@Robbyv213
Dear Robby:
Thank you for writing about your transitioning questions.....
My best is advice is the following....

First, seek a therapist.  If you can find one with Gender Identity and Transitioning
experience that is even better.

Secondly, take some to time to read the many and various threads posted by our members. 
You might wish to read several of the ongoing Blog Threads that some members have used as
their personal diaries of their own transition experiences.     
                                        Member Blogs
Click Link -->  https://www.susans.org/index.php/board,326.0.html

When reading the members blogs I would suggest that you start out reading the earliest dated
initial postings that were submitted when they started their blog thread.   

Lots of good and helpful information that our members share.

I am aware that you recently registered as a member of Susan's Place and the Forum and
were officially welcomed by our Official Greeter @LoriDee  .... please be certain to carefully
read the new member information that she provided for you in her Welcome Message on
the Roll Call thread.

I wish to give you my warm Welcome.  I will be eagerly looking for your future postings as
you feel comfortable sharing.

Warm Regards, and Welcome to Susan's Place and the Forum
Danielle  [Northern Star Girl]
The Forum Administrator

cc:  @LoriDee  @Sarah B

The biggest variable is the availability of money to pay for surgery, though a few girls need it so bad that the will take the risk of having it done in Asia with a bargain basement operation.  More typically girls will get whatever insurance or VA benefits will provide.  It may be worth changing jobs to obtain the insurance you need.

Those here seem to better off than  most in terms of the health benefits they have.

Thank you for that Jenn.

We girls can be catty at times. It is always good to be reminded how to support each other, even if we have never met them.

Hugs!

@Robbyv213

There is a list I posted on my blog that is a generic MtF guide. You may not want all of them or any of them. I just used it as a checklist for my purposes.

My list

Social transitioning:

Coming out to friends and family as transgender
Asking people to use preferred pronouns
Going by a different name
Dressing/grooming in ways that match gender identity
Cosmetic prostheses (wigs, breast forms, etc.)
Changing all legal documents

Medical transition:
Mental Health Evaluation
Hormone therapy
Hair removal (face, body, genital hair if preparing for surgery)
Voice training
Breast augmentation (implants)
Orchiectomy
Tracheal shave
Facial feminization surgery
Vaginoplasty

Not everyone will follow this list. Not everyone, including me, will want everything on this list. It is just a generic list for MtF transition.

The very first step is the Mental Health Evaluation. It serves its purpose. You will need a diagnosis of Gender Dysphoria before providers will do anything, including hormone therapy. Another reason for this is to make certain that Gender Dysphoria is what is happening and you do not have some other condition that might affect your thinking and behavior. So that is STEP ONE.

Everything else on the list is optional and can be done in any order. This is merely a planning guide and does not apply to everyone. So take it with a grain of salt.

I hope this helps.

Quote from: Oldandcreaky on Today at 07:04:15 AMYesterday, in a nearby town, I saw a transwoman exiting a grocery store. She wore a long, flowered skirt and a patterned  shirt and vest. Color and pattern atop color and pattern atop color and pattern, a rudimentary fashion mistake, which invite a second look all by itself...and that second look took me to a face not sufficiently softened by estrogen, which is why I clocked her. I expect you wouldn't make that mistake, but do use your wife as a fashion consultant, which is something nearly all women do.

I thought about this for a moment. I'd like to offer a quiet reflection of support for this fashion victim. I can't speak for anyone else but I can construct a lot of reasons to admire this anon sister. Maybe it was a first time out. Maybe she doesn't care about being read. Maybe she does the boho thing to an extreme. Maybe she knew how she looked and didn't care. By extension - I walk to yoga without a wig, I don't pass and I don't care. I am making a statement about who I am as well as my freedom to be me. I admire a sister who might be doing the same.

Everyone transitions in her or his own way. Rather than be critical, maybe turning it around and acknowledging the courage it takes to step out, especially when you are not soft enough on the edges, would be good.

Thanks for allowing a different point of view.

~Jenn

Quote from: ChrissyRyan on Today at 11:22:11 AMIs this trail near or in the Muir Woods area?

I can barely remember what I had for breakfast yesterday and you want me to remember where I was in 1969? I was 12 years old! 

I know the trail we hiked was from Rock Creek to North Lake on the John Muir Trail. I know we climbed Mount Whitney, San Gorgonio, and some other peaks along the way. Mono Pass and Bear Ridge were cliffs we had to ascend. The trail would switch back and forth, it was a long slow climb. So fun!

Yes, With a modification that means when I am put together again at the other side I come out as a cis female.

Jessica xxx

Hi Robby,

I understand what you are going through and it is rough. I strongly feel that therapy is going to help you here. If you decide to transition or not. The turmoil you are experiencing is exactly the kind of thing a therapist can guide you through.

I can also understand your wife's being shocked, as she was expecting something totally different. Would she be open to going to therapy with you as a couple? The therapist can help you work on your issues, help her with her issues, and work with both of you to sort things out.

I think it is a very good sign that she did not ask for a divorce, or kick you out. The fact that you are still together could indicate that she is at least willing to try to understand. You said you have poor communication skills. This could be why you and she are misunderstanding each other and having difficulty discussing this very important issue. Again, a therapist can help both of you to express yourselves to each other.

Even if things don't work out between you, the therapist can help you get through that too. You have had it rough and you deserve to live your life as you wish. Not everyone will be on board and it will be painful. But the result is a happier you and you will make new friends.

You are not alone in this. As you know, we have a ton of information and experience right here. Perhaps you could find a story that you relate to and share that with your wife. Maybe that will help her understand. We have a Significant Others sub-forum here. She is welcome to join and ask questions and get advice, same as you. We are here to help in any way we can.

My psychologist said something that has stuck with me over the years:

"It should not be difficult for you to be yourself."

Going to go to a golf club in about an hour.  I never been there.  Girl lunch.

I prefer to snow ski than golf, and I am not much good at golfing.  Although jet skiing looks like fun.  Do have a good day!

Chrissy

No.