made me comfortable. i dont know why i couldnt have started wearing these when i was younger. lack of knowledge on my families part, and possibly apprehension.when i started puberty at 11 i only wore sports bras and waited until i was nearly fully developed to do so. i didnt wear a real one until i was 15 and even then i was horribly uncomfortable. it was very akward for me.

[lost904]

mine is a 988 from underworks. its exactly what i wanted. its just bound round the chest too. it feels like a tight tank top which ive been using for years. i love it so much. im hoping my freind will give me a second one for my birthday which is an 2 weeks on the 27th. iim so happy not to wear those stupid bras anymore, but ill keep them just in case something happens to my binders or god forbid i have a boyfreind who wants to see my 38 D knockers in all their feminine glory. i wish i could find a nice femme bi boy who didnt care about me being a girl. i should have been born a gay boy.lol

[Dominick_81]

My mom won't talk to me about anything trans or watch anything trans b/c it's hard for her still. I think she pretends like it's not happening, it's easier for her to deal that way even though she knows I'm on T now. She was upset when she found out and we had arguments and then she finally said, "it's in God's hands now." Not meaning bad, just like whatever happens, happens.  She never said I would go to hell, neither did my grandmother. But my grandmother, she still thinks that this is not what God wants, but never said I would go to hell.

It's just really hard for your mother b/c she doesn't want to lose her daughter. Your mom sounds like my mom, but a little different when it comes to religion. Your mom is not gunna wanna talk about anything trans related b/c it's upsetting. She's not comfortable with it yet. In time she may become comfortable, but it could take some time. My mom is still not comfortable and I came out to her... I think in the summer of 2010? Like I said before, she's pretending like it's not happening as her way of coping. We get along good, just the same as before, she just can't talk about anything trans related. We had arguments along the way, I had to go through the stages (which sucks) but after it gets better. Your mom might be upset for while, but she'll get over it in time and things will calm down.

My mom knows I bind, but she doesn't really have an opinion about it, and she can't tell me what to do at my age anyways.

[lost904]

If someone wanted to see my breasts I'd tear them a new one. :|

i love being naked weirdly enough, i just....i dont know.i know im a girl and i hate it but i just get along. its the same way i deal with my mental illness. i do what ever i can not to let it get in my way of enjoying myself. i want to enjoy sex, i want to enjoy life...its just hard sometimes. i like having my breasts touched and sucked on, i just dont like looking at them or feeling them myself. or having them aknowledged. id rather just pretend i have a boy chest and boy organs.

[malinkibear]

It's a big myth that a lot of people believe, that parents have to support you and agree with you, else there's a big problem. Shame as it is, you can't force her to understand or accept it, and 'wanting to hit her' or 'curse her out' is just immaturity on your part. I know it's frustating, I'm sorry, but you do have other family members for support - you're not alone.

Maybe I'm just callous. I've not spoken with my family for a long time. But yeah, try to remember that it's not black and white - she doesn't have to agree with it, and you don't have to get angry about it. Agree to disagree.

[Andy]

So glad that binder worked out well for you!

[sneakersjay]

My mother was not really accepting, tried the religious card, God made me who I was, yada yada.

Fast forward to now.  An old family friend of my mother's saw me listed as malename in an obituary and asked my mother about it, knowing my mother had daughters and not sons and I was listed as a son.

My mother told me that she told this woman that femalename was now malename, and how malename had struggled, and how proud she was of me for taking the hard road and becoming my true self.

I was stunned.  This from the woman a couple of months ago who called me femalename when referring to me, and said I would always be femalename to her, and too bad that's how she would always think of me.

So yeah, people can change.  It does take time.  They are grieving the loss of what they thought they had. First they grieve you are not straight (if you came out as gay first); then they grieve the loss of a daughter or son, they go into denial that this is a phase, not happening, they can straighten you out, etc.  But most, once they see you blossom as your true self come around in time.  Most, but not all.  So patience is key.


Jay