@Starryskyy

Hello Starryskyy,

I'm Lori Dee. Welcome to Susan's Place!

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~ Lori Dee

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@Sarah B
@Northern Star Girl

Hi I'm an expert in the never ending ebb and flow of gender frustrations. It's totally normal especially as you get much further along in simply being you despite various obstacles, I'm unable to see myself as male and just look at myself horrified in the mirror often. Been this way for many years and I've had a lot more experience with being completely open about being who I am even though it's not entirely safe for me to shout it from the rooftops. Since doing so though and just being me regardless of the never ending dysphoria from my looks often I never think about my gender otherwise. I just go about my life as a woman and get misgendered every day a million times over with the occasional person that gets it (I do look naturally extremely feminine with some really bad issues that have more to do with head shape and hair than much else). If I cover the top of my head and shave so well that day that only the most baseline shadow is there I get gendered correctly more often. It's still extremely rough and because of the divide between my appearance and presentation with the hair situation and people that recognize me in public as male that aren't exactly good people things can scary out there. I'd say most of my dysphoria besides my personal view on my looks comes from the way the immediate community treats me and what I need to do to protect myself sometimes. I can't just present male, I have no idea how to so usually on the days where I'm most insecure I just turtle inside a hoody and keep on the down low. Always have other things to do to take my mind off it and I value my time away from people anyways where I need it.

Welcome Starryskyy!

Marion

I'm a trans girl from the US just looking for decent online community to participate in! Currently in a difficult spot and have a lot of insecurities but I hope having more of a community backbone will help smooth things out for me.

Texas sues Biden administration to block expansion of LGBTQ+ student protections

https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/us/texas-sues-biden-administration-to-block-expansion-of-lgbtq-student-protections/ar-AA1nS8vh?ocid=windirect&cvid=c9cf4a53a2e743c0b5e17200eb46e8f4&ei=21

Story by Sneha Dey (29 April 2024)

Texas Attorney General Ken Paxton sued the Biden administration Monday for expanding federal sex discrimination protections under Title IX to include LGBTQ+ students.

Title IX is a sweeping civil rights law that prohibits sex-based discrimination at federally funded colleges and K-12 schools. The Biden administration's interpretation of Title IX rules, which came earlier this month, redefines sex-based harassment to cement protections for LGBTQ and pregnant students.

Paxton joins a number of Republican leaders across the country who have sued to block the change from taking effect.

"Texas will not allow Joe Biden to rewrite Title IX at whim, destroying legal protections for women in furtherance of his radical obsession with gender ideology," Paxton wrote in a Monday statement. "This attempt to subvert federal law is plainly illegal, undemocratic, and divorced from reality. Texas will always take the lead to oppose Biden's extremist, destructive policies that put women at risk."

The Biden administration's updates to the Title IX regulations were in response to a 2020 U.S. Supreme Court case related to workplace discrimination. The high court ruled in Bostock v. Clayton County that Title VII — a civil rights law that bars employment discrimination on the basis of sex — applied to gay and transgender workers.

Quote from: Oldandcreaky on Today at 09:48:30 AMI hope your approach works for you, Allie. It certainly has so far.

Say, how has the prevalence of pain shaped your world view? I only had one migraine in my life and I've never forgotten it and I also don't forget how you basically stated that a cluster headache is to migraines as Godzilla is to Gila monsters. So, your cluster headaches are beyond my ken and I'm wondering how being walloped most days has shaped you.

Well, I'll admit that it took me a bit to get here... there was a lot of why me? And fruitless furrowing down endless rabbit holes of causes, cures, etc... all of which started to lead me into a very dark place. A place where pain is the dominate factor in your life.

Because you're either IN pain, or complaining about/worrying about/thinking about your pain — the why's, the when will it return, etc etc.

And then one day it just clicked.

Yes, this sucks. I am in pain 14+ hours a day. It objectively sucks. It's 11:46 am here, and just about five minutes ago I could feel, in the daily parlance we use here "my fuse light" - which means the migraine for the day has started — and it will last until the cluster at 1:07 am.

It will wax and wane on the pain scale. And because my tolerance is through the roof I can sometimes function with it, but my instinct is always to just hide under a pillow.

But I don't.

What I learned is that I can't do anything about the 14 hours. I have a team of people working on that. They're really good at what they do. What I can do is listen to them. Do what they say. Yes, I question everything. I make sure it's explained to me. I take an active role in my treatment, but I leave it to the experts.

What I control is the rest of the day. When I'm not in migraine. I make sure I suck the marrow out of those hours. And yes, I do push things off that are doable during a migraine to migraine times... but I try my best to always be pushing myself. And sometimes it lays me out for a few days afterwards. Like when we go on a vacation. That drains me. For the week after I'm a puddle of goo.  But it's 100% worth it. No regrets.

So the basics answer is, a pain life has taught me to appreciate what I have and not complain about what I don't, especially the things that aren't in my control. Doing that just wastes the precious resources that ARE in my control.

I seriously hope, when these headaches end, I continue to apply these lessons to the way I live a life with more real hours in it.

Quote from: LoriDee on Today at 09:38:42 AMI just got the call this morning. My lessons start on Friday (3rd) first thing in the morning!
I am stoked.

@Gina P

I was watching Trans Voice Lessons on YouTube and she said that many coaches start with that. She has found that some do better with learning to control resonance. She gave some exercises to work on breathiness, pitch, weight, etc. I am curious about what the VA coach will do, but at least I have an idea about the kinds of things we will be talking about.

I am a total newb at doing anything like this, but I love learning new things. Who knows, maybe I'll take up singing. When the neighbors get noisy I can fight back. 

I believe I have my gesticulation down pat, it has become second nature.  The voice has far more practice needed.  It is hard work, some days I just wonder why I am working so hard at this.  Maybe it is not to be.  Then I think I must keep on trying, I must keep on practicing, and perhaps the male voice will become the voice hard to do.

Chrissy

Quote from: Gina P on Today at 05:47:23 AMMy first voice coach it was all about pitch. There is so much more to the female voice than pitch. My new coach started with pitch and we have moved on to less breathiness, softer, and more emphasis on each word spoken more clearly.(Males then to be lazy and run thier words together.) Projecting the sound out from being in my chest or throat to a more forward sound. Also adding more loudness without loosing the rest of it. My wife is of little help she says it sounds phony. I have reverted to not practicing in the same room whenever possible.

What your wife says matters less than what strangers think. For example, are you identified as female on the phone when talking with strangers?

The Internet was newborn when I transitioned. There were no YouTube videos for coaching and I sought no coaching. I did it by fumbling trial and error.

Even Joe Biden recently said that, although he supports LGBTQ rights, he is hesitant to focus on those issues during his campaign. It is very polarizing and if he were to make his campaign about that and lose re-election, the new Administration would focus on undoing any progress made. Instead, he is showing his support and making moves tangentially by pushing women's civil rights because... who doesn't love women? These issues are less likely to draw attention from the far-right fanatics.

I hope your approach works for you, Allie. It certainly has so far.

Say, how has the prevalence of pain shaped your world view? I only had one migraine in my life and I've never forgotten it and I also don't forget how you basically stated that a cluster headache is to migraines as Godzilla is to Gila monsters. So, your cluster headaches are beyond my ken and I'm wondering how being walloped most days has shaped you.