Affirmations. Sometimes the simplest thing can make my day.
I remember when I was just beginning to develop, the first time I felt a jiggle when I walked. Or the touch of my breast on the inside of my arm while washing dishes. Little things that made me smile.
Now it is four years later and my dysphoria still kicks in whenever I need to leave my apartment. Today was no different. I needed to run to Wally World to do some grocery shopping. I hate that place so I want to get in and out as quickly as possible.
I am expecting a package to arrive containing new mascara and eyeliner that I want to try. I didn't want to put on makeup to go to Walmart and then need to wash it all off when I got home to try the new stuff. I just put on a very light touch of lipstick and skipped everything else.
Over the past month, I have lost ten pounds thanks to eating better and going for short walks several times a day. The best part is they didn't come from my top (as usual) but from my belly. Yesterday, on one of my walks I felt my breasts bouncing. (Definitely some development happening now with the new patches.) I always weigh and measure myself on the first of each month and I was happy to see these results. That means I could wear a tighter-fitting T-shirt with my jeans and worry less about it showing my belly fat. I threw on my pink stocking cap and off I went.
Dysphoria: "Are you
sure about that?"
Me: "It's only Walmart. No one is going to look at me. They are too busy blocking the aisles and chatting with their neighbor."
Dysphoria: "Are you
sure about that? Really, really sure about that?"
In Walmart, the men were very polite getting out of my way and saying, "Excuse me, Miss." And the women were more friendly, even saying "hello" which seldom happens.
So what is different today from any other day? I wasn't all dolled up, wearing the same clothes and carrying the same purse I always do. Boobs visible and a touch of lipstick were all it takes to pass?
I'll take it as a win! Told my dysphoria to take a day off. I'm enjoying this.
