(Hopefully this is the right area to post this... If not, I apologize.)
Last fall, it looked like my wife was at least hesitantly supportive of my desire to transition. I was seeing a GID therapist and was probably about a month from starting HRT before she told me that she could stay my friend if I transitioned, but couldn't stay married to me. At that moment, I chose to stay male for the sake of our marriage and for our 3 year old son.
Right now, I'm in male mode, not seeing a GID therapist anymore, and my wife is pregnant with our second child. I'm looking for a new job, and we're getting ready to move from central Illinois to Columbus, Ohio. Every day I am tempted to flee... back to Seattle where all my supportive college friends are, and where I could pretty easily start life as a woman.
But I don't want to leave my family... I love them and don't want to lose them. I don't want to be a part-time parent to my kids either. One could make the argument that I've made my choice, and now I have to learn to live with it and cope with not transitioning... but will I ever be happy? Am I doomed to either be unhappy in my life as a male, or unhappy because I've become a woman but lost my family?
Mostly I'm just venting... Thank you for reading, everyone.