Susan's Place Transgender Resources

From my earliest memories, I knew that I was different. I didn't know in what way, just different. My behaviors seemed to be misunderstood. They thought I was doing x when I was trying to do y. There were times when I was convinced that I was some kind of alien sent to Earth to observe humans. In the third grade, I spent recess periods in the nurse's office, not due to injury, but as "protective custody" from the bullies who found it entertaining to assault me daily, both verbally and physically. I confided in a friend that I did not understand why this was happening, and he told me that it was because "I cried like a girl" and they were amused by it. I vowed then and there to never cry again.

The physical assaults moved off-campus and the bullies would catch me walking home from school and beat on me. My parents' efforts in talking to the school and the parents of the bullies had no effect. I had three younger brothers (I am the oldest) and my dad decided to teach us boxing so we could defend ourselves. As the oldest, the only people I had to spar with were my younger brothers. One pop to the face, down they went with a bloody nose. Mom put an end to that right there while telling me how I was responsible for looking after them, not giving them bloody noses. My only form of self-defense was running away. I became VERY good at running. By Middle School, I made the track team.

As a teen, I had no interest in sex. I had enough lectures from my parents about morality, teen pregnancy, etc. and I found that I enjoyed hanging out with girls. They were doing something meaningful: communicating with each other, while the boys were just interested in football, wrestling, and fighting. Of course, what they saw was this nerdy guy hanging out with "their" girlfriends, while they were busy trying to impress the other guys. They thought I was trying to move in on their girls. This resulted in more physical confrontation and more running practice for me.

Later, my parents divorced and remarried. My stepfather was an abusive monster who would constantly call me names like "Mary" or "sissy". It was him that convinced me that to avoid harassment I had to "man up". I began working in his welding shop until I could find an escape.

I tried to think of the manliest job I could come up with and I would strive to get there. Back in the late 1960s and early 70s, nobody knew much about transgender people. In my world, there were two options. You were either gay or straight, and if you were gay, you got a beating. I knew I wasn't gay because I was not attracted to men, women, or anything. I recognize beauty and handsomeness, but I never looked at someone and thought that I would like to have sex with them. I decided that the manliest job that I could get would be to join the Army. The recruiter had no openings for the nerdy things I was interested in, like computers. He showed me three brochures: Infantry, Artillery, and Armor. Infantry involved a lot of walking. Artillery was big cannons, but that would mean hauling big bullets. Armor. Tanks. Big guns with no walking and the tank hauls its own ammo. YES. Give me a tank!

During basic training, I learned some very valuable lessons. 1. Never volunteer for anything. 2. Never admit to any skills you might possess. 3. Everyone is anti-gay, so you better be too. I learned very quickly to "man up" and do the things that were expected of a manly man. It was the perfect camouflage. I also learned how to "play the game". The military does some strange things that make no sense. "Hurry up and Wait". Don't use soap dishes, ashtrays, or trash cans because they get dirty and won't pass inspection. The only way to escape living in the barracks with a bunch of guys and no privacy was to get promoted to Sergeant. The only way to get promoted was to play the game better than anyone else. So I did. I practiced every military skill to make sure that I was the absolute best. I didn't want to be the best in my unit, I wanted to be the best in the entire Army.

My efforts paid off. I was promoted to "Acting Sergeant" months before I was eligible for promotion. Upon eligibility, I passed all the boards with flying colors and was assigned as the gunner on the company commander's tank. This brought about new challenges because I had to be the best tank gunner in the world AND I was now in a leadership position. I got moved out to private living quarters and I was not about to jeopardize that.

The Army sent me to various leadership training schools and I was in the top 10% every time. I had to. I needed to maintain my image of being the Super Soldier. I excelled in marksmanship and fell into shooting competitions that eventually led to international shooting tournaments. This earned me various awards and added to my camouflage as a manly man. My skills were not just with pistols, rifles, and machine guns, my tank crew was rated top in our battalion. My commanders took notice. They wanted me to train the rest of the company the way I trained myself and my crew. They put me in charge of company training, but it was more of a management position. I didn't determine what training needed to be done, only how to do it. I trained the trainers, and they trained their troops. I was sent to Fort Knox, Kentucky to attend Master Gunner School. That was a tough course. Scoring in the top 10% was mandatory for graduation. Score less than 90 on any test and they send you home. We started with 53 candidates and graduated 13. I was then assigned as the Master Gunner/Operations NCO.

When I left the service, I was awarded the Meritorious Service Medal (the peacetime equivalent of the Bronze Star). Although I was proud to serve my country and happy with my achievements, I was not happy and I could not understand why.

[more to follow]

@LoriDee
Dear LoriDee:
I was captivated by your first post on your new Blog Thread "The Story of Lori"
You did all the things that you needed to do to "survive" and even flourish as you were biding your time to get yourself ahead in the Army.

Your Blog thread is your journal and becomes your "HOME" here on the Forum where members can find you and catch up with your life endeavors.

I not only keep my Blog thread frequently updated but I also keep a private (for my eyes only) personal journal at home... an "old school" pen&paper three ring binder (not a fancy journal book with a nice cover) stuffed with barely legible notes, snapshot photos, memorable greeting cards and letters that my friends have given to me, etc ....  On cold nights I can found sitting in my comfortable chair in front of my fireplace reading over and over my past entries, many times with tears in my eyes. 

When you share your "good news" all of us on the Forum will rejoice with you... and if you report "not-so-news" we will offer our shoulder for you to lean on.

Along with your avid readers and followers, I will be eagerly looking for your future postings as you unravel your continuing "The Story of Lori" and also your postings with your comments and thoughts around the various threads on the Forum.

Many HUGS, and more HUGS
Danielle   [Northern Star Girl]

While in the service, my tank crew worked very closely as a team. We became very good friends. One of my friends who was in my platoon, later arrived at my new unit when I was transferred to Germany. As we were already old friends, we hung out a lot. Rumors began to spread that possibly we were a "couple". Working so closely with members of my unit, it is easy to notice who is dating, who is married, who is the drinker, the athlete, or the nerd. One thing that was noticed about me was that I didn't date anyone, ever. In a strong hetero community, this raised questions. My old friend was married and he would jokingly tell me that I needed to get laid. I couldn't tell him that I had no interest in that. But this brought up a chink in my armor, a hole in my camouflage. It is not about appearance alone. I needed to shape myself to fit the mold so I did not stand out and attract attention.

Drinking and dating were added to my agenda. I hung out with the guys in the bars, with their girlfriends and mine. This led to a more serious relationship, marriage, and children. What could be more normal than that?

My efforts to excel in my career came at the cost of always being away from home, either at school or on some assignment. She would get lonely while I was gone, which led to affairs, which led to divorce. I did love her, but could not tolerate disloyalty. I understood her position and sympathized. I tried to make the divorce as painless as possible, more like a mutual agreement to separate. It did not go well.

I have two beautiful children, a boy and a girl. Both are grown and have kids of their own. I am not in contact with them due to a painfully bitter divorce.

Wife #2 was an alcoholic. She had a traumatic childhood in a dysfunctional family, which affected her desire for sex, and that was okay with me. Sex was never important to me. It's not that I don't enjoy it, I most certainly do. It just wasn't a priority in my life. We loved each other and were together for 15 years. She was with me when I left the service.

The VA awarded a disability pension, but I wanted to work. I worked as an Electronics Technician, specializing in alarm systems (fire, burglar, nurse call), then expanded to include computer network wiring, telephone/intercom, commercial sound systems, and master clocks in schools. One cold morning in December, I slipped on some ice in my driveway and fell. I damaged disks in my neck and required fusion of the vertebrae. My neurosurgeon told me that I was done. Total disability. The battle with Social Security took 18 months. Without sufficient income the stress levels on my wife and I were through the roof. And as if we didn't have enough going on we had a family tragedy. Her son committed suicide and she never recovered from that. Her drinking escalated and she died in a Chicago hospital waiting for a liver transplant.

Wife #3 saved my life. I was in bankruptcy and foreclosure, on the brink of being homeless, and living on $100 per month from the VA. The death of my wife left me with huge burdens and a very uncertain future. She was a friend who wanted to move closer to work, and I needed a place to live. She suggested that we get a place together. She agreed to cover expenses until my disability came through.

She kept pressuring me suggesting we should get married. Her parents were old-fashioned and disapproved of their daughter "shacking up" with some unemployed dude. I tried to explain that I did not want to be married. It has not worked out well for me. All she heard was "I don't want to marry YOU." That was not the case at all. She had been very good to me and I loved her so we got married.

Over time, our differences became magnified. We had no common interests. I would try to be involved in her interests, but I was struggling with pain issues and popping Vicodin like Skittles. I never liked the idea of being labeled as "disabled". We began different side businesses at home that I could help with. I enjoyed selling candles and jewelry, but my pain levels prevented me from doing as much as I wanted.

I began looking for alternative ways for pain management. I tried acupuncture, herbal teas, and deep tissue massages. Nothing worked. I read an article about a dentist who had a hypnotist in his clinic who would hypnotize his patients so they could do dental work without anesthesia. The patients reported no pain. I began researching this and enrolled in the HMI College of Hypnotherapy. I had just finished certification as a Clinical Hypnotist when one of my classmates told me about an international college that was looking for students for their online courses. He and I enrolled in the International College for Clinical Hypnosis Practioners. I became certified as a Hypnotherapist in the U.S. and the U.K. and I opened a clinic specializing in pain management.

Wife #3 was not impressed with any of this and seemed extremely jealous of my female patients. Arguments ensued and she believed that the reason I "never wanted to be married" was so I could play the field. My camouflage as the "manly man" was working against me. She saw the role I was so aptly playing, believed it, and automatically assumed I was using my testosterone outside of the marriage. She had an old boyfriend come back to town and no longer had time for me. We agreed to a peaceful divorce.

I had been traveling to South Dakota in the summers as I was learning about gold prospecting. Spending a month camping turned into a couple of months, then spending the entire summer there. I love South Dakota and vowed to move here, retire, and spend my time gold prospecting. I sold my hypnotherapy practice and bought an old pickup truck. I spent one winter building a camper on the back with full insulation, electric lights and heat, and a propane stove. I moved in May and lived in the forest until my apartment became available in November. I filed for divorce and put the past in the past.

In my mind, I was now living the dream. Retired, free to do as I pleased. But I still was not happy. I began to reminisce and concluded that I had not been happy at any time in my life. Sure, I had happy moments, but overall I was not a happy person. I went looking for help.

[more to follow]

You're a good storyteller. The story clip-clops along with enough details for spice.

Quote from: LoriDee on February 23, 2024, 09:53:26 AMFrom my earliest memories, I knew that I was different. I didn't know in what way, just different. My behaviors seemed to be misunderstood. They thought I was doing x when I was trying to do y. There were times when I was convinced that I was some kind of alien sent to Earth to observe humans. In the third grade, I spent recess periods in the nurse's office, not due to injury, but as "protective custody" from the bullies who found it entertaining to assault me daily, both verbally and physically. I confided in a friend that I did not understand why this was happening, and he told me that it was because "I cried like a girl" and they were amused by it. I vowed then and there to never cry again.

The physical assaults moved off-campus and the bullies would catch me walking home from school and beat on me. My parents' efforts in talking to the school and the parents of the bullies had no effect. I had three younger brothers (I am the oldest) and my dad decided to teach us boxing so we could defend ourselves. As the oldest, the only people I had to spar with were my younger brothers. One pop to the face, down they went with a bloody nose. Mom put an end to that right there while telling me how I was responsible for looking after them, not giving them bloody noses. My only form of self-defense was running away. I became VERY good at running. By Middle School, I made the track team.

As a teen, I had no interest in sex. I had enough lectures from my parents about morality, teen pregnancy, etc. and I found that I enjoyed hanging out with girls. They were doing something meaningful: communicating with each other, while the boys were just interested in football, wrestling, and fighting. Of course, what they saw was this nerdy guy hanging out with "their" girlfriends, while they were busy trying to impress the other guys. They thought I was trying to move in on their girls. This resulted in more physical confrontation and more running practice for me.

Later, my parents divorced and remarried. My stepfather was an abusive monster who would constantly call me names like "Mary" or "sissy". It was him that convinced me that to avoid harassment I had to "man up". I began working in his welding shop until I could find an escape.

I tried to think of the manliest job I could come up with and I would strive to get there. Back in the late 1960s and early 70s, nobody knew much about transgenderism. In my world, there were two options. You were either gay or straight, and if you were gay, you got a beating. I knew I wasn't gay because I was not attracted to men, women, or anything. I recognize beauty and handsomeness, but I never looked at someone and thought that I would like to have sex with them. I decided that the manliest job that I could get would be to join the Army. The recruiter had no openings for the nerdy things I was interested in, like computers. He showed me three brochures: Infantry, Artillery, and Armor. Infantry involved a lot of walking. Artillery was big cannons, but that would mean hauling big bullets. Armor. Tanks. Big guns with no walking and the tank hauls its own ammo. YES. Give me a tank!

During basic training, I learned some very valuable lessons. 1. Never volunteer for anything. 2. Never admit to any skills you might possess. 3. Everyone is anti-gay, so you better be too. I learned very quickly to "man up" and do the things that were expected of a manly man. It was the perfect camouflage. I also learned how to "play the game". The military does some strange things that make no sense. "Hurry up and Wait". Don't use soap dishes, ashtrays, or trash cans because they get dirty and won't pass inspection. The only way to escape living in the barracks with a bunch of guys and no privacy was to get promoted to Sergeant. The only way to get promoted was to play the game better than anyone else. So I did. I practiced every military skill to make sure that I was the absolute best. I didn't want to be the best in my unit, I wanted to be the best in the entire Army.

My efforts paid off. I was promoted to "Acting Sergeant" months before I was eligible for promotion. Upon eligibility, I passed all the boards with flying colors and was assigned as the gunner on the company commander's tank. This brought about new challenges because I had to be the best tank gunner in the world AND I was now in a leadership position. I got moved out to private living quarters and I was not about to jeopardize that.

The Army sent me to various leadership training schools and I was in the top 10% every time. I had to. I needed to maintain my image of being the Super Soldier. I excelled in marksmanship and fell into shooting competitions that eventually led to international shooting tournaments. This earned me various awards and added to my camouflage as a manly man. My skills were not just with pistols, rifles, and machine guns, my tank crew was rated top in our battalion. My commanders took notice. They wanted me to train the rest of the company the way I trained myself and my crew. They put me in charge of company training, but it was more of a management position. I didn't determine what training needed to be done, only how to do it. I trained the trainers, and they trained their troops. I was sent to Fort Knox, Kentucky to attend Master Gunner School. That was a tough course. Scoring in the top 10% was mandatory for graduation. Score less than 90 on any test and they send you home. We started with 53 candidates and graduated 13. I was then assigned as the Master Gunner/Operations NCO.

When I left the service, I was awarded the Meritorious Service Medal (the peacetime equivalent of the Bronze Star). Although I was proud to serve my country and happy with my achievements, I was not happy and I could not understand why.

[more to follow]

LoriDee,

Thank you for your military service.  I will read through your blog in more detail and may comment, right now I need to actually be off of here and finish up something.
But I did want to thank you right now for your service to our country.

Chrissy

A tale well-told, and just another example of how each of us arrives her through our own unique narrative.

Bonus points for the pleasant, rhyming title. I feel like the phrase  "The Story of Lori" could easily be repeated over and over as a vocal warmup.😘

One of the first lessons we learned about therapy is that a good therapist will see a therapist. Psychologists see a psychologist and psychiatrists see a psychiatrist. There is nothing unusual about this. When you are trying to help someone through a trauma, they unburden themselves onto you. You must then have someone to talk to for the same reason. Additionally, if you have a situation that you are unsure how to handle, a mentor or colleague might be able to give advice.

In school, it was required for us to have a mentor. My classmate who recommended the course in England was quite competitive, so we talked frequently and helped each other. He lived in London, so we stayed in touch via Skype. I established my practice in Illinois but he moved to Thailand to study Eastern philosophy. He and I were very different in the way we approached problems and the methods we used to solve them. That made him a good therapist for me. I think someone who perceived things or did things similar to me would be too easy to agree with me. I needed a different viewpoint.

During one of our weekly meetings, where we got caught up on each other's personal lives, he suggested that I might want to talk to a local therapist in a face-to-face meeting. He said that he felt that I might be dealing with something that he would not be able to help me with. I took his advice and began meeting with a therapist. After a few months, the therapist told me something similar, that I should probably speak with a licensed psychologist, that she did not feel she was qualified to help me go further in my therapy. She suggested a psychologist that she knew and I met with him.

I explained to him that I was trying to examine my behaviors and figure out what was wrong with me. Why was I not happy? Why do I have no desire to be in a "normal" relationship? I did not blame others. In my marriages and other relationships, I was the common factor. It's hard to assume you are right and everyone else is wrong. So what was wrong with me? No matter where I went or what I did, I did not feel "normal" or like I fit in. We began a very in-depth examination of my life. It seemed like I was finally gaining some insight when disaster struck (again).

I was out goldpanning and pulled a muscle in my back. It was very painful, so I packed up my gear and began the long hike out of a very steep canyon. It began to rain and the rocks were getting slippery as I climbed a near-vertical ascent up to the parking area. I slipped on a rock and slid a short distance, but was okay. After I got home, my elbow began hurting. When I fell I landed on my elbow but did not notice at the time. I had my doctor check it out. After many tests, I needed surgery. They did an ulnar nerve transposition, which means they moved my funny bone. My only insurance was Medicare at the time, so I got hit with copays, coinsurance, and deductibles. My finances took a big hit, so my therapy sessions got put on hold.

My disability rating from the VA is due to a back injury that prevented me from doing some things but was not considered total disability. My back was still bothering me and I couldn't afford physical therapy on my arm and my back. I went to the VA to see if they could cover my physical therapy. I didn't know it, but in the decades since I had left the service the VA's policy had changed. Doc said that my disability rating was enough to cover all of my medical costs, including mental health services.

Wait. What?

Including mental health services? Absolutely.

I began seeing a VA psychologist. I permitted my previous psychologist to send his notes so we could dig right into where I left off. Sort of. Every therapist has their methodology and point of view. My new psychologist never looked at the notes. We started from scratch.

I won't embarrass myself and bore you to tears by detailing what went on in those sessions, and they were intense. But I will share what I learned. Maybe as you have been following along, wondering why I brought up this or that, or maybe you related to it, what I learned will kind of explain what was happening.

His observations had him thinking that I might be transgender. I rejected that outright. I am not gay. So we spent many sessions teaching me what transgenderism was and what it was not. I had to learn the difference between biological sex, gender identity, and sexual preference. As he explained, I began to remember things I learned in school about personality, identity, id, and ego. I learned about medical conditions that affect the body's sensitivity to hormones. I learned that DNA is not "binary" as many would have us believe. There is more than just XX and XY. There is also XXY and XYY even though those cases are rare. He allowed me to ask questions, never forcing any ideas upon me, just allowing me to reach my own conclusions. Things started to make sense. He said that in his opinion, I would be described as "asexual trans feminine".

All my life I viewed myself as a girl, but not in a sexual way. My astrological sign is Virgo, the Virgin. That is how I saw myself, feminine but not sexually so. When forced into stereotypical male roles I was very uncomfortable, but I fully understood the consequences if I failed. Later I learned how to fit in and at least appear normal.

I finally asked my psychologist if there was some kind of test that would help me figure out if I am transgender, and he said YES! The test is very simple. We start with Hormone Therapy. Many call it  Hormone Replacement Therapy (HRT), but in this case, it is FHT (Feminizing Hormone Therapy). Do the hormones for 30 days. If there is ANY sign that this is not right, STOP immediately. Watch for depression, suicidal thoughts, moodiness, and anything that seems like something isn't right. If you experience any of these things, we will stop and look in another direction to figure out what is going on. I continued in therapy for two years before I agreed to take the test. During that time, I began studying on my own to learn all about what I was going through and what this all meant. I stumbled onto a website filled with information, anecdotes, and advice from REAL PEOPLE who were going through the same thing. It is called Susan's Place. Maybe you've heard of it?

I began taking hormones on 11 January 2020 and I feel great! Physically, I felt good, mentally I felt good. All signs pointed to THIS IS IT!

My next obstacle... the VA already knew, but how do I come out to friends and family?

[more to follow]

Hello Lori,

Your story is captivating!  Both because it so well composed but also because we all have lived similar lives.  Thank you for sharing and I'm looking forward to your next installments! 


Warmly,

Brooke 

Hi Lori

You mentioned the following in one of your posts:

Quote from: LoriDee on February 24, 2024, 12:02:33 AMI stumbled onto a website filled with information, anecdotes, and advice from REAL PEOPLE who were going through the same thing. It is called Susan's Place. Maybe you've heard of it?

Is it any good?

Quote from: LoriDee on February 24, 2024, 12:02:33 AMI began taking hormones on 11 January 2020 and I feel great! Physically, I felt good, mentally I felt good. All signs pointed to THIS IS IT!

About bloody time, your story is fascinating Lori, will wait with abated breath for further installments.

Quote from: LoriDee on February 24, 2024, 12:02:33 AMMy next obstacle... the VA already knew, but how do I come out to friends and family?

VA already knew?

Tell one member of the family and Chinese whispers will ensue.

Best Wishes and Hugs
Sarah B

I have always been an introvert. My psychologist says that it is at least partly due to past traumas. I learned early on how to be alone without being lonely. I had to. In Middle School, I was introduced to the works of Edgar Allan Poe. The beginning of his poem, "Alone" brought me to tears.

From childhood's hour I have not been
As others were—I have not seen
As others saw—I could not bring
My passions from a common spring—
From the same source I have not taken
My sorrow—I could not awaken
My heart to joy at the same tone—
And all I lov'd—I lov'd alone—

I would always have a few friends, but no one that I could really share my innermost feelings with. I tried with my spouses, but there was no way to explain what I did not understand myself. In two years of therapy, I began to learn what I was going through enough to accept that this is who I am. I learned enough that I could explain it to someone if they were willing to listen with an open mind.

The VA already knew that I was transgender. My Primary Care Physician submitted the consult to Mental Health Services. My Psychologist entered a diagnosis of "Gender Dysphoria" and recommended hormone therapy. This brought me back to my Primary, who then submitted a consult to Endocrinology to begin hormone therapy... medications being filled through the VA Pharmacy, and lab technicians who draw blood to monitor said hormones. So my entire Health Care Team was on board, and it was all documented in my health records. But no one else had a clue.

[SIDEBAR] Why do we call it "Gender" Dysphoria? We do not have a problem with our gender. It is Body Dysphoria, and it applies to people who are not transgender as well. We don't try to change our gender, we change our bodies to match our gender. [End Sidebar]

I am a very introspective person. I often think about my behaviors, appearance, and spirituality. Usually overthinking everything. I had gone through the process of accepting who I was and decided that I would no longer play the role I had been forced into my entire life. I was going to be ME.

BUT... (why is there always a but?) In my introspection, I often play the "What if?" game.

What if I tell everyone that I am transgender, and some new test comes along that proves conclusively that I am not?
What if my psychologist was WAY off base?

How do you go back and say "Oops, my bad"?
I don't think there would be any way to recover from that, except maybe to blame it on a brain tumor or something. This weighed heavily on my mind. I even asked my psychologist about this. I asked him how he knew that I am transgender and not a transvestite. Both are classified under the category of transvestism. He said, "We already covered that." Oh?
"Yes. Textbook transvestites are sexually aroused from cross-dressing, and you told me that you are not aroused, just comfortable as if it were nothing different."

Back and forth we went. I finally confessed that I had not come out to anyone and wasn't sure it was even necessary. He disagreed. So we drew up a sheet of Pros and Cons that I was to think over and fill in over the next month. The basic questions were:

1. By telling _______, how will that change their life? How will it change mine?
2. By not telling ________, how will that change their life? How will it change mine?

It was not as easy as it looked. I changed that list many, many times. And still got it wrong.
I jumped on the second question first because that is the easiest. If I don't tell anybody, nobody knows and neither of us is affected. Easy.

But if I tell _____, then they will change their opinion of me. I could lose a friend/family member. Can I live with that? Hmmm. I don't know.

Eventually, the hormones will kick in and it will be difficult to hide my new look. WAIT!
If I hide who I am, play the role expected of me, then nothing has changed. That is obviously not the answer either.

I kept debating this with myself back and forth for months. In the meantime, I had set up a second email address as Lori Dee. I played a lot of online video games and expressed myself through that persona.

I expected the biggest resistance to come from my step-mother. She is a wonderful person, but a devout Catholic. If she disapproves of anything, my dad will follow suit. Next would be my brother. I have two living younger brothers. We lost the youngest in a tragedy when we were all kids. The oldest of the two did some despicable things to me decades ago and we haven't spoken since. My youngest brother and I were always close. I will try to broach the subject with him and maybe get some ideas about how to talk to my dad about this.

My brother is an Over-The-Road truck driver. Occasionally, his route will bring him into town, so we have a chance to catch up. COVID happened and we decided to pause meeting in person for a bit. He is a fundamentalist Christian with VERY strong opinions. When we did meet up, we barely got through the small talk and he began criticizing the words I used. I hadn't even gotten to a point where I could bring up important stuff. I had said "goddamn" and he heard me taking the Lord's name in vain. I told him it was one word not two. He rolled his eyes and I agreed to work on it. I waited on talking to him about more important issues

Several months went by and I sent my mom & dad an email. Just basic catching up, this is what happened this week kind of stuff. I am a gold prospector and they enjoy seeing photos of the Black Hills and reading about how much gold I hauled in that week. I hit send and realized that I had sent it to them from the wrong email address. [insert panic attack]

I quickly sent an email from my dead-name address explaining that I just used the wrong address. My dad called me and wanted to ask questions. Why are you using an alias? I told him everything. I was three years into HRT and five years since I started therapy. He had a lot of questions and I explained it as best I could.

The next day, I got an email from my mom. Here we go. She said that they would support me no matter what I was going through. If I preferred, they would address me as "Lori" and the bottom line is that I am loved no matter what. I was shocked, but it was SO welcomed.

Next, I got a phone call from my dad. He assured me that he loves me dearly, BUT...
he was there when I was born and I will ALWAYS be his SON. I tried to explain the difference between sex and gender but he had other things to do rather than listen to me. And he insisted on calling me "Larry".

I sent an email to my mom. I thanked her for being so supportive and agreeing to address me by my LEGAL NAME. I assured her that I understood that it did not mean she agreed with what I am doing, or even that she understands what I am doing. The fact that she was willing to try to comply with my wishes was greatly appreciated. After that, Dad changed his mind on how he should interact with me. He tries to call me Lori.

My brother called and told me that he and other family members were setting up a 50th wedding anniversary party for my parents. He invited me to join and help out. Time to tell him. I explained that my appearance had changed dramatically since he last saw me, and told him the whole story. His last words to me were that I was "an abomination in the eyes of God" and that he was angry. He would never accept this. I told him I understood his feelings and that his reasoning was flawed. He has no authority to speak on behalf of God, and his refusal to accept me is due to his lack of knowledge on the subject. I said I will always love you, Brother. And he hung up.

Next was my cousin. Her father, my dad's brother, always lived fairly close to us. All of us kids grew up together. My brothers and I had no sisters, and my cousin had no brothers, so we got along more as siblings than cousins. I was talking to her on the phone and told her I had something important to tell her. I told her the story, the abridged version, not what I have been sharing here. She was delighted! Our conversation quickly changed to clothes and make-up and such. She begged me to send her pictures. I had taken a few over the years and sent her those. She called me back and said, "Don't take this the wrong way, but you are a prettier girl than you were a handsome man." Made my day.  ;D

Next, I called her dad, my favorite uncle. By then, word had spread. I told him my story. He asked a few questions, then said he didn't care what I did. It is MY life and he would love and support me no matter what. He has always been there for my family and I really thought he might become distant. Nothing changed. We are just as close as ever.

In a recent conversation with my dad, he brought up that I had "hid" this from him for years. I explained my Pros and Cons list and why I waited. He said that I had forgotten something that was a very important factor. In my deliberations, I never gave him a chance to decide for himself. By not being forthcoming, I was almost being dishonest. I assured him that I am no different now than I have been all my life. The only difference is that now he has information, intimate details, about my life that I had never shared before with anyone.

The moral of this story is that no matter how much you overthink it, it all boils down to honesty. When you deceive others, you are also deceiving yourself. Our entire transition is about being true to ourselves about who we are. Be honest with others too. Let them decide if they will accept it or not.

Some will accept it. Some will accept it and be supportive. Some will have nothing to do with you anymore. Do you need that negativity in your life? Probably not. Surround yourself with loving people who accept you for who you are. Everyone else is basing their decisions on appearances, bigotry, and/or misinformation. Help them understand. But allow them the courtesy to decide if they want to be a part of your life. It is YOUR life after all. Live it!

I'd love to change my gender.  I don't know how.  I don't think anyone else does either.  Transitioning is all I have been offered. 

Quote from: REM.1126 on February 25, 2024, 10:09:36 PMI'd love to change my gender.  I don't know how.  I don't think anyone else does either.  Transitioning is all I have been offered. 

Your gender is a facet of your identity. You can no more change it than you can change your soul. It is who you are in this lifetime. There are psychological techniques that can be used to alter or disguise your gender, but it would just be a facade. You cannot be happy if you are being untrue to your self. I can explain why that is, but it would be beyond the scope of this blog. I may address some of these issues over in the Spirituality section at a later date.

Quote from: REM.1126 on February 25, 2024, 10:09:36 PMI'd love to change my gender.  I don't know how.  I don't think anyone else does either.  Transitioning is all I have been offered. 

We were born female. An unfortunate birth defect caused us to be 'assigned male at birth'. It took us a long time to discover the error, even though we knew something was wrong for decades. Now we have a choice. We can either continue living the charade we've been forced to live by family and society, or we can allow our soul to escape the darkness in which it has been imprisoned since birth. Both options are painful, but one option will allow us to find the happiness we have sought for most of our life.

Love always -- Jessica Rose

In my case, I don't sense that I was born female.  I am not non-binary, I like the binary and want to be in the female side.  But, I was born mixed. 

My neurology was and is feminine (according to the radiologist that looked at my CTScan).  He wouldn't believe the images were my brain, and kept insisting a mistake had been made because this was clearly a female patient's brain, and I was clearly not female.  When he finally became convinced it was me, he was embarrassed and literally ran down the hall, telling me I was ok and he left the room. 

But, anatomically I was born male.  I have a DSD.  My body doesn't produce some needed hormones for sexual development.  Without medication, my T levels are too low to be detected.  The lab ran them repeatedly, each technician thinking the others had messed up the test. 

My body is mixed.  My gender is feminine.  My neurology is feminine, my genitalia is masculine (ridiculously small, but masculine nonetheless).

Not that it matters, but I don't want to be mixed.  I want to be happy one way or the other.  I guess there is some non-binary person who would be delighted with my body. 

Another well-told installment, Lori. Still estranged from your truck-driving brother?*

Thanks for sharing this:

"From childhood's hour I have not been
As others were—I have not seen
As others saw—I could not bring
My passions from a common spring—
From the same source I have not taken
My sorrow—I could not awaken
My heart to joy at the same tone—
And all I lov'd—I lov'd alone—"

So apt.



*Taking the Lord's name in vain means much more than Christians think. If I fail to complete a novel, I wrote in vain. If I secretly pine for someone, I love in vain. If a Christian beseeches God for divine intervention and Heaven is silent, that person asked in vain, WHICH happens countless times everyday. Applying my above average understanding of language, the Bible warns us to NOT ASK God for gifts in vain.

The etymology of vanity is "that which is vain, futile, or worthless."


So, don't treat God as a concierge, a gofer, or personal assistant. To do so is the veriest vanity.

Lori, wonderful post.

What struck me, probably because I'm at the phase of telling folks, is the idea of people being upset that we were lying and/or keeping this from them for years and/or decades.

I think of all the things people could be upset with me about, that is the one I am best equipped to handle. I can't speak for all of us, but I would think most would feel similarly - if I was lying to anyone for an extended period of time, it was to myself, first and foremost.

It was only when I finally started telling myself the truth, did I immediately start to get a handle on what the truth actually was, so I could share it with the important people in my life.

Years ago, every sentence would have been couched with "I think..." and "I hope not, but.." and every other sort of equivocation and naïveté.  That wouldn't have done anyone any good.

Again, thanks for being so thoughtful and open, and sharing your story.

Love,
Allie

@ Oldandcreaky

Yes, he has still not contacted me. I have heard through the rumor mill that he is being "openly unsupportive" for lack of a better term. I feel sorry for people who have such closed minds. They fail to learn things and then become prone to repeat their mistakes. If he comes around, I will accept any apology offered. If not... my life goes on.

QuoteYes, he has still not contacted me.

^This^ speaks to his character.

QuoteI will accept any apology offered.

^This^ speaks to your character.

Yesterday, I met with my new Gynecologist. I had been under the care of an Endocrinologist. When she retired from the VA they had no more Endocrinology Department. They transferred my care to a community (non-VA) provider. Now (2024) they have a new policy that all care will be handled within the VA if the services are available. They canceled my authorization to continue with the Endocrinologist and brought me in-house to the Women's Health Department.

I was pretty upset that they did this without asking me how I felt about it, or even bothering to tell me they were doing it. I found out when they scheduled the appointment.

Anyway... while I was being bounced around among Endocrinology departments, my new Gynecologist was on hiatus in Europe studying transgender medicine. She is now back and the VA brought me under her care. She is a wonderful woman. My appointment was scheduled for one hour since I was technically a new patient to her. We covered my history, issues I have had with various medicines (oral vs patches), other concerns I had, and what my goals were. She spent two hours with me.

One of the issues is electrolysis. No one in this area does it. My Dermatologist attempted laser hair removal, but my beard is gray. She told me I must have electrolysis. The Medical Chief of Staff agreed that it would be "medically necessary" for MtF transgender veterans. Over the past three years, I have begged them to find a way to send me wherever I need to go to get it done. They are the Federal Government. If the only place available is in Puerto Rico, then why am I not on a plane?

I also told her that about three years ago I asked about voice training. My Endo at that time contacted the Voice Therapist at Fort Meade VA and was told "No". I don't know if the therapist was not qualified, unwilling, or what. But the answer was still "no".

Today, I had an appointment with my Psychologist to show me how to use the Biofeedback machine as Stress Management training. It was a fun experience. I have never used any biofeedback device, so this was very interesting to me. And she enjoyed showing it off.

After the appointment, she told me that our LGBTQ++ Care Coordinator had found a way for me to get voice lessons. Apparently, it is a national program called GAFF?? Gender Affirming {something something}? So she is arranging Tele-Medicine appointments to get me started on that. She also said that she has been in contact with other LGBTQ++ Care Coordinators at other VA Medical Centers in our region. Some vets have been able to get beard removal and pre-op electrolysis, but there is some special way to get it approved. They have discovered the secret handshake needed and are working on it. They will let me know if they can get it approved for me. [Hallelujah!]

After two years of stasis, I am finally seeing action to help me move forward. I am very thankful.

Quote from: LoriDee on February 27, 2024, 06:18:21 PMAfter two years of stasis, I am finally seeing action to help me move forward. I am very thankful.

Lori,
Very happy for you that you are able to start moving forward.

Ellen

Lori,

That is wonderful news. So glad this change has worked out for the better and to aid you further. Hugs
Mariah

QuoteAfter two years of stasis, I am finally seeing action to help me move forward. I am very thankful.

I'm thankful for you too.

[POSSIBLE TRIGGER WARNING]

When I came out to my parents, my dad had many questions. One of them was whether or not I would change my birth certificate. I told him that I had no plans to.

My birth certificate is a historical document. For our friends across the pond, an historical document.  ;D  There is no place to record gender, and the doctors and staff have no way of knowing what the gender will be. So from my point of view, the record is accurate. It describes the observations of medical personnel at that moment in history. I am not ashamed and I have no intentions of trying to erase my past. It starts with birth certificates, school records, military records, and on and on. There is no reason to change any of it.

As many have pointed out, we are not the same person anymore. I acknowledge who I was then and what I achieved. I learned a lot from that person, and what he learned shaped the woman I am today... good and bad.

I was inspired by Susan's progression photos showing what she looked like over the years. I think it is brave and a bit therapeutic to be able to look at where you came from and see how far you have come. I don't believe anyone on this forum has any doubt that Susan is an amazing and wonderful woman.

As a part of The Story of Lori, I will share with you where I came from. [POSSIBLE TRIGGER WARNING]
If you don't want to see me in a beard, or stitches from eye surgery, proceed no further.

The Story of Lori (Photos) (https://imgur.com/a/AEZXBWe)

Love love love this Lori. :icon_flower:

I, of course, 100% percent understand and respect those who determine and decide that the best course of action for themselves is to erase all traces of their life up to the point of transition. Whatever works for an individual is the right answer for that person - it's beyond dispute.

I just happen to come at this the way you do. When I came out to our son I described it like this:
"I wouldn't change anything about my life up to this point. I'm right where I'm meant to be. With your mom and with you. I don't regret a single second of any of it."

That doesn't mean that I didn't spend years with crushing guilt, confusion, longing to make the crispy shell match the noughty center... but that's all part of what got me here. It's all part of the totality that will make me the woman I am and will continue to grown into.

So especially with friends and family... it's nothing I am ashamed of.

Love,
Allie

@imallie

Exactly! Well said.

We all walk our own paths. This one is mine. Sometimes we meet people on different paths. Sometimes our paths cross. Sometimes we go in opposite directions. It doesn't mean anything except we are on our own path.

Hugs.

I am going to vent here for a moment because I want to strangle someone. Well, not really. But...

When I first started my transitioning, the VA told me that my care would be handled by the Minneapolis VA Endocrinology Department. I had several appointments with them via telemedicine. They did the initial 1,000-question interview to ask every conceivable question to be absolutely certain that I understood what I was doing and the risks involved. They wrote my first prescriptions. I got tired of seeing different interns each time who would keep asking the same questions. You have informed consent, can we PLEASE move on? Finally, I talked to my Primary Physician and told her I wanted to see someone local. Someone who will get to know me and I can get to know them. She made it happen.

Three times I requested electrolysis for hair removal. No one in the VA here does it. No one in the local community does it. So my requests were closed as "Service Not Available". I did a Google search for electrolysis and came up with 20 providers in this region. Denver had 14. There is a school in Wisconsin. Chicago will sedate you with general anesthesia so multiple technicians can clear you in one session. I gave my list to the Community Care Coordinator. She claims that she called every one of them. They are all a cash/credit provider and demand payment at the time of service. They don't want to wait for the VA to write them a check 3 months later. Since the VA does not pay with cash or credit, "Service Not Available".

Fast forward to this week. I was speaking to my LGBTQ++ Care Coordinator and she has been in conferences with other Coordinators throughout the Region and at the National level. She said they have contacted every State Health Department and requested a list of all licensed electrolysis providers in that state. Then they called each one and asked if they would be interested in working with the VA to help veterans needing hair removal. One said yes and is already signed up. Another one said yes and is in the process of doing the paperwork.

Tonight I stumbled onto the Minneapolis VA website. Under the heading, "Transgender, gender expansive, non-binary Veterans' guide to navigating Minneapolis VA" is a list of services that the Minneapolis VA provides. Going down the list I read:

"Hair removal

Veterans in the Minneapolis VA Health Care System are eligible for facial hair removal by laser or electrolysis. This care is provided through a care in the community consult. If you have been diagnosed with gender dysphoria, your primary care or mental health provider can submit a community care dermatology consult for this medically necessary procedure to alleviate symptoms of gender dysphoria."

In other words, the Minneapolis VA already has a provider that they are sending veterans to. So why did this not come up early in my transition when my care was through the Minneapolis VA? Why was this not brought up during the Midwest Care Coordinator Conferences that happen every week? Why didn't anyone know this until I found the website by accident and sent a link to my Care Coordinator?

Who the hell is steering this boat?

Come Monday, somebody got some 'splaining to do.

{End of Rant}
Thank you for attending this Ted Talk.

Wow... how far down the road out of pocket are you on hair removal, Lori?

I guess the good news is, hopefully this means you can get it covered going forward. But I wonder if there's any chance for reimbursement for past expenses? I'd guess not but who knows?

All my electrolysis has been out of pocket.. $85 per week, for 16 months now.

It's funny, I remember people saying that hair removal for your face would cost like $10k and I thought that was crazy... but now I get it completely.

Lori, typical government run agency. If you don't specify exactly, fill out every forum correctly, its on you. They love to say the have made available $xxx in funds for... but make it almost impossible for anyone to get.
Good luck. 
Hugs Gina

Quote from: imallie on March 02, 2024, 11:11:08 PMWow... how far down the road out of pocket are you on hair removal, Lori?

I guess the good news is, hopefully this means you can get it covered going forward. But I wonder if there's any chance for reimbursement for past expenses? I'd guess not but who knows

My problem is that there is no one local who does it. I would have to travel at least four hours driving to the nearest one. I can't afford to fly. Flights in and out of Rapid City start at $500 round-trip.

So I have to deal with it as best I can. I have tried creams, blades, electrics, and epilators (OUCH!). @Gina P is right. The VA moves at the speed of government. They have been making us promises since 2016 and no meaningful action in that direction. Lots of political rhetoric.

I talked to my psychologist about this. Is it any wonder that I am stressed out, frustrated, and depressed? That is the magic word. They freak out over depression because veterans (especially LGBTQ Veterans) have a high rate of suicide. I have told them that my spirituality will not allow me to commit suicide, but the diagnosis of "moderate to severe depression" lit a fire under them. Now that I have their attention I use that as leverage to force them to do their jobs. My Trans Care Coordinator told me to advocate for myself, be demanding, and hold their feet to the fire. So that is what I am doing. At least now, I can almost see a light at the end of the tunnel. Hopefully, it isn't an oncoming train.  ;D

Oh I'm so so sorry to hear ALL of that. People talk about the pain of electrolysis... and I don't discount anyone who does experience it that way... but for me it is beyond a doubt the most affirming hour I spend each week.

Everyone's transition is unique to them, however. So I hope and pray you are able to find a solution to this as soon as possible that works for you. The way you are self-advocating makes me confident that if there IS a way to crack this, you will find it!!

Good luck!
Allie

Received a message from my Trans Care Coordinator, regarding hair removal issues.

Yes, Minneapolis has a non-VA provider that they use. No, Minneapolis is not part of the community in Rapid City, SD. It is not a question of whether I need it. It is not a question of it being "medically necessary". Previous requests for LOCAL care have been authorized, then died on someone's desk as "service not available".

The issue is this: Rapid City VA and the Black Hills System have no one local. Minneapolis does, but it is a non-VA provider. (Think HMO out of network). Minneapolis can send vets to their provider. Rapid City can send vets to the Minneapolis VA, but not a non-VA provider in Minneapolis.

So what they are working on is an authorization for travel to Minneapolis for medical care. That may mean I have to check in at the Minn. VA and then let them refer me to their local provider. They can authorize travel and expenses only under specific circumstances, so they are trying to word the request so it hits all of the checkboxes and gets approved. It feels like no one has ever transitioned in South Dakota through the VA and I am out there swinging my machete, clearing a path through the jungle. I'm ok with that, but I know that I am not the first veteran to transition through VA in this area and I am not the only one now.

It's a good thing that 14+ years of Army training has helped me develop the critical skill of "Hurry up and Wait". {sigh} More to follow

Hi Allie

Quote from: imallie on March 03, 2024, 12:27:36 PMOh I'm so so sorry to hear ALL of that. People talk about the pain of electrolysis... and I don't discount anyone who does experience it that way... but for me it is beyond a doubt the most affirming hour I spend each week.

One needle or 16 needles, at a time?  ;)  :D  ;D

Hugs and Hugs
Sarah B

Quote from: Sarah B on March 05, 2024, 10:53:09 AMHi Allie

One needle or 16 needles, at a time?  ;)  :D  ;D

Hugs and Hugs
Sarah B

Just one, and a lot of lot of laughs.

My quarterly Botox is 40 injections, many of them much closer to my eye... and while that doc is super nice, very kind and gentle... not nearly as many laughs.  Plus, she doesn't yet know I'm trans. 🤫😂. No, I need to tell her.. likely at our session next month.

It's just REALLY difficult to find a time to shock someone when they are really close to your face with dozens of ultra sharp needles. Surprisingly, it does not naturally come up in conversation.

The latest in another saga with the VA.

I legally changed my name in December 2022. I sent copies of the court order to everyone (VA, Social Security, credit bureaus, banks, credit card companies, vehicle registration, and driver's license.)

I moved into my new apartment in August 2023 and notified the VA of my new address. On the website portal, after logging in, I can access a Health Summary document which is a copy of my medical records that I can download and share with non-VA providers.

I noticed that my address was not correct. Just a minor thing, they forgot to put the apt number and the last four of the zip code is wrong. Then I noticed under the insurance providers section, my deadname listed about ten times in various spellings and variations. One of those entries was a nickname, and the Medicare account number isn't even mine!

I have talked to the Administration office and they showed me their computer screen. That is not what they have on file for me. They show my correct legal name, address, and account number. Then I went to Patient Accounts and talked to them. They have a very nice woman whose title is Insurance Billing Verifier. She showed me her computer screen. She has the correct information on file and no outdated stuff. So where is the information in my online records coming from?

I logged into VA.gov and checked there. Everything they have on file is correct and accurate. I contacted the Help Desk and submitted problem tickets. Later I got an email saying the ticket was closed and the issue was "resolved". I logged in and nothing changed.

Last week, while talking with my Trans Care Coordinator, we were talking about my stress levels and various triggers. They work in the Mental Health department with my psychologist. I asked her what I would need to do to have my deadname completely removed from my medical records. She started investigating.

She is friends with a new Help Desk representative and she explained my situation. I had taken screenshots of what is in my file vs what is in the VA records and the records held here in my local health care system. I suspect that somehow somebody's records got mixed up with mine and the two are linked. I wonder if there is a veteran out there somewhere complaining about his Gender Dysphoria diagnosis and subsequent appointments with Gynecology.

I got a call this morning from the Help Desk rep. He said I needed to call the Help Desk number and a technician should be able to get this resolved. I told him I had done that many, many times without success. Maybe he alerted someone that I was calling. So, I called and explained who I was and what the problem was. They can't help me because they cannot see my records. Hence they can't change anything in them. I need to call the Local Help Desk Coordinator to get that changed. Got the number and the extension.

I call and get the standard menu. I enter the extension number. Another menu, I wait and get a voicemail. I leave my contact info and a detailed explanation of what I need help with. A few minutes later, I got a call from the same guy who called me this morning and sent me on this goose chase.

He explained that he cannot see my records and, therefore cannot change anything in them. However, he is willing to escalate the issue to someone who can. He agreed to meet me tomorrow at the clinic after my doctor's appointment. We will sit down with documents in hand and he will call God or somebody to finally get the issue to the right person. After nine months or so, it still has not been resolved. How hard can it be to fix an address?

So what did I do this afternoon? SHOPPING!

(https://i.imgur.com/cQ8KXnT.jpg)

@LoriDee
Dear Lori:
You had such high hopes for a good outcome with your face-to-face
meeting today with the VA people...

.... and unfortunately you hit the government red-tape brick wall.

So, I was glad to read that after the disappointing meeting with the VA you
proceeded to have "shopping therapy"  .... one of my favorite things to do
when things go wrong during the day, and chocolate helps too.

I trust that you will finally get things resolved... you need to continue
to be persistent.  The squeaky wheel gets the grease, but don't squeak
too much and in an aggressive way.... wheels like that get replaced and/or
removed. 
Kindness, understanding and polite attitude... and persistence
will hopefully help unblock the bureaucratic brick wall.

Get some ice cream, chocolate, and buy a new pair of shoes...
... that usually helps me in times of distress.
HUGS and many more HUGS,
Danielle

Lori,

I am sorry for all the problems you are having. FYI,  I had a similar issue at my pharmacy. It took forever for them to find the software bug that was causing the automated phone system to say my <deadname>.

Ellen

I am using their own rules against them.
You want to contact me? Fix my address.
Stop triggering me with all these wrong names in my file.
And the other one was in the Allergies section. It says that there is no allergy assessment on file at the West LA VA Medical Center. Of course not, I've never been there!
So where is the allergy assessment that was done here a year ago? Why isn't that in my records?

The Help Desk Rep admitted that these errors could be quite serious. I didn't tell him that all 80 tests were negative and I have no allergies. But what if it said I was allergic to penicillin? And it isn't listed in my medical records. Tomorrow is the face-to-face meeting. I have all my documents. Hopefully, I have their attention now. Squeaky persistence.  ;D

A quick update.

I had an appointment with a Nutritionist this morning to discuss my low vitamin levels in February's labs. The Help Desk Rep (Carl) agreed to meet me at the clinic too.

I was expecting bad weather so I left early. (Of course, now it is a beautiful sunny day). I was early enough to speak with Carl before checking in for my appointment. We went over all of my documents and records. With screenshots printed out, he was able to see what I see when I log in. He told me that he had already escalated my case to the National level and that he would forward the documents I gave him. Things are looking up.

Then I met with the Nutritionist who didn't tell me much that I didn't already know. "Eat more vegetables". My response was "Have you been to the store lately?". Ok, I will work on that. She gave me a bunch of handouts from the FDA on meal planning, shopping lists, etc. Overall, a good visit.

Then I got home and began reading all of what she gave me. According to the meal planner I will need to buy turkey, chicken, tuna, Canadian bacon, oranges, apples, grapes, bananas, lettuce, tomatoes, fruit juices, vegetable juices, potatoes, noodles, hamburger buns, whole wheat bread, and dinner rolls.

Right.

1. That would cost more than what I pay to rent my apartment. (not an exaggeration).
2. Most of that would spoil before I could eat it all. I know because it has happened many times.
3. I would need a much bigger refrigerator/freezer just to hold it all.

I am not a good cook and I don't enjoy cooking. But I agreed to try to develop better habits and maybe build a new skill set. But with depression comes a lack of motivation and energy.

I do recognize that there are many things that I need to work on, and they are all interconnected. But conflicting advice is not helpful. Buy this much food. but Watch your budget. Exercise outdoors in the sun to get some vitamin D. but Stay out of the sun, you have already had 7 skin cancers removed. Wear sunscreen. but Wash your face four times a day or more.

Sometimes it feels like I have one foot nailed to the floor and I am running in circles going nowhere.

It will work out and I'll get there. Baby steps, one at a time. Any progress is still progress and I count my blessings every night.

Dont think much of your nutritionist , avoid fruit juice as its full of sugar, no white bread as its "empty" calories. Avoid ready meals as they are full of chemicals, salt, sugar and fat. Plan your meals with a good balance of veg and meat and only buy what you will eat that week (thats if you do a weekly shop) Frozen veg and fish is a good store cupboard standby as well as tinned veg. 

Thanks. My Primary warned me about fruit juice. She said when you eat the fruit, it has fiber which slows digestion so you don't get a spike in blood sugar. With juice, it goes straight into the bloodstream with nothing slowing it down.

I questioned why I needed bread and buns and dinner rolls. The intent is to provide a variety. Fine. But I eat when I am hungry and for no other reason. Occasionally, I will treat myself to a Buffalo Burger or a steak dinner. But for the day-to-day meals, protein is protein. I switch between chicken, pork, and tuna. I have been slacking on the veggies, so I will start incorporating more of them into my meals.

Thanks for the advice!
Hugs!

Maybe get some cooking lessons? or at least a basic cook book. I taught myself to cook and I mostly live of Indian food cooked from scratch following recipes from my 12 Indian cook books. I also have a recipes for one or two book that is easy to follow as well as several other good cook books. Batch cook meals as well and freeze them in meal sized containers, that cuts cost of cooking and saves ingredients. Not often I have to throw food out, if veg is going over its best I make a mixed veg curry.

There is a cooking class being offered to the residents of our apartment building from March 20 - April 17th. I have thought about it. I don't want to sign up for the class if it is something that I won't enjoy. I gave it some serious thought as I read through the brochure. My dysphoria would be in hyper-drive and the brochure says "Bring your kids!". Knowing the people in this building, it would be total chaos and I would be more annoyed than interested.

I do have a book, not a cookbook, that has recipes in it. The book is "Staying Healthy with Nutrition" by Elson M. Haas, MD. "The Complete Guide to Diet and Nutritional Medicine" was our textbook for a class I took decades ago. It covers everything from vitamins to carbohydrates, and has some recipes and special diets, like for diabetics or to relieve other issues, like arthritis. I bought a second copy for my parents. It is a hefty volume, clocking in at over 920 pages counting the index. I mostly use it now as a reference, but in class, we read it cover to cover.

Sounds like it is time to dust it off and see what I forgot.

(https://i.imgur.com/l9r2lMQ.jpeg)

Quote from: LoriDee on March 07, 2024, 08:58:44 PMI am using their own rules against them.
You want to contact me? Fix my address.
Stop triggering me with all these wrong names in my file.
And the other one was in the Allergies section. It says that there is no allergy assessment on file at the West LA VA Medical Center. Of course not, I've never been there!
So where is the allergy assessment that was done here a year ago? Why isn't that in my records?

The Help Desk Rep admitted that these errors could be quite serious. I didn't tell him that all 80 tests were negative and I have no allergies. But what if it said I was allergic to penicillin? And it isn't listed in my medical records. Tomorrow is the face-to-face meeting. I have all my documents. Hopefully, I have their attention now. Squeaky persistence.  ;D

LoriDee,


How did this meeting go?


Chrissy

@ChrissyRyan

Good thanks! The post got buried on the previous page, but thanks for asking!
Hugs!

Lori - feel free to pm me and we can discuss diet and meal planning as much or little as you would like. Happy to be a resource. Aside from my own personal 175+ lbs weight loss, I then got nutrition certified so I better understood the science beyond what I'd accomplished so that not only could I continue it, but help others.
Again happy to help/discuss things if you'd like. If not, no worries!

Love,
Allie

The class I took was a certification in Nutrition and Wellness by the AFPA (American Fitness Professionals Association). They mostly certify Personal Trainers and the course was part of their training. I only wanted the N&W part, so got a discount on tuition. At that time, I was still recovering from neck surgery (cervical fusion of C6-C7 vertebrae) and my disability claims were still being reviewed. A friend of mine set me up selling Shaklee products for income. I thought the certification might be a great marketing tool, but (like you) I wanted to be able to speak with people intelligently about nutrition and general wellness.

That would have been back around 2001 - 2002, so a little while ago. Since then... life... and I sort of stopped paying attention to what I was doing. The same thing happened with my mental health. I retired as a hypnotherapist and closed my practice almost ten years ago. I stopped paying attention to my own mental health. I have had a bit of a wake-up call, so now I am getting back on track.

Thank you for the kind offer! I might just take you up on it someday. Hugs!

Quote from: LoriDee on March 08, 2024, 05:58:45 PMThe class I took was a certification in Nutrition and Wellness by the AFPA (American Fitness Professionals Association). They mostly certify Personal Trainers and the course was part of their training. I only wanted the N&W part, so got a discount on tuition. At that time, I was still recovering from neck surgery (cervical fusion of C6-C7 vertebrae) and my disability claims were still being reviewed. A friend of mine set me up selling Shaklee products for income. I thought the certification might be a great marketing tool, but (like you) I wanted to be able to speak with people intelligently about nutrition and general wellness.

That would have been back around 2001 - 2002, so a little while ago. Since then... life... and I sort of stopped paying attention to what I was doing. The same thing happened with my mental health. I retired as a hypnotherapist and closed my practice almost ten years ago. I stopped paying attention to my own mental health. I have had a bit of a wake-up call, so now I am getting back on track.

Thank you for the kind offer! I might just take you up on it someday. Hugs!

That all sounds good, Lori. Yeah, I did mine through PN (Precision Nutrition).

But I have kind of taken all that really just to validate the things I learned in my journey, and have evolved it from there. Because, as you know, what works for me, will not necessarily work for you. The principles will... they might help guide you to some set of "Lori rules"... but that's it.

By the way, just one little thing to get back to something you mentioned earlier after your appt with the nutritionist, and how she wanted you to go to the store and spend your life savings on fruits and veggies?

Yes, it's true that while everyone should fill 1/2 their plates with veggies, and eat all the fruit they can...that stuff is not only expensive, but also often there can be a great deal of food waste, when items go bad too quickly, or if you get items that never ripen, etc.

One solution that people for some reason think is less-than - shop for fruits and veggies in your freezer section. The are so much less expensive, they are ALL picked and packaged at their peak of flavor, and it is by far the most cost effective way to get your fruits and veggies.

Yes, if you planned to eat them raw, you need fresh. But if you're cooking, baking, etc... frozen is the way to go. It also is the alternative to pre-packaged meals. It's the compromise. You can also get flash frozen chicken breasts, and have them and veggies in the freezer, so you literally just need some sort of sauce you like that you can heat up and you will always have a high protein, nutrient-dense meal at the ready with limited cooking time and effort.

Love,
Allie

Thanks, Allie!
I forgot about frozen fruit. I was buying canned because it stays good until I am ready to eat it. I would buy a bag of apples to munch on as a snack, but halfway through the bag, I found some that were badly bruised and even rotting. Ugh. I don't reward bad behavior or poor quality. I stopped giving them my money and bought them at other stores.

My dysphoria doesn't allow me to go shopping every week. If I am already out running errands or for appointments, I will stop and pick up supplies. I do grocery shopping about twice a month, so things need to last at least a week.

Allie, my dear, I believe you have given me the answer. When I am picking up frozen veggies, I will grab fruit too! Now I want some frozen strawberries over pound cake.  ;D

Hugs!

Also SOOO great for making smoothies. No need for ice when you're already using frozen fruit!

Apples can be cored and sliced down, zapped in the microwave and then frozen . Great for a pie filling or crumble.

The weather is warming up rapidly. Today I had to clean out the rock tumblers. The stones are now running through a cleaning cycle of borax, then they will get inspected. Those that need more work will go back to the same or earlier stage. Those that are ready will move to the next stage.

I have three stones that will not shine when polished. The material is too porous to take a shine. All three are being done by request. One is a heart-shaped stone a gal found and she had me engrave an initial into it and it will become a key ring (it's too heavy to be a pendant).

(https://i.imgur.com/KuzVz1c.jpeg)

One is a cool stone called many things because of its funny shapes and colors. Some call it Fruit Jasper, some call it Pimento Jasper, but it is not a jasper at all. It is a form of marble called Sabalgarh Marble. Jasper is a hard stone and polishes easily. Marble is very soft - the reason it is used in sculpture.

(https://i.imgur.com/65aALDZ.jpeg)

And the third piece also has many misleading names. Often called Sanskrit Jasper, Arabic Jasper, or Calligraphy Stone. The legend is that ancient prophesies were carved into the stone. The truth is that it is not a jasper at all. It is a fossil from the Himalayan region in India called Miriam Stone.

(https://i.imgur.com/CyxczlC.jpeg)

Since they won't take a shine, I took them outside in the warm sunshine and sprayed them with a Clear Coat. They look amazing, but we will see how they look tomorrow after the coating fully cures.

With gold's spot price (price per ounce) setting records and continuing to hover above $2,100 per ounce I am getting anxious to get back out to the mine and get to digging. Every election year causes economic uncertainty which affects the stock and commodities markets. I don't invest, I dig. The gold I dug out of the ground back in 2016 has almost doubled in value... without any additional work on my part.

So tomorrow I will be inspecting my gear, checking that everything is in order and ready to rock and roll. The water will still be cold as there is still a lot of ice melting up at higher elevations. My insulated chest waders work well in keeping my feet warm in ice water, but my hands are another story. I have been looking for some insulated diving gloves that will be waterproof, keep my hands warm, and still have the flexibility to move my fingers as needed.

Or I may just suck it up and deal with it as I have for the past 7 years or so.  ;D

I watch some gold prospecting programs, hard work dear but if it pays off its worth it.

It doesn't always work out. It's feast or famine. Luckily I met an old hard rock miner who owns a gold mine not far away. He told me that he moved here in the 50s and was a fur trapper, so he knows every inch of this creek. He pointed to several locations and told me what he saw. That was in 2017 and I have been digging gold from that area since then. I found a map that was the first map ever drawn of this area. It was published in 1900 and it shows a gold claim already at that spot. I guess that it may have been part of a series of claims from further upstream. It still pays. Some seasons are better than others, but it keeps me off the streets at night.  ;D

More good news.

I just received a letter from the Social Security Administration informing me that I am no longer "disabled". Does anybody know if Jesus works there? (Hallelujah!)

Apparently, as of March 2024, I have reached the official full retirement age, so they are changing my SS records from "Disabled" to "Retired". Since I am entitled to full retirement benefits there will be no change in income. Disability requires that I pay Medicare insurance premiums. Retirement has no such obligation. I can now opt-out and save $200 per month. I want to do it, but I might need Medicare for surgery down the road, so I will wait.

Veggies can be very tasty!

Most everything costs so much nowadays.  I eat a lot of fish, chicken, pasta, cheese, and veggies.  Per pound, typically cheaper than prime beef.

Eggs seem to have gone down in price.

Chrissy

I eat the same way. But I promised to increase my fruit and veggie intake. I prefer frozen over canned, so I will be stocking up on those. Davina also gave me a tip to buy fresh apples, core them then freeze them. I am looking forward to trying that. I love Honeycrisp apples, but I kept getting too many bad ones in a bag. And the packaging doesn't allow you to see inside. I think I'll just open the bag and inspect them. The worst they can do is make me buy them. If they are bad, I'll march right on over to customer service and demand a refund.

The supermarket I use is one of the cheaper ones and you have to inspect veg before it goes in your trolley, cauliflowers that have started to go brown, apples rotten in the bag and things like that. Also have to keep an eye on the use by dates. Bargains can be found in the clearance shelf as when they have a few items of an item they go into the bargain bin and they can have long dates.

Quote from: LoriDee on March 10, 2024, 01:26:59 PMI eat the same way. But I promised to increase my fruit and veggie intake. I prefer frozen over canned, so I will be stocking up on those. Davina also gave me a tip to buy fresh apples, core them then freeze them. I am looking forward to trying that. I love Honeycrisp apples, but I kept getting too many bad ones in a bag. And the packaging doesn't allow you to see inside. I think I'll just open the bag and inspect them. The worst they can do is make me buy them. If they are bad, I'll march right on over to customer service and demand a refund.

I prefer fresh over frozen or canned.  I do not mind canned sweet peas and mushrooms.
If you enjoy soft asparagus, canned asparagus is not bad at all! 

I do enjoy eating fresh picked fruit and veggies. 

Chrissy

Here we go again. The battle continues...

I saw my Gynecologist on Feb 26. After a very long discussion about the issues I have had with Mylan patches, she said she would talk to the pharmacist and determine if a name-brand patch was available. The pharmacist assured her that they were, so doc placed the order on Feb 29 with explicit instructions to not substitute for Mylan patches. The mail-order pharmacy shipped the order on Mar 5. Through all of this time, I have been PMSing due to low hormones fluctuating.

Today, I received my new patches!
 
What's wrong with this picture?
(https://i.imgur.com/6Yl0MpC.jpeg)

[Sigh}

@LoriDee
Dear Lori:

What is wrong with the picture?    It would be interesting to show that picture or the
box to your pharmacist...
.... they all seem to be very confused!!!!

The trials and tribulations of HRT.

HUGS, Danielle

I just sent a Secure Message to my doctor with this picture as an attachment. She is pretty good at getting right back to her patients. I would love to be a fly on the wall when she confronts the pharmacy with WTF.

I have to laugh at it. When I was in the Army serving as the Operations Sergeant, I put a sign on the wall behind my desk. It read:

"Incompetence is the worst form of corruption."

Then I moved the hanger mount on the back of the frame so the picture would always hang crooked. Anyone who has served will know that it would drive people nuts. Everything must be perfectly vertical, horizontal, dressed right, and covered down.

At night, people who were being punished had to clean the offices. Without fail, they would try to straighten the frame, but it would just fall crooked again. One guy got a nail and drove it into the wall for the frame to rest against to keep it straight. Of course, I ripped him a new one for putting an unauthorized hole in my wall, but gave him points for taking initiative and being creative in finding a solution. Everyone was so focused on the frame being out of whack that they didn't bother to read the message.

Gotta love the government.

Quote from: LoriDee on March 11, 2024, 01:14:13 PMHere we go again. The battle continues...

I saw my Gynecologist on Feb 26. After a very long discussion about the issues I have had with Mylan patches, she said she would talk to the pharmacist and determine if a name-brand patch was available. The pharmacist assured her that they were, so doc placed the order on Feb 29 with explicit instructions to not substitute for Mylan patches. The mail-order pharmacy shipped the order on Mar 5. Through all of this time, I have been PMSing due to low hormones fluctuating.

Today, I received my new patches!
 
What's wrong with this picture?
(https://i.imgur.com/6Yl0MpC.jpeg)

[Sigh}

Looks like they made a mistake with the substitution.  Sorry they goofed!

Chrissy

I think I will likely just stick with Estradiol pills.  Generic and inexpensive, although there was a price increase earlier this year at my usual pharmacy.

Chrissy

Fortunately, I have a good team looking out for me. I just got a call from the pharmacist (who worked there for 22 years) and she explained how that happens. Anything that is written on the label is never seen by a human. The order is submitted via computer and a computer fills the order from whatever is in stock that matches the order, including equivalents. It is quick and efficient. So the pharmacy tech had to submit the order specifically specifying the brand that is to be filled. Since that is a "special order" they have to update various files, but all of that will happen this week. She also refunded my copay. By the time the meds arrive, I'll have been PMSing for a month. Such is life.

Quote from: LoriDee on March 11, 2024, 06:16:42 PMFortunately, I have a good team looking out for me. I just got a call from the pharmacist (who worked there for 22 years) and she explained how that happens. Anything that is written on the label is never seen by a human. The order is submitted via computer and a computer fills the order from whatever is in stock that matches the order, including equivalents. It is quick and efficient. So the pharmacy tech had to submit the order specifically specifying the brand that is to be filled. Since that is a "special order" they have to update various files, but all of that will happen this week. She also refunded my copay. By the time the meds arrive, I'll have been PMSing for a month. Such is life.

Sounds like a solution.  What about the next fill though?  Will the problem occur again?
Perhaps the solution is for the physician to specify the brand name with no substitution.

Chrissy

That is what the pharmacist did today. Special orders can't go through normal channels. Once it is in the system, then all future fills will follow that instruction until rescinded by my prescriber.

Hugs!

One of my favorite books of all time is "Illusions: The Adventures of a Reluctant Messiah" by Richard Bach. He has some interesting ways of looking at things from a different point of view.

A passage that I really like reads:

"There is no such thing as a problem without a gift for you in its hands. You seek problems because you need their gifts." ― Richard Bach

We intuitively know that we are not happy with ourselves. We know the change required (transition) will be a problem for us. But we seek it out because we need that gift. It is difficult to love someone else if we don't love ourselves first. If we don't look after our own happiness, we won't have any left to give to someone else. Be kind to yourself. Find that love and it will expand exponentially, and there will be plenty to share.

Hugs!

Quote from: LoriDee on March 11, 2024, 09:11:14 PMOne of my favorite books of all time is "Illusions: The Adventures of a Reluctant Messiah" by Richard Bach. He has some interesting ways of looking at things from a different point of view.

A passage that I really like reads:

"There is no such thing as a problem without a gift for you in its hands. You seek problems because you need their gifts." ― Richard Bach

We intuitively know that we are not happy with ourselves. We know the change required (transition) will be a problem for us. But we seek it out because we need that gift. It is difficult to love someone else if we don't love ourselves first. If we don't look after our own happiness, we won't have any left to give to someone else. Be kind to yourself. Find that love and it will expand exponentially, and there will be plenty to share.

Hugs!

Lori - Absolutely LOVE the sentiment behind that quote.

HOWEVER... someone who writes that, feels to me like someone who has never, for example, faced the scoreboard power going out just before going on the air for a nationally televised basketball game from your home arena, and all the TV folks running out of the trucks with wide eyes looking at you to suddenly have an electrical license and solve it.

I found exactly ZERO gifts handed to me in that situation. And believe me, I looked. HARD

 ;D

I mean, I got a good story out of it? So maybe that's what I needed? But whoo, that's pushing it.

But even so... like I said, I love the sentiment. And as it relates to transition, I, all kidding aside, think it's lovely. Quite lovely.

Love,
Allie

LoriDee,

I am wishing that you have a full week of absolutely no barriers and bad issues, and that you do have a wonderful week ahead.  Then for the good times to always, all in all,  overshadow hardships that will always come our way, as they are part of life.

Take care.

Chrissy

Thank you, Chrissy. Your support and well wishes are very much appreciated!
And may all that you wish for me, come back to you tenfold.

Hugs!

Quote from: imallie on March 12, 2024, 12:00:42 AMLori - Absolutely LOVE the sentiment behind that quote.

HOWEVER... someone who writes that, feels to me like someone who has never, for example, faced the scoreboard power going out just before going on the air for a nationally televised basketball game from your home arena, and all the TV folks running out of the trucks with wide eyes looking at you to suddenly have an electrical license and solve it.

I found exactly ZERO gifts handed to me in that situation. And believe me, I looked. HARD

@imallie

For context: Within the story, he finds a book entitled something like "Messiah's Handbook and Manual for Advanced Souls". The idea is that you hold a question in your mind and open to any page and it will give you the answer. The above quote is one of the answers given.

At the end of the story, he turns to the last page which reads, "Everything in this book may be wrong."

;D

Quote from: LoriDee on March 13, 2024, 10:05:52 AM@imallie

For context: Within the story, he finds a book entitled something like "Messiah's Handbook and Manual for Advanced Souls". The idea is that you hold a question in your mind and open to any page and it will give you the answer. The above quote is one of the answers given.

At the end of the story, he turns to the last page which reads, "Everything in this book may be wrong."

;D

The ability to look from within for answers, and at the same time believe that those very same solutions of our own might be completely cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs? THAT kind of amazing self-awareness I can completely get behind.  Love it! ❤️

I wish I could post the "story within the story" here. I found it very insightful and it helped me "let go" of some of the baggage I continued to carry with me. The book is a very short read (only 72 pages) and you can download a free copy online "for educational purposes". Highly recommended.

This is a most interesting blog of yours LoriDee.
I hope you have no further problems with medicines and medical care coverage.  Plus that you will have good providers not far away.

If I went panning for gold I would likely find sand, iron pyrite, and miscellaneous little pebbles.  No gold.

Chrissy

For a few years, that is exactly what I found. I began to doubt that I would even know it if I saw it. Maybe what I thought was pyrite was gold. Maybe my panning technique is not good enough and I wasn't catching it. I joined gold prospecting clubs and they showed me a great way to practice using lead shot.

Gold is 19 times heavier than water and lead is 11 times heavier. Most everything else in the river is lighter. I put lead shot in the gold pan with dirt and pan it. If the lead shot stays in the pan, your technique is good and you will catch gold. My first gold flake was found while I was practicing using dirt on a lake shore. It was in the pan right next to the lead shot. Once I saw it, there was no doubt that it was gold.

Over time, I learned how and where to find it, and even custom-designed my sluicebox for optimum efficiency. I had been sharing pictures on my website and finally decided to write about what I learned so others could learn too. The website articles led to a few people offering to hire me as a consultant to look over their claims and tell them where to dig. The last offer was in Montana and I decided that I didn't want to travel that far. The offer was a good one, it was just a bit too far for my comfort zone.

I've tried panning for gold but never had any luck. I tried in the mountains of Georgia on my step mothers place where rumor had it the previous owner made enough panning gold from the river to squeak out a living. I like the lead shot idea to hone the technique, Ill have to try that next time.
Gina

@Gina P

Thar's gold in them thar hills. Sluiceboy Prospecting does YouTube videos of places he prospects in Georgia. He and family members have a few claims there. He does very well. I have even bought some of his paydirt to pan in the winter. I was curious how the gold down yonder compared with the gold here in the Black Hills.

This week is off to a good start. I still have this hacking cough that has plagued me since Wednesday. I received a text message that my new order of Grove brand estradiol patches is on the truck and out for delivery.

I was in the middle of yet another hacking cough fit when my phone rang. I didn't recognize the number (out of state), but I managed to gasp "Hello". The Voice Training pathologist from Iowa City VA called to set up an appointment. I start training via TeleMedicine on March 27th! <insert Woohoo! emoji here>

I don't demand milestone achievements every day. Even a little progress goes a long way to fuel hope and ward off frustration and depression. It has been two years that I have been waiting my turn patiently while the VA is constantly telling me that this or that service is unavailable.

This year hit me hard. During my semi-annual physical with my Primary, she noticed frustration and depression and got me in to see my psychologist the next day. She diagnosed me with Moderate to Severe Depression. I asked, "Can you blame me?" The VA told me they would help with my transition, and they gave me hormones. Period. Every other service needed as a part of the transition is "unavailable". It is available somewhere, and the VA is part of the federal government. If a service is available in Seattle, then why am I not on a plane heading West? The VA has left me as this disfigured freak without any means to go forward or back. I am stuck mid-transition and it is their fault. And you wonder why I am depressed?

That set things in motion.

My Trans Care Coordinator, a psychologist in our Mental Health department, jumped into action. They still haven't figured out how to get electrolysis for me because of some stupid rules. The Minneapolis VA sends their veterans to a local provider for electrolysis. Since I am not receiving care from Minneapolis, they can't send me to that provider. That provider has no contract with the Black Hills VA system, so travel is not authorized to send me to Minneapolis. To override that, my team must go back through my records and document that this is indeed "medically necessary". That much is in progress now.

While searching for programs available nationwide, they discovered the Trans Voice Training Program offered by Iowa City VA. I said sign me up!

Once again I am moving forward and life is good.

@LoriDee
Dear LoriDee:
Your most recent posting here on your Blog Tread has really touched my heart.
Obviously you are hitting the stumbling blocks that many of our transitioning
members have encountered or are now encountering. 

Thank you for sharing from your experience....  please keep me and the rest
of your avid followers updated... only as you feel comfortable sharing.

I am sending my Big HUGS to you.
Danielle
                              (https://i.imgur.com/edS1Dkpm.png)

So glad you have an effective member of Team Lori now — looking out for your best interest and trying to cut through all the redtape for you! That's invaluable!!!!

Is there a way that we can codify this into law?

Instead of 50 gazillion things not to discriminate against, why not make the law clear and simple?

Thou shalt not discriminate. Period.

(https://i.imgur.com/NkaIg8m.jpeg)

It turns out that polishing rocks is quite the workout. I currently have three tumblers, one single-barrel, and two double-barrel, each with a 3-lb capacity. I am rolling 15 lbs of rock 24/7. This mostly happens in the background for a week at a time. After a week, it is time to clean off the stones and inspect them. Some get moved to the next stage, some need a little more work and will stay. Sometimes, they crack and break and may need to return to the first stage and start over. Stage 1 is for Shaping the stones, rounding off sharp edges, and clearing surface damage. Stage 2 begins Smoothing the stones so they can take a polish. Stage 3 is Pre-Polish which makes the stones very smooth. And the Polish stage is where the stones are given a good shine. Not all stones will shine. Soft and porous stones will keep a dull matte finish, so I spray them with Clear Coat to bring out their colors and features.

Any time I am outside, I am always looking at rocks. Sometimes the colors catch my eye. Maybe it's the banding, swirls, or even clarity when a light shines through them. Sometimes I recognize what kind of stone it is and how it was made. Other times I will be completely bewildered. I still enjoy them.

(https://i.imgur.com/auNtZrh.jpeg)
(https://i.imgur.com/PYhpDyT.jpeg)
(https://i.imgur.com/QQc08da.jpeg)
(https://i.imgur.com/pU29Xdl.jpeg)
(https://i.imgur.com/Y6mKfA9.jpeg)
(https://i.imgur.com/xstBDD2.jpeg)
(https://i.imgur.com/lMQkQkW.jpeg)
(https://i.imgur.com/BQFi0Ft.jpeg)

Isn't Nature just grand?

Quote from: LoriDee on March 20, 2024, 03:13:55 PMIt turns out that polishing rocks is quite the workout. I currently have three tumblers, one single-barrel, and two double-barrel, each with a 3-lb capacity. I am rolling 15 lbs of rock 24/7. This mostly happens in the background for a week at a time. After a week, it is time to clean off the stones and inspect them. Some get moved to the next stage, some need a little more work and will stay. Sometimes, they crack and break and may need to return to the first stage and start over. Stage 1 is for Shaping the stones, rounding off sharp edges, and clearing surface damage. Stage 2 begins Smoothing the stones so they can take a polish. Stage 3 is Pre-Polish which makes the stones very smooth. And the Polish stage is where the stones are given a good shine. Not all stones will shine. Soft and porous stones will keep a dull matte finish, so I spray them with Clear Coat to bring out their colors and features.

Any time I am outside, I am always looking at rocks. Sometimes the colors catch my eye. Maybe it's the banding, swirls, or even clarity when a light shines through them. Sometimes I recognize what kind of stone it is and how it was made. Other times I will be completely bewildered. I still enjoy them.

(https://i.imgur.com/auNtZrh.jpeg)
(https://i.imgur.com/PYhpDyT.jpeg)
(https://i.imgur.com/QQc08da.jpeg)
(https://i.imgur.com/pU29Xdl.jpeg)
(https://i.imgur.com/Y6mKfA9.jpeg)
(https://i.imgur.com/xstBDD2.jpeg)
(https://i.imgur.com/lMQkQkW.jpeg)
(https://i.imgur.com/BQFi0Ft.jpeg)

Isn't Nature just grand?

LoriDee,


You rock!


Chrissy

Quote from: LoriDee on March 11, 2024, 09:11:14 PMOne of my favorite books of all time is "Illusions: The Adventures of a Reluctant Messiah" by Richard Bach. He has some interesting ways of looking at things from a different point of view.

A passage that I really like reads:

"There is no such thing as a problem without a gift for you in its hands. You seek problems because you need their gifts." ― Richard Bach

We intuitively know that we are not happy with ourselves. We know the change required (transition) will be a problem for us. But we seek it out because we need that gift. It is difficult to love someone else if we don't love ourselves first. If we don't look after our own happiness, we won't have any left to give to someone else. Be kind to yourself. Find that love and it will expand exponentially, and there will be plenty to share.

Hugs!

Hey Sis!

Well this figures... That is one of my absolute all time favorite books as well!... That quote was one of the standouts and I believe I quoted it here on the forum but, it disappeared with the lost years... Alas but, perhaps it is for the best because here it is again, as shiny and new as Don Shimoda's Travel Air...You aren't from the Holy Land of Indiana are you? 🤔... I had a few Johnathan Livingston Seagull posts in my old blog as well 🤗

Love Ya Girl!!!

A 😀💕🌻

Quote from: LoriDee on March 20, 2024, 03:13:55 PMIt turns out that polishing rocks is quite the workout. I currently have three tumblers, one single-barrel, and two double-barrel, each with a 3-lb capacity. I am rolling 15 lbs of rock 24/7. This mostly happens in the background for a week at a time. After a week, it is time to clean off the stones and inspect them. Some get moved to the next stage, some need a little more work and will stay. Sometimes, they crack and break and may need to return to the first stage and start over. Stage 1 is for Shaping the stones, rounding off sharp edges, and clearing surface damage. Stage 2 begins Smoothing the stones so they can take a polish. Stage 3 is Pre-Polish which makes the stones very smooth. And the Polish stage is where the stones are given a good shine. Not all stones will shine. Soft and porous stones will keep a dull matte finish, so I spray them with Clear Coat to bring out their colors and features.

Any time I am outside, I am always looking at rocks. Sometimes the colors catch my eye. Maybe it's the banding, swirls, or even clarity when a light shines through them. Sometimes I recognize what kind of stone it is and how it was made. Other times I will be completely bewildered. I still enjoy them.

(https://i.imgur.com/auNtZrh.jpeg)
(https://i.imgur.com/PYhpDyT.jpeg)
(https://i.imgur.com/QQc08da.jpeg)
(https://i.imgur.com/pU29Xdl.jpeg)
(https://i.imgur.com/Y6mKfA9.jpeg)
(https://i.imgur.com/xstBDD2.jpeg)
(https://i.imgur.com/lMQkQkW.jpeg)
(https://i.imgur.com/BQFi0Ft.jpeg)

Isn't Nature just grand?

Those are great, Lori! What do you do with them?

The only reason I ask is we had this woman in our department (her title was "secretary" but it might as well have been "person who actually runs things since everyone else here has the maturity of a child" - but that's too long for a desk plate) and she collected/polished stones as well!

She would fill clear vases and/or tall squared or oval glass jars with stones and put them on her desk and the effect was quite lovely. Everyone would always comment on them.

They were always a source of UTTER fascination for every coach's child who ever ventured by her desk, especially!!

But I also know, from what she said, there are countless other things people do with their stones... and some people just like to polish them for the sake of polishing them and enjoying them as is!

Curiously yours,
Allie

@imallie

Thanks, Allie!

I am in the process of learning how to make wire-wrap jewelry with them. Not all of them are jewelry-grade, or the right size, so I have some in a candy dish and others in small bowls. Most will become either necklace pendants or possibly keychains.

Rough Stones to Jewelry (https://imgur.com/a/rX0k4Ho)

Hugs!

Hi Lori

You said;

Quote from: LoriDee on March 20, 2024, 02:48:20 PMIs there a way that we can codify this into law?

Instead of 50 gazillion things not to discriminate against, why not make the law clear and simple?

Thou shalt not discriminate. Period.

(https://i.imgur.com/NkaIg8m.jpeg)

Simple, put it into the constitution!

Hugs
Sarah B
@LoriDee

Quote from: LoriDee on March 20, 2024, 09:28:53 PM@imallie

Thanks, Allie!

I am in the process of learning how to make wire-wrap jewelry with them. Not all of them are jewelry-grade, or the right size, so I have some in a candy dish and others in small bowls. Most will become either necklace pendants or possibly keychains.

Rough Stones to Jewelry (https://imgur.com/a/rX0k4Ho)

Hugs!

Oh very nice!!!

Hey Lori!

Your post above got Illusions swirling in my head and inspired me to open my copy of Messiah's Handbook I keep in my nightstand this morning and see what quote came up... Some of the quotes were used in Illusions but, most were not... Today's was a good one for all who see it...

"The Only Thing That Shatters Dreams Is Compromise" 🌻

https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/29944.Messiah_s_Handbook

Onward We Go!

A 😀💕🌻

Another of my favorites:

"In order to live free and happily,
you must sacrifice boredom.
It is not always an easy sacrifice."

Hugs!

Quote from: LoriDee on March 21, 2024, 03:38:55 PMAnother of my favorites:

"In order to live free and happily,
you must sacrifice boredom.
It is not always an easy sacrifice."

Hugs!

and the ever popular...

"Argue for your limitations and sure enough, they're yours"

Onward!

A 😀💕🌻

"No act of kindness is too small."

Chrissy

"every cloud has a silver lining" well it does for me.

Seeing so many wonderful posts over in Photography, got me putting together some pics I took last summer when I was homeless/camping/prospecting/waiting for my new apartment to get built. I took hundreds of pics. I won't post them all right here.

In early 2015, when I first moved to the Black Hills, I studied the history. Specifically, the gold mining history. What I learned was that most of the old abandoned gold mines were not abandoned due to a lack of gold. During World War II, gold mines were closed as they were not considered "essential" to the war effort. That left a lot of unemployed young men to go off to fight the war. When they returned (if they returned), many were too old or disabled to resume mining. The mines filled with water, became run-down and very dangerous places. Many had previously used dangerous chemicals like arsenic or mercury. The gold is still there, it just isn't easy to get to. For decades, the mines sat because the price of gold made reopening old mines prohibiting. Today, with gold price at over $2,000 per ounce, large mining companies are looking into buying up old gold claims.

(https://i.imgur.com/9o1McCC.jpg)
Empire Gold Mine was a top producer in Pennington County, SD

My favorite photo was taken in August 2017. I was in the creek getting set up to do some mining. The valleys are steep, so it takes time for the sun to rise high enough to warm the valley below. I looked upstream and the sun was warming up that area while I was still in the shade. It was so peaceful and calm, I had to snap a pic. Behind me is where I have been digging gold since May 2017. This picture hangs on my wall to this day.

(https://i.imgur.com/MrjvV0G.jpg)

Interesting history.  World Wars caused a migration of farmers.  Farm boys in Vermont heard about places where folks could farm without hitting rocks all day long and moved west!

Very beautiful picture Lori. 

Mission Impossible: The Story of Old Blue

Grab some popcorn while I regale you with this tale of woe and despair. Ok, well maybe that is inaccurate. Sue me.

For those who may not be gold miners and unfamiliar with some of the jargon, a "lead" (pronounced Leed), is an indicator that gold may be found in the area. There is a town in the Northern Black Hills of South Dakota by that name with a very large gold mine. The Homestake Gold Mine was one of the top gold producers in the U.S.

There is a particular type of rock that has a blue-colored sheen to it, and the old-time prospectors called it "blue lead". Again, it is a lead (clue). One summer, I was with my mining buddy and we were digging samples from a new location in the creek. Just below the surface of the fine sand was a blue rock!

My buddy is no slouch when it comes to unearthing large rocks from our "office". Our thinking is that this rock has been sitting in this spot for hundreds if not thousands or even millions of years. What is under it? As a blue lead, it could very well be sitting on top of a large gold deposit. So we started digging all around it to see if we could loosen it up and lift it out of the hole. We nicknamed the rock "Old Blue".

We dug and we dug and could not locate all of the edges. How big is this thing? We kept digging and digging and digging. We soon realized that we were not going to be able to lift it ourselves. I returned to my truck and brought back more tools. I have a cable puller that can pull 2,000 lbs. I have an extra pulley that I rig so that I can pull 4,000 lbs (2 tons).

The plan was to dig under the rock enough to be able to wrap a tow strap around it, and then attach the cable puller. I can anchor it to a tree on the shore and winch Old Blue out of the creek. But we couldn't find the bottom of it! I dug a hole four feet deep and still did not find the bottom of the rock.

We were only able to unearth two sides of this massive boulder. We were able to clear off about 8 feet x 5 feet, but could not find the other edges, or get underneath. I was beginning to suspect that this might be a chunk of bedrock that formed the bottom of the creek. But there are no other rocks in the area that are this color.

(https://i.imgur.com/yk0cXL9.jpeg)

All of the sand and gravel we pulled out of the hole was loaded with very nice chunky gold. That is a very good sign that we were close to the source vein. If we could just get that beast out of the hole!

This was late Fall, so the temps were starting to get colder. We worked the rest of the season trying to unearth Old Blue, but never got her to budge even the slightest. Never got a strap around her. Eventually, it just got too cold and we had to wrap it up.

(https://i.imgur.com/esousOd.jpeg)

The following Spring we had a flood. The water level was almost five feet above Old Blue. The holes filled with gravel and rocks and we had to start all over. Then COVID happened and we decided to sit the season out and let the flood waters recede.

To this day Old Blue is still in the same spot, buried about two inches below the surface just waiting for me to try again.

What is the best theory as to why the lead stone is correlated to finding gold?  Are the forces that caused the gold to be present there the same forces that cause the blue stone to be present?

AS I understand it the gold comes to the surface from volcanic activity, usually associated with quartz. So if the blue rock is some sort of volcanic material then yes a good indicator for a gold seam but then it could be the edge of a HUGE slab.

@REM.1126

I think it is just one of those things that happen often enough to point to and say, "See?" but when it doesn't happen, no one notices. I suspect that it has something to do with copper content. The best place to find gold is where there is a high mineral content. In this area, that means lots of copper, silver, tin (cassiterite), manganese, etc. I think the copper/silver content may be responsible for the color. But I am just guessing.

@davina61

You are correct about the formation of gold in the earth, but quartz is just a side-effect. Quartz (silicon oxide) is the second-most common mineral on the planet. So it is common to find gold in quartz, but also quartz with no gold. In every place I have ever found gold, there was quartz, iron, and garnets. All three or I struck out. I had never encountered a blue lead like that before, so I got really excited. As we were digging, I was feeding the sand and gravel through the sluice box. Seeing the gold just fed the excitement. But the truth is that it hasn't happened enough for me to confirm or deny the stories.

How often do you pan for gold?

Chrissy

@ChrissyRyan

"How often do you pan for gold?"

Years ago I would camp on the creek for a week at a time. Now I try to go two or three times a week. Age is catching up with me, so it takes longer to recover. I think HRT might also have something to do with it. I don't have the upper body strength that I used to have. I seem to have more doctor appointments than before too. I know there will come a time when I just can't do it anymore. But each year I head back out saying, "I'm not done yet!"

Just returned from an appointment in Sturgis at the Fort Meade VA Hospital. Today was my first-ever Bone Density Scan. 80-minute round-trip drive for 15 minutes on the table. My doctor will receive the full report in a few days. The preliminary results are that I do indeed have bones. She refused to comment further. So, yay! I got bones!

 ;D

When I had a scan on my wrist the tec said I had good bone density, all the years on the spanners I suspect. Only thing is the years on the spanners are coming home to roost now and I am finding it harder to work on the hot rod, HRT not helping as well.

Quote from: LoriDee on March 26, 2024, 04:45:21 PMJust returned from an appointment in Sturgis at the Fort Meade VA Hospital. Today was my first-ever Bone Density Scan. 80-minute round-trip drive for 15 minutes on the table. My doctor will receive the full report in a few days. The preliminary results are that I do indeed have bones. She refused to comment further. So, yay! I got bones!

 ;D

It is good to have bones.

Chrissy

When I had my first density scan it was at the start of HRT and I was still in stealth. I was the only "man" there. I was a bit uncomfortable but they scan for other reasons than just osteoporosis, right? 
Gina

Even men can have osteoporosis. But I believe you are correct that they use the scan to see other things. It is such a low dose of radiation, that the technician operated the scanner from her desk right next to the bed I was lying on. She said the dose was less than an x-ray. The room wasn't even in the Radiology Department, where patients were waiting for DEXA (Bone Density), CT, MRI, and X-ray. Men and women both were waiting there to be seen.

Yesterday was a busy one for me.

I had a morning appointment with my VA Psychologist. She hooked me up to a biofeedback machine to teach me how to use paced breathing for stress reduction. She did a baseline test run of about five minutes where I just do diaphragmatic breathing, then she shows me on the graph how I need to work on my Heart Variability Rate. When she called "time," she asked if I was just messing with her. My breathing rate was near perfect and my Heart Variability Rate was very good. All I did was use my own hypnosis techniques coupled with the breathing technique that she taught me.

So then our discussion switched over to hypnosis and the ways that the mind can heal the body, no matter what the illness. She seemed skeptical, so I gave her several anecdotes of video-recorded hypnosis sessions where it appeared miracles were being performed. She stated that she was still skeptical since video can be faked. I asked her if she trusted the National Institute of Health. I gave her a link to a web seminar where a psychiatrist with a very long list of credentials demonstrates to healthcare providers how clinical hypnosis can be helpful in their practice. For example, helping someone through a dental procedure without anesthesia.

In that seminar, he presented a case of a man with Parkinson's Disease who needed a brain implant to control the tremors in his right arm. The patient must be awake so that the surgeon can speak with him to ensure the implant is placed in exactly the correct location. The patient could not relax long enough to do the surgery. The hypnosis session helped him relax, but the miraculous part is that while relaxed (and without any suggestion), the tremors in his arm stopped.

For those who don't know, Parkinson's involves actual physical damage to the nervous system. It is not a psychosomatic disease. So the question I gave my Psychologist was, "How is it possible for the Subconscious Mind to temporarily bypass physical damage to the nervous system." She said it is not possible. And yet she just witnessed it happen.

I told her that I know the answer. It is how spiritual healing is accomplished every day, and I am such a healer. (I am an 11th Degree Rosicrucian). She immediately made me promise to share my wealth with her when I figure out how to permanently cure Parkinson's.  ;D

That afternoon, I was scheduled to phone in for a Group Therapy session. I got busy with other things and lost track of the time. I went to call in and my phone was dead. But I still had time to drive back down to the VA and attend Group in person. I am so glad I did! I finally got to meet our two Transgender Care Coordinators in person, and three other trans veteran women. The meeting went well but I was concerned about the body language the other ladies were exhibiting. They were clearly uncomfortable even though they were "regulars" to the Group.

They participated in the activities, I just wish there was something I could do to help them relax and understand that they were in a safe place. Maybe as we get to know each other better, things will loosen up.

Overall, it was a good day. I like good days.  :)

I agree deep meditation can slow the heart rate and do wonders for the body. I used to practice daily and had a tooth filled with no Novocain. The dentist said it was a deep cavity and he didn't recommend not using Novocain. Also said if I started squirming around to much he would stop. A few seconds of deep breathing and relaxing I transported myself to my favorite lake to fish during the procedure. The annoying thing was the dentist kept stopping and asking if I was still with him!! Making me respond. I suppose I should have explained a bit before he started. I have gotten out of practice but I should really do more.

Pain management was what got me interested in hypnosis in the first place. I specialized in it in my practice, but most clients were there to lose weight or quit some habit like smoking or nail biting.

In the video, the psychiatrist's only suggestion was for the man to go to a favorite place. He imagined he was lying on a beach and the tremors in his arm stopped.

This is the web seminar if anyone wants to watch:
Tranceformation: Hypnosis in Brain and Body (https://videocast.nih.gov/summary.asp?Live=15741&bhcp=1)

I hope you have a wonderful day.  I hope that everyone has a wonderful day.

Now, go make it so!

Chrissy

Day 10 of "Early Spring".
33 degrees and sideways snow.
I think the Sun is taking a holiday.
<sigh>

Quote from: LoriDee on March 30, 2024, 02:34:26 PMDay 10 of "Early Spring".
33 degrees and sideways snow.
I think the Sun is taking a holiday.
<sigh>

Same here in northern Nevada.  We had a few days of spring a week ago.  It's been snowing pretty much non-stop for the last 2 days.  I think we've gotten a foot of snow overall, but it's been melting off at times as the temperature swings between, just below freezing and 38 degrees (F). Oh so muddy. 

Happy Easter Lori.

Warm Regards,
Paulie.

@LoriDee    @Paulie

Yes indeed, winter is not letting go.  It has been
unseasonable colder that it should be for this time of year.

Temperature now 16 degrees(f) (-9 C) and forecast to be much colder
in the next few days:
  Sunday                  10 degrees(f) (-12 C
  Monday                  4 degrees(f)  (-16C)
  Tuesday      (minus)  -5 degrees(f) (-21 C)
  Wednesday            7 degrees(f)  (-14 C)

I am wondering...
does this mean that we will have a hotter than normal summer?

Stay warm everyone.
HUGS, Danielle

It has been very nice and springy here in the south of the UK, a couple of days without rain, temp yesterday was 13C not a cloud in the sky. This morning 7am there is not a sky in the cloud. Max temp is expected to be 14c rain coming in the evening then rain for the rest of the week.

Hugs
Jessica
Xxx

It was wall to wall blue first thing but cloudy now although its not rained yet. 2 week long range says rain every day, I need to do some gardening----------

The snow continues to fall, but at 33 degrees (F) it isn't sticking. The streets are wet but no ice.
Had a great lunch and now I'm fat and lazy. Time for PJs and a nap.

Happy Easter, all.

I just got back from a friend's house.  But I have had time to shower and get comfy in my nightgown.  I will listen to some music, read perhaps, catch a podcast, then doze off.

Chrissy

We now have about four inches of snow on the ground. On the bright side, it looks like Christmas outside. Spring time? April Fools!

Quote from: LoriDee on March 31, 2024, 10:55:10 PMWe now have about four inches of snow on the ground. On the bright side, it looks like Christmas outside.

Our neighbor wished us Merry Easter in light of the Christmas look outside.

Paulie

@Paulie

That's great! Merry Easter, everyone.
Does Santa Bunny wrap the eggs, or just hide the presents?

I am all for a good prank or practical joke on April Fool's Day, but I think a line has been crossed.
I have contacted the Pennsylvania Department of Fish & Game and applied for a Groundhog Hunting license. I wonder how many assassination attempts have been made against old Punxsutawney Phil over the years.

(https://i.imgur.com/WsYZU1D.jpeg)
It is still snowing. This is really putting a damper on my outdoor activities. I live in Rapid City, not even up in the mountains.

Tomorrow's forecast calls for sunny and 53. If true, we will have to deal with flooding when all this crap melts. On the plus side, flood waters in the creeks dislodge gold. Maybe this is just a set up for me to have a banner year. If not, I can spend my summer in Pennsylvania hunting a certain groundhog.  ;D

@LoriDee
Dear LoriDee:

Unseasonably cold this Spring for me too.

Welcome to my world !!!!
Temperature is 7 deg(f)  [-14C)

(https://i.imgur.com/OX17satm.jpg)

It is beautiful in Alabama.

@Northern Star Girl

I don't know how you do it. I would love to do some prospecting up there, but the ground only thaws out for about fifteen minutes a year.  ;D

@REM.1126

In my senior year of high school, I lived in Crestview, Florida. I loved the South! The Gulf's clear ocean water and the white sand beaches. That was the first time I ever saw pine trees growing on a beach not far from sea oats. We would skip across the border into Alabama to buy beer. When I joined the Army I told the recruiter I wanted to be stationed in Florida. The closest he could get me was Fort Polk, LA. Many years later, both my children went to college in Pensacola. I seriously considered moving back many times.

I should also mention that we hit 60 degrees today and the snow is gone. And no flooding so far.

Quote from: LoriDee on April 03, 2024, 11:03:22 PMI should also mention that we hit 60 degrees today and the snow is gone. And no flooding so far.

Tuesday we were at a baseball game (albeit a chilly one) - right now it's snowing and we're due to get anywhere from 3-6 inches tomorrow.  *deep sigh*

It looks like the start of my mining season might still be another month away. Our so-called "Early Spring" has yet to manifest. Today and tomorrow will be rain/snow and everything in between mix.

In 1972, we had a flood here that destroyed part of Rapid City. Google can show you pictures. It was devastating. In response, the US Geological Survey installed stream gauges along waterways from up in the mountains out to the flatlands as an early warning system. The ones in higher elevations measure precipitation, water depth, and water volume. Further downstream they monitor just water depth and flow.

Their website has access to live data coming from these gauges. The one that I watch is shown below. It is quite a ways downstream from my mining area, but over the years I have learned how to extrapolate the data.

(https://i.imgur.com/CONlR7J.jpeg)

As you can see, our recent precipitation has had a significant impact on the creek. The water level has only risen about one foot. The gauge reads a water depth (not shown) of 5.2 feet. I know that at my location that means the water will be about three feet deep. That is ideal for my uses.

However, the discharge amount (shown above) shows the creek is flowing at over 61 cubic feet per second. That is dangerously fast and I won't venture out into that. To give you a visual, one cubic foot is about the size of a bowling ball. American bowling, not Bocci. Imagine standing on the bank of a creek and 61 bowling balls go past you every second. That's fast-moving water.

Since it takes me about 20 minutes to drive up to my site, I check the gauge to see what is happening and if it is worth making the trip. Since the weather is crap and the water is unsafe, I will stay in PJs and fuzzy socks and make jewelry today.

It was dry yesterday and today here but so Wiiiiinnnnnnnnnnddddddddddddddyyyyyyyyyyy. I was hoping to get on the veg patch but looks like it will be okay next weekend. Might get up to 20C as well.

Now this I think we can all relate to. I just saw a meme (I won't post it here) that went something like this.

Doctor to you: "You need this medication."
Doctor to Pharmacy: "She needs this medication."
Pharmacy to Insurance: "She needs this medication."
Insurance Company: "Does she though? Let's ask her doctor."

I've been going through this (as you know) concerning electrolysis. My Psychologist submitted a consult to Minneapolis VA who have a non-VA electrolysis provider where they send their veteran patients. My Psychologist asked if it is possible to send me to that provider, or possibly to send me to Minneapolis VA so they can send me to their provider. Simple, right?

Without even looking at my records, Minneapolis had a team of not less than three people respond. They all stated that my records need to have documented that this is not cosmetic, but "medically necessary". The provider in Minneapolis does laser only, not electrolysis. The VA (the largest healthcare provider in the United States) has no one that does electrolysis in-house. And since the VA will cover electrolysis for pre-op genital surgery, it is automatically considered "medically necessary".

So my Psychologist (God bless her) did a deep dive, combing through my medical records. She quoted various provider notes going back to 2019 that show a determination of "medically necessary" no less than three times each year. The providers making that determination include my Primary Care Physician, three Psychologists, two Endocrinologists, a Gynecologist, and the Medical Chief of Staff for the Black Hills Healthcare System.

So now, we have firmly established the need (mental health), and the medical necessity. The next obstacle is a provider. Every provider that I have contacted (over 20 in all) demands payment at the time of service, cash or credit. The VA pays their bills like an insurance company. And there are none in the immediate area.

I found a provider that I am interested in. I won't post a link, but Clear4Life in Williams Bay, WI does electrolysis on any body part, including for gender-affirming surgery. I am trying to get the VA to cover the costs of travel, service, food, and lodging for an overnight stay if needed, or give me written approval guaranteeing reimbursement if I pay for it all myself on a credit card. I could just get it done, but the VA likes to take months to reimburse expenses. That won't work for me. Electrolysis requires multiple sessions and I will be paying credit card interest rates. I need to be reimbursed within 60 days or else I will quickly max out my credit limit.

I am continuing to standby to standby in case I need to standby to hurry up and wait.  ;D

Quote from: LoriDee on April 08, 2024, 10:22:46 AMNow this I think we can all relate to. I just saw a meme (I won't post it here) that went something like this.

Doctor to you: "You need this medication."
Doctor to Pharmacy: "She needs this medication."
Pharmacy to Insurance: "She needs this medication."
Insurance Company: "Does she though? Let's ask her doctor."

I've been going through this (as you know) concerning electrolysis. My Psychologist submitted a consult to Minneapolis VA who have a non-VA electrolysis provider where they send their veteran patients. My Psychologist asked if it is possible to send me to that provider, or possibly to send me to Minneapolis VA so they can send me to their provider. Simple, right?

Without even looking at my records, Minneapolis had a team of not less than three people respond. They all stated that my records need to have documented that this is not cosmetic, but "medically necessary". The provider in Minneapolis does laser only, not electrolysis. The VA (the largest healthcare provider in the United States) has no one that does electrolysis in-house. And since the VA will cover electrolysis for pre-op genital surgery, it is automatically considered "medically necessary".

So my Psychologist (God bless her) did a deep dive, combing through my medical records. She quoted various provider notes going back to 2019 that show a determination of "medically necessary" no less than three times each year. The providers making that determination include my Primary Care Physician, three Psychologists, two Endocrinologists, a Gynecologist, and the Medical Chief of Staff for the Black Hills Healthcare System.

So now, we have firmly established the need (mental health), and the medical necessity. The next obstacle is a provider. Every provider that I have contacted (over 20 in all) demands payment at the time of service, cash or credit. The VA pays their bills like an insurance company. And there are none in the immediate area.

I found a provider that I am interested in. I won't post a link, but Clear4Life in Williams Bay, WI does electrolysis on any body part, including for gender-affirming surgery. I am trying to get the VA to cover the costs of travel, service, food, and lodging for an overnight stay if needed, or give me written approval guaranteeing reimbursement if I pay for it all myself on a credit card. I could just get it done, but the VA likes to take months to reimburse expenses. That won't work for me. Electrolysis requires multiple sessions and I will be paying credit card interest rates. I need to be reimbursed within 60 days or else I will quickly max out my credit limit.

I am continuing to standby to standby in case I need to standby to hurry up and wait.  ;D

I do not have any VA coverage or know how they operate. The best situation seems to be is for the VA to pay the provider directly (and reasonably quickly) but you know that!  This would avoid any heartbreak if you paid the provider and later find the VA will not pay after all.

I wish you the best results Lori.  I realize that this is a tough financial situation.

Another option to consider is that you can get some services cheaper with discount offers like a Groupon deal.  You will pay it all but at a lower fee.  Maybe you can get a few initial sessions this way to see how it is like for you.

I would not expect anyone to pay for my lodging but I do not know how the VA works.
If it is an entitlement, try to obtain it.  It would be another way for the country to compensate you for your long military service.  Thank you for serving.

Chrissy

@ChrissyRyan

Thanks, Chrissy! And thank you for your support!

Because I am a disabled veteran all of my medical care is covered within the limits of government regulations. I pay a reduced copay for meds, but that is all. Anything covered means all expenses are covered, including travel and related expenses to get that care.

The VA will not cover anything considered "cosmetic". Hence the need to establish "medically necessary" care. Hormone Therapy is medically necessary, as are various "cosmetic" prosthetics such as wigs, breast forms, binders, gaffs, and packers. The other glitch is that the VA does not pay providers directly. They use an insurance company. In the midwest it is Optum. Out west it is Tri-Care.

Insurance companies never pay on demand, even if a procedure is medically necessary and pre-approved. And electrolysis providers demand "payment at the time of service". Somewhere in the country, there are a few providers that have agreed to treat veterans and accept the VA's insurance payments. Most of them are still in the process of getting state licenses, and certifications, and signing the contracts. So there is movement in this area.

The next big hurdle is gender-affirming surgery. Currently, government regulations prohibit "gender-altering" surgeries of any kind. So that includes genitals, facial feminization, voice surgery, tracheal shaves, etc. A complaint was filed against the VA in 2016 claiming that this was discriminatory in that it discriminates against transgender veterans and only transgender veterans. The VA said they agreed and would change their policy. In 2018, the VA said they had to change the Federal Regulations in order to change their policy. In 2021, the VA said they were changing the regulations, but it would take about two years to implement since they needed equipment and trained personnel. In 2024, TAVA (Transgender American Veterans Association) filed a lawsuit against the VA to get a court order for the VA to change the regulations immediately and stop stalling. That case is still pending.

There is another option that I am looking into. I don't recall where I saw it, but there are organizations that provide grants for gender-affirming care. The funds are limited and they receive many applications each year. I fear that I would apply, receive the funds, and then the VA would start covering the care as promised. I don't want to take funds that could be available for someone else who may need care immediately if my care is going to be covered.

There is progress being made and I don't mind waiting in line, but I don't want to try to get all this done when I am 70 (in three years). I'd like to start living MY life.  ;D

Lori,

Go to jimcollinsfoundation.org

The 2025 grant cycle will open on June 1, 2024 and will close on August 15, 2024.


Chrissy

I will check it out, thanks!

The one I was thinking of applications had to be in by November.

Quote from: LoriDee on April 08, 2024, 01:43:04 PM@ChrissyRyan

Thanks, Chrissy! And thank you for your support!

Because I am a disabled veteran all of my medical care is covered within the limits of government regulations. I pay a reduced copay for meds, but that is all. Anything covered means all expenses are covered, including travel and related expenses to get that care.

The VA will not cover anything considered "cosmetic". Hence the need to establish "medically necessary" care. Hormone Therapy is medically necessary, as are various "cosmetic" prosthetics such as wigs, breast forms, binders, gaffs, and packers. The other glitch is that the VA does not pay providers directly. They use an insurance company. In the midwest it is Optum. Out west it is Tri-Care.

Insurance companies never pay on demand, even if a procedure is medically necessary and pre-approved. And electrolysis providers demand "payment at the time of service". Somewhere in the country, there are a few providers that have agreed to treat veterans and accept the VA's insurance payments. Most of them are still in the process of getting state licenses, and certifications, and signing the contracts. So there is movement in this area.

The next big hurdle is gender-affirming surgery. Currently, government regulations prohibit "gender-altering" surgeries of any kind. So that includes genitals, facial feminization, voice surgery, tracheal shaves, etc. A complaint was filed against the VA in 2016 claiming that this was discriminatory in that it discriminates against transgender veterans and only transgender veterans. The VA said they agreed and would change their policy. In 2018, the VA said they had to change the Federal Regulations in order to change their policy. In 2021, the VA said they were changing the regulations, but it would take about two years to implement since they needed equipment and trained personnel. In 2024, TAVA (Transgender American Veterans Association) filed a lawsuit against the VA to get a court order for the VA to change the regulations immediately and stop stalling. That case is still pending.

There is another option that I am looking into. I don't recall where I saw it, but there are organizations that provide grants for gender-affirming care. The funds are limited and they receive many applications each year. I fear that I would apply, receive the funds, and then the VA would start covering the care as promised. I don't want to take funds that could be available for someone else who may need care immediately if my care is going to be covered.

There is progress being made and I don't mind waiting in line, but I don't want to try to get all this done when I am 70 (in three years). I'd like to start living MY life.  ;D

I hope you all of this taken care of. You seem thoughtful and you are nice looking.

Thank you again for serving our country with your military service.

I wonder if Admiral Rachel Levine could help you with the VA.  She is transgender, and she is a four star admiral, and she is a MD.

Chrissy

She is the Assistant Secretary of Health. Maybe some influence but the VA is like its own animal. Also, Dr. Levine's rank is in the United States Public Health Service Commissioned Corps. Same government but a different agency. But then again, if I'm going on a letter-writing crusade, I can always include Mr. Biden. I have responses from Reagan and Obama from previous crusades.  ;D  Not that anything got done. Hard to expect action from a politician.

Yup not unless it wins votes or puts $/£s in their pockets (cynical me?!)

Hey Lori -

Just a suggestion based on what I know from my son's experiences working within the Federal government:

I know you're in PA - and I believe there your districts are pretty well split between dems/rep in terms of congress members. So I'm not sure who your member is. But if you've got a dem representing you, I think you might want to try contacting your rep's office.

They are (well, the good offices any way) EXCELLENT at negotiating the red tape of the VA, Social Security, etc... whatever constituent issues arise. And if you get lucky you might find an advocate in the office who can open some doors for you and might know who to call and make things happen for you.

If you happen to not have a friendly congress member, you could reach out to your senator — but their constituent service game is not as tight, but again... might be worth a call/email.

Love,
Allie

Thanks, Allie

But I am in South Dakota, one of the reddest of the red states. I was born in PA but only lived there for six months. (I was six months old when our family moved to CA.)

I have contacted our congressman, Governor, and Senator on several occasions unrelated to this. You are correct in that they have some pull with government agencies. When I was in the service, one thing that our commanders absolutely dreaded was a Congressional Investigation. They usually ended with people resigning or going to jail.

As always, I do appreciate your advice.

Hugs!

Quote from: LoriDee on April 08, 2024, 09:32:40 PMThanks, Allie

But I am in South Dakota, one of the reddest of the red states. I was born in PA but only lived there for six months. (I was six months old when our family moved to CA.)

I have contacted our congressman, Governor, and Senator on several occasions unrelated to this. You are correct in that they have some pull with government agencies. When I was in the service, one thing that our commanders absolutely dreaded was a Congressional Investigation. They usually ended with people resigning or going to jail.

As always, I do appreciate your advice.

Hugs!

Ugh sorry. 

Thune isn't the worst R of them all, but your lone rep is Dusty Johnson, right? I can't imagine in a one rep state that they are very proactive with constituent services even if they were LGBTQ+ friendly.

Sorry for the confusion. Not sure why I thought you were a PA gal. 🤔

Yeah, Dusty Johnson talked a good game to begin with. Shortly after his election, he started toeing the line and kissing up to Queen Kristi Noem. I was at Mount Rushmore to see Donald Trump give his speech. Dusty Johnson was the only state delegate to wear a mask (Covid was still a thing). By the end of the speech, he had removed the mask and put it away. After that, I started paying attention to what he did in office and how it compared to Queen Kristi's Executive Orders.

Thune is all Republican. He is the senior Republican and on numerous committees. He won't risk his chances for higher office. I wrote to him on several occasions about gun rights. He supported several "red flag" laws that I disapprove of. The laws allowed anyone with a grudge to file a complaint and have your personal property confiscated without notice or going to court. He tried to tell me that the laws were designed to pre-emptively prevent people with mental illness from owning a gun. I reminded him that the Constitution does not state that certain people do not have a 2nd Amendment right. Until the Constitution is changed, only a court of competent authority can prevent a citizen from exercising all of their rights. I also cited about ten Supreme Court cases that prove he is wrong.

He decided not to respond, so I challenged him to a debate. Again, no reply.

I finally realized that the whole political system is corrupt to the core.

Quote from: LoriDee on April 08, 2024, 10:26:10 PMYeah, Dusty Johnson talked a good game to begin with. Shortly after his election, he started toeing the line and kissing up to Queen Kristi Noem. I was at Mount Rushmore to see Donald Trump give his speech. Dusty Johnson was the only state delegate to wear a mask (Covid was still a thing). By the end of the speech, he had removed the mask and put it away. After that, I started paying attention to what he did in office and how it compared to Queen Kristi's Executive Orders.

Thune is all Republican. He is the senior Republican and on numerous committees. He won't risk his chances for higher office. I wrote to him on several occasions about gun rights. He supported several "red flag" laws that I disapprove of. The laws allowed anyone with a grudge to file a complaint and have your personal property confiscated without notice or going to court. He tried to tell me that the laws were designed to pre-emptively prevent people with mental illness from owning a gun. I reminded him that the Constitution does not state that certain people do not have a 2nd Amendment right. Until the Constitution is changed, only a court of competent authority can prevent a citizen from exercising all of their rights. I also cited about ten Supreme Court cases that prove he is wrong.

He decided not to respond, so I challenged him to a debate. Again, no reply.

I finally realized that the whole political system is corrupt to the core.

I don't think it's the whole system. I just think you happen to live where the cogs in the machine are broken beyond repair.

QuoteThe next big hurdle is gender-affirming surgery. Currently, government regulations prohibit "gender-altering" surgeries of any kind. So that includes genitals, facial feminization, voice surgery, tracheal shaves, etc. A complaint was filed against the VA in 2016 claiming that this was discriminatory in that it discriminates against transgender veterans and only transgender veterans. The VA said they agreed and would change their policy. In 2018, the VA said they had to change the Federal Regulations in order to change their policy. In 2021, the VA said they were changing the regulations, but it would take about two years to implement since they needed equipment and trained personnel. In 2024, TAVA (Transgender American Veterans Association) filed a lawsuit against the VA to get a court order for the VA to change the regulations immediately and stop stalling. That case is still pending.

I would argue that we aren't changing our gender, we are simply trying to correct an unfortunate birth defect. It's not our fault that we were born with the wrong equipment, or that people couldn't recognize our thought patterns, so they treated us as the gender they assumed / wanted us to be. Just about any other birth anomaly would have been corrected without our consent, but correcting other people's assumption about who we are requires a long, expensive fight. Good luck Lori, and everyone else who is fighting this battle.

Love always -- Jess

Lori,

I have another counseling session this afternoon. I hope it is helpful.

On another matter, I will be signing off here momentarily, gosh I have so many posts still to try to read and respond to during the day, but I just need to get ready for the day.

I have this absolutely beautiful navy floral long dress and cute short boots I plan to wear today.  This is absolutely gorgeous.  Wish that myself had a better body but I wore this last evening and my sweetie gave me nice compliments, she loved it too.

Gotta go. 

Chrissy

ChrissyRyan
Dear Chrissy:  
I am wishing you well with your therapy session. 
The outfit that you described that you are going to wear sounds beautiful....
.... 
Let us know how your session went for you.
HUGS, Danielle

Quote from: ChrissyRyan on April 09, 2024, 08:39:46 AMLori,

I have another counseling session this afternoon. I hope it is helpful.

On another matter, I will be signing off here momentarily, gosh I have so many posts still to try to read and respond to during the day, but I just need to get ready for the day.

I have this absolutely beautiful navy floral long dress and cute short boots I plan to wear today.  This is absolutely gorgeous.  Wish that myself had a better body but I wore this last evening and my sweetie gave me nice compliments, she loved it too.

Gotta go. 

Chrissy

@Jessica_Rose

I agree with you 100%. I have always questioned the term "Gender Dysphoria". We are not dysphoric about our gender. We don't change our gender. The correct diagnosis is "Body Dysphoria" and it applies to non-transgender people as well. Gender-affirming surgery is aptly named.

@LoriDee
Dear LoriDee:
You are "right-on" with your comment regarding GD and with GRS
Thank you for sharing.
HUGS, Danielle

Quote from: LoriDee on April 09, 2024, 09:45:24 AM@Jessica_Rose

I agree with you 100%. I have always questioned the term "Gender Dysphoria". We are not dysphoric about our gender. We don't change our gender. The correct diagnosis is "Body Dysphoria" and it applies to non-transgender people as well. Gender-affirming surgery is aptly named.

Hi Lori

You will love this posting by me!!!!!

Gender Dysphoria Proven Wrong (https://www.susans.org/index.php/topic,81855.msg582835.html#msg582835)

and this

One of my Posts on it (https://www.susans.org/index.php/topic,81855.msg582410.html#msg582410)

Written 14 years ago

Love and Hugs
Sarah B
Official Greeter

I like your thinking!

When I was in school learning hypnotherapy, we briefly studied gender identity. I think we were using Version V, and now I think we are on to version VI.

There are different classifications for various mental issues. "Dysphoria" merely means being somehow disturbed by something. I have "Neighbor Dysphoria" because my neighbors disturb me often. However, it is not classified as a "disorder" unless it interferes with your life (socializing, family, work, school, etc.). So you can have Body Dysphoria, meaning you are disturbed by how your body looks, acts, or is shaped. Many people who are transgender may not be "disturbed" by it enough to want hormones or surgery. They are no less transgender, they just are not dysphoric to the point of it being a disorder. Their coping mechanisms allow them to live in stealth or be content with the uneasiness.

Back in earlier versions of the DSM, this distinction was clear and it was called "Gender Identity Disorder". This is what we now call "Gender Dysphoria". But note that it is not a "disorder" unless it is severe enough to interfere with one's life. Now they have everything lumped together under the diagnosis of "Transvestism" with two sub-categories. One for cross-dressers and one for transgendered persons.

Another thing concerning the "mental illness" part. The reason is to determine if one is dysphoric, and is that dysphoria a disorder. It is also to determine if some other cause results in that behavior or thinking. One could be schizophrenic or delusional. Gender Identity is mental. You can't see it on an MRI, so it must be examined by a mental health professional. The point is to narrow it down to a specific diagnosis. You can go to a physician and not be sick. Most mental health professionals go to other mental health professionals. It doesn't mean they have a mental illness.

My psychologist's diagnosis is something along the lines of "Transvestism: with chronic gender dysphoria since adolescence." He didn't know me when I was young, so he made that determination by my answers to his questions and the descriptions I gave when relating specific events. In my opinion, it started when I was about six years old, but his diagnosis accomplished the same thing. For many of us, puberty is the most difficult to deal with (if we have a disorder).

Quote from: Northern Star Girl on April 09, 2024, 09:42:14 AM ChrissyRyan
Dear Chrissy:  
I am wishing you well with your therapy session. 
The outfit that you described that you are going to wear sounds beautiful....
.... 
Let us know how your session went for you.
HUGS, Danielle

My appointment is coming up in a little while today.  I have a lot on my mind.

Chrissy

No exciting news today. It will hit 80 degrees today. That's F, not C for you ladies across the pond.  ;D

I am struggling with dysphoria today. But I am having lunch with the girls to repay them for taking me out on Easter. It will be good to take a break and relax in good company.

Have a Great Day!

Lunch was great. One of the gals gave me a necklace and bracelet that she found when they were out thrifting. The bracelet is an adorable charm bracelet with three charms that read: Dream, Believe, and Achieve. The necklace matches. I think I needed to read that today. :)

I realized that I have not updated my latest jewelry pics, so here we go...

(https://i.imgur.com/JPGRlhT.jpeg)
This stone is called Miriam Stone. Some call it Sanskrit Jasper, Arabic Jasper, or Calligraphy Stone. Legend says that there are ancient prophesies written on these stones. The fact is that it is not a jasper, it is a fossil! Millions of years ago there was a swamp near the Himalaya region in India. What you are seeing are fossilized roots and shells that were stuck in the swamp mud. The stone was almost cube-shaped, so I cut it in two and made two pieces from the same stone.

(https://i.imgur.com/DCDWUDk.jpeg)

(https://i.imgur.com/gwMInrE.jpeg)
This is a piece of Teepee Agate that I found in Teepee Canyon. The canyon is west of Jewel Cave which is an awesome place (Google it). Teepee Canyon and Hell Canyon are well-known for producing beautiful red, orange, and yellow agates and jaspers. This piece broke off of a larger stone during the tumbling/polishing process. It ended up shaped like a shark tooth. It was a challenge trying to figure out how to wire-wrap it.

(https://i.imgur.com/ycSS8cb.jpeg)
This is a piece of clear quartz crystal that I found out at the Fairburn Agate Beds while hunting for the elusive Fairburn Agate. I often find clear quartz out there and some even look like ice cubes. This one was well-rounded and ended up almost like a crystal ball.

(https://i.imgur.com/FXAnyjb.jpeg)
This Tiger Eye is one of my favorites. The stone came in a sample bag with one of my new rock tumblers. I used the gold-colored wire to accent the gold color of the gemstone.

(https://i.imgur.com/RD3Vmqg.jpeg)
This is the darkest colored Amethyst I have ever seen except at the Geology Museum. I wanted to keep the wire wrap simple to keep the stone as the focal point. I'd like to find a few more of these. (Few = multiples of 100).  ;D

EDIT: The whole photo album is here.  https://imgur.com/a/rX0k4Ho

Whoa! Those are so, so, sooooooooooooo beautiful. Thanks for sharing, LoriDee.

Absolutely Gorgeous Work Sister!!! 💕💕🤗💕💕💕

Hi Lori and Ashley

Ashley said;

Quote from: tgirlamg on April 13, 2024, 04:11:39 PMAbsolutely Gorgeous Work Sister!!!

Lori I agree with her, unquestionably, stunning work!

Love and Hugs to All
Sarah B
Official Greeter
@LoriDee
@tgirlamg

Very nice.

Pretty!

@LoriDee
WOW, that is a  60 degree(f)  difference.... This morning as I am getting ready to go to church...
....planning to dress warm!!!!  ....Cold this morning  21deg(f)    [-6 deg C]
Danielle

Quote from: LoriDee on April 13, 2024, 11:42:24 AMNo exciting news today. It will hit 80 degrees today. That's F, not C for you ladies across the pond.  ;D

I am struggling with dysphoria today. But I am having lunch with the girls to repay them for taking me out on Easter. It will be good to take a break and relax in good company.

Have a Great Day!

It was 22C yesterday, 12C tomorrow!!! Staying in-----

Very beautiful work Loridee. That Jewry is so pretty. NICE!
Hugs Gina 

I like some types of agates.

A busy morning today. I had to submit letters of income verification to the property management. My rent is based on income and there are tax credits and things that offset how much my rent is.

The certification came back approved so I had to go back to the Property Manager's office and sign a stack of forms. But my lease has been renewed for another year with no increase in rent. WIN!  :eusa_dance: <--- this is me doing my Happy Dance.  ;D

Good news, my rent support was doubled this year .

When rent goes up it is not always the result of the Landlord's greed....
...increases in property taxes, maintenance costs, changes in local regulations, and
price increases related to additional financial burdens on the Landlord are not
always in their control.

The financial uncertainty in the world today is causing much difficulty for
both Landlords and Renters..... and everyone else.

HUGS, Danielle

I got an update on my voice training today.

{Back Story} The VA Trans Care Coordinator submitted a request for the lessons. The request was approved and the Voice Coach at the Iowa City VA called and set up an appointment for my first visit. I was to go to my local VA Clinic and we would do a telemedicine appointment there.

About a week before my appointment, my Care Coordinator said my appointment had to be canceled due to "technical issues". She agreed to look into it and said if the issue could not be resolved, they would give me an iPad so I could do the lessons from home. Our VA Clinic here in Rapid City is brand new. Very modern looking with state-of-the-art technology. I assumed that some IT guy checked the router and ... no router. But such was not the case.

Two weeks went by and I asked my Care Coordinator if they had fixed the "technical issue" yet, and if it was going to take time (ordering parts or whatever), then they should set me up with the iPad and reschedule my appointment.

This morning the Care Coordinator told me that the reason they canceled the appointment was not due to telemedicine connection issues. The problem is that the VA in Rapid City does not have an "agreement" with Iowa City to provide care to me, since I am not a patient of Iowa City VA.  ???

The paperwork has been submitted so that the VA can share my records with the VA and I can be treated by the VA.

Meanwhile, they cannot seem to figure out who is entering someone else's information into my records. Apparently, it is acceptable to reference (in my records) someone who has a different name and a different Medicare account number. Apparently, it is acceptable to allow someone to change my Primary VA Healthcare Facility to places I have never been to. However, when it comes to in-house VA care, they will not allow the VA to access my VA records without an agreement between the VA and the VA.  ???

Fortunately, I have been in contact with our Privacy Officer whose job it is to ensure that medical data is kept confidential. He is quite concerned that I have someone else's data in my records and this is under investigation. I have since had my files marked as "Private" which does nothing to prevent information flowing one way or the other. It causes a log to be created that can trace any information changes so I can find out who requested it.

So other than that, my day is going great.  ;D

My typical laundry schedule:

Wash Machine: 40 minutes
Dryer:  50 minutes

Folding and putting away:  3 - 5 business days.

That's why we have chairs in our bedroom.  ;D

Better than a floordrobe, 50 min wash and dry setting is my normal and then hang it on the drying rack in my bedroom for a few days. Sometimes it just gets folded and goes on the chest of drawers.

I liked it when records were kept in a file drawer in the Dr. office.  Not as convenient but much more secure.  I'll take the more secure option any time. 

I hope they get the situation straightened out.

Good luck on the voice lessons. Navigating any government agency is the worst. My insurance would pay but my copay was $800 for the evaluation then $75 per lesson. If I did it out of pocket it was only $65 for the evaluation and $65 per lesson. Obviously I choose to go out of pocket.

Hi Everyone

Arriving in Sydney 35 years ago and within 3 months I was living and working as a female.  I had no makeup or voice lessons.  I taught myself and of course there was no YouTube then to learn from.  In addition I dressed appropriately for my age, work and the social occasion.

The only information that I had at the time was a book on plaits and a book on makeup (I'm not sure on this book).  If I do have that book it is still within my collection of books.  I will soon be unpacking my books and when I come across those books I will list those books that helped me no end.  In addition I will add a photo of each one.

Why after all that time, would I still have those books?  Simple, I love books.

I keep my privacy private, in other words I do not tell any government department about my 'medical condition' and that includes 'doctors' or any organization as well, except for the few doctors that I have revealed my condition to recently, I emphasize that is not to be recorded in their computer systems.  This ensures I have no hassles whatsoever.

Take care and have a wonderful weekend that is coming your way

Love and Hugs
Sarah B
Official Greeter

I can put "tons of books" on my electronic tablet yet its weight remains constant.

Absolutely amazing.

Hehehe I am a silly woman at times.

Today is a rock tumbler clean-out day. Last night I washed out the barrels and put the rocks back in and ran them overnight with just water and borax. That cleans off the grit so it doesn't transfer to the next stage. Those that are in the final polishing stage get cleaned up so they are nice and shiny.

On Tuesday, my friend and I will be at an Arts & Crafts event here in the apartment complex. I'll have a chance to sell some of my jewelry and polished stones. I'm not looking to make much money from it but a few sales will offset the cost of materials so I can make more. Pics to follow later.

LoriDee
Dear LoriDee:
I am always amazed at the final result of the rock polishing procedures....
...what starts out as something that may have been tossed away becomes a beautiful piece,
and then adding your embellishments makes a desired item suitable for sale or for your
own enjoyment!!!!   Keep posting your photos as you feel comfortable sharing.

HUGS, Danielle

Quote from: LoriDee on April 20, 2024, 10:15:17 AMToday is a rock tumbler clean-out day. Last night I washed out the barrels and put the rocks back in and ran them overnight with just water and borax. That cleans off the grit so it doesn't transfer to the next stage. Those that are in the final polishing stage get cleaned up so they are nice and shiny.

On Tuesday, my friend and I will be at an Arts & Crafts event here in the apartment complex. I'll have a chance to sell some of my jewelry and polished stones. I'm not looking to make much money from it but a few sales will offset the cost of materials so I can make more. Pics to follow later.

One of the reasons I like Bubblegum Agates is they are ugly on the outside, like a piece of chewed bubblegum. But sometimes, after being tumbled a bit, they have colors and banding and patterns that you wouldn't expect. The way I see it, it is a treasure left for me to find. And after millions of years, I am the only human to ever see it.

Another crazy busy morning. Since I have renewed the lease on my apartment I needed to have an annual inspection. The manager said it would only take ten minutes. She checked everything and 30 minutes later I signed the inspection form.

I am on the Resident Council here, which is just a go-between for residents and management to air concerns, and talk about planned events, new policies, etc. We have a meeting this evening.

We have our first Arts & Crafts event tomorrow, so I am busy getting rocks and jewelry together for that. At least I won't be bored!

You rock Lori!

Chrissy

I went to our Resident Council meeting last night and, the meeting is next Monday. Tonight was Walking Tacos Night. But I had already eaten before the meeting.

Today's Arts & Crafts Event has been postponed until next month. Only three residents signed up for it and it was not going to be the type of event I thought it was. My wife (now ex-) and I sold jewelry and scented candles at all kinds of craft shows, fundraisers, and state and county fairs. What they wanted to do here was more of a Local Artists Showcase where we just put some things on display for other residents to enjoy. Um, no. So the event is postponed and will be an Arts & Crafts Show and we will invite artists who may be local but not necessarily residents of our community. We will see how it goes.

I added a few more jewelry pieces to my photo album.
Rough Stones to Jewelry by Lori Dee (https://imgur.com/a/rX0k4Ho)

The sun is shining, my best friend / fellow rockhound / mining buddy is with me, and I have a full tank of gas, so we drove out to check on the creek. The water level is a little bit high but doable. The water is still running fast though, and still not even 40 degrees. Brrr.

But look at that sky!
(https://i.imgur.com/AbUcTqv.jpeg)

We are still lacking the Spring green, and my Bestie thinks we will skip Spring and just go straight to HOT. We decided to drive back up into the Hills further where I spent last Summer when I was homeless camping for six weeks.

This is Boulder Hill. I wonder how it got that name?
The reason it is shaped like that is because it is an extinct volcano.
(https://i.imgur.com/lhAAXnd.jpeg)
When lava cools quickly, it forms glassy rocks like obsidian. When it cools very slowly, the rock becomes very hard and dense like granite. What you see sticking out at the top was the lava that cooled slowly and formed these boulders. They don't erode away as quickly as the surrounding mountainside that was largely soil and ash. Now you understand why Devil's Tower looks like it does. It was once a huge volcano and everything eroded away but the center.

Behind one of my campsites was this cool sunbathing rock... or mountain lion perch. It depends on who gets there first. Mountain lions are skittish around people unless they are really hungry. I don't eat mountain lion so our arrangement worked out well.
(https://i.imgur.com/l8B0923.jpeg)

Here kitty kitty. psp psp psp
I wish photos could capture the smell of these pine trees. I love that smell.
(https://i.imgur.com/3rp8N4X.jpeg)

Now I'm home and ready for a nap.  ;D

I find it interesting that although quartz is a mineral, quartz countertops are man made.  Quartzite, a rock, is not man made.  Quartzite countertops are made from rock, as are granite ones.

Quartzite sounds fake (man made) and quartz sounds natural.  But it is the other way around for countertop material.

@LoriDee
Dear LoriDee:
Thank you for posting the pictures of your trip out to check on the creek
with your rock-hound buddy.

The pictures that you shared and your commentary was nice for me to see and to read....
... and I am very much enjoying your Rough Stones to Jewelry photo album with
beautiful photos of the beautiful work that you do making rocks into very pretty jewelry..

HUGS, Danielle

Well, the hike in the forest took an unexpected toll on my knees. The next day I was in a lot of pain. I have a torn meniscus in my left knee and was treated with a cortisone injection. Everything was just fine. Until I started climbing around on rocks like some young 65-year-old.

Now I am in "rest and relax" mode. One of my appointments yesterday at the VA was to get my 3-month injection of Eligard. I was wearing a knee brace and she kept checking the medication order thinking I was getting cortisone. We got it straightened out. I told her I planned to get some Epsom salts and soak in the bath. She recommended just using bags of frozen peas. The cold will reduce the swelling and they are reusable and cheap.

My next appointment was with my Psychologist. She has been teaching me how to pace my breathing (for stress management) using a biofeedback machine. We had some girl-talk time and then set up the machine. My goal is to be able to do 6 breaths per minute in a steady repeatable cycle. I clocked in at 6.1 breaths per minute and told her I beat that video game. Then we got into more serious stuff.

I don't mind sharing it here because everyone here has had, or may have a similar experience. When I began transitioning, I searched several online sources (including Susan's) for some type of checklist to help me understand what I want/need to get done. To this day, I am still following that checklist.

The "problem" arises, (the source of my anxiety, stress, depression, and frustration), is that I get stuck at one point and feel as though I can't move forward. Paced breathing calms me while doing it, but then reality sets in and I am still stuck. For example:

My list

Social transitioning:

• Coming out to friends and family as transgender - YES
• Asking people to use preferred pronouns - YES
• Going by a different name - YES
• Dressing/grooming in ways that match gender identity - YES
• Cosmetic prostheses (wigs, breast forms, etc.) - YES  {VA Provided}
• Changing all legal documents - YES

Medical transition:

• Mental Health evaluation - YES  {VA Provided}
• Hormone therapy - YES  {VA Provided}
• Hair removal (face, body, genital hair if preparing for surgery) - VA says Service Not Available
• Voice training - VA said Service Not Available - New VA Program is available now
• Breast augmentation (implants)? - Service Not Available (Cosmetic Surgery not allowed)
• Orchiectomy - Service Not Available (Not Medically Necessary)
• Tracheal shave - Service Not Available (Cosmetic Surgery not allowed)
• Facial feminization surgery - Service Not Available (Cosmetic Surgery not allowed)
• Vaginoplasty - Service Not Available (also due to VA Regulations)

Not everyone will follow this list. Not everyone, including me, will want everything on this list. It is just a generic list for MtF transition.

What happened was that I got stuck at Facial Hair Removal (Electrolysis) and felt like I couldn't move forward. I wanted the opportunity to get to know the electrologist and see their office (is it clean?). Not all electrologists will do pre-op genital clearing, so is this a person I want working down there?

My Psychologist is awesome. She did a "deep dive" into my medical records and documented each and every time some provider mentioned that electrolysis was medically necessary. No less than three times each year since 2019 my Primary Physician, Endocrinologist, Psychologist, Gynecologist, or the Medical Chief of Staff here, stated it was medically necessary and would be covered by the VA. It still has not happened, but the documentation is there and the push is on.

What I explained to my Psychologist is that all of this is wonderful except that we are so focused on getting this one step done, we have lost track of the end goal. I need documentation that Gender Affirming Surgery is medically necessary. The reason it has not been documented as thoroughly as anything else is because VA Regulations do not allow "Genital Altering" surgeries.

If I was on active duty in the military, bottom surgery would be provided at no cost to me. If I was a convicted felon in prison, bottom surgery would be provided at no cost to me. However, the Department of Veterans Affairs continues to discriminate against us based on sex, which is a violation of federal law. Medicare will cover the surgery, but I need this well-documented in my medical records that surgery is necessary (because hormone therapy alone has been unsuccessful in "curing" my dysphoria). I will also need letters of medical necessity from each of my doctors. (I don't need that many, but more is better and I want every medical specialty in agreement that it is necessary and in my records). And with our current political climate, I can't wait around to get this documented. I need it now.

My Psychologist agreed and has begun working on getting all of this down in my medical records. That will set the precedent, so when I see my Gynecologist in June I can ask the same from her. Then when I see my Primary in August I can ask the same from her. Either the VA changes its policy and I will be a candidate for surgery, or it will not but I will have enough documentation to apply for grants or other financial assistance. Hopefully, I can avoid becoming a convicted felon to get the surgery.  ;D

When I got home from my appointments, there was a package in front of my door. I hadn't ordered anything. I opened it up and it is a new iPad from VA TeleHealth Service to use for my Voice Training! I contacted the Voice Training Program Coordinator to tell him I had received it and he is notifying the Iowa City VA that we can proceed with scheduling appointments. We are still waiting for the agreement to allow Iowa City access to my records in South Dakota. (It's a HIPAA thing). Once that paperwork gets processed I can get started and check another item off my list.  :icon_joy:

If the speed of light is the fastest speed there is, then the speed of government is the slowest. Everything in the Universe is in motion. You are not stuck, just not moving in the preferred direction. Every step forward is a movement forward and counts as a win. Keep moving forward at any pace.

Hi Lori,

That is great news about the iPad and voice training!
It takes a lot of of work to ingrain new muscle patterns so you can do it subconsciously.
Tons of short frequent practice sessions will help.

Good golfers will endure what it takes to get a better golf swing.  Often to improve consistent ball striking.
Takes months for the small changes to become ingrained so it can be done without thinking.

Marion

Lori,

Practice. Investigate.  Follow-up.   Relax. 

Good things often come in time.  May not be to your exact timetable though.

Cheers,

Chrissy

Congrats on the Ipad and voice training. My voice coach recommended a breathing exercise to relax before lessons. Breath in from the belly for 4 count, hold for 8 count, and exhale through pursed lips slowly for 12 count. Do this for 3 minutes for heart rate to slow.
So sorry you have so much trouble with the VA. The Vets have always gotten the short end of the stick.
Hugs Gina

Hope you enjoy the voice training! I did some very early on and I haven't gone back to it but I found the whole process really enjoyable and affirming!

What's funny is that my coach and I agreed that when I get closer to full time maybe we'd restart for a few weeks to try to match voice to appearance. But leading up to this I've been feeling guilty that maybe my training was wasted.

Then I called Sara about something last week and she said "hey your voice sounds really great" and I didn't think I was doing anything. 😀

Now she's met me in person and heard the same voice, so mostly I think this just means my voice is way ahead of my look - but I'll take it!

And with your look already so great Lori - if you tweak your voice to where you're happy with it? You'll be an unstoppable monster - but, you know, the good kind. 😘

Good luck with your voice training.

Chrissy

It was great hearing that the VA is finally going to come through with some voice training. You may want to consider an app or two which can help you monitor progress. The 'Voice Pitch Analyzer' is free, and there is another similar tool with more features which is about $15. Something else you must remember to reduce frustration -- the voice you hear isn't the same as the voice other's hear. Make a recording of something like 'the rainbow passage' before you start, and make another recording after a few sessions. Progress is often slow, but the recordings will be markers you can use to gauge improvement. Comparing where you are to where you were will help you hear the changes. Don't get discouraged. Many people go weeks without hearing any difference, then one day everything suddenly 'clicks' and you hear a voice you never thought possible. Keep tissues handy. Ocular leakage will occur.  You can do this.

Love always -- Jess

Thanks, Jessica.

I have the Voice Pitch Analyzer on my phone. It has you read a passage and record the results. I think that is what the VA Clinician will want me to use too. They mentioned using an app, but they didn't say which one. Knowing the VA they might have their own. I will know more when we have the first appointment. I expect progress to be slow because I have no voice training experience... except in the Army calling cadence while marching and yelling at Privates to stop being stupid.  ;D

I have been an instructor, in the Army and elsewhere, so public speaking is not an issue. But no experience controlling my voice, like singing or doing imitations. It will be a fun adventure and I am looking forward to it. It will be nice to talk to a stranger on the phone and get "ma'am" instead of "sir".

Lori,

I have used Christilla's Voice Up with in app purchases.
Although in the feminine range consistently, there is much more than pitch to work out, for sure.

I found this app when borrowing a friend's iPad for an extended time.  Eventually I got my own iPad, but it took maybe two years!  He is the type that upgraded a lot so he let me use his that was sort of "left behind" or orphaned as he used the newest stuff.

But he did not have this app, and I did not buy the add ons until I had my own tablet and account.  I do not remember what the add ons cost.

I think it was worth it.  I still refer to it for practice.

Thanks, Chrissy!

At our Trans Support Group meeting, I was speaking with one of the gals who went through the VA program. She has a very nice voice but she is still self-conscious of it. Like you said, it is way more than just pitch. I had been watching Trans Voice Lessons on YouTube and they are a great help, but as this gal pointed out, the one-on-one training allows someone (not a machine) to listen to you speak and help you correct what you are doing wrong... well, not wrong, but how to do it better. Most apps cannot teach you how to train things like your sub-laryngeal folds. I just learned that term and I finally got to use it!  ;D

One of the reviewers on Christella's said they really liked the lessons but hoped they didn't acquire her accent. Then I saw that Chistella is in the UK.  :laugh:

I wish I had a sweet sounding, all female voice, all the time.

Chrissy

The few lessons I got from the GIC via Teams were good, she said I had (just) the right pitch. Trouble is I need to practice a bit more, when you talk to someone you have known for ages I find I tend to slip.

My first voice coach it was all about pitch. There is so much more to the female voice than pitch. My new coach started with pitch and we have moved on to less breathiness, softer, and more emphasis on each word spoken more clearly.(Males then to be lazy and run thier words together.) Projecting the sound out from being in my chest or throat to a more forward sound. Also adding more loudness without loosing the rest of it. My wife is of little help she says it sounds phony. I have reverted to not practicing in the same room whenever possible.

I just got the call this morning. My lessons start on Friday (3rd) first thing in the morning!
I am stoked.

@Gina P

I was watching Trans Voice Lessons on YouTube and she said that many coaches start with that. She has found that some do better with learning to control resonance. She gave some exercises to work on breathiness, pitch, weight, etc. I am curious about what the VA coach will do, but at least I have an idea about the kinds of things we will be talking about.

I am a total newb at doing anything like this, but I love learning new things. Who knows, maybe I'll take up singing. When the neighbors get noisy I can fight back.  ;D

Quote from: Gina P on April 29, 2024, 05:47:23 AMMy first voice coach it was all about pitch. There is so much more to the female voice than pitch. My new coach started with pitch and we have moved on to less breathiness, softer, and more emphasis on each word spoken more clearly.(Males then to be lazy and run thier words together.) Projecting the sound out from being in my chest or throat to a more forward sound. Also adding more loudness without loosing the rest of it. My wife is of little help she says it sounds phony. I have reverted to not practicing in the same room whenever possible.

What your wife says matters less than what strangers think. For example, are you identified as female on the phone when talking with strangers?

The Internet was newborn when I transitioned. There were no YouTube videos for coaching and I sought no coaching. I did it by fumbling trial and error.

Quote from: LoriDee on April 29, 2024, 09:38:42 AMI just got the call this morning. My lessons start on Friday (3rd) first thing in the morning!
I am stoked.

@Gina P

I was watching Trans Voice Lessons on YouTube and she said that many coaches start with that. She has found that some do better with learning to control resonance. She gave some exercises to work on breathiness, pitch, weight, etc. I am curious about what the VA coach will do, but at least I have an idea about the kinds of things we will be talking about.

I am a total newb at doing anything like this, but I love learning new things. Who knows, maybe I'll take up singing. When the neighbors get noisy I can fight back.  ;D

I believe I have my gesticulation down pat, it has become second nature.  The voice has far more practice needed.  It is hard work, some days I just wonder why I am working so hard at this.  Maybe it is not to be.  Then I think I must keep on trying, I must keep on practicing, and perhaps the male voice will become the voice hard to do.

Chrissy

Another day of cleaning out the rock tumblers.

Previously, I had mentioned that I like the Bubblegum Agates because they can be full of surprises. Here is an example:

When I find it on the ground and wash it off it looks sort of like this.
(https://i.imgur.com/Df14h4b.jpeg)

Then after rolling around in the tumblers, the abrasive grit wears away the "husk" and we get a glimpse of what's inside. This is how this one turned out.
(https://i.imgur.com/KyanRkh.jpeg)

and the other side.
(https://i.imgur.com/OyCQ94U.jpeg)

Here are a few others that turned out nice.

This one came from Teepee Canyon. I'll be going back to get more soon.
(https://i.imgur.com/TC4C1hh.jpeg)

(https://i.imgur.com/b3jo2Lh.jpeg)
(https://i.imgur.com/TKWprvC.jpeg)

My expertise in jewelry making is improving.
Check out this engagement ring. Now that is a rock any woman would love to receive.

(https://i.imgur.com/9zE2yvE.jpeg)

Or not.  ;D

Love them! As a child, polished stones enchanted me. Heck, they still do.

Quote from: LoriDee on April 29, 2024, 02:33:09 PMAnother day of cleaning out the rock tumblers.

Previously, I had mentioned that I like the Bubblegum Agates because they can be full of surprises. Here is an example:

When I find it on the ground and wash it off it looks sort of like this.
(https://i.imgur.com/Df14h4b.jpeg)

Then after rolling around in the tumblers, the abrasive grit wears away the "husk" and we get a glimpse of what's inside. This is how this one turned out.
(https://i.imgur.com/KyanRkh.jpeg)

and the other side.
(https://i.imgur.com/OyCQ94U.jpeg)

Here are a few others that turned out nice.

This one came from Teepee Canyon. I'll be going back to get more soon.
(https://i.imgur.com/TC4C1hh.jpeg)

(https://i.imgur.com/b3jo2Lh.jpeg)
(https://i.imgur.com/TKWprvC.jpeg)

My expertise in jewelry making is improving.
Check out this engagement ring. Now that is a rock any woman would love to receive.

(https://i.imgur.com/9zE2yvE.jpeg)

Or not.  ;D

I like all of them, except the one with the rock inside prongs.  I guess some people might like that one too but it is not one that I would wear.

Lori,

Do the finishes called polished, matte, and leather apply to the rock work you do?


Chrissy

Quote from: ChrissyRyan on April 29, 2024, 04:22:09 PMDo the finishes called polished, matte, and leather apply to the rock work you do?

Chrissy,

Not exactly. The harder rocks like agates and jaspers will get nice and shiny. The softer ones like Fuchsite are too porous so they get smooth but not really shiny. The problem is that softer rocks have to be tumbled with care because they get worn down pretty quickly and can break apart. So they don't get as long of a cycle in the tumbler.

I have some "exotics" that I will be tumbling soon. Amethyst is a hard stone, but like quartz, it can fracture and bruise easily. So they need special care too. I have some jade, amethyst, tiger eye, amazonite, and quartz ready to start next week. I have to add "padding" in the form of small stones so they don't crash into each other as they tumble. I am anxious to see how they come out.

Quote from: LoriDee on April 29, 2024, 04:34:19 PMChrissy,

Not exactly. The harder rocks like agates and jaspers will get nice and shiny. The softer ones like Fuchsite are too porous so they get smooth but not really shiny. The problem is that softer rocks have to be tumbled with care because they get worn down pretty quickly and can break apart. So they don't get as long of a cycle in the tumbler.

I have some "exotics" that I will be tumbling soon. Amethyst is a hard stone, but like quartz, it can fracture and bruise easily. So they need special care too. I have some jade, amethyst, tiger eye, amazonite, and quartz ready to start next week. I have to add "padding" in the form of small stones so they don't crash into each other as they tumble. I am anxious to see how they come out.

Lori,

That is interesting.

Chrissy

Affirmations. Sometimes the simplest thing can make my day.

I remember when I was just beginning to develop, the first time I felt a jiggle when I walked. Or the touch of my breast on the inside of my arm while washing dishes. Little things that made me smile.

Now it is four years later and my dysphoria still kicks in whenever I need to leave my apartment. Today was no different. I needed to run to Wally World to do some grocery shopping. I hate that place so I want to get in and out as quickly as possible.

I am expecting a package to arrive containing new mascara and eyeliner that I want to try. I didn't want to put on makeup to go to Walmart and then need to wash it all off when I got home to try the new stuff. I just put on a very light touch of lipstick and skipped everything else.

Over the past month, I have lost ten pounds thanks to eating better and going for short walks several times a day. The best part is they didn't come from my top (as usual) but from my belly. Yesterday, on one of my walks I felt my breasts bouncing. (Definitely some development happening now with the new patches.) I always weigh and measure myself on the first of each month and I was happy to see these results. That means I could wear a tighter-fitting T-shirt with my jeans and worry less about it showing my belly fat. I threw on my pink stocking cap and off I went.

Dysphoria: "Are you sure about that?"

Me: "It's only Walmart. No one is going to look at me. They are too busy blocking the aisles and chatting with their neighbor."

Dysphoria: "Are you sure about that? Really, really sure about that?"

In Walmart, the men were very polite getting out of my way and saying, "Excuse me, Miss." And the women were more friendly, even saying "hello" which seldom happens.

So what is different today from any other day? I wasn't all dolled up, wearing the same clothes and carrying the same purse I always do. Boobs visible and a touch of lipstick were all it takes to pass?

I'll take it as a win! Told my dysphoria to take a day off. I'm enjoying this.  :)

Hi LoriDee,

I also went to Walmart today, as well as two grocery stores.
Yes, people are very nice.
I wore a pink jacket and my new flannel lined jeans, as it can be really cold inside the grocery stores.
Wore my 2 inch heel booties and carried my phone in a tiny black bag.
Forgot to put on lipstick but got everything I wanted to buy!

Marion

  @LoriDee     
Dear LoriDee:
Your summary of your "Affirmations" posting was right on.

Usually it is easier to pass if one is wearing casual clothing,
wearing a minimal amount of  makeup and nail polish...
appropriate shoes (even sneakers with pink highlights) and accessories,
purse ... and wearing curve hugging jeans and a fitted top,
and obvious, "boobage" showing (but not over-the-top)
          AND, very importantly
having the self-confidence and self-acceptance to be seen.

Thank you LoriDee for posting and sharing.

HUGS, Danielle

Hi Lori

It's so good to hear that your trip to Walmart was an enjoyable one.  I agree with what Danielle said 110% and that was:

Quote from: Northern Star Girl on May 01, 2024, 02:20:11 PMUsually it is easier to pass if one is wearing casual clothing,
wearing a minimal amount of  makeup and nail polish...
appropriate shoes (even sneakers with pink highlights) and accessories,
purse ... and wearing curve hugging jeans and a fitted top,
and obvious, "boobage" showing (but not over-the-top)
          AND, very importantly
having the self-confidence and self-acceptance to be seen.

In addition just be yourself.  Your trip to Walmart is just one of many more to come the epitome of living the life that was denied you for all those years.

Take care and I know you will have many more wonderful days like this.

Love and Hugs
Sarah B
Official Greeter

I think it is best to attempt to fit in with how other women
appear in whatever setting you find yourself in and NOT standing out
with skin bearing flashy clothing and overdone makeup and appearance.

Danielle

Quote from: Northern Star Girl on May 01, 2024, 03:49:28 PMI think it is best to attempt to fit in with how other women
appear in whatever setting you find yourself in and NOT standing out
with skin-bearing flashy clothing and overdone makeup and appearance.

Danielle

Exactly this.

I see so many of us with dresses and makeup way over the top. Formal gowns are for formal events, not business meetings or reading stories to kids at the library. If you want to be accepted as a woman then look and act like a woman. Even cis-gendered women don't approve of what you are describing. In my day, they would call them floozies and look down their noses at them.

You can't be a target if you can blend in undetected, what we call "passing".

Having lived for nearly 40 years as a woman, I only apply a touch of eyeliner when dining somewhere fancy or attending a party. And I brush my hair too for special events.

"You look so nice," people will say because when you're so rough and ready like me, the slightest improvement impresses.

Danielle, you offer great advice.

Of food shop this morning, it will be jeans, trainers and a "top" . Not sure what jacket to wear yet as rain about but not cold, might be a fleece.

Dress modestly and appropriately.  Just fit in.

I had my first appointment with my new Voice Coach. I am in Rapid City, SD and she is in Iowa City, IA so the appointment was done through a telemedicine video link. It was mostly giving her background information on prior training, and medical stuff like injuries or trauma to the neck or head. I do have a cervical fusion of neck vertebrae but I doubt that affects my voice. She wasn't concerned. We had a great time chatting and both of us griping about the impossibly slow pace of government.

We set up the next two appointments. We will meet each week. My "homework" is to download an app. Done. Our next question will be filling out a bunch of questionnaires. She says it is boring, but the government loves its paperwork, and we must get through it.

After the appointment, my Bestie called and asked if I could take her shopping. She had some great news she wanted to share. Her son has moved back here from Sioux Falls and I haven't seen him in a couple of years. He would be coming along. No problem.

I picked them up and the son said he finally won his disability claim from Social Security, AND he received all of his back pay. Over $70,000. Wowza. He bought a car and needed a ride to the bank to get cash and then to the car dealer to finalize the purchase. He got a good deal on a 2004 Jeep Grand Cherokee. It's in great shape.

I was kidding with him and said, "So what is the great news you wanted to share?"

He handed me $20 and said, "You don't need to drive us to Walmart!"

They went shopping and I went home. I'm a little richer and they now have the freedom to go places without relying on me or her sister. Win-Win.

Quote from: LoriDee on May 03, 2024, 12:41:59 PMI had my first appointment with my new Voice Coach. I am in Rapid City, SD and she is in Iowa City, IA so the appointment was done through a telemedicine video link. It was mostly giving her background information on prior training, and medical stuff like injuries or trauma to the neck or head. I do have a cervical fusion of neck vertebrae but I doubt that affects my voice. She wasn't concerned. We had a great time chatting and both of us griping about the impossibly slow pace of government.

We set up the next two appointments. We will meet each week. My "homework" is to download an app. Done. Our next question will be filling out a bunch of questionnaires. She says it is boring, but the government loves its paperwork, and we must get through it.

After the appointment, my Bestie called and asked if I could take her shopping. She had some great news she wanted to share. Her son has moved back here from Sioux Falls and I haven't seen him in a couple of years. He would be coming along. No problem.

I picked them up and the son said he finally won his disability claim from Social Security, AND he received all of his back pay. Over $70,000. Wowza. He bought a car and needed a ride to the bank to get cash and then to the car dealer to finalize the purchase. He got a good deal on a 2004 Jeep Grand Cherokee. It's in great shape.

I was kidding with him and said, "So what is the great news you wanted to share?"

He handed me $20 and said, "You don't need to drive us to Walmart!"

They went shopping and I went home. I'm a little richer and they now have the freedom to go places without relying on me or her sister. Win-Win.

It all sounds good.  Except that her son is disabled, that is a bummer. 

Chrissy

Wow Lori! I just spent an hour reading as much as could of your journey. Even though our life paths were quite a bit different, we still have a lot in common. I actually learned some new things about myself by reading your story. Thank you for posting this and I will be watching for updates.

  @LoriDee 
Dear LoriDee:
Along with your other readers and avid followers,  I am eagerly
awaiting for your next installment of "The Story of Lori"

Many HUGS,  Danielle

Lori,

I wish you really good results with all of your upcoming voice lessons and practice.

Chrissy

You could try "Voice tools" a free app that I use and like. Helps with pitch and offers playback so you can hear what you sound like. Good luck with the lessons. Nothing like having a professional help guide you.

Thanks, Gina

That is the one the Clinician had me download. I was using Voice Pitch Analyzer, but she said different apps use different ranges for each gender and Voice Tools is what she uses herself. She said her voice is consistent at 187Hz. Then one day she was at 200 for some unknown reason. She told her co-workers that she finally found her "girl voice". (She is cis).  ;D

A professional's advice is good on what sounds natural. 
It seems common for people to have excessively high expectations.

I had an interesting development during voice training, my voice coach told me, after I laughed, that we had to work on my laugh. Seams I laugh in a deep temblor like a man. Who knew. I had never thought about this.

My coach's initial assessment is my voice is in the mid to high male range. My laugh is similar, but my cough is awful. I gotta work on that too.  ;D

@LoriDee
Dear LoriDee:
There are so many things that we utilize our voice for.... talking, laughing, and... in my own experience since I like to sing I found it easier and more natural for me to sing in a proper female range, mainly because when singing I am focusing on being on the correct note, but in causal conversation there is very little focus about that so one has to practice enough for it to become a natural expression.

Thank you for sharing and posting... very interesting indeed.
HUGS, Danielle

Quote from: LoriDee on Yesterday at 07:38:37 AMMy coach's initial assessment is my voice is in the mid to high male range. My laugh is similar, but my cough is awful. I gotta work on that too.  ;D

I have no talent for singing, but I was told something similar, that singing allows you to raise your pitch effectively. I hope that as I get better at voice control I might be able to do some singing to broaden my effective range. I have always been a fan of Terri Nunn, the lead singer of Berlin. Her pitch is similar to mine, but wowza can that girl sing!


Song Now It's My Turn by Berlin
From the album Love Life
https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLgaFNC_I_ZkmpklGPTS241unTYKHCTa4K

The female voice can be so soothing.