Discovered

In out

I saw an old car with its hood up not long ago.
What was interesting was that it did not seem to be all crammed in as modern cars are.

Ill try to take your suggestions and advice, thank you. Some people act like we dont belong or fit in with society, its crazy. I hope i never get hurt again, i wish we would just all get along as human beings but some people thrive on hurting and hating others even to the point of committing crimes against us and oppose us so much.

I crossdress and have attracted both unwanted and wanted attention, some guy said i identify as something i dont have i quote. Its insane. But while another guy said i was very beautiful. Of course i was wearing makeup too but all this doesnt define us or who we are and our sense of self, its merely trying to look more feminine. Women didnt always have makeup and some dont even put it on.

I dress male most of the time right now, not a cross between male and female and if i crossdress its all female dressing, no mixing the two. I still have to confirm if im non binary with the therapist. Think i am though.

I dont know about the big cities, that is a maybe, i own land in a very small town. I'm not sure id want to sell it and move somewhere else. The city is only 45 miles away so its relatively close by and near me. I dont know ill think about it to see if that would be the best option. I prefer to live in a more quiet and less chaotic place.

Id like to start over or restart after i decide to transition in order to get a fresh brand new start in life and live as myself easier and nothing reminding others of how i was before or what i looked like, i dont want to take the risk and chance of getting hurt. Its a tough choice and one that scares me a little but also is very exciting to me. That's really awesome about your flower garden and how successful you have been with it and that was very nice and respectful of the commuter, that's some coincidence. I do intend and plan on growing things on my property but no one is going to notice it because my land is so remote and secluded, in the middle of nowhere. I guess i moved out so far off the beaten path is because when i do finally transition no one will know where i live and come bother or harass me. Neighbor is like a mile away and i doubt she'd do anything.

Me as well. It takes time but you can def build a feminine body in the gym

Hi Arch

Like you Arch, I'm the same when discussing my past even in front of my family.  It is: "When I was little," "when I was four or five," or something similar.  That is how I talk about myself to family or friends who don't know.  If I have to use pronouns I will use her or she, as they are the most common pronouns.

Why? Because I have always been a female.  Even a childhood memory tells me that I was a female (I just made the connection recently).  Even before I changed my life around I never referred to my gender, not that I can recall doing so.

I have been using those pronouns since 1989. Twenty-one years later, in 2010, I realised I was a female after joining Susan's, yet even then I rarely had to refer to my gender except on forms.

I still do not express my gender outside Susan's. There is no other rationale; using any other pronouns would feel foreign to me.

In the case of a therapist, if I were seeing one and discussion revolved around my medical condition, I would ensure they were a 'gender specialist' and I would insist that they use the right pronouns.  I would feel extremely uncomfortable if they did not.  If they persisted, then I would seek another therapist.

Best Wishes Always
Sarah B
Global Moderator
@Arch

What you shouldn't do is to dress androgynously all the time, in that uncanny valley between male and female. While this can be very sexy, eliciting strong emotions in people, this is dangerous territory to be in all the time.  Instead, I suggest dressing either male or female, so folks won't give you a second glance.  If you want to attract attention you may do that, but aware that attracting attention may be dangerous.  There may be times and places where you can do that safely.

You may consider relocating to a safer place to live. Cities tend to be more accepting of us.  You may not have to travel far.
It is hard to transition in place, where people may remember you before.  You may want to relocate for that reason.  To get a new start in a new place.

 It is likely that I'm one of the most well known private citizens in the town I live.  I grow an amazing flower garden that people visit when they walk around the neighborhood.  I've moved my most  fragrant roses to a row just off the sidewalk.  They also see it on their commute to work.  I got a thank you note from a commuter!

If it was in a context where I was stealth I would avoid gendered pronouns or names.  With the counsellor I am seeing now I refer to "My history" or "Mary's history", or for earlier times "His history" or "John's history".  I was living as male for 60+ years so that is a major part of my memories.

I look forward to it too Dances, i cant wait to make lots of friends here who are similar to me and not feel so lonely. And ok Northern Star Girl thank you, it feels great to be back. i will definitely email you with that bit of information, however my previous email used for my other account got deleted because someone hacked my email at the time so they deleted it. It might not be able to get recovered in this case or my old account is just straight up gone and disappeared. Ill tell you my username though as i think i remember it now.

@Maid Marion: Honestly most people dont think about gender very much because it doesnt concern and affect them, only in situations and experience like ours. Also when it comes to sexual orientation or preference and who you want to date and be in a relationship with but too many toxic people out there want to hurt us and make us believe and feel like we're less than human or that we're bad shameful people for being different and wont leave us alone and let us live our lives the way we want in peace and let us be who we are and they are overly judgmental. We're not harming anyone, what we feel isnt wrong or unrealistic, its actually natural but the idea confuses many people and they are ignorant about trans. We dont have trans therapists and experts for no reason and my therapist happens to be trans herself so she will understand how i feel. Society is dominated by patriarchy also, so its frowned upon when what they see as a man acting and behaving womanly and being feminine.

Its not meaningless to be trans though, but i feel lost, worried, and confused on what i should do. There's this girl im talking to that i have feelings for and a romantic interest for a relationship so she can be my significant other and future wife but she views me as a man. I really dont know what to do or how she'd react if i told her i was transgender. Should i not transition in fear of not being together with her anymore? If i start taking HRT there's no turning back, its irreversible. So its kind of a problem im having, i do want to start getting serious with her.

Sorry idk if this is the right thread to ask, but it is just bothering me and i'm embarrassed to tell her.

Never easy is it, even older cars make it hard to fit parts sometimes. They say 32C today and I will be in my workshop fitting door seals and wet flatting paint before hitting it with a polishing mop. One way to lose some lbs!!