Quote from: imallie on Today at 05:38:41 AMWell, it's finally here - "Hair day!" 🐇🤔😉😂

Very excited, but, I have to admit... as with every big step on the journey, there's always an element of "imposter syndrome" that bubbles up on these days, and partially mutes my excitement — at least initially.

There's always a part of me who feels/wonders if I'm not authentic... who measures my story against others and finds it wanting — although I know I have no reason to do so. And it makes me wonder if THIS step will be the one that is too far... where I will take it and feel as if I have finally stepped on the third rail, on what previously had just been a casual walk down the tracks on my journey.

With everything in the past — first day of electrolysis, hormones, telling my wife, my family, etc etc etc... I have found each step not only affirming but energizing. But even so, the day begins with this germ of a doubt, as this one does too.

So... very VERY excited about this morning... but there's still that small part of me cautiously watching for warning signs.

Love,
Allie

I feel that same way. "Is this the one that feels like one too many?". Funny thing, it hasn't ever been. I get surprised by even the smallest of small steps.

I read your blog and think you are authentic to the core. Not even a doubt. Enjoy the moment. I kinda think you have this.

edited in- You not only have this, you have earned it and deserve it.

Jenn

Hair hare

Adoration

Happy birthday to each of you!

Chrissy

Quote from: imallie on Yesterday at 08:33:37 PMGood luck but mostly... have fun!

Thanks.

I am watching teams - there are pros in the race - start morning rides. I am in awe on some level. There is a lot of energy. I like it.

I also admit my dysphoria is hugely triggered. I think it's natural, given the surroundings. I am just trying to ignore it, relax and enjoy. I have not felt this triggered in a long long time..

sigh. it's the trans life.

Jenn

Based on my own experience (which applies to everyone, of course! ), I would say that the most important thing to do before taking any steps toward transition -- or detransition -- is to find out who you really are.  The point of seeing a therapist isn't to be told whether you are trans or cis or something else, it's to help you find out who you really are, underneath all the manure that people have piled on top of you.  Most of us have had a lifetime of Authorities telling us who we are, mostly regardless of who we are inside, and you need help getting past that.

In my own case, I spent 25 years with one therapist before I even thought about whether I might be trans, and all of that was spent undoing the kinks in my psyche caused by all that "upbringing."  And when I divorced and started living on my own, I realized that if I was going to be alive in 10 years, I would have to find out who I really was, as opposed to what everyone was telling me I had to be.  And that's a large part of what I've spent the last 20 years doing.  Being trans was just one of the things that popped out during that process.

Actually, the first "gender counsellor" I saw saw me twice and then announced that I wasn't trans.  I went away thinking, well, that was a waste of two good hours of my life.

[Putting on my Wise Guru hat:]

Quote from: Wise Guru HatTransition shouldn't be about becoming a woman or becoming a man.  It should be about becoming yourself.

Well, it's finally here - "Hair day!" 🐇🤔😉😂

Very excited, but, I have to admit... as with every big step on the journey, there's always an element of "imposter syndrome" that bubbles up on these days, and partially mutes my excitement — at least initially.

There's always a part of me who feels/wonders if I'm not authentic... who measures my story against others and finds it wanting — although I know I have no reason to do so. And it makes me wonder if THIS step will be the one that is too far... where I will take it and feel as if I have finally stepped on the third rail, on what previously had just been a casual walk down the tracks on my journey.

With everything in the past — first day of electrolysis, hormones, telling my wife, my family, etc etc etc... I have found each step not only affirming but energizing. But even so, the day begins with this germ of a doubt, as this one does too.

So... very VERY excited about this morning... but there's still that small part of me cautiously watching for warning signs.

Love,
Allie

As I hope most here know I am not an America, I am a proud British woman. But.

I love baseball. I have been a baseball fan since I watched my first live match in 1978. Doing the "math" thats 46 years. In the early days it was hard to find out what was happening, but one newspaper gave the previous day scores in the sports section.

Then one of the TV channels (before cable / satallite) decided it could cheaply fill its late night slot with a baseball match. I either watched it live, blearily eyed the next day through lack of sleep, or if I had some tape video recorded it.

Then in 2002 MLB streamed its first live matches and I watched it on a tiny laptop screen where you could make out the pitcher has pitched and the batter swing then relied on the camera to show what happened as the ball was invisible.

Now I watch it in HD on the TV steamed by MLB with such amazing clarity that it could be local. I do not stay up all night like old but watch "afternoon" matches that I see starting from 6-9pm UK and finishing at reasonable time to go to bed.

So why have I mentioned all this, apart from it obviously being part of my like, and why have I not mentioned the team I support?

Well I am of a real diehard bred that stays with a team regardless of how good or bad a season is.

I know there are continuously poor teams in each league and their supporters are generally local and good too to support the local team. But have no allegiance to any team except going back to that first match in 1978.

That first match made an un-breaking bond between me and the team. It was at Fenway and against the Yankees and I have been a Red Sox fan ever since.

Though thick and thin, waiting for the first World Series win for near 100 years in 2002 (and me supporting them for 24 years at that point) to now bottom of the division last year,  losing seasons for the last 2 years and even though 2024 has just started heading that way again. But like a local Boston supporter and as a member of the Red Sox nation. I will continue to support them for ever.

Jessica xxx

PS K, with family in Florida is a Rays supporter!!!! Another reason to leave her? Only joking of course

worshiped

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