Quote from: Oldandcreaky on May 18, 2024, 09:17:30 AMHair should be huge for you, Allie, as far as how people see you. How much of your facial hair remains?

I shave now on Fridays (sometimes Thursday if I have to be somewhere) and then again on Sat or Sunday... and then let it grow until my Wed electrolysis session. What it looks like fully "grown" is a light gray goatee. But also there's some hair on my neck, but it's not very visible at this point. Mostly the goatee.  So... fingers crossed end of the year we're basically done?

Waiting to hear how it went.

Plodding on as normal, I was washed out yesterday afternoon and don't now why but just wanted to sleep. Only thing was I stayed awake, well till I went to bed and zonked.
 Had to give D a hand with a metal roof, you know the sort that stows in the boot. We had to try and close it by hand, recon 2 Olympic weight lifters would have a hard time. Luckily I managed to work out the fault and got it to close on its own, one of the catches is not releasing.
 Bit of a thunder storm (we got wet) so at least the garden has had a drink, feet up now after all that lifting.

Hair should be huge for you, Allie, as far as how people see you. How much of your facial hair remains?

Quote from: imallie on May 18, 2024, 05:38:41 AMWell, it's finally here - "Hair day!" 🐇🤔😉😂

Very excited, but, I have to admit... as with every big step on the journey, there's always an element of "imposter syndrome" that bubbles up on these days, and partially mutes my excitement — at least initially.

There's always a part of me who feels/wonders if I'm not authentic... who measures my story against others and finds it wanting — although I know I have no reason to do so. And it makes me wonder if THIS step will be the one that is too far... where I will take it and feel as if I have finally stepped on the third rail, on what previously had just been a casual walk down the tracks on my journey.

With everything in the past — first day of electrolysis, hormones, telling my wife, my family, etc etc etc... I have found each step not only affirming but energizing. But even so, the day begins with this germ of a doubt, as this one does too.

So... very VERY excited about this morning... but there's still that small part of me cautiously watching for warning signs.

Love,
Allie

I feel that same way. "Is this the one that feels like one too many?". Funny thing, it hasn't ever been. I get surprised by even the smallest of small steps.

I read your blog and think you are authentic to the core. Not even a doubt. Enjoy the moment. I kinda think you have this.

edited in- You not only have this, you have earned it and deserve it.

Jenn

Hair hare

Adoration

Happy birthday to each of you!

Chrissy

Quote from: imallie on May 17, 2024, 08:33:37 PMGood luck but mostly... have fun!

Thanks.

I am watching teams - there are pros in the race - start morning rides. I am in awe on some level. There is a lot of energy. I like it.

I also admit my dysphoria is hugely triggered. I think it's natural, given the surroundings. I am just trying to ignore it, relax and enjoy. I have not felt this triggered in a long long time..

sigh. it's the trans life.

Jenn

Based on my own experience (which applies to everyone, of course! ), I would say that the most important thing to do before taking any steps toward transition -- or detransition -- is to find out who you really are.  The point of seeing a therapist isn't to be told whether you are trans or cis or something else, it's to help you find out who you really are, underneath all the manure that people have piled on top of you.  Most of us have had a lifetime of Authorities telling us who we are, mostly regardless of who we are inside, and you need help getting past that.

In my own case, I spent 25 years with one therapist before I even thought about whether I might be trans, and all of that was spent undoing the kinks in my psyche caused by all that "upbringing."  And when I divorced and started living on my own, I realized that if I was going to be alive in 10 years, I would have to find out who I really was, as opposed to what everyone was telling me I had to be.  And that's a large part of what I've spent the last 20 years doing.  Being trans was just one of the things that popped out during that process.

Actually, the first "gender counsellor" I saw saw me twice and then announced that I wasn't trans.  I went away thinking, well, that was a waste of two good hours of my life.

[Putting on my Wise Guru hat:]

Quote from: Wise Guru HatTransition shouldn't be about becoming a woman or becoming a man.  It should be about becoming yourself.