Quote from: Oldandcreaky on Today at 07:33:58 AMI'm glad you added Takeabreakday to the rotation, making it an eight-day week.
Did the cluster headache wallop you?
You are so wise and have invested so much energy in your social transition and it has clearly been a resounding success that I'm reluctant to tweak your approach, but five or ten years down the road, you might want to tighten your expectations around your name and pronouns.
For me, to spend 99% of my life in the company of local friends and strangers who see me as female and then to connect with old friends and family who keep reminding me with the wrong pronouns that they remember me as male, well, it's a jolt every time because they've stayed behind. They don't see me, they don't know me, and we all want to be seen.
Oh I feel as if I'm with you... but I'm also a bit, sneaky. Or at least I think I am? 😉
I've seen my share of REALLY GOOD coaches who teach through fear and intimidation. They have their players constantly on their toes, hyper-aware, always nervous of being yelled at... and in that state of rapid heartbeat and fight/flight some people really step up.
But those are also the players who, years later, share the "war" stories with each other.
The GREAT coaches get the players to play loose. To let them think they're playing their style, while slowly bringing them into the coaches' system. These players would run through a wall for their coach and these teams are always the most unified and longest-lasting.
My point? I'm not socially transitioned yet. So the last thing I need is for people to suddenly be on pins and needles with me. So I'm telling everyone, I know you're supportive - do your best - and don't worry about what you say. I'm not saying it doesn't matter. I'm just saying do their best and I will never take offense.
This encourages them to do their best. Which, I believe, they will. And as my transition goes further, and they get more comfortable, I hope/assume they'll continue to get better at things, just in step with my actual transition. And it will all feel safe and natural to them... and they won't want to avoid conversations with me, or suddenly be overthinking things. The hope is, mistakes will dwindle, because when they make one they'll move on and try to do better instead of feeling like they just knocked over a very expensive vase in someone's home.
THAT is my theory, anyway.
Maybe it's preposterous? But it's what I'm working with...
Love,
Allie
P.S. Yea, not a cluster-free night. So consider me wolloped. But luckily it was relatively short (fewer than 45 minutes).