Recent posts
#13
Last post by Jenn104 - Yesterday at 10:06:45 PM
Not all patients approach therapy the same either. You can be as active in determining the direction of things as your therapist, if not more. I always have a list when I go. Even at my earliest sessions I brought my own questions. That's my thing-- you'll find what works for you.
Best of luck at it --
~Jenn
#14
Last post by Jenn104 - Yesterday at 10:00:16 PM
When last we left our intrepid heroine...
So yes, the race went well. A few notes of the trip--
Fun on the way down to the race
I drove down to New Jersey from Boston. I stopped for gas. Apparently I was not moving fast enough. A woman from a camper with Texas plates hopped out of her car, scooted on over and grumps-- "move it you stupid bitch." Yep, I didnt get maam'd, I got bitched. I am sure she was puzzled I broke out laughing.
I drove about 5 or 6 miles on the course on the way in. Ummmmm yeah. I was a little intimidated.
The run up to the race
I drove Friday for a Sunday race. I grabbed dinner on the upper east side of manhattan Friday. Carb loading! A very passable carbonara. I saw her new apartment. A nice night!
I picked up credentials Saturday. The staff was polite to effuse, affirming. The was a small vendor expo. I met a lot of great people. Honestly, the vibe was 'good for us' and 'get it done' with a lot of respect for the course.
The hotel was a cycling paradise. At least three pro teams. A lot of pre-race buzz. Fun moment-- Saturday night every racer in the hotel not on a team did the same thing-- make a take out pasta and gatorade run. I walked in with mine and joined the party. I met people from 4 countries, thank you.
Race Day-- pre race
The race was Sunday. I woke at 3 ish. Yes 3 am. Clean up. Eat. No liquids. Bike on the car. 5 mile drive to the start. A few racers were trickling in. Put on cycling shoes. Packed my post-race bag. Clicked in and pedaled a few turns on the parking lot. All good. A woman a few cars down and I decided to cycle to the check in together. My new bestie!
We checked in. The start was on the George Washington Bridge. The "last chance toilets" (yes! there was signage that said that) were well used. We picked up a third friend. We made a call to wait for sun up to get up to the start. We ate a last pre-race bar. Met a lot of people. Talked race plans. And.. up on the bridge at a quarter to six. The half mile up was amazing beyond words-- the three of us took it in. River, sky line. ~2000 bikes. We got pics. Met people from 6 or 7 countries.. and waited about an hour and a half to start...
The Race
We kicked off around 7:15 am. We lost each other but that's a race. I took about 15 minutes to get up to the start. Keep this in mind-- my race clock started when I crossed the start.
anyway.. a loop under the bridge (in Jersey!) short ride over city streets and down into palisades park. I got a rhythm pretty quick. Really a nice way to start. I got to the first named climb at ten miles feeling good, settled. I executed maybe the best climb of my life. A mile uphill, average grade of over 5%,.. and I did well. I found a great rhythm to the first rest stop at mile 17.
I stopped. Relieved myself. water and gatorade. I ate a little. In hindsight, I ate and drank about a third of what I actually needed. Stay tuned. this come back.
After leaving, the next 17 miles were rollers. I found a group and settled in. We took turns on the lead. Cruised. We broke up after about 10 miles-- different paces. Lots of people cheering! A fun ride. I hot the second rest stop feeling on-plan and fresh. My cycling group was watching the race tracking-- I found out later they were out of their heads at this point, "SHE IS CRUSHING IT".
Fatal mistake ish at Stop 2-- I again didn't eat or drink enough. Maybe a third of the need in hindsight.
anyway-- miles 34 to 52 have serious uphills and 2 named climbs, back to back between miles 42 and 48. So yeah, the ride gets serious here. I did ok on the minor hills up to the first climb. Good, not great. First climb starts at 42, ends at 44. I got it done, not the best, not the worst. A two mile slog up a hill isn't pretty but I got it done. I hydrated, ate at the top (road side, not a stop). The course takes a left and a steep down hill, straight at this point. 35 mph-white-knuckle-joy-ride-of-terror and done all too fast.
So I am basically 100 yards away from named climb 3-- 1 mile up and a technical descent on the other side. Two thirds of the way up, I cramped. I got off my bike. Walked up a third of a mile, drinking water.. and back at it for my first real speed descent with turns. Done. Pretty cool moment - dead ish legs and I did it. I decided I was finishing there.
I struggled along to rest stop three at 51. I was honestly not lucid enough to recall much. I was safe on my bike though. I did my mental check list often. Rest stop three is a blur except for the purple haired student and her friend with the inch long nails ("and I play softball with them!") friend. Lots of water and a little food. I learned what I need to hydrate too late. But I pressed on.
Miles 51 to 68 were good. I spun back to 92-93 rpms, got rid of my lactate acid build up. Rolling hills where I really cut loose. I can't say I felt good or had rhythm. I recovered. I dug in and decided I was finishing-- officially or unofficially.
So I roll into stop 4, the last on the course. I meet my friend from the bridge, who was a huge help. I thought I was flirting with a DQ on time. Nope-- "Jenn-- you have two hours, exact. just don't stop." I hydrated and got it on.
More rollers from miles 68 to 72. The last major climb. I got the last climb done, altho have little memory except screaming quads and being fair on my uphill pulls in a group. You crest a hill top at 75 ish miles and descend down into the park where the race starts. I remember bombing along at 23 mph. A bike path that was a blast. Crossing a highway.. and the left turn into the park. I figured I had about 20-25 minutes to make the cut off time and get a finishers medal.
yes. a finishers medal is a huge deal.
The end of the race is a very unfair mile and a half up hill. I'd figured out drafting by now. So I was on someone's wheel drafting and they pulled up. I dumped my bike left to avoid him. we both fell.. His bike was fine. My left shifer was slightly out of place. Nope. Nothing to do but go on. We walked a little and I rode on. I told him I'd carry my bike to finish at this point. I thought I'd lost my end time but it didnt' matter.
surprise surprise.
I finished. My daughter screaming for me at the finish. My name got announced.. and I got my finishers medal at the end of the finish chute. I thought I had an 8 hour cut off. Nope, until they strike the finish line, you get an official finish. Cool. Even cooler? I was less than a minute quicker than the time I wanted.. I made my time!!!
Post race
We - my daughter and I grabbed a beer and a burger post-race at the finish party. Every finisher gets a medal. The camaraderie is fantastic. "YOU DID IT" is heard often. Its a big deal. Same back at the hotel. It only matters you finished and have your medal. Period.
I got my daughter back to the east side. we laughed-- always the dad, full day.. and you have to drive.
Thoughts?
I was under eating and drinking on the course. Lesson learned. I really learned some technique on the course, out of necessity. The bike shop people crushed my ride. Really done well. I called my mentor and thanked her. Sweet moment.
I am most proud of the fact my head was in the game all day. I never thought of quitting the race. Cramps.. pain, slow times. Nope. I was going to finish. I did.
Sorry to be disjointed. Its been a long day.
Jenn
#15
Last post by SoupSarah - Yesterday at 09:59:48 PM
Your story is unremarkable. A lot of people have gone through what you are dealing with. The good thing is there are plenty of solutions.. The hard thing is finding the right one for you.
Take this: You have been dealing with these feelings for a long while now. Tomorrow does not have to be the first day of anything, you have time to feel the way forward. You are talking to a therapist, that is good and a great first start. Explore with your therapist what these feelings mean, where they come from and later on explore some possible solutions. Many people who started this path like you found very different answers. I urge you to find yours and make wise decisions.
#17
Last post by LoriDee - Yesterday at 09:50:41 PM
I think you will find that many, if not all of us have had similar experiences. Not exactly the same, but similar. I felt the same way growing up, relating to girls and wanting to hang out with them. I started therapy after three failed marriages to discover what was wrong with me. I had no idea that I might be transgender. But, as you said, my psychologist knew what questions to ask and where to dig.
You can read our member's blogs and see if any stories are closer to what you experienced. The link to mine (The Story of Lori) is down below in my signature block.
#19
Last post by LoriDee - Yesterday at 09:42:59 PM
Every therapist will have their own approach. Some will ask you questions, some will have you ask them questions you have. I wouldn't worry about it. It will start as a bunch of small talk so you two can get to know each other. That helps you trust them with whatever you want to tell them, and it helps them understand you. It is an important process that helps remove barriers and misunderstandings. You may not even get into any deep discussions right away, not until you are comfortable talking with them.
I am truly happy that you have someone to talk to, someone who can understand and help you on your journey.
#20
Last post by LoriDee - Yesterday at 09:36:40 PM
I think shaving is a smart idea. If the topper is tugging at the hairs, it could be painful and possibly damage the follicles. You don't need that. I forgot to mention, the prescription strength of the Rogaine they sent me is for men.
