I will very much NOT have that problem, Marion 🐷🙄😉😂

Quote from: LoriDee on Today at 08:44:08 AMI have always been the outdoor type. Growing up in the California desert, we had a ranch where we raised rabbits commercially. There were about seven ranches grouped together, so all of us kids hung out together. Rockhounding, hunting snakes, lizards, and jackrabbits, riding horses or motorcycles. As a family, we did a lot of hiking, camping, fishing, and hunting.

Of course, all that sun exposure is now why I have to see the dermatologist every six months. But given the chance to do it over, I doubt I would change anything.

Interesting anecdote about my dad:

He worked for NASA as an Electronics Engineer during the Apollo program. While he was working there, two historical events occurred that had never before occurred in the history of humankind. He worked out at the Mars Deep Space communications station.

Goldstone Tracking Station

In preparation for the Moon landing, NASA needed to know things like how far away is the Moon, how much fuel is needed, etc. To measure the distance between the Earth and the Moon, they would fire a laser at the surface and see how long it takes for the light to travel there and back. It was not a very good system because the light would scatter when it hit rocks or craters on the Moon's surface. But since no one had been there before, it was all they had.

One of the many tasks my dad did was to align the telescope. Our veterans and shooters will be familiar with boresighting. My dad had to look through a small telescope up on the dish and align the dish with a point on the Moon's surface. Then the operators would set the dish's settings accordingly and they could easily move the dish to those coordinates and it would be pointing at the Moon.

During Apollo 8 when astronaut Lovell and crew were going to orbit the moon for the first time, as they traveled around the back side of the moon there was no line-of-sight and thus no communications with the spacecraft. Using geometry and knowing the distance to the Moon and its diameter, they could calculate the circumference. Knowing how fast the craft was traveling they could calculate how long the craft would be out of communication with Mission Control. It turns out that their calculations were wrong.

But the first time the craft went behind the Moon and lost communications was the first time in human history that a human being could not see Earth. Think about that.

The second event was during Apollo 11 when Neil Armstrong was the first human to set foot on the Moon's surface. One of the greatest achievements in human history and my dad worked for NASA and helped with that mission. But at the moment when that happened, my dad was not at work. He was on a camping trip with me!

We went backpacking in the Sierra Nevada mountains in California. We spent eight days hiking 53 miles of the John Muir Trail. One morning as we were having breakfast, one of the other members of our party was listening to a portable radio. He said, "Well, we have now walked on the Moon."

While the astronauts were there, one of their projects was to install large prisms to act as mirrors. Now when they fire lasers at the Moon's surface they get very accurate data and know exactly how far away it is. All the Conspiracy Theorists who say that the Moon Landing never happened can't explain how those mirrors got there. They can be seen from Earth, so we know they are there.

Is this trail near or in the Muir Woods area?

Windy roads near there along the coast.

Tune toon

My wife pushed me into updating my wardrobe!  I was wearing the same clothes in my 40s that I wore in my 20s!  She was worried about possible layoffs so I had to do better as I was approaching 50.  We watched What Not to Wear.

But, the real issue wasn't my reluctance to dress better, it was the impossibility of finding age appropriate clothes for a man that can wear Women's size 2 Petite clothes off the rack!
It was her that suggested I buy women's size small clothes in men's styles.  Apparently her fear about me being unemployed was stronger than any lingering concerns from me bringing up that I was transgender before we got married! Not only did a buy women's shirts but I also bought a VS PJ set that I wore the night I got it!  We had the talk setting ground rules!

Marion

Thank you for writing this. It is very inspiring and gives me hope.

I am 37 and for many reasons I feel I can transition for at least 4 years. There is so much wasted time. I don't know if I can wait 4 years, ignoring and repressing her.

Thank you again for your inspirational post

Hi, Robby,
Your story is somewhat similar to mine in that I always knew I was a girl since my earliest childhood memories. Though the sexual abuse and pron stuff you mentioned was never a part of my life. And that is what I often tell people about that kind of stuff. I don't believe any amount of sexual abuse or porn or social media makes somebody transgender. I grew up in the absence of all that stuff and here I am, in the same boat. Just as transgender as you.

Did that stuff have an impact on your life? I'm sure it did, and therapy is the venue for addressing those issues. But there is nothing you can point your finger at and say "that's the reason why I am how I am" when it comes to gender identity.

I'm sorry that your wife ambushed you and attacked you in such a vulnerable moment. Nobody should be ambushed while naked in a shower. That was entirely uncalled for, and I honestly don't think I would be able to ever trust her again had I been in your shoes in that situation. Since she had been reading your messages, she would have already understood that this was a very painful and confusing portion of your life and to treat you in that way was intentionally cruel and demeaning.

I guess I am hopeful to some degree, since she didn't immediately leave you or file for divorce. But given how she treated you, I wouldn't be super surprised if she is making an exit plan and just waiting until she feels like she has a plan in place before she ends the marriage.

But, who knows. I went through a two year separation from my wife, and even after all that, we're still together and our marriage is better than it has been in a long time.

I feel you can but I feel it's more so something that is self-imposed than anything else. I guess it most likely comes with finally accepting truly accepting oneself and no longer use being transgendered as something that describes you just like being gay or lesbian or bisexual or one of the many other orientations I feel that we including myself use this as something that mainly describes us as a person even though it is just one small aspect of our whole entirety as an individual.

So I don't know if any of that is making sense but I feel that once we get to a point of truly accepting be that a moment of clarity or finally getting to a point where you look in the mirror and see the person you've always been I'm not sure which I'm sure it's different for everyone but I feel once we get to that moment that specific moment of clarity we no longer use that one aspect of ourselves that we have used to describe ourselves or help describe ourself and it's just something that's there in the background.

Like for instance if I said I was a United States Marine I use that very largely for a long time of my life to describe who I am and who I was instead of saying hi I'm Robbie I'm loving I'm carrying them an optimist or I'm a pessimist or I like doing x y and z for fun no instead I typically say I'm a United States Marine I'm an amateur bodybuilder I'm trans on bisexual instead of granted those things are very large aspects that have made up my entire life but they aren't what make me who I am if that makes sense I feel eventually everyone stops being trans at a certain point of acceptance and I don't mean acceptance like when you initially accepted that your gender was not what you were born biologically with or even acceptance of getting over the doubt and the lingering thoughts that what you were feeling and thinking isn't true or real that you were playing games on yourself created by your mind.

Again I don't know if any of this is making sense but yes I do feel at some point everyone stops being trans because they just become themselves and being trans is something that goes into the background it is a part of them but it's not the whole part or the main part or even a big part anymore because you're living your life in the gender that you knew you were and as time goes on as your world and relationships rebuild as your work life and finances get better again I feel you just become the man or woman or whatever gender you align with you just become it if that makes sense

Firstly I have just accepted that I am woman. I have been ignoring this and repressing it for a while.

I know there is no such thing as a typical transition guideline or "route". That everyone transitions differently to best meet their needs.

My question is what seems to be the most common first steps of transitioning.

For me I feel I'd want to try to transition as quietly and secretly as possible. Getting on low dose hrt, getting hair removal going, possibly getting an orchiectomy, before doing anything that is really noticable like breast augmentation or FFS.

Unfortunately I know most surgeon require a lot before they proceed with any surgery that is irreversible. Like for instance living as the opposite gender for a whole year, being on HRT for a whole year, having support letters etc.

I know I won't pass. I am very masculine. I have also been bodybuilding for over 24 years of my life and have also been on and off steroids for over 10 years. I feel I most likely did that as a way to repress the woman inside, just like everything else I did that is considered what a man should do.

That being said I know it should not be about passing, it should be about mental and physical health. But let's face it, passing and having beauty helps in the real world.

At best I would be viewed as a large muscular female bodybuilder. I could never be that slender image of what society says women should look like.  So that's why I'd want to do all transitional procedures that can't be seen first before I have to give the world and everyone I know a sudden surprise wake up when I am suddenly a woman and not a man that they have known and is use to interacting with on a daily basis for years.

Any advice and suggestions would be greatly appreciated. Thank you everyone. I'm really lost and I feel my emotional, and mental health are degrading fast each day.

I got underway earlier this morning, welded up the rear hinge cover and it fits!!. Put a layer of glass matting on the corner bit I made the other day and had to come home at 1.30 due to the fumes. Still at least it will have cured for tomorrow.
  Still hot, TBH its turned muggy now its clouded over a bit. Summer duvet has been on for the last few nights .

Thank you. I have made a post in the intro section.