Hi all! My name is Eileen, I'm 66 1/2 , wife, mother, and grandmother. Married for 44 years and counting.
 Found out my manly man enjoys and needs to dress as a woman in 2009. That cleared up some mysterious behavior in the past. It's been a learning experiance for both of us.

 I don't 'get it' but acceptance within boundaries makes our relationship as strong as ever. She has her time out in public, meeting other girlfriends, I still have my man around the house. Sometimes it's nice to have a special girlfriend to watch chick flicks with.


 We all learn from each other.  I hope to share some of what has worked for us and hear others experiences.

Hugs, Eileen

Eileen,

Welcome to Susan's!  The official greeting and welcoming team will be here soon. In the meantime, please explore the Web site and please do return.

Chrissy

@Eileen
Dear Eileen:
Your first posting here on the Susan's Place Forum was very enjoyable for me to
read... especially regarding how you are accepting your husband's desire to
dress up and go out and about as a woman. 
Not only has it been a learning experience for the both of you, but we have many
members here that will gain some knowledge and learn from what you have shared
and continue to share here on the Forum.

I am so very happy to see that you have just registered for a member account
here on Susan's Place and the Forum.
I wish to give you my Warm WELCOME.

Now that you are a member here, take some time to look at and read many of the
postings and topics from other members.... you will quickly find that you are
not alone with what is going on in your journey.

Your will find this to be a friendly, safe, and encouraging place to safely share
your thoughts and comments... and as you become more involved with reading
other's postings, submitting your own postings ... and as you feel comfortable
doing, you can exchange your comments and thoughts with other members.
You will most likely find like-minded members here that have your same thoughts
and experiences.

Again, I wish to Welcome you to the Forum.  I am eagerly looking forward to
seeing and reading your future postings.

Please look at the following LINKS that I have included at the
end of my message to you... you will find information that will help you
to navigate safely around the Forum.
Look closely at the LINKS in RED... there you will find answers to questions
that new members usually ask.

NOTE:  You will not be able to use Forum Messaging and you won't be able to
upload an Avatar/Profile photo until you reach 15 postings.

If you have questions, please feel free to E-mail me directly at alaskandanielle@yahoo.com

I will be looking forward to seeing you around the Forum.
Warmest Regards, and WELCOME
Danielle [Northern Star Girl]
The Forum Administrator

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Quote from: Eileen on March 02, 2024, 09:32:19 AMHi all! My name is Eileen, I'm 66 1/2 , wife, mother, and grandmother. Married for 44 years and counting.
 Found out my manly man enjoys and needs to dress as a woman in 2009. That cleared up some mysterious behavior in the past. It's been a learning experiance for both of us.

 I don't 'get it' but acceptance within boundaries makes our relationship as strong as ever. She has her time out in public, meeting other girlfriends, I still have my man around the house. Sometimes it's nice to have a special girlfriend to watch chick flicks with.


 We all learn from each other.  I hope to share some of what has worked for us and hear others experiences.

Hugs, Eileen

Hi Eileen! Welcome!

Quote from: Eileen on March 02, 2024, 09:32:19 AMI don't 'get it' but acceptance within boundaries makes our relationship as strong as ever. She has her time out in public, meeting other girlfriends, I still have my man around the house. Sometimes it's nice to have a special girlfriend to watch chick flicks with.

We all learn from each other.  I hope to share some of what has worked for us and hear others experiences.

I'd love to hear more about how you two have explored and established boundaries that are working so well for both of you.

Hi Eileen,

Welcome to Susan's Place. I am so happy for you that you have a supportive spouse. I believe that means that they see the real you and love you despite appearances. That is a precious gift. I wish you all the luck in the world and please tell us more about you. If you ever need assistance, feel free to reach out to any of us. Be sure to read through the information Danielle posted in the links at the bottom of her message.

Welcome aboard!

Lori Dee

Hi Eileen

My name is Sarah B and I would like to say, Welcome to Susan's Place!

We strive to make this a safe place for you and everyone to find information and to share your thoughts and comments regarding your journey.

Quote from: Eileen on March 02, 2024, 09:32:19 AMHi all! My name is Eileen, I'm 66 1/2 , wife, mother, and grandmother. Married for 44 years and counting.
 Found out my manly man enjoys and needs to dress as a woman in 2009. That cleared up some mysterious behavior in the past. It's been a learning experiance for both of us.

Your acceptance is admirable and the caring for your partner shows the true strength of your character, it reminds me of the wedding vows that get exchanged when one gets married and that is, "in sickness and in health" and you have followed this quote in a sense, with such courage.

Quote from: Eileen on March 02, 2024, 09:32:19 AMI don't 'get it' but acceptance within boundaries makes our relationship as strong as ever. She has her time out in public, meeting other girlfriends, I still have my man around the house. Sometimes it's nice to have a special girlfriend to watch chick flicks with.

There is a member on Susan's who is called Moonflower, who has a similar story as you and I follow her blog called Opening the cage.  I sure if you read it, you will find that you are not alone and maybe swap stories in the future.  I like watching chic flicks and romantic films and dramas, so your partner is not alone in this area either.

Quote from: Eileen on March 02, 2024, 09:32:19 AMWe all learn from each other.  I hope to share some of what has worked for us and hear others experiences.

Hugs, Eileen

Yes, "we all learn from each other", I look forward to reading your stories or journey and learn from them and I'm sure others would too.

Take care, look after yourself and your partner

Best Wishes and Hugs
Sarah B
PS  Moonflower has already greeted you, nice one.

Hi, Eileen,
My wife of 15 years and I have had quite a journey navigating marriage, family, and relationship as I transitioned. There have been some very hard times, including two years of separation. But ultimately, we both love each other and want to make things work.

Like you, she doesn't "get it", but understands that I need to be who I am and that I have thrived in spite of her initial concerns.

I medically transitioned, which it sounds like you spouse may not plan on doing. But otherwise our relationship at home is not really any different than it was before. I still am the mechanically handy one, I fix things, I take care of the yard work, and do all of the "guy" stuff that she neither knows how to do nor wants to do.

I'm glad to hear that you are supportive. I can say from firsthand experience that my wife's initial lack of support made things very difficult.

Hi Eileen -

Welcome!! My wife of nearly 32 years was shocked when I told her I was trans two years ago... but are relationship is probably stronger than ever now as we head towards our future together. I really am the same person who she has always known and has always loved her... I just have never felt my outside matched my insides. Like I was designed wrong and my folks didn't keep the receipt. 

But I can tell you that not a day goes by that I don't appreciate her and her strength, love and support on this journey... and I don't have to know your husband to know he feels exactly the same. He is incredibly lucky to have you!

Hope you're able to visit here from time to time. You might find some support when you need it, cheerleading when you need that too, and just some folks who will understand what you're dealing with!

Love,
Allie

Thanks everyone for the warm welcomes.

Acceptance wasn't easy. As mentioned, some rules makes us both happy. First was buy your own clothing! The thought that he was wearing my bras still creeps me out.
Second was no transitioning. I married a man and those parts stay intact and functioning till age says otherwise. Another is dress fully or not at all. I don't want to see a blouse full of boobs and his bald head sticking out.

I've attended CD group meetings and met other SO's. I've been on other forums as well, was a moderator for awhile till the site was sold. My experience is mainly of the cross dresser and little else.
As a young girl 'tomboy', I never questioned my gender. That a straight man wants to dress female is still baffling to me. In the long run, it does no harm. I feel sorry for the wives that can't be a little bit accepting. They're missing out on a lot of fun, plus, hubby is much happier.

Hugs, Eileen

Welcome, Eileen! Your attitude and outlook toward your husband's needs and personal expression is a breath of fresh air! I look forward to your sharing more of your wisdom and experiences with us!

Quote from: Eileen on March 03, 2024, 03:11:15 PMsome rules makes us both happy. First was buy your own clothing!

So funny! One of my daughter's first questions was whether we share clothes. My sweetheart and I aren't the same sizes and don't have much overlap in clothing preferences.

QuoteSecond was no transitioning. I married a man and those parts stay intact and functioning till age says otherwise.

Hmmmmm. I thanked my sweetheart repeatedly for NOT wanting any gender-related surgery, but after I had mine, I discovered what a difference it makes. Now she has my full support and enthusiasm. I hope I would have found a way to be supportive if she wanted surgery before we realized how easy and rewarding it could be.

QuoteAnother is dress fully or not at all. I don't want to see a blouse full of boobs and his bald head sticking out.

I find that my sweetheart's priorities and choices are often different from mine. When she doesn't ask, then I usually don't pay attention. She's free to be herself, especially after a lifetime of conforming to other people's standards.  It's time for her to pursue her happiness to the fullest. She has always been so loving and generous, I only want to support her happiness. Her happiness is so contagious!

But when she asks me for my perspective, I find that we both want her hair to be as feminine as her clothes and mannerisms, but I have known women who had male-pattern baldness, so that's not a deal-breaker for me. She's more worried about some details than I am.

I must admit that sometimes I'm more likely to point out that the back of her dress is stuck in her underwear elastic, or one sock is over the bottom of her legging and the other sock is inside the bottom of her legging, or her hoodie's hood is inside out, or her collar isn't lying flat...

But if she wanted to be a bearded lady, then I could roll with that... I think. Her happiness, confidence, and maturity as a woman is greatly important to me. I prefer to appreciate all that she is and all that she's discovering.  I grew out of Barbie dolls.

QuoteI've attended CD group meetings and met other SO's. I've been on other forums as well, was a moderator for awhile till the site was sold.

Marvelous! You bring a lot of experience!

QuoteI feel sorry for the wives that can't be a little bit accepting. They're missing out on a lot of fun, plus, hubby is much happier.

Yes! Their happiness makes a huge difference!

QuoteHugs, Eileen

Hugs back to you!

Quote from: Eileen on March 03, 2024, 03:11:15 PMAcceptance wasn't easy. As mentioned, some rules makes us both happy.

Eileen, I've been thinking a lot about your statement and wondering how that fits my wife and me. What difficulties have I had? What rules have we set?

For me, acceptance was entirely easy. My wife hid her femaleness with such a protective shell for so long that I wound up being the wind that sailed the ship, the grease on the rails, the machete that cleared the path to her coming out. It was the best gift that I could have given to us.

All of my life, I opposed stereotypes and double standards and rigid roles. I embraced fluid expression and exploration. Something deep within me celebrates almost every step that my loved ones take. When I have trouble celebrating, I recognize it as myself judging the other person, which doesn't do either of us any good; it only separates us.

My wife and I both celebrate every step that each of us takes as we discover what makes us happy. We are so unified that what makes one of us happy always makes the other one happy. The same with sadness and challenge. We are both so thoroughly generous with each other, that we set no limits on each other, no rules. We see the power of rules as traps for both of us.

I've been in partnerships and groups where one person's values offended another person. I never saw rules work well; they always prevented healthy growth and self expression. They always required harmful enforcement and oppression. I've been excrutiatingly hurt by such rules.

I set no rules on my wife's appearance ever. My wife's clothing choices are very different from what I would choose for her and myself. I'm delighted by every choice that she makes. I love discovering what she'll choose next.