I mentioned that my mother had pictures of me as a baby in dresses. I sometimes wonder if it may have been to punish me for being a boy. But then it could have been because she wanted a girl. Two years after I was born, my mother gave birth to a girl, who got phenomena right away, and lived for only 24 hours. My mother clams she was full term, but was small enough to fit in a shoe box.

(Just so you understand, it was about 1990 that I ended up in therapy with an identity crisis. I think they were not interested in helping me as much as getting as much money out of me as they could.)

I have in front of me a photo of me at 3 years old. I am holding a 30? inch doll. It is hard to tell, but it looks like I might be wearing a dress. I also have black eyes, and it looks like my fingers may be bruised. Literally slap my hands for punishment. (Years later I asked what happened to the doll, and was told that I never had a large doll.) ( my mother once said that she never put dresses on any of her boys.)
I could be sitting at the table and my mother would yank my hair to make me sit up straight. my sister made some comment and my face got slapped from behind. When my mother gave me a haircut, She would yank my hair to make me sit still. I say my mother tried to use the palm of her hand to teach me respect for women, all she taught me was fear.
She insisted that I live there as she did not like to drive and I needed to drive her around.
In the 1990s I was going to therapy twice a week, while at home I started getting catalogs for women's clothes. I still have my high heels from Fredric's Of Hollywood. About that time, I pierced my own ears. My mother told everyone that I wore both earrings because I didn't know which ear meant straight.
I would be in and out of therapy and at some point one therapist asked about masturbation, It turned out that masturbation meant that I enjoyed being a male, so therefore I was not trans.
Since I was already wearing earrings at work, I decided to take things a bit further. Transitioning at work was easy, all I had to do was remove my outer shirt and I had a bra under my t shirt and I was wearing women's jeans and shoes. However, I was told by the supervisor that I was not allowed to use the women's restroom. My panties ended up in the laundry and there wasn't much said about it.
A rumor went around about me planning on getting a sex change, and my mother heard it. my mother gave me a talking to and stated that I better think about it for a long time. I figured 50 years should be long enough.Some days later, I forgot to  take off my women's ring when I went downstairs. My mother grabbed my hand, looked at the ring and then slapped my face.
Everything got boxed up and put away. Nothing was thrown out. That was about 15 years ago.

My mother died November 2021. In June of 2023, I had found my earrings and was wearing them again. I got an online therapist, and started gathering up my clothes. I had gone to Walmart and gotten some women's tops and bras. I even found some size 12 women's athletic shoes at Walmart. I had started taking my men's clothes and shoes to the thrift shop. July 1st of 2023, everything came to an abrupt stop, when my roller skates went out from under me. Fate gave me a kick in the rear, and I was in the hospital with two broken wrists. It is a bit difficult to use the bathroom when you have two broken wrists. I was forced to accept the help of the women for me to use the bathroom. That meant they were in the bathroom at the same time I was. It wasn't much different for me to use the women's rest room in the store, except I no longer needed help. That may have been August. By then I was wearing skirts when I went shopping. I was also carrying a purse.
Michelle

I was never married or in a relationship with anyone. I found men to be attractive, and church frowned on that, besides, A gay relationship did not appeal to me.

@riley2024

Hello Riley2024,

I'm Lori Dee. Welcome to Susan's Place!

I see that you registered today as a new member, and this is your first post. Thank you for adding to the discussions.

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@Sarah B
@Northern Star Girl

If you are suffering from low energy and low interest in life I might suggest joining a Y where you can meet new friends, find a Y buddy, and have fun, Get outta your shell girl!

I was checking out at the store and the cashier said "thank you mam"

I was at the Y and changing naked with an 80 yr old woman. We were both naked and she asked me if I would like to join her TT club. What to F is TT club I asked her. she replied "my tiny titty club". Of course I said yes and then the unexpected happened. She came over, gave me a hug, by the way we are both naked, and planted a kiss on my nipple. "You are a member of my TT club". A true encounter. 80 yr women are not afraid of anything and they rock.

Lori Dee

Yes you answered most of my questions on the other post. It is greatly appreciated. I cant thank you enough for your input and wealth of knowledge.

Lori Dee

Thank you so much. That is a lot of information, but it is very helpful. I appreciate it very much. I'm sure it's not hard to get lost in the system.

Hi Everyone

Transitioning or DeTransitioning if one ever considers it.  Is up to that person and only that person.  The number of people detransitioning, without quoting numbers is very small.

So is it wise for those who want to detransition? Yes, and for those who want to transition (no I did not transition) is it wise? Yes.

In my early days on Susan's for the first time, I made the following post and you can click on the following link First Mention to see that post.

Quote from: Sarah B on August 26, 2010, 06:00:28 AMOver my dead body would I ever detransition.  However, thinking about being a male, thinking about what I once had, makes me feel sick to the core and I would rather die than become a man.

Recently in another similar thread I made the following statement:

Quote from: Sarah B on January 24, 2024, 10:02:00 PM. . . .

OK to be brutally honest there were two instances where I paused and considered what I was doing with my life, one was the consideration of de-transitioning. However, that was never going to fly in the face of it.  Why? I was standing in the middle of George Street, Sydney and I was thinking about others, that were considering reversing what they were doing and I thought what I had to do to achieve this, breast removal was one of the thoughts racing through my mind at the time. 

However, thinking about this, 30 seconds at most or a very short period of time, a sickening feeling came over me and I immediately and emphatically said no to myself about this.   There was no chance in hell, I was ever going back to the way that I lived and to this day thinking about how I lived makes me sick to the stomach, in other words it makes me very nauseous.

The other time where I considered the ramifications of what I was doing and possibly could of ended up not going ahead with the surgery, was on the day of my surgery. My friend at the time was driving my car and we arrived at the hospital and I sat there thinking about what lay ahead and realized that if I went ahead there was no turning back, but I only dwelt on these thoughts only for about a minute or so.

Actually my mind was basically blank at the time.  I already knew with out fear, what I was going to do, I did not know what the future was going to hold for me, not that I thought about that at the time, so I got out of the car and walked into the hospital and as they say, the rest is history. . . . .

You can click on the following link Second Mention to see that post.

As an aside.  Did I need 'therapy'?  No, although I had to do 'therapy' to get my letters. I had no gender or body dysphoria. Not that these two issues were ever discussed in my 'therapy' sessions.  I had no problems whatsoever.

I was living my life as a female, had my head screwed on correctly and that if I made a wrong decision then I was totally responsible for my actions.  That is what my psychiatrists saw and why I believe that I got my surgery letters.

Finally as I always have said, "I have never regretted what I have done" and "I will always be eternally grateful for my surgeon" and the part where he states in a letter; "that the surgery is irreversible".  I always say, "Thank god for that."

Take care and all the best for the future.

Love and Hugs
Sarah B
Official Greeter

Started out as sunny so I got girly and went out shopping and it was warm enough to wear a sun dress with a sweater. First time this year. It was wonderful. Then I packed up my swim gear and went to YWCA for a swim class. The women all like me, what a fun day. At the YWCA in MN it is legal to change fully naked.

I am 73 yr old tfem on hrt and love it. B boobs, non op, impotent. In Minnesota it is legal for me to go to the YWCA and change with women totally nude. we all love it. If anyone has a question please ask me. Thanks DD