Old feelings resurface now.

[xKellyx]

oh man, this is a first time for me posting my real feelings about this.
im not that sure when to start, but, lets build up to the title.
until about a month ago, i had a girlfriend. bisexual same as me wonderful, blah, she left me for another guy. life goes on. but i remember during our first few months (outta an about..17 month relationship) i started getting strange feelings. like, that i wasnt quite male. that stuff just didnt ..fit.
i got close to a lesbian girl who is very much afraid of stereotypical men through this sorta thing :O shes physically comfortably with me because " i seem too female".
i discussed with my then girlfriend about possibly having HRT, or even just some minor hormone other than estrogen to alter my appearance a bit. maybe make my body more female.
she shot it down promptly, telling me she would dump me if i ever went through with it , or tried.
now shes gone, ive sorta..regressed back to no quite feeling male. i dressed up in a skirt and boob tube today for my new girlfriend on webcam (and shes very chilled with my feelings) and shocked her a bit with how well i did it (only need boobs).
one of my problems is, my muscles bug me. i have an athetlic/slim build, and would do anything to tone them down, without getting fat. i long for hips (that, i always have).
ive even thought about it that, i might one day just talk to someone about transitioning. id like to remain biologically male , the surgery terrifys me. but i want to look female.
does anyone have any tips, or help? even just ..things to talk about? i only have one person i can openly talk about this with (everyone in my class knows i sometimes wear female clothes under my normal stuff, even crossdressed fully there one time)
i guess i was a little hasty signing up and straight on blurting it out there o3o but...i never know any like minded people around here. who share the feeling.

ill share some pictures.

they are already pretty embarrasing shots :p. i have ones of me wearing the boob tube, but unfortunatley, i dont want to be banned for posting naked pictures.

[Sevan]

Welcome to Susan's!!

Your feelings are totally safe and understandable here. Though I can remember being so so scared to make my first post, so I understand that feeling too!

Make yourself comfy, read a few posts, and keep thinking! Sounds like your very open about yourself as you process this whole big gender thing. And that's great!!

[ativan]

Like Sevan say's, read through some of the more current threads, I think you'll like it here and want to hang out, so Welcome!
Ativan

[Jaimey]

Welcome to the Unicorn Forest!  The best thing you can do is explore your feelings and wants until you figure it all out.  You might come to a conclusion one day and then later on, you might find that something else fits you better.  It's all a journey.

But number one, you should do what makes YOU happy.  It's your life to live as you please. 

So it seems like you have some questions, so feel free to ask anything.  Absolutely anything.  You're definitely not alone in the way you feel.  What sort of tips are you looking for?  The more specific the questions, the easier it is to get the answers you need.