What an amazing resource! We're ALWAYS glad to hear about such generous support.

Intersex???

You might be here at Susan's Place for different perspectives on gender identity. This forum shows the beautiful diversity within the transgender community.

Years ago, my wife and I came across an article, probably in Scientific American, about the numerous chromosome variations that can occur. It caught our eye on a magazine rack in a grocery store checkout line! I see that more recent internet articles seem to be updates on that line of research, so you might want to look into it.

We also saw a documentary, "Intersexion: Finding a Place in a Two-Gender World", which she really appreciated as it seemed to validate her experience as a possibly-intersex person.

We're careful about our attitude toward the possibility that she is intersex. Her endocrinologist simply pointed out that her sex characteristics are dominantly male, though she is "missing" masculine characteristics, even before her recent hormone replacement therapy. We don't think that being intersex makes anyone "more" trans, and don't want to try to justify her trans-ness by it, but we do celebrate her apparent chromosomal femaleness, though we have no lab test to prove it. She got her first estrogen blood level: it's "High" for a man, even though she's been on just a small dose of estrogen, which is another reason for celebration, especially after all of the concerns about the health risks from estrogen.

Somehow, we have the belief that if we ever feel the need to justify the reality of her trans-ness, explaining that she might be intersex would somehow make it more believable to transphobes. We use this argument between ourselves sometimes to help us stay connected with the reality of her "condition". We don't ever want to feel like we need that argument. We aim to stay in a supportive social circle, advocating for all transgender people. We especially sympathize with transwomen who are conspicuously masculine. That seems to us to make understanding trans-ism, and transitioning, enormously more difficult.

Thank you for being here. We are rooting for you, no matter what and when you choose to believe and act. We just want to support your journey in whatever ways we can.

No apology needed. I enjoyed all three posts.

I have bitsy breasts and thus often don't bother with an undergarment, but when I do wear a sports bra, I look so much neater.

The quality of your marriage and the quality of your friends are telling. Their good energy comes from your goodness.

Hi Everyone

Somebody without mentioning any names has reminded me that I have been very remiss in not posting about what is happening in my life.  Given me a prod, a kick up the backside or some other similar euphemism.  So to speak.

It's very easy to let things slide and even forget to say hello to others in their blogs.  Life just goes on and that has not changed one iota in my life.  I have mentioned in my posts and blogs some of my thoughts, feelings and certain day to day activities surrounding my life.

Where does this all lead to at this moment in time?  No where, somewhere, I don't know.  There are some posts I could post and others I don't, in other words it's best to let sleeping dogs lie, because in the long run it will not make any difference if you do or you don't.

In a couple of my posts I have mentioned the unconditional love my mum had for me, in fact it was just not me, but also included my three brothers as well.  I also mentioned in those posts how my mum first caught up with me after I changed my life around, she was not the first, in fact, it was one of her sisters or my aunt as far as I can remember it was not awkward at all, it was just another, lets get together for a coffee.

I wrote the following in another post and I will include it here, as one of my personal stories that I will share with you.  The original thread and post was called:

How supportive were your parents when you transitioned?

Quote from: Sarah B on January 06, 2024, 04:42:39 AM. . . . .
Since I was far removed from my family 4,000km away, it was not until a couple of years after I had surgery, that I caught up with my mum and family, my father died when I was 15 years old.  So there was no support there.  I had a very supportive mum, and my mum would write to me and the card, birthday card, Christmas card or letter would often start of with "My dearest daughter" or "My darling daughter", why? My mum loved her children and a long time ago she said to me, if I had a daughter I would name her Sarah.  No, my real name is not Sarah, although I seriously did consider taking it as my first name and yes I do like the name Sarah very much.

If my memory serves me well, I first caught up with my mum in 1993, which was two years after I had my surgery or nearly five years since I last saw her.  I was doing contract work for a government department in Bundaberg, drawing bridges and designing roads.  I was staying at a local hotel and my mum was on her way to see her sister in Brisbane.

After meeting her at the bus terminal (coach), she put her arms around me and said, "I missed you so much", later in the same hotel room my mum said, "I thought you was going to look like a drag queen, but obviously not".  I cannot remember the exact words in regard to this.  That was so funny to hear that.  However, I believe, I put my mums perception of what her one and only daughter looked like to rest and in doing so made her proud of me.

One of the reasons why I left Susan's was, I returned to help my mum, who had several medical problems, long story short it was decided that I would be with her and she would not die alone.  One of the few things she said before she passed away and I can vividly see and hear her as she walked away from the dining table was, "you do not know, how much I love you", it was a nice thing to say at the time.  My mum passed away nearly a year and half ago two years ago, but writing down what she said to me brings uncontrollable tears to me, every time I read this passage. . . . .

So why am I sharing this?  Well I found one of those cards, there are others but not as poignant, that she sent me and I have been thinking about whether I would post what was written in that card.

The following is the front of the card that she sent me and what she refers to when she wrote on the inside of the card.
.
.
The follow are the words she wrote to me on the inside of that card.

QuoteMy Dearest Daughter Sarah

I saw this card and straight away thought of you.  I miss you so much and I always look forward to seeing you.  I do hope you get a chance to move closer and somehow, I can come and visit and that is not so isolated.

All I ever wanted for my children to be happy, healthy and to always know where they are.  So take care my daughter Sarah of yourself.

Love you heaps
Mum & Tia

Tia was my mum's cat and which I now care for.  So yeah, my life was blessed, in more ways than I can ever count.  I miss you my Dearest Mum.

Love and Hugs
Sarah B
Official Greeter
PS  I promise you I will work on "Sarah's Race to SRS Part II" over the next couple of days.

Quote from: Lilis on May 10, 2024, 03:08:01 PMIt's interesting to hear a different perspective on gender identity, even though our experiences aren't exactly the same. It shows the beautiful diversity within the transgender community.

Yes!

QuoteI'm so happy for your wife that she is ready to go full time. But, I don't think that I am ready to do same at this time. Hopefully it will happen to me after I begin hrt.

We are rooting for you, no matter what and when you choose. We just want to support your journey in whatever ways we can.

QuoteI am taking Sarah B suggestions about taking a chromosome test

Years ago, my wife and I came across an article, probably in Scientific American, about the numerous chromosome variations that can occur in intersex people. It caught our eye on a magazine rack in a grocery store checkout line! I see that more recent internet articles seem to be updates on that line of research, so you might have come across some of that kind of info by now.

We also saw an intersex documentary, "Intersexion: Finding a Place in a Two-Gender World", which she really appreciated as it seemed to validate her experience.

We're careful about our attitude toward the possibility that she is intersex. Her endocrinologist simply pointed out that her sex characteristics are dominantly male, though she is "missing" masculine characteristics, even before her recent hrt. We don't think that being intersex makes anyone "more" trans, and don't want to try to justify her trans-ness by it, but we do celebrate her apparent chromosomal femaleness, though we have no lab test to prove it. She got her first estrogen blood level today: it's "High" for a man, even though she's been on just a small dose of estrogen, which is another reason for celebration, especially after all of the concerns about the health risks from estrogen.

We have a court order now that gives her the legal right to change her name and gender, and she's implementing those changes now. That might be enough documentation for her to feel sufficiently supported and safe to express herself more freely and genuinely.

Somehow, we have the belief that if we ever feel the need to justify the reality of her trans-ness, explaining that she might be intersex would somehow make it more believable to transphobes. We use this argument between ourselves sometimes to help us sray connected with the reality of her "condition". We don't ever want to feel like we need that argument. We aim to stay in a supportive social circle, advocating for all transgender people. Still, we sympathize with transwomen who are conspicuously masculine. That seems to us to make understanding trans-ism, and transitioning, enormously more difficult.

QuoteI am learning so much here already and I love it, I will definitely share my findings as I progress through this journey. And thank so much Moonflower for sharing your wife's journey with me.

Yay! And thank you for being here!

By the way, I thought of you when I saw a pretty dress called Lilith in a Sundance catalog.
 https://www.sundancecatalog.com/product/110766

I never could sleep in a recliner.  Which is why I got rid of mine.

Cooking fresh mussels in two batches turned out great.
Cooking a small batch allowed me to toss the bad ones quickly. And cook both meals in one large pan.
If I missed one that went bad overnight in the cold refrigerator it might be safe to eat but I tossed them anyway. Good to check things twice!
Thinking it over allowed me to combine recipes and remember that I like to add a bit of Japanese red pepper Ichimi Togarashi. In an Italian restaurant the key word is Diavolo or "Devil."  Next time I'll add a bit of oregano to mix of bay leaves, EVO, onions, plenty of garlic, and tomatoes.  Normally I don't like the mushy texture and seeds of tomatoes but I read a recipe overnight saying I could just spoon that out! So I did!  I  took the mussels out of the pan as soon as they were open. Reduced the Sauvignon Blanc used to boil the mussels and make a sauce to top the butter coated mussels over pasta.

I think my wife was pleasantly surprised that if she wanted to eat something in particular, I could learn how to cook it!

Allison,
  When I came out to my wife some time ago, she went through all the adjustments or mourning her lost husband. I gave it a lot of time and didn't push. I strived to let her see that I was a better person now and free of the anger and hostilities that had plagued me most of my life. I went slow on the dressing up as well but continued my journey with HRT. Now she has had time to except it we are great friends and our relationship is much better.
Give her time to adjust. I'ts a lot to take in for them. Best wishes
Gina

Traditional dating has the guy making the first move and the girl deciding whether they should date.
Maintaining this pattern suggests the "guy" needs to bring up transition and listen to his wife about how they should proceed. Coming out will affect her as well.

Which is what I did.   I had a bold move, buying an wearing red satin PJs to bed.  We had the talk and set ground rules.

For us, the biggest issue is that I looked good in itty bitty clothes that triggered her own body image issues. I can wear a 2 piece bikini in front of a mirror.
She could not go into a VS.  Nothing fit.

Going slower is a good idea for many girls.  There is a lot to learn if you want to "pass."
You have learned male mannerisms that need to be changed. I think there may be hard wired mannerisms that females on the autism spectrum lack that are present in normal women.

There is an art and science to dressing properly.  Women are constantly judged by how they look.
You may be unfamiliar with this scrutiny, having never faced the consequences of making a horrible choice. 
The rules for guys at weddings are so simple "even a caveman could do it." 
No so for girls.  There are literally landmines everywhere for women.

That was an ancient Chinese proverb!
The "lucky break" was breaking your leg, keeping you home!
For some, being drafted could be a "lucky break"
How so?  Some girls are born into bad economic situations.  Surgery may not be an option.
Being drafted may allow you medical benefits!
Maybe you lose your manhood from a grenade?
The doctor sees you have already signed all the papers indicating what to do.
When you finally regain consciousness you are greeted by your best buddy, who gives you pink panties!
You are delighted to find out that he survived the blast without a scratch!  You caught all the shrapnel and saved him!
You find out that he knew  all along and loves the new you!

First things first, welcome to Susan's Place, Allison!

Quote from: Allison_suddenly on Today at 12:57:48 AMI'm not sure what more I can do. I've given in to all of her requests to slow down my transition as much as possible, and the extreme case of that is not to transition at all. She has asked me not to come out to my kids, to family, or to live as a woman for at least 6 more years. I agreed, and I intend to keep that promise no matter what. I suspect even after those 6 years, transitioning will result in a divorce so I'm mentally preparing myself for not transitioning.

Of course I'm not going to pout and sulk at home all that time, I'll try my best to be present for the marriage and I think I will be happier than my pre-HRT days.

My goodness, it's glaringly obvious from here that the first thing you should do is give it more time. You've given her practically zero time to work through this.

For her  this is the loss of her husband, with all of the accompanying stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. She needs time to process through all of this.

Maybe you need to try couples counselling. I would also ask if you are working through your transition with a therapist?

In any event, you've done yourself a favour by coming here, and I look forward to seeing you around the site!

Hugs, Devlyn