Hello everyone,
So, this would probably be a bit longer. Not an English native, but I hope to not make too many mistakes
I'm 29y old man(at least from biological point of view), in my first relationship in many years and it's been going on for about 2 years now. Recently, I've started a therapy with my wonderful psychologist and first time in my life I've admitted in a serious way that if all of circumstances were right - I would rather be a woman, start hormone therapy and everything that's connected to that.
I've been having doubts about my gender since teenage years, but grew up in let's say - not very supportive environment. 2 people that I've hinted this kinda treated me like I'm crazy, that I won't do as a woman and it's insane and I must be joking. Unfortunately, some of my friends are rather not too open-minded about those things(wonderful people, but we just don't agree on LGBT matters).
Coming back to my doubts, I've always been questioning my gender, ocassionaly tried women's clothes when it was possible, got my first set of pantyhose when I was maybe 15-16, of course nobody knew. I was always feeling that I don't belong in men's world and had trouble communicating with most of guys - mostly thanks to my father who were absent since my birth. Been raised only by women, so I feel attached to them more than just by simple relations but more like I should be one, but I'm not...
I've tried to silence that side of me for a long time, but since my relationship started(I'm mostly attracted to women just to mention) and it was getting more serious, silencing the woman's side of me was getting harder and harder and started to impact my mood and overall psychological contidion - that's why I've started therapy. It was hard to came out even to my psychologist, but luckily she knew where to dig and what questions to ask and it happened. Since then, I can't get my mind of it, that I should do something about it or someday it will just hurt my mind so bad, that I end up going insane. I just feel that I won't be able to function without being in peace with myself...
I can't say I hope that someone here had some similar problems, as I would never hope for someone to go through what's happening to me right now, but I hope that maybe there's someone who've been brave enough to step up and take his/hers/x life in their hands...
So, everyone - have someone maybe was in similar position? What did you do? Most importantly, how your girlfriend/fiancée/wife, friends and family reacted if you decided to come out? Is it not too late? Should I try to scout the ground or just spill out everything at once?
I know there are rather many questions and I'll probably have even more, but maybe someone will answer.
Sorry for a long read, but if you actually reached the end, thank you.