@Jessica_Rose
Dear Jessica:
You are absolutely correct regarding not "Allowing resentment to continue after a person is gone."
To go a step further with that thought, it is my goal in any of my less than delightful relationships
especially with family members.... is to take the relevant Bible verse to heart: 
Ephesians 4:26-27 (paraphrase and excerpt below)
        "Don't let the sun go down on your anger," Your anger can be
          destructive so do not to bury it. Process through it and hold
          onto what is good and let go what isn't.

I never want to have any regrets for not making amends and asking and accepting
forgiveness while those family members and others are still alive.  NO REGRETS!!!

HUGS, Danielle

I have transitioned and gotten HRT and SRS and don't plan to get anything more.  I have changed pretty much all my records, including birth certificate (it's kind of rewriting history, but with all those laws saying "the gender on your birth certificate...")

But I spent 60+ years living as a man, and they have left their mark on me.  There are things I have experienced that have bent me in ways that cis women don't get bent and vice versa.  I try to understand cis women's experiences and the point of view they create, but it will always be a second-hand experience.

I sometimes think of myself as a refugee, a refugee from Manistan who has fled to Femininia.  I have done what I can to fit in, but like any immigrant, I will be different from someone who was born here.

@Katie Ellen
Dear Katie Ellen:
Exciting times ahead for you... whether you decide to go forward with
the surgery or not.
 
I hope that you get the answers to your questions at your future consult.

Please continue to keep me and the rest of you avid followers updated
as you feel comfortable sharing and posting.

HUGS, Danielle

Quote from: Katie Ellen on Today at 08:17:48 AMFor the record, I'm not sure I mentioned that I have a bottom surgery consult on July 15. This will be a HUGE step for me (if I go through with it)! I have been known to be a big chicken!

Congratulations! If you decide to proceed with surgery don't worry, you'll sleep right through it.

Love always -- Jessica Rose

Quote from: Oldandcreaky on Yesterday at 07:45:54 AMI have a half-friend who still bemoans her long-a mouldering mother. Her equally a mouldering resentments have half-buried her.

Allowing resentment to continue after a person is gone really serves no purpose, other than to allow their continued control over your happiness. Once they're gone, let them go.

A lot is going on right now. I had to take an unexpected day off work. I got access to my dad's checking account late yesterday (I have a Power of Attorney), and I discovered evidence of financial abuse. Hundreds of checks totaling well over $200,000. I downloaded all of the canceled checks from my dad's bank. I know who the 'abuser' is, and I have contacted state authorities. I am in unfamiliar territory now, and I hope none of you ever have to deal with something like this.

I have custody of my dad's cell phones. One of the phones was ringing, so I decided to answer. It was an uncle I had not spoken to in decades, my mom's last surviving sibling. He was a bit confused until I said who I was, then he asked about my dad. I filled him in on my dad's ever-changing condition (currently back in the emergency room). After several minutes of conversation, he mentioned that I sound just like my mom. I took that as a compliment. He then asked about my brothers, I told him I see 'G' every week or two, but 'C' passed away about five years ago. Then he asked about 'J', my deadname. I told him that was my old name, that I transitioned about six years ago. He was quiet for a few seconds, then said 'oh, OK'. We then talked about the farm where he and my mom grew up, and about some of the non-standard pets they had (coyote, javelina, deer). At the end of our conversation, I gave him my phone number. It was a sudden, totally unexpected coming out, but it went well.

My dad went to an oncology appointment this morning. His blood pressure was so low they called 911. Right now he is an an emergency room. Cancer may not kill him directly, but the aftermath of his surgery has enabled other health issues to become life threatening.

Love always -- Jess

It's a semantic question.  I go with the most common definition: a person is transgender if their sex as identified at birth is different from their experienced gender.  My sex was identified as male at birth.  My experienced gender is female.  Hence I am transgender and always will be, since that history will never change.

I am done with transitioning and all my documents have been updated, so I am not actively "trans-ing".  My being trans is not relevant to my daily life.  I present as female and am treated as female.  If people have questions about my gender identity, they keep them to themselves.

However, if politics here go the way that they have in about half the US, I may have to change the definition I live by.  If they start implementing fascist restrictions on what trans people are allowed to do, then I will have to deny being trans.  I will, in that situation, lie about the circumstances of my birth.  No, I was never identified as male at birth.  The reason my birth certificate is obviously a reprint is because the old one got destroyed and I had to get it replaced.  It will become very, very important to me to remember at all times that I am trans and to actively deny it at every opportunity.

Quote from: Oldandcreaky on Today at 07:56:33 AMHooray for you, Allie. And hooray for your wife, for she gets to keep your pals in her world. And most of all, hooray for your friends, for they get to keep Allie and you in their worlds.

Thanks and yeah, it's been good. Quite a morning, but good.

6-for-6 on the friends. ❤️

Had nice notes from all of them... and have spoken at length to two of them today already, and texted with a third to set up a time to chat on Thursday.  Another we will try to set up a lunch with soon.

Here's just a sampling of a few of the (edited) messages:

Not really sure what to say in an email but you are my friend and that will never change - Am I surprised, yes, but all I want is for you to be happy.I will call you tomorrow!!!
—
Thank you for sharing your letter with me. I respect and love you no matter what. Nothing will change between us-you are still my dear friend and will always be.
—

Hey... I just read your letter and then read it again to [my wife] aloud. My friend... I love you, I will always love you, so thank you for sharing this with me. I and we will always be here for you and our friendship will never die! Let's chat tomorrow.
—
Ok I just got your note, and thank you for letting me know and bringing me in. I'll want to hear all about everything of course, and much more about how you're doing, but wanted to let you know right away that I got it and to say thank you and that I'm proud of you. If there's a good day to talk tomorrow or sometime this week let me know, ok?
I love you, my friend.

There was one bad phone call today:

I ordered Pho for lunch, and I got a call from the restaurant reminding me that they were closed today and they apologized for the website allowing the order to go through. So now I have to have something else for lunch... when I was really looking forward to that.

But you, know, in terms of all the other stuff? All good.  Just EXHAUSTING.

Yours in pho-lessness,
Allie


P.S. Oh, on one of the calls, one of my friends speaking about my wife said the following - "I've told many people, you and your wife are the best friends of any couple I know."  Which is an awfully nice thing to say.

Hi SoupSarah

You mentioned in your post above:

Quote from: SoupSarah on Today at 12:01:07 AMI am reading some news stories, about trans legislation.. and just wondering.. do you ever move past the 'trans' label?..

Where do I begin to address this, I suppose a little history about myself, which I hope will explain where I'm coming from.  In actual fact I cannot answer that question per se.

For as long as I can remember, I always wanted or longed to be a female and when I changed my life around, when I was 30 years old.  I stopped thinking about wanting or longing to be a female.  Why? Because I was living and breathing as a female and I did not know it at that time that I was a female.  Although I would answer the appropriate question on the forms, 'male or female' correctly.

I would not know that piece of information (gender) until I was 51, 19 years after having my surgery and I found out that I had always been a female and always will be.  Why? Because I found that piece of information from Susan's Place.  In addition I know that nature stuffed up and I accept that unconditionally and without any reservations.  If that makes any sense.

So how does that relate to what you say; "do you ever move past the 'trans' label?" No I never moved past the 'trans label', because I never transitioned period.  I was always a female.  When I changed my life around, I was working and living as a female within 3 months after leaving family and friends behind, who did not know what I was going to do.

Quote from: SoupSarah on Today at 12:01:07 AMhumour me here.. I am 'trying' to be naive about this..   

Well as you can gather from what I have already written you know that I was extremely naive.  University educated,  but dumb about life in general, which is so ironic.

Quote from: SoupSarah on Today at 12:01:07 AMI mean, if you have lived in a gender, name and identity for a number of years.. are you still 'trans'?..

No I'm not 'trans' anything, never have been and I will never will be.  Those terms that exist today did not really exist when I changed my life around or they did, but I was unaware of them, again that naive nature showing itself about me.  They come up with all these 'trans' words so that 'they' pigeon hole us, target us like lambs and then slaughter us with their 'treatments' and amusement.  The only 'trans' word that I knew for sure was transsexual and I sort of related to it very early on.  However, I do not use it at all these days unless I'm talking to doctors who know about my 'medical condition'.

Quote from: SoupSarah on Today at 12:01:07 AMas one accepted definition of trans* is "denoting or relating to a person whose gender identity does not correspond with the sex registered for them at birth;"  - but once you have had your birth certificate corrected.. is that then the essential definition of cis.. you are living in the gender assigned at birth (assigned on your birth certificate)...  and so, that means all this legislation is only relevant for a few small years of someone's actual transition?

Your original birth certificate information is never going to be altered, destroyed or even misplaced.  Lori mentioned, she does not want her birth certificate changed, it will never will be changed per se.  The only thing that will happen is that you will have a new birth certificate with the appropriate gender maker on it.  So in essence you will have two birth certificates.

In regards to the legislation you mentioned, you will need to provide a citation or link so that I and others can read it to understand what they intend to do with that legislation.  However without reading it, I will lay odds on it they it will be used to control and label 'us' in some way.

As I have said I did not 'transition', all I did was, I changed my clothes, styled my hair, put some makeup on and then continued living my life as a female or as me and had some medical treatments along the way.

Quote from: SoupSarah on Today at 12:01:07 AMThe whole thing with words that start with trans.. is about moving from one to another.. or 'transition'. (like transport, transmission etc.) so, that would adequately describe the process we go through, but not the end result. If I send a package, it is being transported.. but it is not a trans-package when it gets to the destination. If I use my philosophers stone and transmute lead into gold.. it transmutes, and could be called trans-lead. or trans gold.. in the process.. but the end result (I promise you) is pure gold..

What can I say, I have already said it and that is I have always been female and there has never been any transition for me whatsoever.

As for the rest of the comment one can talk about it forever and no satisfactory answer will ever be achieved.

Quote from: SoupSarah on Today at 12:01:07 AMI will add a nod to non-binary folk here.. sorry, I am not including you and your struggles in all this and I realise trans* is a big umbrella - I guess I am really talking about transsexual, binary, people. People who go through a process to emerge at the other end, better for their journey. Happier and more fulfilled. Those people for which the 'process' stops... and life just continues on.

I'm not under that umbrella and never will be and life will continue on regardless of who you are, what you do and how you choose to live your life and only stops when you die.

Quote from: SoupSarah on Today at 12:01:07 AMInterested to hear peoples views on this.

I hope I have given you some food for your thoughts.  Take care and I hope your dreams come true.

Love and Hugs
Sarah B
Official Greeter
@SoupSarah

Welcome aboard sister!!!

Hugs!

Ashley 😀💕🌻

I'm always going to be transgender. I'm not switching from "one to another". I'm existing in my halfway in between spot...quite happily. 

Hugs, Devlyn