controversial

Quote from: ChrissyRyan on Today at 07:49:15 AMContentious

@Jessica_Rose
Dear Jessica:
You are absolutely correct regarding not "Allowing resentment to continue after a person is gone."
To go a step further with that thought, it is my goal in any of my less than delightful relationships
especially with family members.... is to take the relevant Bible verse to heart: 
Ephesians 4:26-27 (paraphrase and excerpt below)
        "Don't let the sun go down on your anger," Your anger can be
          destructive so do not to bury it. Process through it and hold
          onto what is good and let go what isn't.

I never want to have any regrets for not making amends and asking and accepting
forgiveness while those family members and others are still alive. 
    Take care of these matters...  HAVE NO REGRETS !!!

HUGS, Danielle

I have transitioned and gotten HRT and SRS and don't plan to get anything more.  I have changed pretty much all my records, including birth certificate (it's kind of rewriting history, but with all those laws saying "the gender on your birth certificate...")

But I spent 60+ years living as a man, and they have left their mark on me.  There are things I have experienced that have bent me in ways that cis women don't get bent and vice versa.  I try to understand cis women's experiences and the point of view they create, but it will always be a second-hand experience.

I sometimes think of myself as a refugee, a refugee from Manistan who has fled to Femininia.  I have done what I can to fit in, but like any immigrant, I will be different from someone who was born here.

@Katie Ellen
Dear Katie Ellen:
Exciting times ahead for you... whether you decide to go forward with
the surgery or not.
 
I hope that you get the answers to your questions at your future consult.

Please continue to keep me and the rest of you avid followers updated
as you feel comfortable sharing and posting.

HUGS, Danielle

Quote from: Katie Ellen on Today at 08:17:48 AMFor the record, I'm not sure I mentioned that I have a bottom surgery consult on July 15. This will be a HUGE step for me (if I go through with it)! I have been known to be a big chicken!

Congratulations! If you decide to proceed with surgery don't worry, you'll sleep right through it.

Love always -- Jessica Rose

Quote from: Oldandcreaky on Yesterday at 07:45:54 AMI have a half-friend who still bemoans her long-a mouldering mother. Her equally a mouldering resentments have half-buried her.

Allowing resentment to continue after a person is gone really serves no purpose, other than to allow their continued control over your happiness. Once they're gone, let them go.

A lot is going on right now. I had to take an unexpected day off work. I got access to my dad's checking account late yesterday (I have a Power of Attorney), and I discovered evidence of financial abuse. Hundreds of checks totaling well over $200,000. I downloaded all of the canceled checks from my dad's bank. I know who the 'abuser' is, and I have contacted state authorities. I am in unfamiliar territory now, and I hope none of you ever have to deal with something like this.

I have custody of my dad's cell phones. One of the phones was ringing, so I decided to answer. It was an uncle I had not spoken to in decades, my mom's last surviving sibling. He was a bit confused until I said who I was, then he asked about my dad. I filled him in on my dad's ever-changing condition (currently back in the emergency room). After several minutes of conversation, he mentioned that I sound just like my mom. I took that as a compliment. He then asked about my brothers, I told him I see 'G' every week or two, but 'C' passed away about five years ago. Then he asked about 'J', my deadname. I told him that was my old name, that I transitioned about six years ago. He was quiet for a few seconds, then said 'oh, OK'. We then talked about the farm where he and my mom grew up, and about some of the non-standard pets they had (coyote, javelina, deer). At the end of our conversation, I gave him my phone number. It was a sudden, totally unexpected coming out, but it went well.

My dad went to an oncology appointment this morning. His blood pressure was so low they called 911. Right now he is an an emergency room. Cancer may not kill him directly, but the aftermath of his surgery has enabled other health issues to become life threatening.

Love always -- Jess

It's a semantic question.  I go with the most common definition: a person is transgender if their sex as identified at birth is different from their experienced gender.  My sex was identified as male at birth.  My experienced gender is female.  Hence I am transgender and always will be, since that history will never change.

I am done with transitioning and all my documents have been updated, so I am not actively "trans-ing".  My being trans is not relevant to my daily life.  I present as female and am treated as female.  If people have questions about my gender identity, they keep them to themselves.

However, if politics here go the way that they have in about half the US, I may have to change the definition I live by.  If they start implementing fascist restrictions on what trans people are allowed to do, then I will have to deny being trans.  I will, in that situation, lie about the circumstances of my birth.  No, I was never identified as male at birth.  The reason my birth certificate is obviously a reprint is because the old one got destroyed and I had to get it replaced.  It will become very, very important to me to remember at all times that I am trans and to actively deny it at every opportunity.

Quote from: Oldandcreaky on Today at 07:56:33 AMHooray for you, Allie. And hooray for your wife, for she gets to keep your pals in her world. And most of all, hooray for your friends, for they get to keep Allie and you in their worlds.

Thanks and yeah, it's been good. Quite a morning, but good.

6-for-6 on the friends. ❤️

Had nice notes from all of them... and have spoken at length to two of them today already, and texted with a third to set up a time to chat on Thursday.  Another we will try to set up a lunch with soon.

Here's just a sampling of a few of the (edited) messages:

Not really sure what to say in an email but you are my friend and that will never change - Am I surprised, yes, but all I want is for you to be happy.I will call you tomorrow!!!
—
Thank you for sharing your letter with me. I respect and love you no matter what. Nothing will change between us-you are still my dear friend and will always be.
—

Hey... I just read your letter and then read it again to [my wife] aloud. My friend... I love you, I will always love you, so thank you for sharing this with me. I and we will always be here for you and our friendship will never die! Let's chat tomorrow.
—
Ok I just got your note, and thank you for letting me know and bringing me in. I'll want to hear all about everything of course, and much more about how you're doing, but wanted to let you know right away that I got it and to say thank you and that I'm proud of you. If there's a good day to talk tomorrow or sometime this week let me know, ok?
I love you, my friend.

There was one bad phone call today:

I ordered Pho for lunch, and I got a call from the restaurant reminding me that they were closed today and they apologized for the website allowing the order to go through. So now I have to have something else for lunch... when I was really looking forward to that.

But you, know, in terms of all the other stuff? All good.  Just EXHAUSTING.

Yours in pho-lessness,
Allie


P.S. Oh, on one of the calls, one of my friends speaking about my wife said the following - "I've told many people, you and your wife are the best friends of any couple I know."  Which is an awfully nice thing to say.