Quote from: Oldandcreaky on Today at 09:48:30 AMI hope your approach works for you, Allie. It certainly has so far.

Say, how has the prevalence of pain shaped your world view? I only had one migraine in my life and I've never forgotten it and I also don't forget how you basically stated that a cluster headache is to migraines as Godzilla is to Gila monsters. So, your cluster headaches are beyond my ken and I'm wondering how being walloped most days has shaped you.

Well, I'll admit that it took me a bit to get here... there was a lot of why me? And fruitless furrowing down endless rabbit holes of causes, cures, etc... all of which started to lead me into a very dark place. A place where pain is the dominate factor in your life.

Because you're either IN pain, or complaining about/worrying about/thinking about your pain — the why's, the when will it return, etc etc.

And then one day it just clicked.

Yes, this sucks. I am in pain 14+ hours a day. It objectively sucks. It's 11:46 am here, and just about five minutes ago I could feel, in the daily parlance we use here "my fuse light" - which means the migraine for the day has started — and it will last until the cluster at 1:07 am.

It will wax and wane on the pain scale. And because my tolerance is through the roof I can sometimes function with it, but my instinct is always to just hide under a pillow.

But I don't.

What I learned is that I can't do anything about the 14 hours. I have a team of people working on that. They're really good at what they do. What I can do is listen to them. Do what they say. Yes, I question everything. I make sure it's explained to me. I take an active role in my treatment, but I leave it to the experts.

What I control is the rest of the day. When I'm not in migraine. I make sure I suck the marrow out of those hours. And yes, I do push things off that are doable during a migraine to migraine times... but I try my best to always be pushing myself. And sometimes it lays me out for a few days afterwards. Like when we go on a vacation. That drains me. For the week after I'm a puddle of goo.  But it's 100% worth it. No regrets.

So the basics answer is, a pain life has taught me to appreciate what I have and not complain about what I don't, especially the things that aren't in my control. Doing that just wastes the precious resources that ARE in my control.

I seriously hope, when these headaches end, I continue to apply these lessons to the way I live a life with more real hours in it.

Quote from: LoriDee on Today at 09:38:42 AMI just got the call this morning. My lessons start on Friday (3rd) first thing in the morning!
I am stoked.

@Gina P

I was watching Trans Voice Lessons on YouTube and she said that many coaches start with that. She has found that some do better with learning to control resonance. She gave some exercises to work on breathiness, pitch, weight, etc. I am curious about what the VA coach will do, but at least I have an idea about the kinds of things we will be talking about.

I am a total newb at doing anything like this, but I love learning new things. Who knows, maybe I'll take up singing. When the neighbors get noisy I can fight back. 

I believe I have my gesticulation down pat, it has become second nature.  The voice has far more practice needed.  It is hard work, some days I just wonder why I am working so hard at this.  Maybe it is not to be.  Then I think I must keep on trying, I must keep on practicing, and perhaps the male voice will become the voice hard to do.

Chrissy

Quote from: Gina P on Today at 05:47:23 AMMy first voice coach it was all about pitch. There is so much more to the female voice than pitch. My new coach started with pitch and we have moved on to less breathiness, softer, and more emphasis on each word spoken more clearly.(Males then to be lazy and run thier words together.) Projecting the sound out from being in my chest or throat to a more forward sound. Also adding more loudness without loosing the rest of it. My wife is of little help she says it sounds phony. I have reverted to not practicing in the same room whenever possible.

What your wife says matters less than what strangers think. For example, are you identified as female on the phone when talking with strangers?

The Internet was newborn when I transitioned. There were no YouTube videos for coaching and I sought no coaching. I did it by fumbling trial and error.

Even Joe Biden recently said that, although he supports LGBTQ rights, he is hesitant to focus on those issues during his campaign. It is very polarizing and if he were to make his campaign about that and lose re-election, the new Administration would focus on undoing any progress made. Instead, he is showing his support and making moves tangentially by pushing women's civil rights because... who doesn't love women? These issues are less likely to draw attention from the far-right fanatics.

I hope your approach works for you, Allie. It certainly has so far.

Say, how has the prevalence of pain shaped your world view? I only had one migraine in my life and I've never forgotten it and I also don't forget how you basically stated that a cluster headache is to migraines as Godzilla is to Gila monsters. So, your cluster headaches are beyond my ken and I'm wondering how being walloped most days has shaped you.

I just got the call this morning. My lessons start on Friday (3rd) first thing in the morning!
I am stoked.

@Gina P

I was watching Trans Voice Lessons on YouTube and she said that many coaches start with that. She has found that some do better with learning to control resonance. She gave some exercises to work on breathiness, pitch, weight, etc. I am curious about what the VA coach will do, but at least I have an idea about the kinds of things we will be talking about.

I am a total newb at doing anything like this, but I love learning new things. Who knows, maybe I'll take up singing. When the neighbors get noisy I can fight back. 

Quote from: Oldandcreaky on Today at 07:33:58 AMI'm glad you added Takeabreakday to the rotation, making it an eight-day week.

Did the cluster headache wallop you?

You are so wise and have invested so much energy in your social transition and it has clearly been a resounding success that I'm reluctant to tweak your approach, but five or ten years down the road, you might want to tighten your expectations around your name and pronouns.

For me, to spend 99% of my life in the company of local friends and strangers who see me as female and then to connect with old friends and family who keep reminding me with the wrong pronouns that they remember me as male, well, it's a jolt every time because they've stayed behind. They don't see me, they don't know me, and we all want to be seen.

Oh I feel as if I'm with you... but I'm also a bit, sneaky. Or at least I think I am? 😉

I've seen my share of REALLY GOOD coaches who teach through fear and intimidation. They have their players constantly on their toes, hyper-aware, always nervous of being yelled at... and in that state of rapid heartbeat and fight/flight some people really step up. 

But those are also the players who, years later, share the "war" stories with each other.

The GREAT coaches get the players to play loose. To let them think they're playing their style, while slowly bringing them into the coaches' system. These players would run through a wall for their coach and these teams are always the most unified and longest-lasting.

My point? I'm not socially transitioned yet. So the last thing I need is for people to suddenly be on pins and needles with me. So I'm telling everyone, I know you're supportive - do your best - and don't worry about what you say. I'm not saying it doesn't matter. I'm just saying do their best and I will never take offense.

This encourages them to do their best. Which, I believe, they will. And as my transition goes further, and they get more comfortable, I hope/assume they'll continue to get better at things, just in step with my actual transition. And it will all feel safe and natural to them... and they won't want to avoid conversations with me, or suddenly be overthinking things. The hope is, mistakes will dwindle, because when they make one they'll move on and try to do better instead of feeling like they just knocked over a very expensive vase in someone's home.

THAT is my theory, anyway.

Maybe it's preposterous? But it's what I'm working with...

Love,
Allie

P.S. Yea, not a cluster-free night. So consider me wolloped. But luckily it was relatively short (fewer than 45 minutes).

One of them "I should have stayed in bed"  days, had a battle fitting a roof lining support in the Austin and then following a very slow driver that I couldn't overtake due to traffic a stone flicked up and cracked the windscreen.  GGGGGGGGGGGGGGRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

Push to restrict LGBTQ+ rights hits a snag in state legislatures

https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/politics/push-to-restrict-lgbtq-rights-hits-a-snag-in-state-legislatures/ar-AA1nQQJz?ocid=windirect&cvid=6fa1b662517145e68ef352417f2739b2&ei=17

Story by Casey Parks (29 April 2024)

Lawmakers introduced a record number of bills targeting gay and transgender Americans this year, but hardly any have passed, raising questions about whether the push to restrict LGBTQ++ rights is losing momentum.

The bills sought to regulate everything from which bathrooms transgender people can use to whether Pride flags can be raised in public buildings. Similar bills sailed through state legislatures in recent years. This year, they failed even in states where Republicans have supermajorities and governors demanded wins.

So far, just 20 bills have passed, according to the American Civil Liberties Union, down from more than 75 last year.

Strategists on both sides say Republicans appear increasingly unwilling to stake their reelections on cultural issues. Though many Americans support policies such as banning trans girls and women from playing on sports teams that match their gender identity, polls have found that the issues aren't especially important to voters.

"We're finding this to be sort of a lightning rod issue," said Sarah Parshall Perry, the senior legal fellow for The Heritage Project, a conservative think tank. "I think there is some legislative will to try to back off a little bit and possibly pump the brakes on what had been previously a more aggressive approach." 

Well done dear I feel exhausted just reading!!!